Author's note: I just have weird ideas, I guess and I like sad magical-ish things and mythology.
Unofficial companion to Touch Me? (I guess they'd be grouped together since they're both magical realism stories)
Strange style, purposely meant to be choppy in some sections. slightly mythology and timeline butchering.
-line break-
Blaine Anderson disappears the day of his seventeenth birthday without a trace.
He's never seen again.
Blaine was adopted as a baby. It's not something he likes to mention and out of the warblers only David and Nick know because their parents were very close when they were younger.
When he was younger it didn't effect him very much. It had made him feel a bit like superman who'd been one of his favorite super heroes. But as the years went by and the once subtle differences became more noticeable he grew to dislike the gap that existed.
He was different from his family who'd once loved him before he broke the mold of their expectations and from his friends who didn't know the real Blaine but the charming, polite, perfectly primed soloist.
Blaine didn't even know who he was himself. All he had were masks and a conflicting ever changing world with expectations that had no place for someone like him.
It wasn't fair but after the year he turned thirteen becoming a black and blue, beaten and broken boy he quickly learned that most things in life weren't.
But Blaine was nothing if not an optimist, so he ignored the taunts and the shoves and the broken bones for as long as he could. It wasn't his fault humans-people were infinitely cruel for a reason he couldn't and didn't want to change.
And then the Sadie Hawkins happened and he'd never felt as angry as he had that night. It was supposed to be a break, a chance for fun instead of looking around his shoulder and leaving school five minutes early so he won't get jumped that day. It was supposed to be his day.
Blaine can't describe how angry he'd been as his tormenters surrounded him and Eric, his friend and fellow tormentee. His hate is black and fierce, curling around him until he can barely breathe through it. Blaine who has never hated anyone before cannot describe how much he wants to kill them.
In the end it doesn't matter, though Blaine pretends that his startling hatred never happened, the bullies are bigger and larger, football and basketball team members and what can two scrawny little fourteen year olds do?
When Blaine walks home that night he is covered in bruises and cuts and everything hurts. His stupid suit with the stupid tie he spent at least half an hour trying to figure out is ruined, the black fabric stained by a mix of blood and earth. He has a black eye and there is a two inch cut on his face, receding near his hairline that will later turn into a scar. His left arm is sprained but thankfully not broken though his thumb on his right hand is jammed permanently in a way that makes him infinitely glad as a guitar player, he is left-handed.
The maid, Nadia, a woman who Blaine has known since he was six is the one who answers the door. She screams when she sees him and frantically calls for Hanna and Simon.
Hanna is the head maid and Blaine has seen more of her in the last two years than he has of his own mother. Simon is the butler for lack of a better term and while the two woman starting fussing over him he calmly leads Blaine into the kitchen.
"Hanna, call Mrs. Anderson tell her that Blaine has been injured and that we will be taking him to the hospital shortly."
Hanna races away before he can say another word.
Blaine frowns, ignoring the way his face stings in response. "Hospital?" he croaks and Simon nods, distractedly.
"Yes hospital. We'll at least need stitches for that cut on your face and there is always the possibility of internal damage." Simon nods again, more sure of himself. "Hospital it is."
Hanna is cursing, easily switching between three languages and Blaine doesn't comment on how strange it is for the even-tempered woman to be swearing.
"Who did this?" Nadia asks handing Simon an icepack. She is nervous, fluttering around the kitchen with flailing hands.
Hanna scowls at her, dark eyes fierce. "Who do you think? Those Neanderthals from his school, those goddamn rats they claim are students."
Blaine stays silent.
And then Nadia is cursing too, muttering things under breathe that would get her arrested if she ever did them.
Blaine sits in the waiting room of the hospital for two hours and pretends that this isn't happening. That he is not alone by himself at the ER because people really hate him that much.
Nadia pats his hand comfortingly and Blaine amends his statement to nearly alone.
It still isn't fair.
Blaine parent's never show up and Simon somehow convinces the doctors to release Blaine into this care. They give him sympathetic looks as he leaves, poor boy, and Blaine ducks his head in shame, nearly running to the car.
When Blaine's mother gets back from whatever fabulously exotic place she was, nearly a week later she is surprised to see her son's face but never asks what happens.
His father never notices (and if he does he never asks Blaine about it.)
Blaine transfers over to Dalton as soon as the semester ends (He fills out all the paperwork himself and then forges his parents signature, only telling his parents the week before his transfer). He doesn't care that he is running away and that optimists don't run away only cowards run away and aren't you a horrible little coward Blaine? . He cannot find any good in this situation and he is just tired of fighting when an entire school is against him .
David greets him excitedly, introducing him to the rest of the warblers and he nods to Wes and Nick.
