The idea for this fic came to me only a couple of days ago in philosophy class and I couldn't wait to write it. Although it was quite a delicate subject and consequently, tricky to write, I enjoyed the challenge and I just hope that you will enjoy reading it.
Disclamer: I do not own any of the Downton Abbey characters or the scipt in italic, they belong to Julian Fellows and ITV.
Kemal Pamuk had known what he wanted from the first time he had set eyes on the beautiful brunette that was Lady Mary Crawley. The kiss they had shared just after dinner had only made him feel even more strongly about his desire to join her in her bedroom later that night. She wanted it just as much as he did, he was sure of it. He wasn't usually one to misread signals sent to him by women and she had definitely been sending him a few to say the least. The look she had given him when they first met had said it all, and if that wasn't enough to confirm his suspicions, she hadn't been able to take her eyes off him over dinner. She wanted him, he was sure of it.
As Thomas led him down the hallway towards Lady Mary's bedroom, all sorts of thoughts filled his brain not one of which was regret nor doubt. No, he wouldn't regret any decisions he had made and would make tonight, and he certainly did not doubt that Lady Mary felt as strongly about him as he did her.
Just then Thomas began to slow down, looking over his shoulder before stopping in front of a door and reluctantly nodding. The footman's face was full of regret and uncertainty but he didn't say a word in fear of being sacked for his unforgiving actions earlier in the day.
Pamuk nodded in appreciation and watched the footman walk away, taking a moment to compose himself before pushing the wooden door open and entering the candle lit room.
"You must be mad ! » Mary exclaimed, jumping out of her bed as she saw Kemal appear from behind the door. Her eyes wide with fear, she pulled the blanket off the bed and covered herself with it, not wanting to expose herself to the intruder.
« I am. » He simply replied, taking a few more steps towards her. All he could think about at that very moment were her lips and how much he wanted to claim them for his own. « I am in the grip of madness », he added, a slight grin beginning to appear on his face.
What on earth was he thinking? Coming into her room at night, dressed only in a dressing gown… Did he have a death wish? What did he want from her? Surely he couldn't want- no, he couldn't, could he?
"Please leave at once," she whispered sharply, taking a step back, "or I'll-"
"Or you'll what?" He asked, cutting her off mid-sentence and unhesitatingly crossing the room to where she was standing by the bed post.
"I'll scream," she replied almost instantly.
"No you won't," he threw back, seeming far too confident for Mary's liking.
"What do you mean?" She asked innocently, pulling the blanket closer to her body as though it was some kind of shield.
"What will your parents say if they found a man in a state of undress in your bedroom at this hour?" He asked. He had already thought of everything beforehand. She wouldn't scream, she wouldn't let her family find a man in her room. The scandal it would cause would be immense; she wouldn't risk losing her family's good name.
Mary swallowed and turned away from him, hoping naively that a lack of interest on her part might force him to leave. After all, she couldn't possibly physically remove him from her room and he didn't seem to be listening to her at all. All the feelings she had felt towards him earlier were now overridden by fear and sheer panic. What was she going to do? How could she-
Just then, he took a step closer to her, filling the gap between them. They were now inappropriately close to each other and Mary wasn't sure what to do. She could feel her heart beating faster and faster and suddenly his lips were on hers and she couldn't move, she couldn't think. What was happening? What was she doing?
Just then, her head seemed to clear and she pulled away from him and instinctively slapped him around the face and pushed him away from her causing him to stumble a little.
After having caught her breath and regained her composure, Mary cleared her throat and stared the foreign intruder in the eyes.
"I don't wish for you to be found in here and I would hate to see you cast out into the darkness," she began, "so leave now and I won't mention this to anyone," she promised.
Kemal simply laughed at her suggestion causing Mary to frown in confusion. He wasn't going to leave, he had made up his mind. He wanted Mary and her reluctance only made him want her more. He was certain she wanted the same thing, she was simply too afraid to admit it to herself. She was a very independent and stubborn woman and she had always been in control of herself, of her own emotions. It was understandable that she was trying to deny any sentiments she may feel towards him.
"You can't expect me to believe that that's what you really want," he replied, staring deeply into her dark brown eyes as he made his way towards her once again. "We both know what we desire, Mary, let's not pretend otherwise." As he stood before her yet again, he reached his hand up and gently stroked her cheek prompting Mary to shiver under his touch.
"Don't-"
"Don't what?" He asked, placing his other hand on her shoulder without removing the other from where it lay on her rosy cheek.
