I do not own Twilight

[ Part One ]

One of the last memories of my mother is still my most vivid like it had been seared and burnt into my memory bank. I was six years old and it was a Sunday morning, late spring as I recall, my favourite of all the months. Even at six I can remember it like it was yesterday, like it was the back of my hand. Each line and coarse area of my hand could be linked with that day. That day that was one of our last.

The sun was setting low in the sky making the sweeping gardens seem even more magical as I sat in my mothers crossed lap. I watched as her small hand moved the Kolinsky sable fine tip brush, it's ends looking battered and bruised from it's excessive use, from the pot of blue paint and onto the canvas. Her arms cocooned me as I sat quietly listening to her hum and watching each articulate brush stroke she made against the Venetian sail canvas my father would bring back from his business trips, often overseas, to places far more exotic and exciting.

It was warm in her arms, her lap, even though the air was crisp and cool against my skin. She smelled like each of the flowers in the garden had crept into her perfume bottle late at night and crushed themselves into the small bottle she would spray at both her wrists and neck. The cotton hem of her dress tickled against my feet as the wind blew softly around us. The air felt cool but being so close to her, wrapped up in her aura I felt anything but. I was safe with her, much like I had always been.

I could feel her breath on the back of my neck as she chuckled lightly to herself watching my younger brother and father chase Benji the family pet around the garden. "Edward" She spoke softly in my ear, her honey voice making me feel like she was surrounding me and engulfing me in her sweetness. "My sweet sweet boy." She cooed as she rubbed my shin placing her brush down to kiss my hair, her fingers easily combing through my combed down hair.

My mother had always been much more affectionate towards me than my brother. Emmett was only two years younger but she often told me that he was strong like our dad and didn't need so much of a connection with her than I did. She used to tell me that I was special because the way I saw the world was different, much like her. She used to say that artists like ourselves could appreciate every thing so much more, that we could see past complicated and disheveled walls, to the true inner beauty that surrounded all things.

At three years old I had begun to have problems with my eyes. My parents didn't notice at first until I started to run into a lot of things and end up with concussions. They thought it was just a case of boys being boys and running and not paying attention to anything in our destructive paths. I didn't really notice much of a difference. It was as if when I looked at something my vision focused closely on it like a telescope, the outer area of my sight slowly fading and making it seem as if the light only shone on that. My mother was distraught at the doctors diagnosis that I would lose my sight fully by the time I was around eight. My mother and father quickly had my brother checked for the same genetic trait I had inherited from my mother's grandfather and I could tell they were relieved to get news that he was going to be normal. Unlike me.

By six years old I could only make out blurred figures, my sight so disparaged that my parents had taken the steps to teach me how to use my hands and senses to guide me through life before I fully needed them. When I was at home I didn't need to use my cane because I had stepped out and memorised every single piece of furniture in the house. My little brother thought it was a game and would count with me, my father making sure every morning to recite back to him the measurements. From my bed to the door, from the door to the stairs, each wooden step down, from the stairs to the kitchen. It went on and on until finally I didn't even need to count and it was more like second nature.

At night my mother would tuck me in and tell me about all the amazing things she'd seen in her life. How her and my father had been on so many adventures around the world. Adventures that I would never see, that I would never touch or be a part of. I wouldn't get to see how the sand sparkled when you stood at the edge of the pacific ocean. I would never see the lights of Paris on a cold winter night, as they dazzled and stole your breath away. I wouldn't see the rainforests of South America or the sun as it set on a warm afternoon in Italy surrounded by valley of grape vines.

At six, I didn't know any better. I didn't know how much I could miss something I had never seen. How much I wanted to see all the things I couldn't. All the things my parents had seen and all the things my brother soon would.

I'd asked my brother once what it was like to watch the stars shooting across the sky. In my mind I wasn't even sure if what I was actually remembering was a star. As I got older the memories that I clung onto so dearly seemed to escape me. When I imagined the dark hue of red, was it actually red or was it lighter, creamier like a yellow? It felt like as time went on I become more and more colour blind even though the only thing I could see was darkness. My other senses helped but still it wasn't anything like I wanted it to be.

Once my mother died my father decided it best if I was to have a home schooled education rather than being put through the pains of going to a private school. I'd begged him desperately to allow me to go. I wanted to mingle with the other children, make friends like my brother so easily made. Maybe they would like me too even if I couldn't catch a football or climb trees? Maybe they would see past the fact that I wasn't like everyone else and actually saw me? My father thought it a reckless idea and decided it final for me to stay at home. Eventually I gave up and gave in to him, though under much duress.

