Anything To Make Potter Sweat

(AN: Another challenge, another strange pairing. They wanted me to write a Ron/Snape that didn't generate into a PWP, and I think I did fairly well. WARNINGS: fluff, slash drinking,, bad language, sexual themes, eensy bit of angst. Hope you enjoy!)

Ron stopped around the common room, muttering violently. Hermione sat in one of the overstuffed chairs, attempting to do an essay, and occasionally reminding Ron to do his. She had given up all hope of Harry doing it, since he was still nowhere to be seen.

Ron kicked a chair. "Bloody bastard asks me out, and then dumps me for the fucking snake; I don't believe him. Probably with the arse now, while I'm stuck here."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm glad you so desire my company."

Ron sighed. "Hermione, you know what I mean."

"Harry didn't break up with you just to hurt you, you know." She stared back unflinchingly as Ron spun around violently.

"Sure he didn't; the bastard. Goes and snogs me in the fucking Great Hall, while I'm trying to eat, and then goes all 'yeah, I'm gay, Ron; let's fuck' on me, then breaks up with me a week later!" Ron kicked another chair.

"Ron-"

"And then, only a few days after, kisses the fucking snake. What does Malfoy have that I don't?"

Seamus and Dean looked up from the corner, where they had been sitting and listening to Ron's rant for about an hour. Dean laughed. "Money?"

Seamus chuckled. "Dashing good looks?"

Dean shot a quick look at Seamus, and smiled a diabolical grin. "A big cock?"

Ron's face flared. "Oi, that's enough!"

The two chuckled, and tried to crane their heads to copy Hermione's parchment without being too obvious about it.

Ron resumed pacing. "Probably with him now – Malfoy probably snuck him into the Slytherin common room."

"Ron-"

"Goes and tells me everything for a week, then sends me a fucking note to break up with me, and makes me swear we 'can still be friends,' and to not tell anybody any of his deep, dark secrets."

Dean looked back up. "You got deep, dark secrets about Potter? Share 'em!"

Seamus elbowed Dean. "Brilliant idea, mate. Come on, Weasley, let's have 'em."

Ron ran a hand through his hair. "No, no." He violently kicked another chair, trying not to whimper when his foot exploded in pain. "I tell the bastard everything, and he pulls the 'I'm all dark and sensitive' card and listens to it all, and now he won't even talk to me."

Hermione finished her essay, and handed it to Dean and Seamus, who were going to steal it anyway, or hurt themselves trying. "It probably doesn't help that you stare bloody murder at him anytime he comes near you."

"Bastard's scared of me; good."

Dean looked up from his parchment. "Ron, you can't be scared of someone after you've had their cock up your arse."

Ron blushed crimson again. "Oi, enough outta you two!"

"Ronald Bilius Weasley, you didn't…"

"So what if I did – and it was more of a 'we' thing; it was Harry's suggestion!"

"I ought to call your mother."

Ron's eyes darkened murderously. "She likes Harry more than me; she'd bloody well love it."

"Ron, stop this self-pity."

"Why?" He resumed pacing. "Bastard said he loved me; he's such a fucking liar. He's out sleeping with Malfoy, for God's sake; the arsehole's a snake."

"Ron, we get it. Draco's an arsehole and a snake. Move on."

Ron turned to Hermione again. "'Mione, can't you do something to Harry? Just a little Dark spell? Don't kill him or anything; maybe just make warts show up on his-"

"Ronald Weasley, I will not curse Harry just because he broke up with you!"

Dean and Seamus looked up. "We'll do it, for the proper payment."

"I spent all my money in Hogsmeade last week."

"Buying stuff for Harry, I suppose."

"Well, they were sort of joint presents…"

Dean rolled his eyes. "You don't buy sex toys until at least the second week, Ron."

"No more on that topic." Hermione shut her eyes. "Ask Fred and George to do it, if you want someone to."

"Fred and George…the bastards! Harry's been giving messages to them to give to me for days, 'cause I kept tearing up all the notes he left in my bed, and the two have been bloody insufferable. I'm not asking them for anything."