He doesn't audition for the Warblers that year-too shell-shocked and wound-heavy still. But after spending the entire summer hanging out with Wes and David, slowly coming out of his shell, his only defense, Blaine auditions the next year and is one of only three people to be excepted. He's the only sophomore.
-line break-
Ironically it's when Blaine is away from his bullies, away from the constant hate and anger and fear that he starts having nightmares. They are terrible; he tosses and turns, sometimes even hurting himself and every night for two and a half months Blaine screams himself awake, voice hoarse and near tears.
He never remembers them. Not even one.
-line break-
Blaine knows that some people think he's cold and unfeeling. That he tries too hard in nearly everything. And they are right, completely one hundred percent right because Blaine can't afford not to be cold and can't afford not to be perfect. Because he doesn't have a place and when you don't have a place in life you have to try your damn hardest to fit in wherever someone puts you.
He's different with David and Wes and occasionally a few of the other warblers. It's mostly David and Wes, because up until meeting a certain counter-tenor they were the closest he'd ever gotten to dropping his masks.
There's still a barrier because no matter how close he gets to people, no matter how much he'd like to he still can't let go. He tries, he really does but it's just one of the few things Perfect Blaine Anderson can't do.
-line break-
Blaine meets Kurt sometime during his sophomore year. Kurt is easily the most gorgeous brilliant, bright, person Blaine has ever met and he doesn't even realize it. It's obvious he's a spy, most likely from McKinley or Vocal Adrenaline (McKinley is the best option, Vocal Adrenaline has much better spies and Blaine's never seen one quite as attractive or fashionable as Kurt)
But despite this Blaine takes Kurt's hand and lets him see a song they've been working on for a while, a potential regional's song. Wes and David (definitely Wes at the very least) will be angry at him later but he can't help it, there's just something about Kurt.
Kurt's broken he realizes later as they talk over coffee. No not completely but getting there. And suddenly Blaine is reminded of a painfully similar broken boy-one who had never received help.
He can't let Kurt turn out like himself. Blaine's only just met him but even he can tell that Kurt's far too good for that.
"You like him, don't you?" David asks bluntly as Blaine's trying to study for his biology test tomorrow.
Blaine doesn't look up from his book. Biology is his worst subject and if he doesn't pass this test with at least an 'A' then his class average is going to drop. "No."
David grins, crawling onto Blaine's bed and into his personal space. "Liar."
Blaine shoved him away. "Are you implying that just because we're both gay we can't just be friends?"
"No, of course not. You and Jeff are friends." David said agreeing easily. "Though you did date for two weeks."
Blaine sighed. "What do you want?"
David grabbed the Bio book throwing it away and hearing it land somewhere in the room. " I want you to be happy and I think he'd be good for you."
Blaine rolled his eyes, wrinkling his nose. "I am happy, very happy and we're just going to be friends. He doesn't need a boyfriend right now." Not after what had happened with Karofsky and besides Blaine wasn't boyfriend material anyway. Not for someone like Kurt.
"Is that really your decision to make?"
"David."
"Fine, fine. Will you please stop studying at least? If you don't get the top grade I'll eat my call of Duty disk."
"You love Black Ops though."
"Exactly."
-line break-
"What are you playing at Blaine?" It was David and Wes this time. Sensing immediate trouble Blaine closed his laptop and set it on the ground gently. It was better to keep breakable things away from his friends anyway.
"What are you talking about? Are you mad about the Jeremiah thing?" And now he'll have to suffer through a lecture about keeping his personal life out of Official Warbler Business.
Wes nodded, "Yes we're upset about the Jeremiah thing."
"And so was Kurt." David added.
Blaine blinked. "How do you know about Kurt?"
David rolled his eyes. "Twitter-it was obvious you moron, and of course you wouldn't see that."
Blaine frowned irritated. "Why are you so invested in my personal life?"
"Someone has to be." David shot back.
Wes rolled his eyes and sighed. "Children children, separate corners please. Blaine we're not here to start a fight with you."
Really? sure feels like it. Blaine glanced at David and then decided it would be safer for both of their health's to focus on Wes. "Why are you here then?"
Wes thought about his words carefully. He was never very good with emotions, that was more David's department and Blaine himself was only good at hiding his own emotions and projecting whatever fight the situation. Which was why the two probably clashed more frequently David too emotional and Blaine not enough. "We've noticed that you have developed a pattern."
"A pattern? What kind of pattern?"
"You're addicted to hurting people by going after someone else." David said pointedly ignoring the glare Wes gave him.
"David shut up or I'll kick you out of here."
David frowned at him. "It's my room just as much as it's Blaine's."
"And if you don't keep quiet then you'll be kicked out of it."