"Look," she said, trying to keep the fear out of her voice, "I don't know what you thought you'd achieve by coming here tonight but I have no intention of doing anything other than getting back into my bed and going to sleep," she paused for a second and took another breath. "If you are asking for what I assume you are, then I'm afraid I am going to have to disappoint you."
Her heart was racing far faster than it ever had before but she tried to hide her emotions from the man in front of her. She didn't know what she had done to make him think that she might want to- well, she certainly hadn't intentionally led him on. She kept on replaying the moments she had spent with Kemal that day, trying to recollect anything that she might have said or done… Nothing sprung to mind. And how did he find her room anyway? There were a dozen doors on that floor, how could he have known which one led to her room? He couldn't have guessed, that was far too risky… No, someone must have tipped him off. That was the only explanation.
Why she was thinking about all of these meaningless details, she didn't know. At that very moment she was in an unpredictable situation and she didn't quite know what to think.
"You could never disappoint me," he whispered, seeming oblivious to what she had just said. He let his hand linger on her shoulder for a few seconds longer before slowly moving it down to rest on her hip.
Mary instinctively jumped at the movement, revealing just how nervous she actually felt. "Did you not hear what I just-" but before she could finish, Kemal moved his head in to press yet another kiss to her lips. Before his lips even touched hers, Mary dropped her blanket and used her now free hands to push him away from her. Her vulnerable side now on full display, she could feel her hands and legs shaking and she realized that he wasn't going to leave voluntarily.
The anger was beginning to form inside of Kemal, he had never been rejected by anyone in his life and he certainly didn't intend on starting now. She couldn't just make him think one thing and then change her mind, he wouldn't let her get away with making a fool out of him. The only fool in that room was her. She had misled him and he wasn't having it. Who did she think she was?
His eyes now looking considerably darker and colder than before and his mischievous grin now replaced with a look of anger, he stared at her and quickly approached her again without taking his eyes off of hers. He grabbed hold of her arms, tightly gripping her soft, porcelain skin and causing her to wince in pain.
"I will not be made a fool of, Mary," he warned her, his grip only tightening around her arms.
She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. He was hurting her and she had no idea what to do. This wasn't the man she had ridden with earlier in the day, nor the man that had made sweet remarks about her at dinner. This man was a monster, and although she could hardly admit it to herself, she was scared. She had no power over him and she knew all too well that if he tried anything, she wouldn't be able to stop him. He was far too strong.
"Please, I-" It was useless trying to persuade him to stop, he pushed her up against the bed post before she could say another word. Her back crashed against the solid oak post, triggering waves of pain to shoot up into her lower neck. Unwillingly, she let a tear escape one of her eyes that she had squeezed closed in order to stop streams of tears from rolling down her cheeks.
The idea of her dear Papa finding a man in her room was one she would rather not think about but she knew that unless she did anything to stop Pamuk in that moment, she would have a much darker secret to hide from her family and that was simply too much to bear.
After dinner, Robert and Matthew had headed into the drawing room to discuss the cottages over a cigar and a glass of brandy. They had lost track of time and were only just on their way out into the hall.
"I do apologize for keeping you so late," Robert said as he and Matthew made their way over to the grand entrance. "I'll have the car brought round to take you home."
"That's quite alright," Matthew replied as Carson handed him his coat, "it's as much my fault as it is yours," he added, a small grin on his face.
"I do hope Isobel hasn't waited up for you," Robert remarked, scratching his forehead ever so slightly.
"Oh knowing Mother, she'll have her head buried in one of her novels until long after I'm asleep," Matthew smiled as he began to fasten the buttons on his coat.
"Will we see you tomorrow?" Robert asked.
Matthew nodded in confirmation. "As I'm sure you already know, Cousin Cora has asked Mother and I to dinner tomorrow night," he reminded him as he walked towards the doors.
"Of course, I'd forgotten," Robert smiled.
Just as Matthew was about to open the door, he stopped in his tracks when he thought he heard something, or someone.
"Did you hear that?" He asked Robert as he turned around and looked up to the landing where the noise seemed to have come from.
"No, what?" Robert frowned, turning around to look in the same direction as Matthew.
"I thought I heard-" Matthew took off his hat and placed it on the side table before slowly making his way to the bottom of the stairs without saying another word. He stood there for a moment, listening carefully for the noise to reoccur.
"Matthew, what is it?" Robert asked, beginning to look rather concerned.
Pamuk had been quick to cover Mary's mouth after she had called for help. He hadn't expected her to shout out. What was he going to do? He couldn't be found in her room, his reputation would be ruined. He couldn't risk the Turkish embassy finding out about this.