"How have you and Harry managed to not run into each other yet?" Hermione began packing up her quills meticulously, shockingly deciding that listening to Ron was more important than getting ahead on homework.

"Bastard's sleeping with Malfoy."

"You mean he's staying in the Slytherin common room?"

"He is most nights; bloody traitor."

"How hasn't he been caught yet?" There was a strict rule about people spending the night in other houses.

"Hermione, he's got the Cloak."

"Still, haven't the teachers caught on?"

Ron kicked the wall this time, and swore loudly. "Bastard comes here in the mornings to shower and change." He abruptly stopped pacing and dropped into a chair next to Hermione. "Come on; help me think of some way to get back at the arse, please…"

Hermione glared disapprovingly at Ron. "You shouldn't be 'getting back' at him, you should be making up."

"Could be making out, if the bastard didn't break up with me."

"This is all on you, Ron. Do what you like, but don't do anything stupid."

"Come on, 'Mione, please! You're the smart one."

"I don't see anyway to get back at him without breaking lots of school rules."

"That's not the point."

Hermione took one more look at Ron's face, still flushed red, and sighed. "What did Harry tell you that he hasn't told me?"

!*!*!*!

After a long series of very awkward secrets, Ron hit the nail on the head.

"He's always had a bit of a crush on Snape."

"Professor Snape?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Bastard pretends to hate him, but he's got it for him bad."

Hermione shot a look over at the stairs where Dean and Seamus had just gone up to bed, and thanked the powers that be for having them out of the room when this little bit of information came out. "That's the best way to get back at him – too bad he's only got a crush on Professor Snape."

"Well, he's apparently got one on Malfoy too, but I'm not fucking that."

"What is your opinion of Professor Snape?"

"Snape?" Ron's eyes bugged. "The greasy git's an arse! He's – he's – Well…"

"Think about it."

"Hermione, are you serious?" She simply smiled. "That's diabolical – and completely not going to happen. I'm not going to fuck Snape – he's bloody Snape."

"You don't have to have sex with him, just make it look like you did."

Ron's mouth dropped open. "Remind me again why you don't break the rules. Because you're eviler than Fred or George."

"I suppose that's a compliment?"

Ron suddenly paled. "But I'm not doing that! Snape would throw me in detention for the rest of the year, and probably make me stay back at the end! And I want to bloody graduate."

"First off, I think a half year of detention would be good for you."

Ron started. "Hey!"

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Second, you can do whatever you want. Personally, I think you should just make up with Harry already."

"That's not going to happen." Ron frowned.

"Because you won't let it."

"Harry's busy fucking the snake."

Hermione and Ron continued to bicker. Neither noticed the fleshy string being pulled back up the stairs.

!*!*!*!

Ron was surprised to be dragged out of bed in the middle of the night. He was even more shocked to see Snape grab him by the back of his t-shirt, throw clothes at him, then drag him out. Ron spared Harry's empty bed one glance, before throwing his pants on in front of Snape's murderous glare.

Snape took Ron all the way down to the Potions classroom, better known as the dungeon. He shoved Ron in a chair and disappeared into the storeroom for a moment. Ron could just barely make out the professor in profile – he thought he was drinking something.

When Snape came back out, his eyes seemed a little darker. Ron swallowed.

Snape took a seat behind his desk. "Weasley, perhaps you'd like to explain this?"

He handed Ron a note, and he took it. He unfolded it, carefully watching Snape. His face paled as he read the note.

"Professor Snape:

Ron Weasley wants to fuck you.

Sincerely, Students Concerned About Your Arsehole."

Ron gaped.

Snape sneered. "I'm sure you have a good explanation for this."

Ron shook his head slowly.

The professor went back into the storeroom, had another drink, and brought out a cup. "Veritaserum. Drink."

Ron cleared his throat. "Is that what you were drinking?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "That was whisky, Weasley."

"Are you drunk, Professor?"

"Drink, Weasley."

Ron decided to listen to the (at least) slightly inebriated professor. He drank the tea Snape had handed him, then folded his hands and waited.