Blaine stared at them and then when he couldn't ignore the silence anymore he looked up at the cracked paint on the wall. Absently he wondered if they could get it fixed. "You really think I'm that kind of person?"
Wes paused. "That might not have been the best way to phrase it."
"But that's what you think right?"
"In a way yes-you've done it with Jeff, with Tyler, with Sam-"
Blaine cut him off. "Alright I understand I'm a horrible person who can't keep his ego in check and only thinks with one thing without considering anyone else's feelings. Happy?"
David shook his head, already calm again. "We don't think it's like that."
"Why then?"
"You don't connect with people, you just can't open up and so you just keep 'falling in love' in an attempt to try to find someone."
Blaine glared at him, arms crossed defensively. "Why don't you tell me how you really feel?"
Wes sighed. "It's the truth Blaine and as cliché as it is the truth hurts."
Blaine closed his eyes falling back onto the bed, he felt Wes and David sit down next to him. "How do I change it then?"
He never wanted to intentionally hurt people, especially not Kurt. He just didn't function the same as other people. He fell in and out of love too fast, and even when he thought he was in love he'd always search for the next best thing. He was oblivious to other people's feelings because he barely understood his own. The frustrating issue was that he never understood emotions, any emotions and it always lead to people getting hurt.
David nudged him and after a few minutes of being poked and prodded Blaine grudgingly nudged him back. "We'll help you figure it out."
Blaine rolled over and smiled at him. "Promise?" It was stupid and childish, Blaine was aware that sometimes promises couldn't be kept whether out of disregard or no choice but as of yet Wes and David had never broken a promise to him.
Wes nodded. "Yes we promise."
"What are you going to do about Kurt?" David asked after a minute.
Blaine shrugged, "We're going to try being friends for a bit I think, if I don't manage to screw something up."
"I'm sure you'll be fine Blaine."
Blaine smiles and agrees with him but he isn't so sure because on a list of things there's few that he doesn't manage to mess up and if he loses Kurt then Blaine's not sure what he's going to do.
-line break-
The week before Pavarotti dies is a stressful one for Blaine. They're working on final songs and final choices and he is stressed and worn out and each and every day makes him feel like he wants to drop dead and just sleep for years and years.
It doesn't help that he feels sick for most of it. His skin is itchy, tingling with sparks as if he's been constantly shocked and sometimes it reaches a point where he feels like he can't breathe. But he pushes through because it's close and he needs to be in top condition for regional's and he cannot get sick now. So Blaine takes an aspirin and hopes for the best.
It gets worse and Wes, frowning states that maybe Blaine should go see a doctor. David looks like he wants to agree and Blaine shakes his head. He's fine and besides he doesn't like doctors anyway.
On Wednesday the dreams start.
Blaine hasn't had nightmares since that first year, at least not constant ones though occasionally on a bad day it's not uncommon. So he really has no idea why he's having nightmares now.
They're not even about his bullying or his family. Instead they're about death; for a week he constantly dreams about everyone dying and by everyone he means everyone. Wes dies drowning when he's forty-two, David inherits his family's penchant for heart disease and dies when he's fifty-eight, Nick dies from leukemia when he's twenty-seven and Jeff is murdered in his own house by robbers when his thirty-three, his husband and kids witness it. Blaine's mother commits suicide when she's forty-five which is in a year and his father dies at seventy-six, airplane crash in a fancy private jet. Blaine's English teacher, Mr. Morlie dies in a skiing accident when he's forty (his fortieth birthday is next month and the class is chipping in to get him a present). The strangest has to be Pavarotti, Pavarotti dies suddenly and soon because Blaine can see the start of snow and it's supposed to start snowing in a few weeks.
And then there's Kurt. Kurt who he sees die in a million different ways, at a million different ages. Kurt choking on a toy when he's two, Kurt killing himself at fifteen (He's seventeen now), Kurt getting killed by bullies, Kurt dying of a heart attack at forty-five, or Kurt getting lung cancer like his mother. Kurt's deaths differ from accident, to suicide to murder to disease to old age to strange tragic incidents.
Kurt always dies no matter how hard Blaine tries to save him.
-line break-
The next Wednesday Kurt announces Pavarotti's death and Blaine freezes, glancing out the window at the lightly falling snow.
For the next week Blaine barely sleeps at all too scared of who's death he'll see next.
-line break-
Part II:
Blaine calls in sick on Thursday and Friday because he's exhausted from not sleeping. He survives on energy drinks and lots of coffee. He borrows some of Nick's rock and metal music and listens to it as loud as he can.
David stares at him in concern and more than once gets Wes, on the last time he angrily demands for Wes to "Fix him!"
