do not own anyone but Jamie. WIR AU
I can't concentrate on my book. I never really was a book person- that is more Tammy's forte. I'm more of a mathematician. Though, it didn't help that it was Tammy's book. She loves to read; says it takes her to new places without her having to hurt anybody, unlike her job. That's how she escapes: books.
I miss her so much. Maybe that's why I can't concentrate. It's been two-and-a-half years since I saw her pack, wearing her marine's uniform. It's been two-and-a-half years since I've made love to her. It's been two-and-a-half years since Jamie's seen her.
And she misses us, too. Whenever she calls, she stays on for as long as possible, asking to talk to Jamie and everyone else, staying tough- but it's all fake. I remember last time she came back from war. The Tammy I knew was a former shell of herself. She needed years of therapy for her PTSD, was struggling not to kill herself, and was very reclusive. It took her a few months to get back on her feet, but she managed to do it; she credits the gang- meaning me, my best friend Ralph, and his little sister, Vanellope. She really is a strong woman, but I just hope Jamie doesn't have to see that. It was heart-wrenching to go through it.
"Felix, you've been on the same page for an hour. Everything okay?" Ralph asked me from the kitchen.
"Yeah brother." I force a smile. "Have you seen my son?"
"Jamie? Vanellope thought you looked exhausted, so she put him to bed." I smiled. Leave it to that sweet little devil.
I don't know what I'd do without them living here with me. Jamie and I really couldn't survive on my income- I'm just a repair man- so Ralph working at the construction site with the wrecking ball sure helps things. Vanellope is currently looking for a job- ideally, racing- but she's doing so well with Jamie that I'm secretly hoping she never finds one.
I'm trying not to think of myself as a single parent, but another day Tammy's gone is another day I worry I'm never going to see her again. And it gets awfully lonely, too. Vanellope had Rancis, who is not in the least modest when it comes to Public Displays of Affection, and while Ralph doesn't have a steady girlfriend, he's certainly been out quite a few times with various women. Fortunately, he never brings them home, because the one time he did...well, Jamie was very curious about what he saw, and, being seven-years-old, was not quite ready for the "birds and the bees" talk. It gets harder, too, to remember I'm even married. It's very tempting whenever I see a fine lady to court her, knowing I won't see Tammy again for months. But I always hold back; I could never look Ralph and Vanellope in the eyes again- they're as good of friends with Tamora as they are with me, and I need to be a role model to my son, and how would it look to him if he caught his father cheating on his mother? But the biggest one is that I know thislong, agonizing wait will be worth it when I see my beautiful wife again. So, every time I'm tempted, all I need is a quick glance at my wedding ring to remind me of the great thing that I don't plan on ruining.
Ralph said something about retiring to bed, and I was left alone with my book.
After a few hours, I heard a small voice. "Daddy?" I looked up from my book to see my small son rubbing his blue eyes with his messy brown hair sticking up all over the place.
I smiled at him, putting the book down and extending my arms towards him. "Everything okay, sweetie?" He dragged his teddy bear on the floor- a gift Tammy gave him before she left for the war- and his blue footie pajamas shuffled on the white carpet. He climbed up onto my lap, and yawned.
"I had a nightmare." He complained.
"What about?" I asked, rubbing his arm. It must have been genetic- it worked on Tammy, and it worked on him, too.
He paused for a second before asking, "When is mommy coming home?" I felt a lump in my throat- the one I had refused to acknowledge existed for about a year now.
"Soon." I choked out, not letting my baby see how painful it was to be reminded that I was here waiting while she was goodness-knows-where-doing-what...or what was being done to her.
"You always give me that answer." I nodded. It was the only information I could give him. "What if she's not coming home?"
I gripped him tightly. "She is, sweetheart. She is." I breathed "You will see mommy again." Tears formed in my eyes, and I blinked them away.
He snuggled in my chest. "In my dream she didn't." I couldn't say a word. I was too shocked. "In my dream, we were all wearing black, and mommy was dead in another country. Uncle Ralph and Aunt Vanellope were huggin, and you were crying."
"What were you doing?" I asked, wincing when I heard my voice crack.
"I was praying for her to be alive again." He dropped his teddy bear and hugged me. I hugged him back, unable to let go of another thing I absolutely adored. Not this time. "I miss her, daddy."
"I miss her too, baby." I cried. I felt my shirt get wet and heard him silently crying, and I took it as permission to cry, too.
I don't know how long we stayed like this. But eventually, there was a knock at the door.
And I'll leave it there. You decide the ending. Does Jamie's dream come true, or is it Tammy, going to surprise them?
And this, my friends, is one of the many reasons why I HATE war.