I can sleep for minutes
04:15 in the morning and no end in sight. This is what, the third time in a row? Fujin shifted in her bed one more time, turning away from her alarm clock with its glowing red digital numbers burning outwards at the shadows. What started this state of mind? Thoughts floated around like ocean currents behind Fujin's eyes. Was it the pressure from studies? No it couldn't be. True that Fujin wasn't at the top 10 list of students, but she pulled her own weight. Physical stress then? Not really, she could handle most physical exercises without too much of a problem. Exception to the rule was of course when that time of the month came sneaking.
04:17 – it was as if the minutes had all the time in the world and the hours had no plans of showing any sign of movement either. «FRUSTRATION.» Fujin sat up in bed, the 5th time this night alone. What was it?! She wasn't sick, that pestering time of the month had come and gone, she wasn't cold, she wasn't hot, she wasn't hungry and she wasn't thirsty either. So what in the world kept her from sleeping? A trip to the toilet might help, though the two previous trips hadn't.
04:20 – the hallway in the girls dorm was covered in a blanket of night and shadow. Her naked feet made a fluffing sound as she tip-toed over the carpet downwards to the toilet. She felt terrible, her whole system was objecting to just about everything she did. The light switch on the inside of the toilet decided to play hide-and-seek, further fowling Fujin's mood. With a sharp click the lights came on, the sudden bright light stung like a bee in Fujin's good eye while her synthetic eye adjusted effortlessly to the new light.
04:29 – she's been sitting on the toilet for several minutes, but nothing. «POINTLESS.» She admitted to herself before getting up and flushing out of old habit. Standing with the sink, Fujin turned on the hot water and let it run at a steady constant flow. The gurgling sound that came from the drain ran like little critters along the cold tile clad walls. Altering between which eye to keep open and which to keep closed, Fujin looked at her reflection in the mirror. Same mirror, same face, different look with each eye.
04:31 – the steam from the hot water glued itself to the cold mirror surface, making Fujin's face a blurred color dot. With a finger she drew out a smiley face on the mirror. It looked straight at her, but despite it's big smile and dotted eyes, it could do little to brighten Fujin's mood. An annoyed hand palm smacked flat into the mirror and washed away smiley. «AIR FRESH.» Yeah, that might just do the trick.
04:41 – despite the ungodly hour, Fujin figured it was best to get dressed before leaving the dorm. There were enough weird tales about her on campus as it was. No need to add napalm to the fire. As she walked through the hallways of Balamb Garden, the calm lighting and soothing sounds of fountains lifted her spirits ever so slightly. The only area that was open at this hour was the training area. Everything else was off limits, unless you had a clearance from the headmaster. The humming rhythm of the air conditioners that were clustered near the secret area just might lull her into sleep.
05:15 – Squall sat on the wooden bridge inside the training area, dangling his feet just inches over the water. Sipping a potion to make some nasty bruises go away, Squall figured he should get a few hours of shut eye before the morning came crawling over the horizon. Most students decided to take it easy when the holidays arrived; catch a movie, tend to club activities, visit family and/or friends or just simply loaf around.
05:17 – for Squall these things weren't very appealing. Catch a movie? Only if he was dragged into it, which he was every now and then thanks to Quistis constant meddling. Tend to club activities? What club activities? Squall was member of the go-home-early-and-study-until-late club. As only member, that also made him president. Visit family or friends? Family was... is a touchy and utterly private subject to Squall. Friends, those were few and far in-between. He could count them on one hand, and still have plenty of fingers to spare.
05:20 – no point in brooding over these pointless matters. If the other students didn't want to dedicate themselves to the very studies that one day will make the difference between life and death, that was their problem. Chances are though that they'd look up at Squall and scream «save us!» Would Squall be the one to whisper «no»? He shook the thoughts out of his mind. He loved the early hours of the day for their peace and quiet, yet he despised them deeply for the same reason. Too much peace and quiet left his mind wandering into corners he'd rather not visit.
05:29 – cleaning of his equipment helped clear his mind. It was vital to stay focused, unless he wanted some nasty cuts on his hands and fingers. Squall liked to have system, order and tidiness in his belongings. Often he'd been nearly taken completely aback by the mess he'd seen in the other students rooms. How could they possibly ever find something or anything for that matter, in such a mess? Some insisted that there was a system to the chaos, but Squall doubted it with every fiber of his being.
05:31 – Squall cast another glance down on his reflection in the water. Small waves and ripples made it a little wobbly, but from what he could tell the potion had done the trick; the bruises were gone. He stifled a yawn and cracked his neck a few times each way. «I'll sleep like a rock, that much is for certain.» He groaned to himself before picking up his weapon and getting to his feet.
05:41 – he wasn't really interested in having to deal with another enemy, so Squall took the long way back. When he was halfway to the exit, he made a curious observation. The door leading to the so-called secret area was open. Did a pair of late night lovers forget to close it when they had decided to head back? Squall sighed at their irresponsibility. «They say that love makes you blind, but this is ridiculous.» He complained before walking up to close and lock the door.