Both of his friend's try to ask him what's wrong but Blaine can't really explain because even he doesn't get what's wrong. All he knows is he can't sleep, can't go through seeing everyone die again. Especially not Kurt.
On Saturday things don't seem much different. He's still awake and half the boys including Wes and David have gone home for the weekend, leaving only him and a few others including Nick.
Blaine spends most of the day reading or listening to music though he does promise Nick that they'll hang out tomorrow. His floor is nearly empty and for once it's strangely, almost eerily quiet.
Which is why it's surprising when someone knocks at his door near eleven. Blaine closes his book and lumbers to his feet, his entire body feels sore and worn out so Blaine hopes whoever it is will leave him alone soon.
"Hi Blaine." Kurt says, greeting him with a smile.
"Kurt?" he says surprised because Kurt went back to Lima yesterday. "Did you forget something? Because Jeff went home this weekend-"
Kurt laughs. "No I didn't forget anything. I came to talk to you, if that's alright."
Things have been slightly awkward between them since he chose Kurt as his partner for the duet. When Kurt asked about it he'd wanted to admit just why he'd chosen Kurt but the words had gotten stuck in his throat and images of Kurt's death surfaced instead and Blaine had hastily made an excuse before leaving.
But this is Kurt. Kurt who came all the way from freakin' Lima at eleven at night to talk to him. "Sure, it's fine. Come in, please."
Kurt sets his bag next to the bed and Blaine sits down next to him, trying to ignore the heating radiating from Kurt's so close skin.
"So what did you want to talk about?" He says trying to fill in the silence. He's horrible at conversation when it's one on one. In a crowd of people he can be confident, can be the perfect performer but by himself there's nothing to back him up.
"It seems you've been avoiding people lately and the other warblers and myself have grown concerned about you." Kurt says politely and Blaine's eyes narrow in suspicion.
"Wes called you didn't he?"
Kurt grins. "David actually." he corrects. "But that's not the point."
Blaine sighs and stifles a yawn, because for one it's rude and for another he's not allowed to be tired. "I'm not trying to avoid everyone on purpose."
"Why then?" Kurt's voice is quiet and gentle, and even Blaine can't pretend that it's making him feel more tired.
He has to stay awake though. "I don't want to see anyone die anymore." he mumbles, eyelids flickering closed before he shakes his head and sits up straight.
"Blaine?" Kurt sounds worried now.
He does yawn this time and he covers it half-heartedly. "Sorry Kurt, I'm just so tired."
Kurt shakes his shoulder lightly and Blaine blinks, opening his eyes. "Blaine, can you repeat what you said please?"
Blaine's slowly becoming more aware and he looks up at Kurt. "It's really stupid." He says embarrassed. "But I keep having nightmares so I'm trying not to sleep."
Kurt frowns. "Nightmares?"
"Yeah." he hesitates. "About everyone dying and I'm just so scared to sleep Kurt. I don't want to wake up by myself after seeing everyone die."
Kurt bites at his lip and he's gotten Blaine's attention again. "I could stay here with you if you want? Just for tonight."
Blaine's sleepy eyes widen. "What?"
"If that's not too weird." Kurt adds on hastily.
"No! umm, no it's not weird. I'd really appreciate it Kurt but only if you want to."
Kurt relaxes and goes back to smiling, and it's that weird soft smile that he rarely has but Blaine really likes. Oh crap, he's really tired, he must be because he's rambling and if he doesn't sleep soon then he's probably going to ramble to Kurt.
"-That's what friends do, isn't it?" Kurt finishes and Blaine nods, coming back to himself.
Friends. He's just a friend and that's his fault so he can't complain, not at all.
Blaine wants to be more than a friend. He wants to be everything to Kurt and if he can't have that then he'd settle for just anything. But he is messed up, much more than Kurt or anyone believes. And Kurt deserves better than him.
"Thank you." he says instead, when Kurt crawls under the covers. They aren't touching and it's kind of awkward but it's Kurt so the awkwardness fades. And Blaine falls asleep while Kurt is talking, quietly in a tone that Blaine thinks means he was doing it on purpose.
When Blaine wakes up they are in an entirely different position. They are tangled together and there is not an inch of space between them from head to feet. Even their hands are tangled together, Kurt's slender but firm grip holding onto his.
Warm and unexplainably happy Blaine drifts back to sleep, a small smile on his face.
-line break-
Blaine doesn't have any nightmares at all. He doesn't dream about anyone's death and it is the best night of sleep he's ever had.
-line break-
The dreams don't come as often after that and Blaine learns to deal with them the same way he learned to deal with bruises and nightmares.
Ignoring and denial has always been his specialty.
-line break-
After that night he and Kurt grow closer. They have coffee more often and sometimes they even stay the night at each other's house. It's easier and lighter and no one is worried about hurting the other's feelings.