Snape smirked. "Better. Now. About this note?"

"I didn't write it, sir."

"Who did?"

"I don't know."

"Do you have a guess?"

"It must have been Dean and Seamus."

"I see. And it's contents?"

"I don't want to fuck you, sir."

Snape's eyes darkened. "Don't use such a vulgar word."

"Sorry."

"Alright. If what is written in the note is a lie, where did the idea come from?"

"I wanted to make Harry jealous." Ron blushed violently.

Snape's grin was scary. "Potter? What about Potter?"

"We were dating."

"You and Potter…" Snape's smirk made Ron squirm. "You two were…together?"

"For a week or so, till he broke up with me for Malfoy."

Snape's eyes widened slightly. "Draco?"

"Yeah." Ron frowned. "Fucking snake."

"You ought not to insult members of my house, especially when I have such interesting information about you."

"Sorry." Ron squirmed again. "What are you gonna do to me?"

Snape pondered this for a moment. "Why would having sexual intercourse with me make Potter upset?"

"He's got a huge crush on you."

Snape leaned back in his chair suddenly. "Really?" He smirked. "What I could do with such information…" Suddenly Snape looked back at Ron. "While you're still under the Veritaserum, one last question: You were opposed to sexual intercourse with me, were you not?"

Ron squirmed. He opened his mouth to say, yes, he did not want to fuck Snape, but the words wouldn't leave him. He frowned and tried again. When he understood why he couldn't speak, his mouth dried up. Suddenly he felt very sensitive of Snape so near him. The professor was still leaning back in his chair, with his face almost relaxed. Ron pulled his legs up close to his body, and wrapped his arms around them.

Snape watched all of this in silence. He checked his watch. "The Veritaserum is going to wear off soon."

"Can I leave?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You don't want to, do you?"

Ron tried to open his mouth to say that he did very much want to leave, but he still couldn't speak.

"Weasley, what did you and Potter do while you were together?"

"Dated." Ron felt the Veritaserum wearing off. He felt he could lie again, but thought it wise not to.

"Are you still a virgin, Mr. Weasley?" Snape seemed almost impatient.

Ron, now that the Veritaserum wasn't controlling him anymore, took a moment and thought. Somehow it was more awkward without being forced to tell things to his Professor. "No, Professor."

"With Potter, I should think?"

"Yes, sir."

Snape leaned back. "Well, Weasley?"

"Well what, sir?"

"What do you suggest?"

Ron shrugged.

Snape sneered again. "Admit it, Mr. Weasley. By this point, when I already know it all, you would just love Potter to believe you and I had sexual intercourse."

Ron blurted out what he'd been thinking all along. "Are you reading my mind?"

"I'm reading your face."

Ron bit his lip.

Snape smirked. "Now. What do you suggest?"

"That you could forget this all happened."

"That's not what you want, is it, Weasley?"

Ron steeled himself. "Yes, it is, Professor."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Self control. Interesting." He leaned even farther back in his chair – Ron thought he might fall. "Tell Potter whatever you want. Just make sure he doesn't go blabbing to all his friends."

Ron started. "You'd be all right with that?"

"Anything to make Potter sweat." Snape chuckled darkly. "Who knew I was so attractive, to have two male students attracted to me?"

Ron frowned. "I'm not attracted to you."

"Keep telling yourself that, Weasley. I see right through it."

"If you think so, why don't you do something about it?"

There was a heavy pause – during it, Ron remembered whom he was talking to. He pulled his legs even closer to his body.

Snape smirked. "My sexual preferences aside, 17-year-old redheads, and especially you, are not on my 'to do' list."

Ron gaped. "Sexual preferences aside?"

"That's enough, Weasley. Goodbye."

Ron stared at Snape for another minute.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Goodbye, Mr. Weasley."

Ron stood up and slowly walked out of the room in a daze.

!*!*!*!

Even though it was the middle of the night, Ron walked back in to the common room to find it full of people. Dean and Seamus were the first to jump up to greet him, looking slightly abashed.

