Whatta Mech
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Skywarp tells Thundercracker like it is: Among the three of them, Starscream's gonna lose his virginity first.
This is something of a semi-sequel to "Let's Talk about Sparks, Baby", written purely because I was bored and thought that if Starscream and Skyfire got their own story as teens, then these two deserve one too. Because they were silly and insane little buggers, and you know it.
Thank you Christmas vacation for making me bored enough to do this.
Thank you Salt n Pepa for making awesome songs.
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"I'll betcha two enertine cubes that Starscream'll be the one to lose his virginity first."
The mouth that was usually drawn down in an uninterested grimace fell into an open gape. Skywarp cackled at Thundercracker's attempt at regaining his composure after the purple-and-black jet greeted him this fine Cybertronian morning with a statement that would ring through his audio sensors for a long time. He caught sight of the erratic twitch making paths through Thundercracker's hands, and he decided to step away a bit in case that twitch turned into an anger-drive punch on his nose bridge. Still, he couldn't stop grinning like he himself had been bedded for the first time.
"What. The. Frag, Skywarp."
"Good morning to you too, 'Cracker."
"Skywarp…you…you dumbaft…" Thundercracker slapped his hand over his optics, obviously embarrassed and trying so hard to hide it. "What kind of a 'good morning' is that?!"
"One Pittuvva pepper-upper, 'Cracker." Skywarp mused proudly. "I've been wondering…" he pulled Thundercracker out of his house and forced his friend into a leisurely stroll right beside him. "…which among the three of us would lose our virginity first!"
All initial shock now turned into utter disbelief.
"You got me out of recharge for this?"
"Yup!"
"You're processors are still woozy from yesterday, aren't they?"
"Oh yeah!"
This was just one of Skywarp's many quirks that he had no choice but to put up with and embrace. This was turning into a conversation that would be stored in his memory banks until the end of eternity, whether he liked it or not.
"Is this one of those little thoughts that you just can't let go of, no matter how stupid they are? You know, right between that theory of yours that we'll be reborn as clones in another dimension and your jokes about that Sunstreaker kid being more than just friends with his reflection?" Thundercracker muttered in a low, tired whisper.
Skywarp looked amazed. "Are you like a mind reader, 'Cracker?"
Thundercracker sighed.
"I might as well get this over with…okay. 'Warp, what's with this new idea of yours that Starscream will be the first among the three of us to lose his virginity?"
"Boredom." Skywarp replied promptly. "And a feeling that it won't be either of us anyway. I mean, you'll obviously be the last to lose it."
"Wait, wait…how come I'm gonna be the last one?" Thundercracker demanded, sounding truly insulted.
A derisive snort. "Because 'Duh!', you might be dating Thunderblast, but it's kinda obvious that you two aren't gonna last another breem with all the other hotter mechs around to sweep her off her feet behind your back! And you're not exactly the kind of mech who gives off that vibe that screams 'I'm a Shipload of Fun, Everyone!'. It's okay 'Cracker…I still think you're kinda cool even if you're mostly lame."
Thundercracker couldn't find the right facial plate expression to project to the other exactly how he felt at that moment.
Skywarp continued. "Obviously, I'll be next because between us two, I'm the one who's got it going on with the femmettes."
"So how come you haven't got one of your own yet, huh?" Thundercracker shot flatly.
"Saving myself for the one! They ones we know are a nice bunch, but they haven't quite met my standards. I'm just giving them a taste of the 'Warp. You know, so they can spread my awesome to their better-looking friends."
"Oh for Primus' sake…"
"And it's only logical since Starscream's the first among us to go through puberty. He'll get it sooner than we will…even if he is younger than we are. Could there be anyone luckier?"
"'Warp…just because Starscream's bizarre body is growing up faster than ours doesn't mean he's going to be first to get some. I highly doubt he'll be bonded earlier than either of us. High-maintenance, he is."
The black-and-purple mech shrugged. "You never know. It's not like the little guy was one to follow tradition anyways. Not he or Skyfire."
Now there was a name Thundercracker never thought he'd hear in this discussion. "The uber geek from Shockwave's class?"
