It's been always a dream of mine and Hugh to build our forever house but with five children, it's not easy. Then, an opportunity landed on our laps. We found a house that we can fix and sell for a higher price. We bought it cheap too so it did not cost us a lot and we could start focusing on the renovations. The timing was perfect too. It's summer and the kids were not in school so we can bring them with us. Everything was going perfect as it should be until the blessing, the opportunity that fell on our laps turned out to be the biggest nightmare we will ever have.
It's been some time since Hugh made a decision to save our kids. Here I am inside our bedroom hiding from him. I don't know how to face him really. My mind is shattered in different places and there are times when I cannot really comprehend the actions I do. When I am alone, I can take a pause and realize what is happening. It pains me that I pushed my own daughter to her death.
The irony is, the vision of the future that I saw, the one where I discovered that my daughter will die young and my son will kill himself with drugs…I didn't know then that it was me who's going to cause that fate. I was so blinded. Because I want them to protect so much, I ended up causing their misery and death for Nell. What kind of mother am I? I don't know anymore.
I took the abundance of time to just roam around the house. I heard Nell and Hugh are in the twin's bedroom catching up. Mrs. Dudley told me that. It's a good thing she's not angry at me for poisoning her daughter. She doesn't blame me at all. She knows it wasn't entirely me. At least, one person in the house thinks that. Me? Well, I don't know how I would feel about it.
Then, Hazel's room opened for me. She barely lets in visitors but for some reason she likes me. I went in and found her on her bed as usual.
"You looked like you need someone to talk to", she said.
"No kidding, but I don't want to bother you", I replied.
She scoffed and waved her hand like what I said is nonsense. Then, she tapped on top of her bed inviting me to join her there.
"Come on. It's been a while since I got someone pleasant to share the space of my room with", she invited.
I smiled and sat on top of her bed. It's comfy. I can see why Luke and Nell liked to hang around her bedroom when they were just kids. I think Hazel has the nicest bedroom out of all of us.
"Now, tell me what's bothering you", she said.
"My husband is here now with my daughter", I said. She nodded like it's no news to her. "It's hard. I thought it would be easier. I am not alone here anymore. I have my family. I have my husband. Suddenly, guilt is overtaking me. Right before I woke up here, I cannot feel anything except fear for my children and now, everything is flooding me all at once", I explained.
"It's overwhelming", she suggested and I nodded. "I told you not to listen to her. It's in her nature to lie about a lot of things. She lies to get what she wants. In your case, she got what she wanted", she added.
I know she's talking about Poppy. They never got along event though they're both stuck in the same house for all eternity. There is a moment of silence after that like we're both thinking of what to say next. I just realized how peaceful it is in her room. The vibe in ours is a bit dark, darker inside the twin's room. But here, it is nice.
"Can I ask you something?" I said to Hazel. She looked at me with her blue eyes.
"Go ahead, sweetheart", she said.
"Why me? I mean, we are a big family. Anyone of us can be…I just want to know. Why does it feel like I was used by the house?" I asked.
Hazel looked at me in awe and a bit of surprised like I said something unbelievable. It's a normal question, I guess.
"You don't remember, do you?" she asked.
That sounded new to me. "What do you mean? What are you talking about that I don't remember? Is there something I need to?" I asked one question after another.
"Go to the staircase. Feel the energy of the house. You are no ordinary woman, Olivia. You are much valuable than you think. Go there and you will find the answer you need", she answered.
I smiled and held her hand. She smiled back at me. I never seen her smile before. I like her better with smile on her face.
"Thank you", I said.
"Yes, just don't forget to come visit me here from time to time. I like having you here with me", she said.
I followed what Hazel has told me. I went to the staircase like she said. I closed my eyes and used my energy to feel the house. I know the staircase is not the heart of this house but the space is perfect that I can feel the air flowing through each rooms of this place.
"Liv?" I heard Hugh's voice behind me.
The reason why I was hiding is because I was avoiding him and he just found me right here in the open. I turned around to face him. His eyes are still the same as I remembered them, loving and kind. Nell is standing not far from him.
"I was looking for you everywhere", he said.
I smiled. "I was hiding", I replied.
"Hiding from me?" he asked and I nodded.
"…from you and Nell. It's slow but things are coming back. I thought I was awake already but I am just starting to wake up and knowing…truly knowing all the things I did, I don't know how to look you both in the eyes. I failed, Hugh. I failed miserably", I answered.
"No, you didn't. It was never your fault. You tried to tell me, remember? You tried to tell me a lot of times. Each time, I chose to look the other way. I was wrong. I failed to protect you. I failed to be your string and I let you go as the house took you away. I am so sorry, Liv", he said.
I wasn't able to hold it back and my tears just started falling down. Hugh pulled me into his arms. I can feel his love everywhere. I haven't felt it in a very long time. I looked at Nell and saw her adorable smile. I was forgiven. Then, I remembered something that I have to do so I pulled back.
"I need to do something first", I said to them.
"What?" he asked.
"Hazel told me that there's something I am forgetting. I need to remember", I answered.
I let go of his hand and turned my back on them. I can now fully feel the air flowing inside the house like it's a part of me now.
"Olivia, what are you doing?" Poppy suddenly said in front of me.
"There is something I need to do. Stay out of this", I said.
"Is it Hazel? You know she's a total liar. Just stop that and be with your family. You worked so hard to be with them here", she insisted.
I dropped my arms and looked at her. Like I said, I am starting to wake up now.
"Is she the liar or is it you? You're the one who told me that the only way to protect my children is too end their life and keep them here with me forever. It's a lie. They're fine outside, much better out there. You made me think that killing my children would be a mercy and now my daughter is stuck here too. Hazel is not the one lying. It is you. You cannot tell me what to do anymore, Poppy", I said.
Poppy did not back off. She's a tough one and hard to ward off. Then, she put her hand on top of my forehead. She looked surprised when nothing is working. I grabbed her arm and pushed her back.
"I am not going to ask you again. Stay away from us", I said and then she left.
Once she's gone, I can finally do what I needed to do. I closed my eyes and then opened my arms. I concentrate hard enough until I finally feel the atmosphere changed.
"Olivia!" a woman shouted my name. I know that voice.
I opened my eyes and I cannot believe what I'm seeing. "Mom?" I muttered.