Ron groaned. "I don't even want to talk to you two."

Dean laughed. "Sorry, mate."

Seamus leaned in. "What'd he do to ya?"

Ron rolled his eyes and walked past them. He shoved his way through the people, just wanting to get back to bed, but someone grabbed his arm.

He turned around to see a lightning bolt scar right in his face.

Harry smiled. "Can I talk to you?"

Ron shrugged. "I guess."

The others, including Dean and Seamus, recognized how awkward this conversation was going to be, and stepped out.

Harry took a seat on the couch, and gestured to the seat next to him. Ron sat in a separate chair. Harry frowned slightly, but tried to hide it.

Ron made a face. "So, what's up?"

"I heard what Dean and Seamus wrote, and what happened with Snape."

"Why aren't you with Malfoy?"

"Way to change the subject."

"Why not?"

"He's asleep."

"You wore him out?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ron, you and I weren't right for each other. I'm sorry."

"Don't change the subject. You and Malfoy are fucking."

"Of course we are. I never said we weren't."

"You don't feel at all bad about the fact that we hadn't even been broken up for a week and you were already sleeping with Malfoy?"

"It just sort of happened." Harry shrugged.

"Just like we just sort of happened?"

"Ron, honey, we weren't right for each other."

"Don't call me honey. We're broken up."

Harry frowned. "Doesn't mean I don't want to be friends."

"Friends don't mean a fucking thing."

Harry sat up a little straighter. "Ron, we weren't gonna work out; you know that."

"Whatever."

"Ron-"

"Whatever."

Harry looked hurt. "Fine." They sat in silence for a moment, and neither moved. Then Harry cleared his throat. "What happened with Snape?"

Ron sat in silence.

Harry stared. "There's no way."

Ron shrugged. "Maybe."

"You didn't."

"Maybe."

"You couldn't have."

"Maybe not."

"You wouldn't fuck him. You thought I was crazy for having a crush on him." Harry could barely form the words; he was so incensed.

Ron raised an eyebrow and stood up; leaving Harry still shocked on the couch. He turned back, right before going up the stairs. "Don't tell anyone, alright, Harry? I've got much worse things to say about you."

!*!*!*!

Ron expected to have to fend off Dean and Seamus the next morning, but was surprised by Harry's determination. The dark haired boy was up and dressed before Ron, and was sitting up in bed, staring at him. Ron gave Harry a strange look. "What's wrong with you?"

Harry cocked his head. "You were dreaming – talking in your sleep, that is."

Ron's face paled a little. "What'd I say?"

"It was all about Snape." Harry sighed. "You really did it, didn't you."

Ron ruffled his red hair. "What about Snape?"

Harry sniffed. "How gorgeous he was. Is."

Ron gulped. "Is that all? Anyone else hear?"

"Basically, and no." Harry bit his lip. "I can't believe it."

"You should." Ron bit his lip too.

Harry smiled, seeing his gesture reflected on Ron's face. "You really slept late. Everyone's at breakfast already."

"Yeah." Ron glanced around and confirmed that everyone was gone.

"What was he like?"

"Bloody excellent." Ron paled. He hadn't even needed to think about that.

Harry settled back against his headboard. "Wouldn't think you'd be his type."

"Wouldn't think Malfoy's your type."

Harry sighed. "Do we have to go back to him? We're having a civil conversation; you don't need to yell at me again."

"Well, while we're being nice, you mind calling Fred and George off? They keep bringing me your bloody notes."

"Sorry about those. I really did want us to be friends still, even if we did break up." Harry's face was hopeful.

"I don't know."

Harry nodded slowly. "You know, Draco wanted to duel you."

Ron chuckled. "Why?"

"He thought you were upsetting me."

"Am I?"

"A bit."

Harry and Ron stared at each other awkwardly. Ron was hyper-aware of his bare chest.

Eventually, Harry stood up. "Well, I've got to go to breakfast."

"Malfoy waiting for ya?"

"Probably." Harry rolled his eyes in Ron's direction and stepped out.

!*!*!*!