05:42 – hand on the door handle, Squall's body froze as if cast in ice and it felt like arctic ice water flushed through his every vein as an idea occurred to him. Just what if the lovers haven't gone home to their respective dorms just yet. What if they were still out there... in a utmost private situation? Boys are not allowed into the girl dorm and the other way around for rather obvious reasons. So lovers would naturally meet somewhere private, at a unreasonable time so they could be left alone from the prying eyes of Garden staff and dorm mates alike. Try as he might, Squall could find no flaw in his logic.
05:42 – she'd been standing out in the chilling night breeze for an hour, but it hadn't made her feel any better. Balamb Garden main building rested just before the horizon stretched up and greeted the high heavens, its nocturnal lights shimmering with a cold and soothing brightness. Fujin figured chances were that she'd catch a cold rather than getting some sleep out here. Again her efforts had bore her no fruit. She'd decided to have a talk with the nurse once the office opened. After all, she could not go on like this any further. On her way back outside she noticed a shadow in the doorway. «RUDE.» She grunted to herself, her fowl mood kept growing worse. She'd teach the peeping-tom a lesson.
05:44 – lost in his strain of thought and frozen because of the highly uncomfortable consequences of his situation, Squall was taken completely off guard when the door swung even wider and clashed into the wall with a loud metallic bang. He was so surprised and startled that he lost his footing, tripped a small step or two backwards before falling and landing flat on his butt. When he raised his flabbergasted face to apologize, he was, it at all possible, even more stunned.
05:44 – after swinging the door wide open, Fujin glared down at the peeping-tom. Her fist locked so hard around the door handle that her knuckles were trembling with tension. Again the lights inside the training area stung her good eye, but her synthetic one wasted no time identifying the peeping-tom. Squall Leonhart, one of two students at Balamb Garden applying for Gunblade specialist. For a moment time stood nearly still, then Fujin's vision got blurred, her hold on the door handle softened as did her stern looking face. The mouth began slowly to curve downwards and her lower lip trembled ever so slightly. Finally the dam burst and as her knees failed, Fujin began wailing loudly.
05:49 – for a good five minutes Squall had sat there on the floor, listening to Fujin crying. Just what in the world was going on around here?! Why was Fujin here? Is she with someone? Did she confess to someone and got ditched? Was it because of the synthetic eye she got ditched? Where is her eye patch anyway? Squall's mind was like a hurricane spinning around wildly and without showing any signs of stopping. How could it? It wasn't as if Squall was trained for this kind of situation, heck he loathed them bad enough to avoid them whenever possible.
05:50 – why? The question ran over and over. Where, where does these tears come from? Fujin couldn't make any sense of it. She might as well been a complete outsider, looking in through a window, seeing herself on the floor, crying so shamelessly in front of Squall. Then there was something that began to pull her out of the current of tears and hoarse crying. The light was faded, almost as if there was a shadow looming over her. She looked up and she saw this towering silhouette, cold and unapproachable. A titan of emotional void, standing on his frozen throne.
05:51 – Squall didn't know what was going on and he had no plans of sticking around to find out what either. The drama, how he hated it. The emotions, how unessential and distracting they were in their constant fluctuation. A hand reached out and clapped itself around his wrist. «JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!» They tasted bitter and sour, the words. Louder, sharper and angrier than the intent. No matter, they're set loose on the world now. With a determined yank, he freed his wrist from the hand and stomped off to the exit. When the doors closed and the automatic lock kicked in, Squall was hollow in his gut, as if he hadn't eaten in days. Guilt?
05:59 – rejected...
15:45 – at the end of the day Squall was summoned to the infirmary. «You wanted to see me?» He asked from the doorway. The nurse just motioned Squall to take a seat near her desk. For a time nothing was said and Squall found the silence unnerving. «Can you tell...» He began, but the nurse put a finger to her lips, asking him to keep quiet.
15:52 – it took some time for Squall to notice, but there was a voice in the infirmary. It was soft and faint, lingering at the edge of hearing. Quietly he turned in his chair and saw someone resting on the bed. With his curiosity stirred, Squall rose from his seat and on soft footsteps he walked over to the edge of the bed.
15:53 – he's here, the lion with two hearts. Both are made of stone, his emotions are as dead and barren as a wasteland desert. You cannot turn him, try and you'll be crushed only to be left broken beyond repair. Leave him as he left you, part your ways and avoid cross each other. Abandon your hopes in the lion, place them in the sword. Flee from silver, embrace the darkness...
16:01 – Fujin, she mutters faint and strange words in her sleep. Her face looked to Squall as if she is calm and relaxed, yet her synthetic eye looks straight up with a dead man's glare. He holds out his hand, folds his fingers except his thumb. When his thumb hides Fujin's synthetic eye like this, she's so pretty. Just like a doll, fragile yet precious.
