Link Ocarina 1

The gate opened slowly… How strange, the gate never opens at night, and certainly when it's raining.. A tall woman in a black cloak flew out on a white horse. Clinging onto her was a little girl in a pink cloak. She had a frightened look on her small face. Seconds after they had disappeared into the night, a tall man with dark red hair, dark skin, and black armor came out on a black horse. Looking around slowly, he smiled. Looking dazed, he fell off his horse, and barfed on the grass…

Link slowly opened his eyes until he was squinting. A little light was bouncing around in his bedroom. Link didn't like the light. Suddenly it started speaking. For a puny thing, it's got a big voice Link thought

"HEY! GET UP NOW LAZY! I WILL NOT STAND TO HAVE THE "SAVIOR" SLEEPING, EATING, OR RELEIVING HIMSELF AT ANY MOMENT IN TIME! YOU HAVE TRAINING, GET UP NOW!

"Shut UUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" What kind of fairy is this? he thought. He had a strong temptation to squish her like a bug, but she was to fast for that. The minute I get my hands on a weapon, she's goin' down. For the mean-time, Link slowly got out of bed. He squinted hard to look at the stupid fairy. She was a tiny little woman in olive army pants, and a camo shirt. Her hair was in a tight bun. "What's your name?" Link asked cautiously

"Navi" she said brightly "Now GET UP!"

"I'M UP ALREADY! ARE YOU BLIND!" Link yelled getting more impatient by the millisecond. He ran out of his room and wolfed down a yogurt. Outside he went under water in the little pond to drown out Navi's voice. It worked to an extent. He could still hear her, but this time it was at a normal tone.

"Come with me! Now!" Link liked the peaceful sound Navi made when Link was underwater. Then Navi started pulling Link out of the water. Grudgingly, Link got out. He did training jumping from stepping stone to stepping stone. Every time he made it across. He got 5 rupees. When he had 40 he was dragged into the convenience store.

"Hey Link." the shopkeeper, Dan, said. Dan was a friendly guy; short, with brown hair and glasses. He had thrown away the traditional attire of the Kokori, and wore jeans and normal shirts. In fact, everyone did. "Oh, you have a fairy!"

"More like those instructors at boot camp" Link muttered. Navi kicked him in the head. Link put his hands out and said, in and irritated voice, "What do you want?"

"Pardon" said Dan

"Oh sorry, I was just talking to sergeant asshole" Link said with relish. This time Navi kicked him again, but he didn't care. He had found a new nickname for his little friend.

"Well, what'll it be?" Dan said, shaking himself

"Uhh… I'd like the shield." Link said slowly.

Dan went up on a step ladder, although Link could've easily reached it himself, and passed it to his assistant, Carla.

"Here you go" Carla said, handing the shield to him. "That's 40 rupees." Great, Navi had just made him get all that money so he could throw it all away on a cheap wooden shield.

When he went back out, though the shield was weighing him down, and jumped back on the little stones for more money. Then, Sergeant Asshole dragged him through a little hole in the wall of the city to avoid a stupid boulder. Eventually, he discovered a chest which contained a sword.

Link got a maniacal smile on his face, and tried to sword Sergeant Asshole to her death, but she was too fast for that.

"HEY! ARE YOU TRYRING TO KILL ME!" She screamed.

"YES!" Link yelled "WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND? NO, I JUST RANDOMLY SWORD THE AIR, AND YOU JUST KEEP GETTING IN THE WAY!"

Navi squinted her eyes and clenched her teeth like she was about to do something evil, but then, to Link's surprise, she took a deep breath and started to sob. "(sniff) I try to do my (sniff) best, and this is what I get? (sniff)" It was the most pathetic thing Link had ever seen.

"I'm so sorry… Uh, how about we go to see the Deku Tree now?" Link said meekly

"O.K." Navi whimpered. Link put her on his shoulder and ran out of the little alcove. When he reached the pathway to the Great Deku Tree, the little jerk stopped him.

"Can I go past?" said Link in a bored voice.

"NO!" he yelled like a spastic chicken. "I've been ordered by the Great Deku Tree…" but he got no farther. Link got so sick of his chicken imitation, he sworded him in half. Link carefully stepped over him, taking care not to get blood on his new shoes. He was liked that sword.

"You're late" said the Great Deku Tree slowly.

Link had just about had it. "I'm soooo sorry" Link said sarcastically "I was just having so much fun with Sergeant Asshole I totally forgot that I was supposed to go see you" Link forced a smile, but it was more of a sneer. That was OK with him.

"Get in" the Deku Tree said.

"No!" Link shouted back. "In fact, I'm pretty comfortable in this spot, so you can go flush yourself down a toilet!"

"That won't fly with this tree" He grabbed Link with one of his branches, opened his mouth, shoved him in, and clamped his mouth shut again.

"You idiot!" Link yelled. "You're just as bad as she is!" He yelled.

"Excuse ME! You will NOT talk to the Great Deku Tree like that!"

"Hey! You used to be nice, what happened?" Link was bewildered

"I get major mood swings!"

"How often?"

"Whenever it's convenient for me!" Sergeant Asshole bellowed

"OH GREAT!" Link screamed "I get stuck with an emotionally unstable jerk!" Link started walking forward into the Great Deku Tree. What a jerk that guy is… Link thought.

Well that's it for now! I hoped you like it. Now it's time to review! I don't care what you're doing, or how much time before you have to shut your computer down, or how slow your connection is… Rate darn-it!