Blaine still likes Kurt. How could he not? And the easiness and the closeness just add to his feelings at least tenfold. But it doesn't hurt. It doesn't ache not being with Kurt because they're almost always with each other.
He worries that maybe Kurt's gotten over his feelings for him but if that happens (and Blaine's not an idiot eventually someone will realize just how gorgeous and witty and amazing Kurt is, and they won't be afraid to act on it) when that happens, Blaine will just have to accept that it's his fault. He knows the risks and if it goes badly…
Well Blaine's used to making mistakes.
-line break-
They have winter break and it's probably the best vacation Blaine's ever had. They hang out nearly every single day and Blaine learns that Kurt's excellent at snowball fights and makes him promise to team up against Wes and David.
Most of their days end in watching movies and drinking hot chocolate, they're usually curled up on the couch or on Kurt's bed together. And it's still amazing.
The mood is abruptly destroyed when they come back to Dalton. Every single student is somber, and some are crying. Wes and David quickly fill them in, in hushed whispers.
"Mr. Morlie died." Wes says quietly.
"Skiing accident." Blaine finishes eyes wide. no no no. this can't be happening, first Pavarotti and now Mr. Morlie. No, this is just a coincidence, stop being crazy Anderson.
"Blaine?" Kurt touches his arm gently, staring at him in concern and Blaine shakes his head.
"I'm…" He can't speak, he can't speak. "I'm fine, really. It's just a shock, you know? He was so young." He was forty, you knew he would die when he was forty. You dreamt about this.
Shut up.
"The school's have an assembly about it third period." David adds, and it's so strange to see David so quiet and still.
You mean the way he looks when he's dead? He dies when he's fifty-eight, He has three kids and a nice wife who doesn't know how to live without him. He gets heart disease, hyper and movable David, dies of heart disease and you saw it.
"Blaine are you sure you're okay?"
Blaine hesitates and then shakes his head again. " I think, I think I need some air."
Without another word he races out of the building leaving Kurt to stare after him with concern and shock.
"This cannot be happening." Blaine mutters, pressing at his eyes. He can feel a headache starting to bloom.
"Actually it can." A voice says and it's so startling, so unexpected that Blaine jumps. He whirls around, a scowl on his face. Right now Blaine Anderson, the perfect and well-mannered soloist is having a break down. And no one has ever seen him be less than that, not some stranger and now is not going to be the first time.
A man is staring at him with amused eyes. He is tall and broad-shouldered with almost golden blond hair and has tanned skin. Blaine can't figure out what color his eyes are some weird mix of blue and green. He looks older than Blaine but he knows instinctively somehow that the man is the exact same age as him.
He looks almost familiar.
"Hello Blaine." The man says pleasantly. "It's nice to see you again."
"We've met?" he asks confused. He thinks he'd remember seeing someone this unusual before.
The man laughs. "Not exactly, not yet at least not that you can remember. But still nice to see you again."
Blaine is staring at him, what the hell? I think I found someone crazier than me. "Nice to meet you too?" he ventures, holding out his hand which the man grabs and shakes firmly.
The man grinned at him and then paused, studying him for a moment. Blaine wants to shudder, it feels like he's staring at his soul. "Oh." the man says oddly sounding pleased. "Almost done then? Yes I think you only have two left."
Blaine frowns, "What are you talking about?"
"You'll figure it out soon, or maybe you won't. You always were kind of dim about some things."
"It's considered rude insulting people you've just met." Blaine shot back, irritated by this strange man. He wants to go back, he wants to get back to Kurt but he can't move, he's stuck at a standstill.
The man laughed, "That's my point dear brother, we haven't just met."
Blaine opens his mouth to speak to ask him what the hell's he's going on about or to call for security, maybe both but then he hears a familiar voice calling his name and he turns around to find Kurt running toward him.
When he turns back the man is gone.
"Blaine? Are you okay?" Kurt's right next to him and Blaine can easily see the frown on his face, the worry in his eyes.
Maybe Blaine really is crazy. He wouldn't be the first in his family, or maybe he would be. Adoption's a tricky thing to figure out.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I think. Blaine smiled at him reassuringly. "Let's go back inside, it's freezing out here."
For the rest of the day Blaine keeps watch for the man but he doesn't seem him again, not even when's he alone.
-line break-
Part III
Slowly Blaine puts the dreams, the deaths and the man out of his mind. They were all just coincidences anyway and he had more important things to think about like exams, regional's, and Kurt.
Tests are always stressful for him and Finals are even worse, he usually studies for weeks in advance. Holing himself up in his room until David and Wes are pretty much the only ones he sees.