That night, Ron was confused. Harry had looked rather shocked when he came back into the common room – late, but still before curfew. When he realized that Harry expected him to be with Snape, he jumped up and left the room suddenly, still getting looks from the others. Hermione followed him.

She walked quickly up beside him. "I know where you're going."

"It was your idea in the first place." Ron turned a corner.

"And what are you going to do when you get there, Ron?"

He stopped in his tracks. "I can't go to Snape."

"Harry expects you to."

"But Snape knows."

Hermione chuckled. "Knows what?"

"He used Veritaserum on me."

"And you told him what?"

He shuffled his feet. "Well, he may have figured out that I…wasn't necessarily opposed to sex with him…"

Hermione's mouth dropped. "Ronald Weasley!"

"I didn't have a bloody choice; I was on Veritaserum!"

"You can't have sex with him; he's a teacher!"

"But pretending is all right?"

Hermione flailed helplessly. "Yes!"

"That doesn't make any sense." Ron started for the dungeon again.

"Where are you going?"

"Dungeon."

"Why?" Hermione tried to grab his arm.

"I can't go anywhere else; Harry might see me."

"Ron, don't you think this might be going too far?"

"You thought of it."

"Perhaps I was wrong."

"A miracle; Hermione admits to being wrong. Too bad it's too late."

Hermione stopped, but Ron kept walking. He turned as he was knocking on Snape's door, saw her face, and laughed.

!*!*!*!

When Snape finally answered the door, Ron cowered a bit. Snape smirked.

"Something I can do for you, Weasley?"

Ron bit his lip, then exhaled quickly. "Harry thinks I ought to be sleeping here if I'm sleeping with you, so I have to come here or he'll think something's wrong, and then all this was for nothing, and - "

Snape rolled his eyes as Ron was speaking, and then cut him off. "Weasley, your babbling does not suit you. Come in."

Ron looked shocked for a moment, and Snape had to repeat his request before Ron moved.

!*!*!*!

Ron followed Snape through a door in the back of the classroom, which had been a point of intrigue with students for years. Everything from a torture chamber to a harem had been suggested, but when Ron – the first student to ever go in – walked through the door, he found himself in a simple office with several chairs, a table, and a desk. A bottle of liquor sat out, and the cap was off.

Ron took a seat hesitantly. Snape sat back down at his desk, picked up his drink and resumed reading essays. Ron must have sighed unknowingly, because Snape looked up.

"Something wrong, Weasley?"

Ron started. "No, nothing."

"You are not a very good liar, Weasley, and I am exceptionally good at telling when people are lying." Snape took a sip.

Ron looked at his feet. "Well…do you always grade homework while you drink?"

"Often. Otherwise, I might have a heart attack at the horrible quality of the work the students turn in." Snape, true to his words, poured himself another drink.

"Oh." Ron sat in silence for a minute, and then sighed again.

Snape slammed his glass down. "Weasley, if you want something, ask."

Ron, chastised, looked down again. "Can I…have a drink?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "I make a point not to let students sexually interested in me get drunk." Spotting Ron's increasingly red face, he smirked. "But you'd like me to forget that, wouldn't you?"

"Yes." Ron shuffled his feet and sat in silence.

"How long do you plan on staying here, Weasley?" Ron blushed. "That long?"

"Well, I guess…all night."

"Weasley, my bedroom is behind that door." Snape pointed. "There is one bed. I will not share it with you."

"I'll sleep in a chair."

"I don't know if that's a good idea either."

"Why not?"

"I worry about you getting into my liquor and deciding to join me in the middle of the night."

"I won't."

"Lying again, Weasley. You'd like nothing better."

Ron coughed to hide his embarrassment. "I don't know what Harry sees in you."

"The same thing you see in me, I imagine." Snape smirked. "I do think that the teenage, male body was never logical in who it decides to get hard at the sight of."

"I'm not hard."

"Lying will get you no where, Weasley. I was a teenager once, despite what my students may think. I know the signs."

Ron looked down. The most obvious sign wasn't present, or at least noticeable. He caught Snape's glance at him and quickly looked up.