Over the years I studied hard using the help of both my father and tutors to gain not only my GED but a college education. I wanted to be more, I wanted to be independent and not have such a heavy burden on my father to provide for me. I wanted to be someone more than the blind guy that people felt sorry for. Somehow my mother's interest in the arts was passed down and I managed to major in art history and Latin. But it was painting that stole my heart like a secret lover. A secret lover to which we made love under a starless night. Hot and heavy. Carefully mixing our scents and engulfing ourselves in the heat of passion, to create colorful, magical scenes. Even though I couldn't see the colours I tried my best to feel them and express them.

At first it was hard, setting up a studio in order for me to paint without assistance. I had Braille placed on the pots of paint and even used my mothers old sable brush and even had my father import the same canvases she used when she was alive. When I painted I felt so close to my mother it was like once again I was wrapped up in her embrace and the whole world was at my fingertips.

My father ended up giving me the house and buying a new residence with his new wife Tanya. Money gave me a lot of pleasures but there was only one thing money couldn't buy. I would have traded everything to have my sight back. Every penny in my pocket and every bar of gold in the national reserve. I would have traded even my soul just to see the sun set around me as I stood naked in the flower blossomed gardens feeling its warmth against my skin. To see the flowers littering the grounds of the old country mansion. To see my mothers grave. To see my brother marry his wife. To see my own face and look into the eyes of the lifeless man I had become.

I would have given anything.

Pushing back the covers I sighed reaching out to my side table and ran my fingers over my specially made alarm clock from Emmett's wife. Rose was always looking for ways to make things easier for me so I wouldn't have to rely on anybody else. She was a darl and often went out of her way for me. I appreciated the help, though I was less adamant to show it.

I could already smell the low waft of breakfast being made down stairs as it crept under my door. The birds were already up and chirping, the sound echoing against my window sill as I pulled it up and smelled the fresh air. June wasn't particularly my favourite month but the smells that accompanied the air still made me a bit more pert. The flowers on the grounds had been threatening to open for months and I couldn't wait until they finally blossomed and littered the air with perfume.

Walking across to my dresser I quickly pulled on some long cotton pyjama bottoms knowing I would soon have a visitor in the form of one Ms Renesmee Cullen. Emmett and Rosie had been so excited knowing that they were going to have a daughter, let alone a baby. It had been Rosie's dream come true, and true to Emmett's personality, whatever made Rose happy made him happy as well. She was a little ray of sunshine and my only confidant. Over the years she became the closest thing I had to a friend besides her parents.

As if exactly on time, a small knock sounded against the pine of my bedroom door. "Uncle Edward" Her small voice whispered, making my smile stretch wide over my face. "Uncle Edward, I have the jelly beans" She whispered again, though this time with much more urgency. Renesmee knew that she wasn't allowed sweets before lunchtime, even though on the sly her father would secretly sneak her small packets of jelly beans, like those at the chemist, which we would share before her mother would call us for breakfast.

Cracking open my door, I heard her shuffle through and quickly hug my legs before pulling me by the hand over to the bed. I allowed her to lead me and I sat first, before I felt the bed shift and her weight lightly indented the portion of the mattress next to me. "I call the blue and yellow ones" I tried to keep my face sullen, not to reveal my amusement.

"But uncle Edward-" She whined, bouncing a little in her place. "-You called blue yesterday. The rule is one day, one colour. You can't have blue"

I knew Nessie's favourite colour was blue and I almost always beat her to the punch of calling colours. We liked to alternate between days and we often ended up sharing them anyway. I was a big sucker for Nessie. Even at six she seemed so much more older than she was. Like an old soul.

"Fine Ness. Red it is" I chuckled as she kicked her legs against the mattress.

"That's my colour too" She huffed, her small fingers ripping open the plastic and lifting my hand so she could count them out evenly.

"Red, Orange, Green, Green, Yellow, Blue" She sung happily as she counted out the beans and parted them in my palm.

After we'd happily eaten all the sugary delights we lay back on to the bed, our legs swinging off the end. We often enjoyed the silence and to be extremely truthful I enjoyed being next to someone so sweet and pure. She often commented that she wished I would get married so she could be a flower girl at my wedding, and that she really wished she had cousins to play with.

"Edward" She whispered, my name making me cringe a little when it came with the inquisitive voice of my niece I knew so well.