Skywarp nodded. "Uber geek he may be, but he's a great guy and Starscream likes him a whole lot."
"Mmm." Thundercracker grunted, dredging up the image of the gentle, white giant standing next to their puny, spitfire trine-mate. If the universe needed extra hard proof that opposites did indeed attract, then those two would instantly be volunteered with beaming confidence. Just what Starscream saw in the bot to become friends with him, Thundercracker hadn't a clue. Skywarp took quick liking to Skyfire since he applauded Skywarp's eccentricity. Thundercracker himself had yet to completely warm up to him, still not finding that awkward yet enthusiastic veneer as totally appealing. It was in fact, when coupled with his intense passion for science and inability to separate himself from his schoolwork and personal experiments for more than a klik, annoying to him.
"'Cracker, come on. If Starscream likes him, he can't be all bad."
"What does he have to do with anything?" Thundercracker asked without hesitation.
"Once we get to Screamer Supreme's, I'll tell you." He pointed to said mech's house only a several hundred more steps away. "He's part of this, so he's got to hear this too."
Just as Thundercracker was about to throw Skywarp another question, his friend silenced him with a finger to his lips. That excited look and naughty grin could only mean that something—something interesting and probably criminal, no doubt—was about to happen. All attention turned to Starscream's front door, and Skywarp dragged Thundercracker with him to hide behind an electrical pole. Both of them peeked out from either side to watch as the door was slowly opened and a familiar figure stepped out.
Waddled out was more like it. Waddled out drunkenly with the grace of a heavy construction bot. That was an accurate description of how Skyfire stopped himself from falling face-first on the ground. He looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of rest for the longest time, and yet he was smiling the widest of smiles. Once whatever was keeping him from walking straight was gone, he straightened himself to a more dignified stance, body upright with one hand at his side. The other floated warily in front of his—Skywarp and Thundercracker weren't entirely sure—crotch panel, almost protectively. Their narrowed optics and keen vision also took note of how Skyfire was wincing in pain yet sighing so happily at once.
"What's up with the uber geek?" Thundercracker hissed.
"I dunno…but look who's right behind him!"
Starscream followed him outside, in a walk that was even more awkward and pained than Skyfire's. His legs were so far apart, knees bent slightly forward and feet dragging themselves across the floor. If possible, he looked even worse than Skyfire and yet a small smirk so rare and devoid of any malicious intent was splayed on his face. It was disconcerting at most. They both looked like they'd been through a black hole and back, proud that they'd survived.
Skyfire turned and began talking to Starscream, slowly and softly, too soft for either of the two seekers to hear. Whatever he said energized Starscream and he let out what could only be a laugh of happiness as he threw his arms around Skyfire. But not before he gave his companion a shy little look.
Thundercracker nearly fell over in shock while Skywarp's jaw dropped.
"Starscream!" that was the unmistakable voice of Starscream's mother unit, Shatterlight. "It's almost time for our morning energon intake! Are you sure Skyfire wouldn't want to join us after your little sleepover last night?"
"He has to get going!" Starscream screeched back as he let go of Skyfire. "He has…academy work to finish! He was busy helping me with mine, so he couldn't have had the time to work on his own! So he has to get going now!"
"Are you sure?" now that was his father unit, Jetstream. "Your mother's cubes are the finest in Vos, after all."
"YES!"
"Alright, alright. Just hurry up and say your goodbyes, now."
Thundercracker expected a hard punch to Skyfire's shoulder and a shove from Starscream telling him to go away. Skywarp expected another hug that would make reality crash in on itself. They got Starscream pouncing on Skyfire and kissing him like crazy instead. Either way, the both of them had to cover each other's mouths to stop the horrified screams from waking up the rest of Cybertron.
That was when their strange new ways of walking made perfect, disturbing sense.
Skywarp went from baffled to revolted to delighted. He removed Thundercracker's hand and turned to him with a wider grin than before.
"You owe me two enertine cubes now."
Thundercracker punched Skywarp right on the face.
"Make that three." His muffled voice croaked through the fist.
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END
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Next time on this channel, how Starscream's mother's secret horrible unmentionable habits gave his spark the weirdness it's famous for.
Maybe.