Snape smirked. "There are more subtle signs. A flush on the back of your neck, perspiration, a careful shuffling of your body, and embarrassment, of course."

"Girls don't do that."

"I, and you, it would seem, never paid much attention to girls."

Ron, for some reason, was still shocked at this information. "So you are gay!"

Snape rolled his eyes. "Personally, I believe that's none of your business."

"You know I'm gay."

"That was rather obvious."

"Is not."

"Is too." Snape's tone was mocking.

Ron turned around in the chair. "I'm going to sleep."

"Good luck. I don't plan on leaving yet, and I imagine it will be hard for you to sleep with me near."

"Shut up."

There was a deathly silence.

Snape cleared his throat. Ron heard the clink of the bottle against his glass. "I think it would do you good to remember who you're talking to."

"Sorry, sir."

Ron attempted to close his eyes and sleep, but every time a paper rustled or his glass clinked, Ron's eyes shot back open.

!*!*!*!

Snape shook him early next morning. "Weasley. Weasley!"

Ron rolled over. He was not a morning person. "Wha?"

"At least attempt to be intelligible. You must go back to your common room to dress. Do not get caught."

Ron turned back over. "It's really early."

"And I suppose you couldn't sleep until I had left, just as I said?"

Ron groaned.

"I thought so. Students never listen." Snape shook Ron's shoulder again. "Get up!"

"I'm sleeping."

"Weasley…"

"Can't you call me Ron?"

"No." Snape's voice was mocking.

"Why not?"

"Why should I?"

"It'd be nice."

"What made you think I was ever nice?"

Ron groaned. "I don't know."

"Your eloquence is stunning."

Ron turned over and sat up. Snape was already dressed in his robes and ready to teach, despite the early hour. "You don't sleep, do you?"

"I see no reason to think that my sleeping habits are any concern of yours; I also believe that you know perfectly well that I did go into my room near midnight, because that would have been when you fell asleep." Something seemed to catch his eye. "If you masturbated on my chair, I will curse you."

"I didn't." Ron looked down. He was rather rumpled. "Isn't threatening students a crime?"

"If we're speaking of crimes, threatening to curse you is one of my misdemeanors."

Ron rolled his eyes. "I'm getting up."

Snape took a step back to allow Ron space to stand. He cast a critical eye at Ron's messy hair and rumpled clothes. "You'll be stopped in the first few feet."

"Why?" Ron, futilely, attempted to straighten his clothes, and comb his hair down.

"You look like you've just had sex."

"I haven't."

"I know that."

"Even though I haven't, it works to my advantage if I look like it."

Snape rolled his eyes. "I, whether I was one or not, have never understood teenagers."

"Like you didn't fuck anybody in school."

Snape's lip curled. "You have been told before to not use that word." He moved toward his desk, as if to get away from Ron. "There were rather less men running around sleeping with others in my day."

Ron, sheepishly, moved towards the door. "Sorry."

"Go, Weasley."

Ron waited a minute, biting his lip. Snape sighed. "What?"

"Are you gonna be nice to me in Potions?"

"I see no reason to, nor do I want to."

"You don't like me, do you?" Ron tried to look the least obnoxious he could.

"I hate the majority of my students."

Ron hid his laugh as a cough. "Good thing you're a teacher, then." He started to leave.

Snape laughed darkly. "If I had a choice, I wouldn't be here."

!*!*!*!

Potions class was a sticking point for Ron. First off, he had to watch Harry and Draco flirt across the room all hour. Then, he messed up his potion. Snape, true to his words, yelled at him, causing Harry quite a bit of satisfaction. Ron left the room in a huff, angry that if was still a few hours until the day was over.

!*!*!*!

Hermione took a seat next to him in the Great Hall. Most people seemed to sense his dark mood and left him alone. Harry was over at the Slytherin table, flirting with Draco again. Snape sat up at the staff table, looking rather smug.

She tried to get him interested in food, but his gaze kept wandering between Snape and Harry, and he couldn't focus. She sighed.