"What is it Ren?" I tort back, feeling her tiny hands rubbing my forearm.

"When you get married, I want you to make me a cousin real fast"

"And why is that?" I asked, shaking my head a little and trying to hide my smile.

"Because I don't have any friends except for you. The other kids think I'm weird."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You're not werid little one. You're just different. Smarter" I nodded as I felt her shift on my bed to sit cross legged next to me.

"But I don't want to be different. I want to be the same as the other children. I want to play with them and not feel like I have to pretend. Don't you ever want to be like that?" She said softly. "Don't you ever just want to walk down the street without mumma holding your hand? Don't you want to be able to see me?"

More than anything I wanted to fall to my knees and cry out that she was right. That I had wanted to be normal all my life. That I would do anything to be a stupid bleep in the eyes of corporate American and work a demeaning desk job, drink with my friends at a sports bar and make love to a beautiful woman I could actually see. Swallowing I sighed and sat back up on the bed. "I just want to be a normal kid" She whimpered. I could smell her tears as they welled in her eyes. The salty spray threatening to drip down and stain her soft little cheeks.

"Honey" I said wrapping her up in a hug and petting her curly hair. "Sometimes it's better to be different. You think anyone who has ever made anything with their lives was normal. Normal is boring. Normal people do the same thing, day in and day out. They have no spark in their lives, no excitement. Ness - find what you love and do it with your whole heart. Even if people tell you you're different. People are scared of things that are different. People - that are different." I said with so much belief in my voice. Deep down I hoped that by convincing her, somehow I would convince myself.

"So... do you two have anything planned today?" Rosalie asked as she packed away the remains of our breakfast.

"Dad is going to take me into town and we are going to the bookstore. Though I think he only wants to go because there is a gaming store next to it. Did you know Daddy paid $100 for one of the new games." Nessie replied as she slurped on her orange juice. I couldn't help but snigger at my brother's actions. In many ways he was still a child trapped in the huge body of a man. I always wondered why Emmett got all the height in the family. By all means I wasn't a pip squeak but still his huge hulky figure towering next to me made me feel like the child.

"That's nice honey" Rosalie sung in her bell like voice as she ran the taps of the huge kitchen. I often wondered why her and Emmett were still living with me. They had told me it would only be temporary until they found a house they both could agree on. It wasn't a case of money, as my father provided handsomely for us both and Emmett and Rosalie both worked, Emmett being the top dog at one of the construction companies in the city and Rosalie a legal aid lawyer. They had been looking for a house since they got married - and that was 6 years ago. Pity was the only thing I could think of as to why they stayed. Sure, Rosalie could be a bitch and sometimes had the tongue of a snake, but she was also loving and her motherly side far out weighed everything else.

Most times I wanted to kick, scream and bitch at her about her insane habit of making sure what ever I wanted was catered for. I felt like a fucking infant. Ironing, washing, cooking, cleaning. She wouldn't stop. She'd even stoup so low as to arrange my cupboards for me, in colour order, by type. I did appreciate it deep down but I just wanted to be free of all the hassle. I mean, did it really matter if I wore a white shirt with cream trousers? I never really left the house anyway, except under the strict order of my brother, so I couldn't have cared less about what I wore.

"Edward? What about you?" Rose asked before I could make out the heavy drudging footsteps of my brother coming down the steps.

"Yeah Eddy-kins" He mocked as he came up behind me and ruffled my hair. "What are you up to today boy? I thought maybe we could hit a couple of bars later tonight. My Rosey here wants us to take out her brother and his friend tonight. Show them the ropes if you know what I mean. Make it a boys night" His loud voice boomed in my ear followed by a hearty chuckle.

I wanted to smack Emmett for messing with my hair as I tamed the strands back down with a grimace on my face. "Yeah sure Emmett. How about I be sober bob tonight?" I replied dryly, placing my hands on the table and pushing the chair back with my calves.

"Oh come on little brother. Jasper is relying on us the show him some hospitality. Isn't that right baby?" Emmett cooed, probably standing with his wife. I could hear her giggle as he petted kisses on her face, her swatting him away as he continued to do so.

"I may be smaller than you but don't forget who the older brother is!" I scolded, wanting to go back to my room and listen to music to calm my, now disturbed, day.

"See Rosey" He whined, his voice muffled by his wifes shoulder. "He always plays dirty. Tell him he has to come out with the boys" Emmett was always such a baby with Rose. It was a wonder he didn't ask her to dress him too. Hell - I hope she did. I didn't want to be the only man Rosalie outright owned.