"You stupid fool," he whispered angrily, his face only inches away from hers. Her eyes were wide as his large hand covered her mouth in order to silence her. She was almost sure his hand would leave a mark on her face as the pressure he was applying was practically suffocating. "You had better hope no one heard that," he warned her.
Her hands pulled at his arms to try to free herself from his grasp but it was useless, he wasn't letting go. She tried screaming but the sound was muffled by his hand.
She was determined not to cry in front of him, she refused to think of herself as a victim. She had always been the strong one, she wasn't vulnerable like most women. She was a fighter and she would not give up this fight. Without thinking twice, she lifted her right foot and slammed it down with as much force as she could muster, onto his foot causing him let out a little cry and consequently, loosening his grip on her, just enough to allow her to slip out of his arms.
"You bitch!" He shouted as she ran towards the door, just managing to pull it open before he grabbed her again. But it was too late, she had shouted and this time she made sure it was loud enough for someone to hear.
"Help!" She screamed as loudly as she possibly could. "Help me!"
"Mary," Matthew whispered. This time, both he and Robert and probably most of the household had heard her loud and clear. He ran up the stairs, closely followed by the older man who took the lead and led Matthew to Mary's room.
Realizing how much danger he was in, the Turk pushed Mary down onto the floor, pulled the door open and ran out, hoping to reach his room before anyone saw him.
"What in God's name?!" Robert exclaimed as he saw the man escaping his daughter's room.
"Oh god, Mary!" Matthew shouted out as a bolt of adrenaline kicked in and he ran past Robert and flung Mary's bedroom door open and threw himself onto the floor beside her shaking body.
"Mary," he whispered, his voice shaky from the shock or the fear, he didn't know which but he didn't care. All that he cared about was right in front of him in a state that made him feel physically sick. He had never seen her like that before, he had never seen anyone like that before, come to think of it. He couldn't see much of her face as she wasn't facing him but he could somehow sense her emotions, he could feel her pain.
He very gently laid a hand on her forearm and encouraged her to look at him. The fact that she had flinched under his touch had hurt him but not as much as when he saw her tear stained face. Her eyes were red and strands of hair stuck to the dampness the tears had left on her face.
"Good god!" Robert shrieked when he came around the door and saw the state his eldest daughter was in.
Mere seconds later, Cora and the girls came rushing into the room too to find Matthew and Robert sat by a distraught Mary on the floor in the corner of her room.
"Mary!" Cora cried as Sybil and Edith could only gasp and stand there, in shock.
"What happened?" Sybil asked her papa.
"We don't know exactly-"
"I have a pretty good idea!" Matthew replied, a hint of anger to his tone as he stood up and made his way to the door.
The two sisters simply frowned and looked at Matthew for answers.
"Matthew," Robert said seriously, trying to calm him down, "wait here until we know more."
"I'm sorry Robert, but I can't just sit here and let that bastard get away with this!" Matthew said before charging out of the room and down the hall.
"Matthew!" Robert shouted, standing up and pushing Edith – who was standing in the way – to one side.
"What on earth is he talking about?" Cora asked, utterly confused.
Mary wiped the tears from her eyes and bravely stood up and pushed her way past her mother and sisters.
"Mary, where are you going? What happened?!" Cora demanded to know but her eldest had already made her way out of her room and had set off after Matthew and her papa.
Having reached Mr. Pamuk's room, Matthew thumped on the locked door as hard as he could, shouting for Kemal to open it.
"Matthew!" Robert shouted, not wanting him to do anything he may later regret.
The sound of a key turning in the lock filled the air.
Having had a little time to calm down, Pamuk opened the door.
"What is it?" He asked calmly as though he was aware of nothing. "Do you know what time it-" but before he could finish, Matthew pushed the door open wider and grabbed hold of Kemal's dressing gown collar and barged into the room, pushing the Turk up against the opposite wall.
"What did you do to her?" Matthew shouted, his face now red with anger. "What did you do to her?" He repeated, his voice growing louder and louder.
"I don't know what you mean," Pamuk replied, attempting to stay as calm as he could. Despite his effort, his innocent act wasn't fooling Matthew.
"If you have laid one finger on her-" he warned him as he roughly pushed him back against the wall once again, losing control of his emotions.
"Get off of him, Matthew!" Robert shouted, pulling him away from Kemal. "He isn't worth it," he said, throwing a disgusted look in the direction of the Turk.
Mary, who had been stood watching by the door for a few seconds was in a state of shock. Her left hand covered her mouth as she watched on.
