hello! this is my first story to be published here. My first story in this fandom and my first story in English. I'm so sorry for all the mistakes, I tried desperately to prevent them, but well. I was raised speaking more my mothers language (which is German,btw) than my fathers. However, I hope it is not as bad as I think, it would be very nice to have a comment at the end. Just to know where to improve my skills etc.
The first thing she recognized was the smell. A smell she was absolutely not used to.
It smelled unique, but she didn't have the courage to open her eyes. The fear of waking up alone, let all of this just be another stupid dream she already had several times, huge.
The feeling of warmth reached her. She was someone to always be cold, so this was more than new.
"Penny for your thoughts", he whispered in her right ear. A smile appeared on her face.
In her dreams he never spoke.
"You're really here", she smiled. A small laugh.
"I am. I was for quite a few weeks. And I will be whenever you want me to"
Finally opening her eyes, she looked into Joes'. He looked a little tired after all, but he smiled as bright as the sun. Or even brighter, Phyllis was not quite sure.
"Have you slept well?" he asked quietly.
"Never better"
He yawned, laid his arm around her waist, kissed her neck.
"I fear I have to go, love. We may not be as happy as we are now, if Mrs Carson knows, I was here last night"
She grinned.
"Well, I don't think, she cares much about that"
"I think, she does. Or at least Mr. Carson does, I'm pretty sure about this particular"
"About that you may be right"
He tried to get up, but she was apparently not willed to let him go. He laughed quietly.
"Phyllis, don't make this harder. If I could I would lie with you in bed forever, you know that for sure, don't you?"
"I know" she sighed, then released his hand and watched him getting dressed.
"I don't know yet whether I like you more being in livery or being naked" Phyllis whispered. Joseph flushed and looked away quickly.
"I like you either way. Because I know what's under the black dresses, you know", he answered and smiled shyly.
"Get away with you", she laughed, as he lowered himself down to kiss her forehead.
"If Mr Carson catches and imprisons me be sure I love you very much"
It was like he said that several times now. But he did not. It was the first time and he didn't notice it. With a bright smile he left her alone in her room. With her own thoughts and that stupid little tear rolling down her cheek.
"I love you too, Joseph Molesley", she whispered more to herself. Just to notice how it feels. How it sounds to say something like that. Something she said too much in her life. But never to the right one. Now it felt like she was already there. The long way has ended. Because he loves her very much.
She can't really remember when all has started. Maybe it was love at first sight, but – no, not really. He was the shy one. The one Barrow told a lot of stories about. None of them were very positive, more ridiculous. They had a few talks, a few laughs, a few walks.
And one day she felt stupidly warm as he stood behind her. She laughed a little too loud. Smiled a little too bright. Looked after him a little too long.
And on the night after the Carsons wedding he kissed her. Just because it felt a little less criminal now. And one night later he followed her into her room upstairs. That was several months ago now. But she felt a little like having a standstill. Now they talk, they laugh, they are walking. In the night they kiss, they have sex, they sleep. She knows how badly he would like to do things properly. How badly he wants to propose to her, but somehow there is a reason he can't do that by now, although he sleeps in her bed everyday.
He stayed a little mystery to her.
She stood up slowly, dressed herself, dreaming herself away. Thinking of him. While she combed her dark waves, she tried to remember how his hand felt tangled in her hair. How softly his fingers brushed them. How he told her about her told her how she looks like a queen to him. How she blushed and shook her head. She was pretty much. But surely not a fine lady or even a queen.
Leaving her room, she stumbled into Mrs Hughes-Carson whatever one may call her now.
"I'm terribly sorry, Mrs Hughes" she only referred her superior as Mrs Carson when she's not around, she didn't know why. Maybe Phyllis was afraid of showing Mrs Carson that she acknowledged the changes.
"I hope for you two that Molesley is in his room already", the elder Woman laughs quietly. Phyllis' facial expression froze.
"Excuse me?"
"Oh, don't think me silly Baxter. I know exactly how you both feel, despite of – well, I think we were much more properly than you two are, but you know – times are changing. I just don't understand what the problem is? I mean, despite my husband, of course, everyone knows very well what you two are up to. We have Anna and Bates, Daisy and Andy, Mr Carson and me – falling in love with each other seems like a proper thing to do at Downton, doesn't it?"
"Well, we-"
"Don't feel under pressure, if you two think it's not the right thing to do, then so it be, but believe me when I am telling you that you should just try to seize the time that is left. You're so young, there are so many possibilities to do. But either way, her Ladyship ringed already, seems like she is not very well and needs your assistance. Do that first and attend our Breakfast afterwards"
"I do, Mrs Hughes"
"Alright", her superior said smiling and turned around, heading down the stairs.
"Oh", Phyllis whispered exhausted to herself "That was quiet unexpectedly"
The Housekeeper of Downton Abbey always had one or two surprises for all of them, but her unfamiliar familiarity kind of shocked Phyllis and she forgot where to go first. After seconds she smoothed her dress and headed towards her Ladyships bedroom.