"Ron, you're making too big of a deal about this."

"It's too late, Hermione. I'm doing it."

Hermione looked up at Snape. "He can't be enjoying this."

"He was rather bitchy."

"What did you expect?"

Ron shrugged.

Hermione sighed. "Ron, do you think it's possible you maybe…have moved past simply causing Harry to be jealous?"

"You mean do I really wanna fuck Snape?"

"No. I mean, do you think you like Snape?"

Ron choked on his pumpkin juice. "Hermione!"

"What?"

"No one likes Snape."

"You do."

"Do not. Whether I want to fuck him or not is irrelevant."

Hermione gathered her books. "I'm off to the library. You might want to think about coming to your senses."

Ron sat, sulking, until the Great Hall was mostly empty. Only when Snape was gone did he leave.

!*!*!*!

Ron paced outside of Snape's door, trying to decide if he ought to go in or not. His decision was made for him when he heard Harry's voice, along with Malfoy's polished one. He jumped inside quickly.

Snape looked up, surprised. He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, Weasley."

"Hi." Ron took a seat in the chair he'd slept in yesterday, and tried to get comfortable. Snape rolled his eyes.

Ron felt strange. Just listening to Hermione suggest he liked Snape had made him think. Did he? Perhaps his stomach fluttered whenever the man was close, and he might spend most of his day thinking about him, but that didn't mean he liked him! He rolled over, groaning. Who was he kidding?

Snape glared. "Weasley, kindly self-pity yourself quietly. I'm trying to grade essays."

"Only if you give me an E."

"I won't."

"Why not? I worked hard on that."

"Hard on copying Ms. Granger's, perhaps. I ought to give you a T."

Ron couldn't talk anymore. He snuggled farther into Snape's chair, and they sat in silence for a while longer.

Suddenly, Snape cleared his throat. "What will you do when you graduate, in regards to making Potter jealous?"

"I dunno." Ron didn't care about making Harry jealous, suddenly.

"I assure you that I will not show up at your home on random occasions to keep the illusion alive."

"You don't have to."

"That'd be too much for you, wouldn't it? You're fine with having sexual desires for me, but the idea that anyone might think you liked me would be repulsive." Snape's voice was mocking.

Ron frowned. "I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"'S not true."

"What isn't true?"

"No need to correct my grammar."

"On the contrary."

Ron sighed.

"What isn't true?" Snape sounded genuinely curious.

Ron coughed. "Me not liking you."

Snape sighed exasperatedly. "Infatuated teenagers."

"I'm not a child."

"Close enough."

"You're lying, aren't you?" Ron wasn't sure how he knew it, but he suddenly felt that very clearly.

Snape rolled his eyes. "I don't lie, Weasley."

"Okay, yeah, you lie. You're lying. You like me."

"I most certainly do not."

Ron sat up in the chair. "Yes, you do."

Snape stood up. "Weasley!" He went through the door to his bedroom, slamming it hard.

Ron sat in the chair still, grinning. He was right, he was sure of it. Snape might not have been nice, but he talked to him, and he seemed to be himself around Ron. Ron settled back in the chair, glad tomorrow was Saturday. He was going to make Snape admit it if it killed him – which it just might. Ron suddenly felt like he was playing with fire.

!*!*!*!

When Ron woke up in the morning, he wasn't even sure if Snape was still there. He looked around, and about had a heart attack to see Snape calmly sitting in his desk chair, drinking tea, and looking thoroughly pleased with himself. "Bloody hell."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Tea, Weasley?"

Ron stood up cautiously and took the cup offered him, watching to make sure Snape swallowed some first. It was good, if a little bitterer than he liked. "You seem…chipper this morning."

"I'm thoroughly smashed, Weasley."

Ron raised an eyebrow, copying Snape. Snape didn't seem to notice. "What are you like drunk?"

"I suppose you'll find out, as you are here, and I am drunk."

"You still use proper grammar."

"Of course." Snape leaned his desk chair back, and Ron waited for the inevitable fall. It hadn't come yet, so he sighed.