As with Regional's Wes always drills them hard. Practice twice, sometimes even three times a day. Before school, after school and on Wednesdays and Friday when they have free periods.
One small perk is that he's been seeing Kurt more often. Usually Kurt goes home on the weekends but due to the extra practices he stays at Dalton more frequently. They come back to the dorms after practices and complain about how much Wes is being a slave driver.
But despite all of the good and the work he just can't stop thinking about it. About everything that's going on. The thing he thinks the most about is Kurt. Kurt whose had more deaths than anyone else Blaine's ever dreamed about and he doesn't know what that means. More importantly he doesn't know when Kurt's going to die.
He's not sure if he's relieved or worried. Both.
He thinks about all of this when he's alone or at night when David's asleep because he can't afford not to. His brain just won't stop the images but Blaine can't let them control his life.
Even if it is driving him crazy.
They scare him. The reality, the vividness of them. Sometimes he swears he can still hear his friends screaming or smell the metallic scent of blood, can feel it on his hands as he tries to help but he's never in time.
Never enough.
-line break-
The next stage of the dreams happens approximately a month before his birthday. Blaine knows because Nadia and Hanna are already asking him what he wants for his birthday. They're excited, they always are and Blaine can only feel grateful for the enthusiasm they have while his parents have none.
They haven't really cared since he was thirteen. They'd already had Blaine's brother and Blaine himself is just a failed experiment, a person made out of countless disappointments and flawed expectations.
He's alone the first night. It's the weekend and Wes has graciously permitted them a break because sectionals is also next month and if he doesn't let them have a break then they were inches away from declaring mutiny and holding a tribunal.
It starts like all the others.
He cannot control anything, cannot move where he wants to go and he cannot stop watching.
It starts the same.
It's dark and he's somewhere. Somewhere without definition, just blank space.
He doesn't know how long it takes but he feels the pull, he always feels the pull and even if he doesn't know where he's going his feet do. As he walks the darkness starts to fade, shades of grey and white filtering in but he still has no real sight. He never sees in color.
He doesn't recognize all the details which is a first. (When he gets there he always knows where he's at, always knows the street and the city, even knows what time it is. It's just imprinted in his mind to know.)
The street sign has no name on it so he ignores that. He knows what the city is, he can recognized the blurred together details of Lima. But the details aren't important yet, not the street name or the time of day though judging by the dark, black, starless sky it's late or early.
"It's the fifth." he hears a voice speak out and he whirls around and stops in shock.
In the center of the street, in the center of the blackness is him. He cannot help the shudder he feels seeing himself stand there. He doubts everyone sees themselves like this.
The shirt he's wearing is new, he's never seen it and already there's a stain on it, but the pants aren't and the shoes are the same ones he's been wearing since he got them in the summer. The weather is surprisingly warm for march.
The Blaine on the street closes his eyes and holds out his hands. "It's supposed to be now. I know it's now and I just want this to end."
In the background he can hear something. It sounds like beeping and he can't wake up now, he needs to see what happens.
The Blaine on the street does something unexpected as the dream starts to fade and he can feel himself waking up.
He looks directly at him.
- "Blaine? Blaine, wake up." The voice is familiar, soothing, but Blaine still jumps awake when a hand gently shakes his shoulder, and his books clatter to the library floor in the process. He blinks and shakes his head, trying to clear the dream. He looks up and sees Kurt frowning, because this is the fourth time this month that Kurt's had to waken him up from a nightmare and it's only the second.
"I'm sorry Kurt." He apologizes, embarrassed. He can't let this keep happening, he can't let himself loose so much control. He doesn't deal with the dreams or the death in the day.
And he doesn't let them affect his relationship with Kurt.
"Have you been getting enough sleep?" He knows that Kurt is staring at the dark circles surrounding Blaine's eyes, they're prominent but thankfully Blaine's tanned skin hides the worst of it.
"Not really." Blaine admits. Despite his best intentions it's harder to deal with seeing his own death though Kurt's (all of Kurt's) is worse without comparison. Still the human mind is built for survival, seeing the ultimate failure nightly is not healthy, even Blaine knows that.
Kurt gingerly holds his hand and Blaine is the one that tightens it. Even when he's awake he needs something stable to keep him here and Kurt is the best rock he has. "What's wrong?"
Blaine sighed. I'm crazy Kurt, can't you see? I'm just insane and it's finally catching up. "I don't know. I just can't sleep anymore, I just can't."
"Blaine I really think you should talk to someone." Kurt says finally, slowly as if he's afraid of Blaine's reaction.
In the past Blaine might have reacted adversely but past-Blaine wouldn't have needed to talk to someone. Blaine has no time for adverse reactions, for stupid pointless anger. He has no time for sleepless nights, for insane dreams and thoughts.