"Edward" Rosalie sighed. "You don't have to go with them if you don't want."

"Traitor" Emmett barked making me huff out a breath as the giggling continued. If they weren't so cute together, they'd be sickening. I mean sure I was happy for them both, but is still couldn't dwell my jealousy. I would never have a wife, a perfect little girl, the perfect life. I would never see my children, I would never watch them grow or develop. I would never watch as they took their first steps or the first time they smiled at me.

As I toured my own depression I didn't notice the room suddenly become quiet. "You okay Ed?" Emmett asked quietly, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Fine" I waved him off, stepping towards the door with my fingertips brushing the edge of the frame. "I'll think about it alright? But I promise nothing" I said softly as I left the happy family to bask in their own awesomeness.

"I'm going to fucking kill you Jasper Hale" I screamed, making the car swerve as I attempted to snatch the phone back out of his hands. But the asshole didn't even deter and kept reading the message on my phone.

'I can't believe how sexy you are. I can't get you out of my head. Where the fuck are you? I need you baby' He laughed as he scrolled down to complete the rest of the embarrassing text. I threw my hands up in the air and let him have his fun.

'You're such a hot kitten. I'd love to run my tougne-' Okay, that was enough.

"Jasper!" I screamed taking another swipe at him and missing completely. I knew the moment I pulled this car over I was going to rip my blonde best friend to pieces. Him and his pretty face. "Give me the phone right now or I am going to kill you and hide your body amongst all these white collar manisons." I growled, gritting my teeth tightly together and shooting him my best 'Don't fuck with me glare'.

"But kitten-" He drawled out in his deep southern accent as he batted his eyelashes at me. "I'm having so much fun. Let's see what else Brady sent you" The stupid jerk loved to see my cheeks light up like the forth of July, and if he wasn't screwing a hot chick I would have defintely suspected something was up. He was such a fucking girl sometimes.

"Urgh - You're such a dick face" I grumbled, this time becoming successful in snatching the black piece of technology out of his hands. "You're such a girl" I grumbled as I flipped my phone down and stuffed it into my jeans. "You're worse than my baby cousin Clair, who can't keep her nose out of other people's business. You both just don't know when to quit!"

"Eh-" He waved me off with a flick of his wrist. "I knew you were fucking him anyways" The smug smile he wore on his face made me want to crash the passenger side into a tree and watch him burn and turn to ash. Yeah he was my best friend but sometimes the way he grinded on every single one of my nerve endings made me just want to do bad things to him. And they weren't good bad things.

"Bullshit" I snapped back, squeezing the steering wheel tighter until my knuckles turned white. "You didn't know anything. How could you? Your crystal ball told you or maybe it was your freaky girlfriend?" I grinned to the last part knowing Jasper hated when I ragged on Alice. Alice the Midget. Alice the small Emo screwball. Alice in fucking Wonderland. She was seriously two steps off having tea with that smug looking mad hatter.

"Oh honey, I do have my ways." He whispered, patting my thigh before I reached out and punched his chest, striking him with the butt of my fist.

"Ow" He pretended, rubbing across his front.

"Blow me Hale. You wouldn't be able to notice a hooker in a brothel, let alone tell that I was screwing my brother's best friend. It would only be if somebody told you." I glared, waiting for the confession that would never come.

"Whatever you say Leah" He drawled again leaning his ass into the leather seats and crossing his arms across his chest.

"You're lucky you are my best friend otherwise you would be sporting a nice black and blue eye around about now" I hissed, inching the accelerator down to pick up speed on the long straight and boring road. Mansion after mansion whizzed by and it felt like I'd been led into some kind of rich suburban twilight zone. The houses were all the same except that they varied slightly. One with blue frames shutters, one with a wrap around verandah. One with yellow framed shutters and roses in the flower beds. A far cry from the small inner city apartment I'd grew up in.

"I could take you" He shrugged staring out the window and waving to a couple of kids on their bikes.

"The hell you could!"

"Don't forget Leah, I am not only your first friend but your first lover" He grinned as he wiggled his eyebrows in my direction. I made a mental note to sneak into his room with a razor later that night. Let's see him wiggle them then.

"Fuck!" I shuddered, brushing the hair that was tickling my neck away from me like it was a bug. "Please don't remind me"

"That truly hurts my feelings Leah" He gasped playfully placing a hand over his heart.

"Truly?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and a small smile.

"Truly my dear."