16:03 – the eye, it turns and adjusts. It's the automatics that are reacting or responding to subconscious thought. It pans around before landing on Squall's face. Its mood is difficult to read, even for the cutting edge of optics technology. He retreats. He's afraid. He runs, he flees, he hides, he dies.
16:07 – the nurse explained that Fujin came in as soon as the office opened and asked to be put under a sleep spell, since she could not get any sleep for several nights straight. Normally people break free from sleep spells over time, but with Fujin it is almost as if she doesn't want to wake up. Surveillance video from the training area shows that Squall was the last person she saw before coming to the infirmary. Judging from the video and Fujin's current condition, it must have been a dramatic incident.
17:10 – should have done something.
What?
Anything.
Be specific, if you'd please.
Dunno.
Something should have been done by you, but you do not know what? How could you expect to get it done?
I'd...
Yes?
Nothing, forget it.
Leave it, as you leave all else. It is none of your concern. What has she done for you?
Helped me...
I recall it more like she ditched you, though you were dumb enough to forgive and forget, despite no apparent gain.
Yeah, that was not very like me.
So you do remember? Good for you.
….
….maybe....
Mm?
Maybe that's what's troubling her.
Haaa?
I wasn't making much sense back then, that's what she tries to sort out.
How?
Dunno.
You certainly don't know much, do you?
No, not really.
….
18:45 – this is insane. Squall thought so, but he figured that just in some twisted odd way it was worth a shot. He had to do something, it was nagging and bugging him too much. There was no way he could focus on his studies in this condition. The textbook was just a big pulp of letters and numbers, floating on little rafts of paragraphs. No, he needed to get this out of his hair before it got even worse.
19:02 – the nurse is not in the infirmary. Coffee break? Toilet? Either way, Squall only have a few minutes. It should be enough, that's his gamble. If not, well he tried and he'll just have to improvise a bit if the nurse comes back in before he's done. His hands, they're trembling. Pulling up the visitors chair, he sinks down as if he had a steel ball tied around his neck. Throat is dry, swallowing doesn't help much. Right leg is starting to shake nervously. The words, the words he didn't plan out on beforehand to use, they're all stuck in a traffic jam in his mouth.
19:04 – two minutes have passed and nothing. Squall is starting to break into a sweat. She's right there! Get on with it! Wasn't there this great general who once said that he who hesitates is lost? «L-listen... I...» The thought strikes him as absurd. Of course she listens! What option does she have?! Stupid, stupid, stupid!!
19:05 – get her attention, not with words. It will just cause Squall to freeze up. He needs an icebreaker of some sort. What are his options? Nervously he looks around, up and down Fujin's sleeping frame for a clue, a hint, a something he can use, work with. Her hand? Yeah, but that's like... Then Squall gets all cold again. The infirmary door just opened.
19:06 – in the heat of the moment, Squall's hand shoots out and his fingers fold around Fujin's hand. Warm, it's the first thing that occurs to him. His leg stops shaking as he unconsciously stroke the top of Fujin's hand with his thumb. The nurse is talking to another student, something about skin lotion. Now or never, Squall sniffs in a deep breath and leans down to Fujin's sleeping face. Her steady breath tickles across his cheeks. He doesn't think, it will just cause another traffic jam in his mouth. Just let things flow, he tells himself.
19:07 – asking a river that has been frozen solid to the bottom for years to start flowing is a bit much, but Squall has made it this far. «Fujin... It's me, Squall.» His voice is faint, so the nurse doesn't hear him. Her conversation seems to drag on. Maybe there is something to this Hyne myth after all? Worry about that later, Squall scolds himself. «I might not be the smartest guy when it comes to these things, but...»
19:08 – how can people talk like this and not vomit? Squall ponders a little before he tries to start the flow yet again. «I heard from the nurse. About... you. I thought about it.» He pauses just as he realized he's on the edge of hyperventilating. This is NOT good. At this rate, he'd have a heart-attack for sure. «For some reason, it troubled me... that... you were like this.» The words taste like old used underwear, but he grits his teeth and presses on.
19:09 – another student comes to the infirmary entrance and starts a conversation with the nurse. Please don't invite the student in! Squall would die a 1000 times over if he got caught like he is sitting now. «I... I tried to think of a reason why. Why you'd hide inside yourself like this.» Squall sighs deeply. It's no use. The nurse and doctor at Balamb Garden are good, they'll figure out a way to get Fujin back. Pulling himself back and away from Fujin's face, Squall gives her hand a light squeeze. «If you'd like, we can talk things over when you feel better.» The last words just plopped out and it was only a fraction of a second later that Squall realized what he'd said.
19:10 – the nurse takes her seat behind her desk and picks up her pen to get the last paperwork out of the way. With a light thud the pen drops from her hand, rolls over her paperwork before making a plastic clack as it landed on the floor. In the infirmary bed, Fujin is sitting up right, smiling like the warm spring sun, her arms locked around Squall's neck. «TALK.» Fujin laughs out over and over again.