"You are the worst person I have ever met in my life."
"Charmed. Off with them."
Merlin ground his teeth, "This is abusing your privileges as a monarch."
"An interesting proposition. I'll be sure to let the counsel know, so they can debate it. Your pants, if you would be so kind." Arthur smiled in the way that made Merlin kind of want to punch him. Viciously and repeatedly.
"I suspect ulterior motive," Merlin muttered, and fidgeted with his belt. Arthur scoffed and crossed his arms, watching Merlin's slow disrobement with aloof amusement.
"Indeed, Merlin, I must confess that the thought of you parading through the village square while half-dressed is deeply amusing to me. God, you're skinny."
"Shut up," Merlin hissed, and threw his pants at Arthur's head as hard as he could. Arthur caught them effortlessly, of course, and shot Merlin a grin full of very white teeth.
"Good man. You do know how I hate wearing soiled garments."
"I don't see why I should be the one to suffer for your failure to eat Shepard's pie with dignity."
Arthur whacked him cheerfully. Merlin suspected multiple fractures. "Bit chatty this morning, aren't you?"