"Will you remember any of this later?"

"Possibly. Not likely."

So Ron quickly walked over and kissed Snape full on the lips. He straightened up and grinned. "You were right. I love you. Bye."

He started walking out of the room, but turned back when he heard a crash. Snape had finally fallen out of his chair.

!*!*!*!

Ron spent the night in Gryffindor tower, didn't have Potions the next day (it was Sunday) and didn't see Snape at meals. He told no one, not even Harry or Hermione, of his encounter. He contained himself until late the next night, when he went back to Snape's classroom and knocked on the door. A soft 'come in' greeted him. He stepped inside softly.

Snape was reclining in one of the armchairs with a pot of tea beside him. He looked fine, not at all like a man who ought to have a terrible hangover.

Ron took a seat and poured himself some tea. He felt rather uncomfortable with Snape's eyes on him, so he set his cup down and stared back.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "I suppose you're wondering why I don't look sick, or tired."

"Yep." Ron tapped his fingers nervously.

"I wasn't drunk."

Ron's cup fell to the ground. "What?"

"I fooled you. I thought you might pull something like that."

"That's fucking sneaky."

"Yes."

"So…you falling out of your chair was…an accident?"

Snape coughed, embarrassed. "That was a side effect of the kiss, I imagine."

Ron blushed. "Sorry."

"On the contrary."

"What?"

"It was…well, pleasurable, I suppose." Snape avoided Ron's eyes.

Ron's grin was huge. "I was right. You do like me."

Snape's eyes rolled towards the sky yet again. "You have an insufferable sort of something around you."

"You like me."

Snape sighed. "Honestly…Yes, Weasley, are you happy?"

"Yes." His grin said so.

Snape nodded slowly.

"You'd be willing to…do it again?"

"Weasley…how much clearer do I have to make it?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

Ron smiled, then blushed. "Are we dating, then?"

Snape shut his eyes. "I already can see the error of my ways. Teenagers."

"Yes or no?"

"Yes, I suppose that would be the correct term."

"Does that mean you're gonna call me Ron now?"

"Five minutes into the relationship and you're trying to change me…I suppose we could see about that."

"Can I call you Severus?"

"Not until you graduate."

"Can I stay here every night?"

"On the chair."

"Come on!" Ron tried to pull out his 'something' that Snape liked.

It had no effect. "I prefer not to be sacked, thank you."

"Fine." Ron stood up. "I've got to go do an essay."

"You mean copy Ms. Granger's."

"Of course."

"Perhaps tutoring might do you some good?"

"Are you offering?"

"Yes."

"Sounds good to me."

Ron stood awkwardly for a moment, very much wanting to kiss Snape, but not knowing how to go about doing it. Snape sighed.

"I can see this will be an interesting experience. Learn to be more forceful, Ron."

Snape leaned down and kissed Ron – it was unlike anything either of them had ever imagined.

!*!*!*!

After graduation, Harry went to visit Mrs. Weasley (who was still painfully oblivious to the rift Ron and Harry had suffered, or the reason for it), and was the only one at the house to see Ron slip outside, see Snape Apparate in, watch the two exchange a few words, and then see them kiss. Harry smiled.

!*!*!*!

That night, Harry, who couldn't sleep, saw Snape Apparate in, and saw Ron go outside yet again. This time, Ron Disapparated with Snape. The two didn't come back for approximately an hour, upon which they kissed again.

!*!*!*!

As such, Harry was the only one not surprised when it became painfully obvious that Snape and Ron were fucking, and, perhaps more shockingly, very much in love (whether Snape pretended to be indifferent or not). He was surprised at, after the initial awkward 'my son is gay' moment, how well the Weasley family took it, and was glad to see that Ron and him seemed to be back on track to being friends again.

!*!*!*!

Ron fell asleep nightly, whether he was in Severus's arms or not, content and happy with his life.

He slept better with a goodnight kiss from Sev, however.

(AN: Hope you enjoyed! Now that this is done, I can spend a bit more time on my Kirk/Spock and IPC, so watch those! Please review!)