A/N: Mickey's thoughts during and after the break up.
"This is it. This is you breaking up with me."
Mickey knew it would come. He knew Ian would get tired of him eventually and that he wouldn't be good enough. He was never good enough. But he had hoped. He had tried so hard to be the boyfriend Ian has always wanted. It was tough but his love for Ian made it easy. He just couldn't understand.
Did Ian want him not to care for him like he did? He has always said otherwise. Maybe it was the illness talking, he didn't know. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. How was he supposed to live now? It seems like he can't even fuck other people 'cause Ian is always on his mind. It feels wrong to be touched by anyone else, as if his body only ever belonged to the red-head and it made him lose his fucking mind.
Mickey was never fond of that romantic bullshit. He didn't believe in love. Then Ian came and changed everything and now he couldn't take it back. So he had believed...maybe he could be happy, maybe love really did exist, right?
He had been wrong. So very wrong.
He didn't want Ian to change, didn't want to fix him. He just wanted him to be healthy again. He knew Ian, and his firecrotch wasn't gone. He acted like that because he was sick, but his Ian was there, he knew it. Mickey wanted to see him happy again, not fucking numb like he got when he took his meds. But if he didn't take them, he could hurt himself...and that was a thought Mickey couldn't ever bear.
So..yeah, maybe he had cared too much. But he thought it was for Ian's good. Apparently, he had screwed up big time, even making Ian doubt his love for him. He never wanted this to happen. God, he was suck a fuck up, worthless piece of shit.
Why does everyone he loves always leaves? His life was so shitty.
All he wanted to do was drop to his knees and beg Ian not to do this.
Honestly, thank God Sammi showed up with that gun because Mickey Milkovich doesn't fucking beg. Ever.