"You know my back still fucking hurts right?" I laughed as he began to frown. I loved taking shots at his larger than life ego. Especially when it came to awkward teenage sex.

"Surely it wasn't that bad?" He asked this time with a slither more seriousness in his tone.

"Jasper - we were sixteen. You tried to get me to ride you bareback while I held onto your shoulders. I didn't even get a decent amount of foreplay. And you're supposed to be the romantic one." I chuckled shaking my head. "Plus, it's not eveyday you fall back onto a coffee table when your trying to get you rocks off"

"Fair call" He replied shrugging his shoulders again. "Though if you'd like, we could always try again. And this time I get to show you some tricks"

"Oh hell no. I think I had enough of the Jasper express to last me a life time"

The uneasiness soon rolled away as he began giving me directions to his sister's place. Twin sister to be exact. This was going to be so weird, finally meeting the sister that he used to talk about all the fucking time. I was sick of hearing Rosalie's name before I even had the chance to meet her. "So..." I started flicking the indicator as I pulled on to a new asphalt road. "It's just going to be me, you, your sister and her family?" I asked turning down the radio as we drove past a set of huge black gates. Creepy I tell you.

"Yeah, that about sums it up. My sister is a little bit of a control freak but Emmett's cool. Nessie is -well - a kid. Her husbands brother also lives there though. I think I met him once at the wedding but other that - nothing. "

"What?" I asked unbelieving the blonde boy. "What are they? Some kind of sick threesome deal? Who would want there brother to live with them. Hell - imagine if I got married and Seth wanted to move in."

"That's supposing you ever get married" Jasper grinned poking my cheek, as I tried to slap his hand away.

"Shut up"

Shaking his head Jasper sighed. "You'll know what I mean when we get there"

"Is he some kind of freak or something?" I asked a little more intrigued now because of the change in mood.

"No nothing like that. He's just - different" I could almost hear the volcano's of curiosity explode in my mind. He was definitely hiding something. This wasn't the Jasper I knew. "Anyway" He started, trying to change the subject. "At least you'll get to meet my niece. I haven't seen her since she was a baby and I bet she's just adorable now as she was back then"

I couldn't help but snort at his comment. "Don't get all clucky on me now Hale" I teased placing my hand over his tight stomach muscles.

"Ha Ha Asswater! Very funny" He grumbled, throwing my hand off his stomach.

"Oh come on love - I swear you're not getting fat at all" I taunted poking his belly. "I'll still love you even when you look like you swallowed a beach ball"

"You wait Clearwater, one day your going to be pregnant, bloated and pissed off. When that day comes I am going to get my revenge" Jasper stated solemnly making me roll my eyes.

"Please - If that day comes, I'll be ready" I said smugly, pretending to flex my non existent biceps.

We let a calm silence take over the cabin of the car as the outline of a huge white house started to edge closer to us in the distance. I only took less than a minute to drive up the sprawled out lush garden's, past a few garden keepers, before we stopped in the semi arched driveway of Jasper's sisters place. "Holy Shit!" I muttered. "Who do these people think they are?"

"Shhh... no taunting the rich people." Jasper laughed placing his index finger over my lips making me want to slap him.

"Jesus Hale" I huffed, pushing his arm away. "I don't want that finger anywhere near my mouth. God only knows where it has been-"

Quickly, like the sharp minded bastard he is, he shot out the worst thing I ever wanted to hear. "Not only has it been in Alice's pussy - but in yours too" He laughed, unbuckling his belt and hoping out of the car.

"Fuck you Hale! That was one time!" I growled as I followed suit and made a bee line around the car to jump on his back until he was screaming like a bitch boy. When I got around the car, I launched at him, tackling him to the ground and allowing the both of us to roll on the drive like idiots. "I'm going to kill you if you ever mention that again" I hissed in his face, my fists balled around his collar.

My eyes widen as he took a deep breath and began to shout "I finger fucked Leah Clearwater and she can't get enough! Help! She's attacking me! She's wants me so~o bad!"

"Take it back" I yelled, trying to thwart his attempts of rolling himself into a better position.

"Never!" He laughed as he flipped us over. Resting his forearms near my head I couldn't help but smile up at him, idiot or not. "You're fucking crazy Clearwater" He smiled back making my cheeks almost discolour. "And that's why I love you" He cooed, pinching my cheek and earning himself a sharp jab from two of my fingers in his ribs.

"And I love you too fat ass. Now get off and let's meet the freaks"