Cora felt a little unwell, but nothing to worry about, she told her lady's maid. Phyllis handed her the breakfast, poured some tea and made sure her Ladyship is comfortable.
"Baxter?", she asked when Phyllis was nearly outside
"Yes, Milady?"
"May I ask you a question? I don't want to be impertinent, but since we're working as closely together as we do, I'm just a little … curios. It feels like you know every little secret of my marriage and life, because I tell you and I do not know anything about you, which is really sad, because I think, if you need someone to talk – sometimes … Mary and Anna seem to be very close and I think it's helpful and welcomed by both of them. Maybe we …", she bit on her lower lip and smiled shyly. Phyllis had to smile herself.
"Mrs Hughes told you then?"
"She did"
"And you're not really unwell?"
"No"
"And you want to know, why we were not married yet and have children already?"
"Exactly"
Cora pointed at the chair standing beside her bed, Phyllis took a seat, still a little uncomfortable. But, how Mrs Hughes already said – times were changing.
"The truth is I can't tell you anything, because we barely talk about that. I mean we talk a lot, just not about our relationship. We talk about work, family, friends, books and all this, but not really about us, so I don't know why nothing really happened yet. But – well, we will see, Milady"
"But?"
"He told me he loves me. Out of the blue, before he left. It seemed not like he really thought about it before. He just said it, kissed me and left"
"I'm expecting your news, Baxter. And I hope to help you with the party. And the babies, you know that?"
The woman looked at each other and laughed.
"I'll do my best, Milady" she looked shyly at her hands.
"Like you always do. I appreciate that. And now go and have some breakfast yourself. And don't tell my husband, he thinks I'm really having a bad day"
"Thank you, milady"
"I have to thank you. Since the girls are married with children there is not a lot to do for me. I absolutely need some exciting news. And don't blame Mrs Hughes, she didn't want to give you away, but I told her, I may talk Carson into retirement and she had to talk. I just want to help, you know that? That is a little American, I fear, but I am really too old to change my habitudes now"
With a last smile she left the room and had to catch her breath a little. When she woke up in the morning, like always thinking it a dream, she really did not expect her both superiors knowing her little secret. And accept it.
She had no chance to talk to Joe this day. He was in School in the morning and had to do the Dinner on his own, since Carson and Barrow had some lessons together. As if Thomas didn't know how to choose the perfect wine after years under Carson.
It was very late now, Cora had retired already and Phyllis sat in the hall doing some mending, thinking about what both women told her today. She didn't really thought about age yet. She just turned forty-four, she heard about the woman being older than her and giving birth. But she didn't care yet, and even though there may be the slightest possibility for her to get – she really thought it strange to think such things – get pregnant, she can't imagine the both of them lying in bed like the Bateses had weeks ago and rocking a baby in their arms. It all seemed quite odd to her.
Without her realizing her thoughts' central point stood in the doorframe, looking at her and smiling calmly,he began to hum a little melody her mother always hummed, when Phyllis refused to calm down.
"I missed you", he whispered. She looked up – and smiled instantly.
"Hello love", she answered and stretched her arms out. He came nearer, took her hand and helped her up. A little kiss followed.
"Go to bed? The Carsons are already at home, I suppose. There is almost no need to hide"
"There would be no need to hide either way. It feels like everyone already knows"
They walked upstairs together, holding hands, smiling at each other.
"I'm sorry, I can't change my smile when I see you. It is just impossible to hide"
"I can't stop adoring you as well. But I see myself thinking I really don't care what others think"
They were in her room, she helped him unfasten his tie.
"Don't you think we should maybe marry", he asked. She looked at him, her face a question mark. He flushed.
"Sorry, I think about how to properly propose to you for weeks now and all I can to is asking incidentally"
"You don't have to-", she tried to stop him from kneeling down, but he seemed to be a little stubborn at last. Kneeling before her, taking her hand, he smiled.
"You're my queen. A queen deserves a good proposal"
"I will, Joe"
"Stop that! Don't spoil my speech, darling. All things come to him who waits"
there he kneeled. Without his tie, half dressed with tousled hair. In front of her. Open hair, first buttons on her dress already unbottonend, shoeless
"I want to marry you since you walked through the door, smiled shyly and get barked at of Carson. Well. Since you were the only person to be nice to me. Or since you made me feel special. I don't quite know. I just know I lingered about it for quite a long time. Not because I was not sure whether to marry you but how to convince you to marry me. Or how to marry you. What am I able to give you? I wanted to buy you a castle, but they were a little too expensive for me. I got a Cottage. It is not huge, but it is cosy and it will be yours. I will work full time at school, which means I have an early evening and many holidays. I don't know what to say furthermore, but I love you, Phyllis Baxter. Whatever will happen, I will love you. And I would be the happiest of man if you would agree to be my wife. Phyllis, would you please marry me"
She already started crying when he told her she made him feel special. She cried so much, she barely noticed the other sentences. And she didn't really care, because she knows, he would have a little piece of paper with his words written on it. Just in case. Just because he is Joseph Molesley. All she was able to do was to kiss him, help him raise and smile at him.
"I do. I will always do"