Title: "Tell Them"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: G
Summary: If some one had to died, she's glad it was her, but there was too much left unsaid.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, names, codenames, places, items, fandoms, titles, and etc. are always © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Any and all original characters and everything else is © & TM the author and may not be reproduced in any way without the author's express, written permission. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: 244. That's the number of stories that were sitting on my hard drive collecting dust because I lack the energy and time to take care of them as I once did. My betaing pattern has always been to write, then type up if written on paper, the story, read it aloud to my beloved Jack and our children, editing as I go, and then finally format and post. Sadly, this part is simply taking too much of my time and energy, and my beloved Jack and I have too little time together in person these days to be able to keep up with my stories. So what to do? Give up writing? I actually considered it for a while, tried to make excuses to myself other than the large number of stories collecting cyber dust on my computer, as to why I lacked the energy and Muse to write new tales. And then, with the turn of the new year, I decided to stop running and face the problem. The problem is, quite frankly, that once one gets so bogged down in formatting and editing that writing is no longer a pleasure but the actual posting of those writings becomes a hassle and - egad! - work, it's time to cut something out, and that will never be the writing process. So, in short, yes, there will be mistakes in this tale. Yes, it's missing about half of the header information I usually include. But I wrote it for pleasure and am posting it in hopes of sharing that pleasure with others. Do with it as you will.
She sees their tears falling like a non-stopping rain in the days after her death is announced. She sees her little sisters acting as though they are scared to pass by her room and cringes when they shatter pictures of her. They're angry at her for leaving them. She understands that anger, having felt it once before herself at a loss loved one, but she wishes they could understand why she's gone.
She wishes they could know what she knows, recognize the Earth for the battlefield it has become, but at the same time, Rachel still yearns to protect them and save their innocence. She wants them to be able to grow up without the fears that she experienced, to have no other thoughts plaguing them when they thrill in their first kisses and their promises. She wants them to be able to have the normal life she never did.
She doesn't regret not having a normal life, not really. A large chunk of her childhood was spent helping her mother take care of her sisters, and she wouldn't trade that for anything. She remembers every hug and bedtime story, each time she brushed their hair, with more fondness now in her afterlife than she ever did while still living.
She doesn't even regret the changes in her life that brought her death. Somebody had to fight the Yeerks. She won't wail any more and demand why it had to be her and her friends. She had, and still does possess, more courage than most adults ever have in their whole lifetime. She was a good warrior. She was, as Marco called her and as she wishes she could hear him, with her own ears, call her one last time, Xena: Warrior Princess. Knowing she lived up to that name makes her proud.
If some one had to die in the line of duty to save Earth, she's glad it was her. Maybe her sacrifice will have meant something. Maybe now the others will live through the fight, and when they do win, Cassie, Jake, and Marco will be able to have normal lives again. Ax will be able to return to his homeworld a victorious warrior, something she's known he's always wanted.
As for Tobias, she knows he'll never really be normal again, but he's told her he doesn't want to be normal. She smiles as she remembers him telling her that normal was over rated and he'd rather have a life with her and the rest of the Animorphs fighting against the Yeerks any day than the life he'd had before. There's still a regret there, however. She wishes she could have had the chance to grow old with him. She smiles, knowing both he and Marco would tell her that growing old was no fun. She'll see them all again, Rachel knows, but when she's reunited with Tobias, she'll do like they did in the old romantic movies at which she always used to roll her eyes. She'll run to him, throw her arms around him, and kiss him like there's no tomorrow for there really isn't any tomorrow now. There's only eternity.
Her baby sister is screaming her name. Rachel looks back to Earth, watches them again as her mother forces her sisters to dress for her funeral. She sees the tears in their eyes, and the hate that they try to use to cover their fear and sadness, and she wishes again that she could tell them. Rachel herself begins to cry, however, as Cassie goes to her sisters and hugs them each in turn, telling them, "Rachel loved you guys."
Rachel sees the tears in Cassie's eyes, too, watches as she walks away until her immediate family can no longer see her and then collapses in Jake's arms. Tears speed down all their faces, and yet, when Cassie lifts her face to the Heavens and talk to Rachel as though she knows she's watching them, Rachel feels a little warmth reenter her soul.
"I'll tell them," Cassie swears. "One day, Rachel, I'll tell them the truth. I'll tell them what you'd want to say." And then, startlingly, they say the words together, "Forgive me. I did it for you."
Cassie buries her head back into Jake's comforting arms, sobbing her heart out, but Rachel's smiling through her tears now. The Animorphs have become even more of a family to her than her blood family. She loves them both, but she knows now that one of her families already understands and the other will one day, too, one day when it's safe at last, when her sacrifice will truly mean the most.
"I love you," she whispers, unheard by them all, or so she thinks, as gentle breezes kiss their still living cheeks. A boy walks out of the funeral, having left a single, red rose upon Rachel's coffin. She knows him better than she knows herself, but she isn't expecting what happens next. He walks away from all the humans, and changes back into his more natural form of a red tailed hawk. As Tobias flies away into the sunset, Rachel hears him whisper, "I love you, too," and her heart cries and whoops for joy.
The End