Written for Porn Battle XIV (Prompt: Troy/Annie/Abed, 'humour', 'meta', 'documentary', 'experimentation'. No graphic sexual content, but it is suggestive of a sexual relationship between three consenting adults. If that's not your thing, you may wish to reconsider reading.

This is also a bit of a departure for me in terms of content and style. Hope it works.

Feedback welcome and gratefully received, and hope you enjoy!

NT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM, THE APARTMENT - NIGHT

ANNIE EDISON bats ineffectually at the camera YOU are pointing at her. This is probably due to the fact that she is holding a sheet towards her chest that covers the fact that she is NAKED, which if nothing else is definitely affecting her ability to push the camera away, but you wouldn't like to say for sure. Since YOU don't see a problem here YOU very much wish SHE would drop the sheet, because SHE looks REALLY AWESOME when she's NAKED, but she doesn't seem willing to unless YOU drop the camera.

ANNIE

Abed, no.

YOU

I don't see what the problem is.

ANNIE

The problem is I don't feel comfortable with you filming me when I'm (whispers) naked. Or (whispers again) having sex.

YOU

Annie, you don't have to whisper that you're naked. I can tell you are. It's cool. I'm naked too.

YOU point the camera down. YOU are, in fact, naked. When YOU point the camera back up, SHE seems to have been very interested in your NAKED GENITALS, but pulls herself out of it when she realizes that the camera is back on her.

ANNIE

Abed, that's not the point. I don't think you should be filming this.

YOU

Why not? It's an integral development in our relationship as roommates. The point where we finally consummate our unresolved sexual tension and take the next step into a deeper bond with each other. It's a key plot development, and filming those is sort of my thing.

ANNIE

Abed, I don't want us having sex to be the focal point of your documentary. It's borderline amateur porn.

YOU

That seems a little harsh. Granted, there's a lot of debate on what is-or-isn't pornography, but I'd argue that pornography is characterized by a lack of artistic and emotional depth. While I grant I'm no expert on the latter, I'd say that our relationship has developed to the point where a lack of emotional depth isn't a concern, and I think I'm skilled enough to present us having sex in a artistically satisfying fashion.

ANNIE looks at you doing THAT THING WITH HER EYEBROWS you think mean she's annoyed with you. That was, granted, kind of a long speech for a film, but hey, the artistic integrity of this project is at stake. Coupled with the fact that YOU really want HER to drop the sheet already. SHE really does look REALLY REALLY AWESOME naked.

ANNIE

That's ... all beside the point. I don't want you filming me naked, and I don't want you filming us having sex.

YOU

Don't worry; this is just to test the lighting. I won't start filming properly until Troy gets here.

TROY (OS)

You guys didn't start without me, right?

TROY BARNES enters ANNIE'S BEDROOM. He is also NAKED. He too looks REALLY AWESOME when he's naked. ANNIE is also interested in his NAKED GENITALS, which is totally understandable, because he also has REALLY AWESOME GENITALS.

YOU

Troy, you look really awesome when you're naked.

TROY

(Grinning and winking) Thanks, man. You too.

YOU and TROY do your SPECIAL 'WE'RE-GOING-TO-HAVE-SEX-NOW' handshake. Then, TROY looks at ANNIE and notices the SHEET.

TROY

Are we having sex through sheets now? Should we all have one? Man, I didn't bring one. Why didn't someone tell me about this?

ANNIE

I'm not starting until Abed puts the camera away.

YOU

I've tried explaining about the integrity of the project and the emotional resonance this moment has for all of us, and why it should be recorded, but so far, stalemate.

TROY

Dude, this is a pretty big step for all of us as it is. If Annie's not comfortable being filmed, I really don't think we should film it.

YOU

But I thought you said...

TROY

Hey, man, you know I'm cool with whatever, right? But Annie's a part of this as well, and if she's not cool with it, I think that should come first.

YOU begin to feel THAT WEIRD PANICKY FEELING that always happens when the script starts falling apart.

YOU

But the project... the integrity...

TROY

Hey man, it's cool. Maybe we don't need a record of it. I mean, it's about all of us, right?

YOU

Yes.

TROY

And how much we all mean to each other, right?

YOU

... I guess.

TROY

So maybe we don't need to record it. Maybe the fact that we'll remember it is enough.

YOU

I don't want to forget this.

ANNIE and TROY exchange glances.

ANNIE

Abed, I don't know about you guys, but I really don't think I'll be forgetting the time I slept with my two best friends at the same time anytime soon.

YOU

But memory's unreliable.

ANNIE

I don't understand...

YOU

Memories decay. People forget things. People move on. They change. They remember the same things different ways and lose touch with what really happened. But film never changes. But if we have a record of this, we'll remember what it was like forever. What it was REALLY like. Both during and ... before.

TROY and ANNIE exchange glances again.

YOU

If we film it, nothing has to change.

ANNIE reaches over and touches you on the arm.

ANNIE

Abed... I'm scared as well.

TROY

Me too, bro.

TROY pats you on the back.

YOU

I'm not scared.

ANNIE

Of course you are. But it's okay to be scared. What we're doing... what we're about to become. What we're changing. It's pretty big. Anyone would be. But that doesn't matter when what you're doing is worth it.

ANNIE leans into YOU. Because YOU are naked, can feel that she's DEFINITELY ALSO NAKED under the sheet, which is still AWESOME. She's really warm. She reaches out with her free hand and touches TROY on the arm gently. TROY reaches out and strokes YOU on the back, the way YOU like, and reaches out with his OTHER ARM to bring ANNIE into what seems to be a three-way hug sort of thing, only more than that. YOU begin to feel AROUSED. You're pretty sure you're not the only one.

ANNIE

Like this is worth it.

YOU are not really sure what to say.

ANNIE

Turn the camera off, Abed. It's time for things to change.

YOU

But ... okay. Let me just put it down here.

YOU turn the camera off.

ANNIE drops the sheet. She really does look AMAZINGLY AWESOME when she's NAKED.

ANNIE kisses YOU. YOU kiss HER BACK. Then TROY kisses you BOTH.

Then you all have sex together. And everything changes.

Cool.

Cool cool cool.