Matthew came to his senses and calmed himself down. "Did he..." he paused for a second, slowly making his way over to Mary, "did he hurt you?" He asked in the most caring way possible. He had to know exactly what had happened but he had never been in a situation similar to the one they were in now so he didn't quite know what to say.
Robert, who had been wanting to know the same thing but had felt too uncomfortable asking, looked at her for answers.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and shook her head. "Only my arms," she replied. Although she had been through something terrible, she knew that she had been rather lucky and that it could have been a lot worse had she not shouted for help.
"Are you sure?" Matthew asked, a hint of concern to his voice.
Mary nodded in confirmation. She knew that perhaps she may have a few bruises the next day but for now nothing particularly hurt. She couldn't really feel anything if she was honest, she just felt tired and numb. All she wanted was for everything to be over so that she could go back to bed – not that she would be able to get any sleep.
"Nevertheless," Robert interrupted, turning towards the Turk, "I don't want you under my roof. You will pack your things and leave without further delay. I do not want to see you, or hear from you again. Do you understand?" Robert stared at him intimidatingly, hoping he had made his point.
Kemal swallowed and nodded as he ran a hand through his dark hair.
"Don't worry, Lord Grantham, you will most definitely not be seeing me again," he replied arrogantly.
Just over an hour later, Kemal Pamuk had left and Robert suggested everyone get some sleep and that they would discuss everything the next morning. After making sure Mary was alright, everyone retired to their respective rooms for the night.
Mary was just about to get into bed when she heard a knock at the door. The noise sent waves of fear through her body as the scene from earlier that night replayed in her head.
"Who is it?" She asked, sounding far too vulnerable for her own liking.
"It's only me," Matthew whispered, his voice instantly calming her down.
What was he doing there? She thought. And why hadn't he gone home? She had thought he had left over half an hour ago.
"Can I come in?" He asked from the other side of the door.
"What do you want?" She asked, making her way over to the door.
"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," he whispered, "I couldn't leave without knowing that you were alright," he added.
His thoughtfulness made Mary smile. She knew that she hadn't always been kind to Matthew, she hadn't been fair. And although she blamed him for taking away her title and inheritance, she knew deep down that he hadn't intentionally set out to do so.
She picked up her shawl that had been neatly folded over the wooden chair by her dresser and wrapped it around herself before slightly opening the door, just enough so that she could peer around it.
The sight that met her eyes when she saw Matthew made her smile for the first time that evening. He was standing there with a slight grin on his face, with a tray and a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. Despite the obvious impropriety of the situation, she couldn't help but left him in.
"You're not very bothered about doing this properly, are you?" She remarked, showing him to the armchairs by the dying fire.
"Not really," he smiled. "I'm sorry to intrude at this time, but I thought you could do with this," he said, handing her the warm cup of drinking chocolate.
She reached out for the mug and smiled in appreciation. "Thank you," she whispered.
"Earlier," he began, "you didn't say much about- well..." He didn't quite know how to put it. "Well, I suppose what I'm trying to ask is, are you sure you're alright? Only, I got the feeling you were holding something back," he finally said.
Mary swallowed and stared down into her cup. "The truth is, I don't think I can talk about it, not with you, at least, not just yet," she replied without making eye contact.
Matthew nodded in understanding. "But," he said hesitantly, "there is more to it than what you mentioned earlier?"
She nodded without lifting her head and sighed.
Noticing that she obviously wasn't ready to talk about what she had been through, he decided it was time for him to leave and let her rest.
"I'd better get going, Mother will be wondering where I am and I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome," he said.
Once again, Mary simply nodded without saying a word.
"You should try to get some sleep," he advised her, "you've been through a lot." He sighed and made his way over to the door.
"Matthew," she said, turning around to face him, "I will tell you," she paused, "I just need time." She had surprised herself by saying that, after all, she hadn't really known Matthew for very long and they were hardly close, but something inside her told her that she could trust him. There was just something about him that made her feel safe. She would never admit it, of course, but she felt it.
"Of course," he replied, "take as long as you need. I'll always be here, and I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but whenever – if ever you want to talk, I want you to know that you can count on me."
She couldn't understand why he was being so nice to her. She hadn't done anything to deserve it and she certainly didn't deserve his friendship, but she could hardly complain. No one had ever spoken to her like that before and it somehow made her change her opinion of Matthew Crawley. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't so bad after all.
So there we are, that's all for this story, I hope you liked it. If you have any suggestions that could improve my writing, please feel free to send me a message or to leave a review.
If you have a moment please could you leave a review to let me know what you thought, it would mean a lot to me!