A/N: As you can probably tell, this is a Sasuke-bashing fic. So, fangirls, please remove yourself five feet away from the premises if you like Sasuke. Oh, and I had typed this one up out of boredom a few months ago. I thought, "Why not?" I love making parodies! XD
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Why Sasuke is an Idiot 101
Iruka talked on and on regarding some topic that Naruto could care less about. The usually enthusiastic blond practically drooled as he proceeded to snore softly. The slimy liquid that flowed from his mouth even started to dampen the paper on which he was supposed to take notes. But, Iruka-sensei bored him to death with this lecture.
Luckily, Shikamaru, one of Naruto's good friends, poked the back of his chair with a pencil.
"Whoa! Shikamaru, why the heck did you do that?" he hissed, rubbing his shoulder while assuming it had been hurt in the process.
"I'm bored. I say we skip today."
"That's awesome! Let's have Choji and Kiba come with."
Shikamaru shrugged his shoulders. "OK, it's not like I have anything better to do."
The four irresponsible male ninja promptly sneaked out of the classroom when Iruka turned his back to write on the chalkboard. Together, the group of troublemakers wandered over to a grassy lea where they all liked to hang out.
"So, what's there to talk about? I mean, since we sneaked out of class, at least make it worth my while," Kiba sighed, flopping onto the ground on his back with his faithful pet Akumaru bounding onto his chest.
"Hmmm...I don't know. We could just not say anything and enjoy the scenery," Choji suggested.
"Exactly what I was thinking," Shikamaru coincided with this statement and stretched out to watch the lazily drifting clouds in the azure blanket of sky.
However, Naruto, always the one who came up with ideas, mentioned, "You know, I think you all need to know how much of an idiot Sasuke is."
"Pfft, that guy? He's self-absorbed just 'cause he's at the top of the class." Kiba rolled his eyes, his dog barking in agreement.
"I don't really like the guy that much. What do you think, Shik?"
Inevitably, Shikamaru paid no heed to Choji's question, for he had already fallen asleep.
"Well, you guys have no idea what I have to put up with!" Naruto exclaimed, leaping to his feet in one graceful movement. "Sasuke thinks he's the coolest! Just when I start to think the guy is half-decent, he always does something that ticks me off. Like, that one time, we had those exams, right? And he—"
"Naruto," Shikamaru said languidly, his lips barely moving, "if I were you, I wouldn't be talking smack about Sasuke. He just might catch you in the act, you know."
Crossing his arms in a surly manner, the disgruntled ninja merely grunted in response before saying, "Well, it's not my fault he's unlikable."
"That's true," Choji agreed as he proceeded to open a bag of potato chips. "I don't envy you for being on Team 7...other than the fact that Sakura is on it."
"Puh-leeze," abruptly, Kiba blew a strand of his hair, "she's not that great."
Naruto began to pace about the field while ranting still further about Sasuke. "And all the girls like him too. Seriously, what do they see in him? He's just a shallow idiot obsessed with himself."
Shikamaru's normally cool, calm eyes widened upon noting something. "Um...dude..."
"You know, I don't see what's wrong with me—at least I have personality."
"Naruto, be careful, you're overdoing it," Choji warned.
"And his hair is so...stupid!"
"Naruto, you idiot!" Kiba moaned.
"Just because his grades are so good doesn't mean tha—WHAT?!?"
Naruto jumped four feet in the air upon sensing a finger tap his shoulder. When he uneasily landed and cautiously turned around, he saw Sasuke glaring at him with dark eyes.
"Oh, heh-heh, hi, Sasuke. Didn't see you there..."
And the poor blond kid in the orange jumpsuit was flung several feet before he crashed against a tree.
A/N: I would discuss Sasuke's massive ego, but I think you guys already get the idea. I just needed to entertain myself on that cold winter day nearly a year ago. That is all.