He has no time.
"I think." he pauses, taking a breath, if only to reassure himself that's he still alive for now. "I think you're right Kurt and I'm going to try doing that."
Blaine grins at him. "After my birthday though."
Kurt smiles, though it still looks a bit worried. "Are you sure you want to come to Rachel's with me? It's not exactly a special birthday celebration." Rachel's having a party and while she would probably ban them for being 'spies' she's too good of friends with Kurt and Finn to ban them and Kurt had refused to come without him.
Besides he knows he has to be in Lima. Blaine has to be on that street corner on the fifth. And even if he wanted to not go, some part of Blaine won't let him stop. He needs to go.
He just needs to worry for three more days and that's it. Three more days that will probably end in his death because despite foolish behavior Blaine isn't a fool.
"I'm only turning seventeen." Blaine says. It's surprising that Kurt's older but maybe that's better. He'll only have to wait so much longer before he can start working on his dreams. "We can do something awesome next year."
It's a lie and it's almost hurts how off it feels because he doesn't like lying to Kurt. For right now it's the best though.
"Next year." Kurt agrees and that hurts the most.
He knows there's not a next year for him not much more than Friday.
-line break-
His nerves don't set in until halfway through Rachel's party. Every half hour he checks and sees if the sky is dark enough. It's not, not yet and that just adds to his worry.
Kurt bought him a new shirt. "I'd rather not have you wear your uniform, it'll only make a drunken Rachel start screaming." The taller boy had said dryly after he had ignored Blaine's attempts to say that he had other clothes besides his uniforms.
Because he's nervous and yes, afraid, he drinks along with the others but he's still sober, mind alarmingly clear.
Halfway through the party Tina accidentally bumps into him and her drink goes flying allover Blaine's shirt. Kurt's eyes widen and he brings Blaine to the bathroom. Apparently the process of getting beer out of shirts is easier than getting slushy out though Blaine knows that at least part of this stain will stick.
"This is turning into a wonderful Birthday." Kurt says sarcastically, almost apologetically.
Blaine looks out Rachel's bathroom window.
The clouds have rolled in blocking out the stars and the moon and Blaine knows that now is the moment, that this is his last.
If he was religious than maybe he'd say a prayer. Maybe he'd beg for forgiveness or mercy, maybe he'd apologize for his sins or who he was.
Instead he gently takes the rag Kurt has and sets it on the floor. The taller boy stares at him in confusion and Blaine half smiles. "I love you." Kurt's eyes widen and he closes his own eyes and leans in, because this is his last chance, the only chance he'll ever have and Blaine wants this to be the last thing he remembers.
It's better than he ever expected, better than he ever dreamed of and he tries not to think about all the regret he feels. He and Kurt could have had this for months, if Blaine had let them. Maybe that would have been worse, leaving after letting it grow.
One of Kurt's hands tangle in his hair while the other winds itself around Blaine's neck and he lets Kurt take control as he tries to press all of it. He tries to show Kurt how much he cares about him. Every moment, every smile and not coffee date, every song and every look.
All of it.
One of his hands, the one that's not around Kurt's waist, discreetly slips into his pocket and drops down a small piece of folded paper.
When he pulls away Kurt's smile is breathtaking, blue-green eyes bright with happiness.
-line break-
Blaine sneaks out while the rest of them are playing spin the bottle. He squeezes Kurt's hand and stands, I'll be right back. another lie though hopefully the last one.
He puts on his shoes and carefully sneaks out. The only people who are sober enough to notice are Finn and Kurt so he's not too worried.
He walks and walks. He doesn't know where he's going but his feet do. It's just like another one of his dreams, the same one he's been having for a month now.
Finally he stops. This is the place. It even looks his dreams, from this angle it's just dark and blank space, dark save for one streetlight.
He knows what he has to do, he doesn't know what's going to happen but he knows what he needs to do.
For the first time even Blaine can't screw this up.
Blaine steps out into the street. "It's the fifth."
He closes his eyes. Sometimes it's better not to see, sometimes it's better not to know everything about what's happening. Sometimes too much is just too much. And holds out his hands, letting them spread to his sides. "It's supposed to be now. I…I know it's now and I just want this to end."
He wants the dreams to stop. He wants the nightmares, the countless hours of not sleeping, fearing sleep. Fearing everything. Feeling the blood on his hands, the smell of it, the places he's never been and the places he won't go.
The people he loves, he wants their dead and hurt faces to leave his head. He wants every date, every little detail burned away.
He wants all the expectations, all of the I can try harder, I need to do this to be perfect. I need to win this and it won't matter anymore.
He wants it to just
Stop.
"Blaine! Blaine?" His eyes snap open and he turns to look in the place he was a month ago.
Kurt's running toward him and Blaine should feel panicked, should feel something but he can't.
It's all faded away.
Blaine looks at him and mouths the word sorry. because he never wanted Kurt to see this. He doesn't want Kurt to deal with whatever happened that's why he left the note.
The short note. Just five little words of not an explanation, not an excuse but just words. His last words.
Five words: I'm sorry. I love you.
Blaine can't look away from Kurt as his watch beeps. He sets it every year, for midnight. Every single birthday and it's fitting that it goes off this one even if Blaine knows he didn't set it this year.
The clock strikes twelve beep beep beep and Blaine stares at Kurt as the white space starts to grow, as he start to disappear.
This is supposed to happen.
He's still sorry, sorry kurt sorry. I'm so sorry you have to see this I'm so sor-
The last thing he hears before he disappears is Kurt screaming his name.
-line break-
Blaine wakes up in a place that is familiar but not. His mind tries to adjust, new memories far stronger ones slowly finding their place. He sits up, hands touching the grass as he waits.
He knows the truth now.
Life appears, almost out of thin air but Blaine knows that trick too. He could do the same thing if he wanted to.
"Brother." Life greets, helping him to his feet.
Blaine stares at his twin and frowns. His rage could crush mountains, could raise oceans but he's not Blaine, he's not a hormonal little teenager who can't understand a world he wasn't made for. "Why'd you make me live through it all?"
"You wanted to be human. You wanted to know all of it." Life says softly. "You remember this, don't you?"
"Yes." He had never understood them. Humans, his brother's domain and like so many of the others of their kind he'd wanted to find out what had made them special. Unlike the others, Life held a soft spot for his twin and had easily agreed.
He had given him everything, had forfeited it all and his brother had turned him into one of his humans. Except power like that doesn't just fade away, not forever, and eventually it had seeped into his human body. It had given him the weakest of it, the dreams and even that he hadn't been able to handle.
Humans weren't meant to understand them and if they tried then they'd just be crazier than Blaine had been heading to.
"Yes, I remember but why let me live through it all?" He said frustrated. Life had let him experience everything though most of it had been bad. Bullies and parents who didn't love him, people who hated him and tried to hurt him for something he couldn't control.
Humans dealt with so much pain, so much hurt and even now he could barely understand it. Why do they deal with it? he'd asked once, years before. It was after he'd found his purpose, but before he'd become human.
Life smiled at him, though it was tinged with something that he could now identify as regret. "You wanted it all so that's what I gave you. You wanted to know why and I let you have the pain so that everything that was good would become that much better."
"Did you learn anything?" Life asked. "Do you understand now? Or was this just another pointless effort in teaching my stubborn twin?"
He considered this. It had been a hurtful life but a good one. Better than some humans he'd taken. And the one thing that had made the difference was the one thing he'd miss the most.
Kurt.
He knew he'd never meet someone like Kurt though he hoped Kurt met someone better than him.
"He's going to be okay." Life said, as if reading his thoughts, "Not right now and not tomorrow, not even in a few months but he'll be fine and he'll be everything he ever wanted.
Will he replace me? Stupid, selfish, still too human.
"Replace? Not you."
"Maybe it would be better if he did."
Life evidently disagreed. "No. They learn by their experiences, you know this. They learn by mistakes and by what they've lived. And even if it's painful they'd rarely give it up. Someone as strong as him? He won't let it go. Would you let it go?"
blue-green eyes, pale skin, pink lips, witty beautiful mind, racing through hallways. holding hands. baby it's cold outside, gosh your lips look delicious, I thought you were singing to me. like when harry met sallly? you can refuse to be the victim, you can stand up. courage. I love you. I'm sorry. Kurt Kurt Kurt Kurt- "No." he pushes it all away because despite years of memories, an entire world's worth of memories, the ones with Kurt are still the brightest, the best of them all.
"Then you learned your lesson."
Of course it was a lesson. Life thrives on lessons. He doesn't have it in him to be angry, it really was for the best. He'd been too proud, too arrogant and he'd fallen and paid the price as Blaine.
Instead Death thinks about a beautiful boy, a boy with strange hypnotic eyes, an equally entrancing voice, a boy who is the best human he'll ever know and he smiles at his brother as they start to walk.
It's time to go home.
-End-
Author's note: Yes it's really weird, I know that but I've had this idea for another fandom (Sherlock BBC) and I couldn't make it work.
The blond guy from before is Life.
And Blaine if I didn't make it clear enough at the end (and with the title) is Death personified.
I was going to add more detail showing Blaine's true character as Death but it's twenty-two pages already and I'm just relieved to finish this.