Well, here is my first multi-chapter fic dealing with comedy. It may be amateur now, but hopefully, my sense of humor will become more and more universally appealling as I continue to write and (hopefully) get good reviews. Constructive criticism is the only way I can learn what can make you happy, and myself a better writer.
I do not own any of the settings, characters, or objects in Dark Cloud 2. They are copyright of Level 5 and Sony.
Monica rushed through the halls to her father's chamber, and noticed the door was open.
"What, those monsters are in my father's room? I've got to make sure Daddy's alright!" Monica panted unnecessarily.
Roar!
"Oh, yeah… and I gotta ditch these suckers, too," she added in a bored, unconcerned tone of voice.
Before Monica could reach the door, though, some more monsters jumped in through a window and landed in front of the redhead.
Monica backflipped into a position in which she was leaning up against the wall. She slid along it, noticed an ornamental sword being held by an armor suit, and grabbed it.
"Stand back!" Monica demanded as she held the sword in a fighting stance.
Surprisingly, that's just what the monsters did. They seemed, however, to be inspecting something in Monica's direction, which earned Monica's curiosity.
"What is it?" Monica asked, tilting her head a bit.
"…"
"What is it?" Monica repeated, this time sounding a little aggravated.
"…"
"Screw this," Monica scoffed lightly, and continued to run toward her dad's room- only for her to be blocked by the monsters.
"None shall pass," the biggest of the four monsters warned.
"Who do you think you are-"
"By the orders of Griffon, none shall pass into the chamber of King Reybrandt.
"I'm getting to my father, whether you like it or-"
"Then… you shall die."
"Get out of my way now! I order you as the princess!" Monica demanded, this time bringing the sword up to the shoulder level of the speaking monster.
"We move… for no girl," the monster said calmly, unperturbed by Monica's temper.
"So be it!" Monica challenged angrily, and pulled the sword back to cut off the monster's head.
As soon as these words were spoken, though, the other three monsters lunged at Monica. She immediately sliced off the head of the first one, and skewered the second one through the heart. The third one tried clawing at Monica, but she moved her head out of the way and countered with the sword, killing it.
"All right… now try me," the fourth monster challenged. He lashed at Monica with his claw-swords, and she as such was just barely quick enough to be missed by both of them. She then thrust the sword forward, which the monster caught with his right claw. Immediately after this happened, though, Monica twirled around counter-clockwise so fast that before the Griffon Soldier knew it…
Shlink!
… his left arm was on the ground, a small pool of black blood slightly dribbling onto it from the empty socket of the monster's shoulder.
"Now," Monica said in a satisfied tone, oblivious the fact that the Griffon Soldier hadn't even flinched, "Get out of my way."
"That's it? You're giving up already?!" The Griffon Soldier complained, readying its right sword-claw.
"Giving up? I cut your arm off, you idiot!" Monica shouted.
"No you didn't," the Monster responded matter-of-factly.
"What's that then?!" Monica exclaimed, pointing at the arm on the ground.
The monster looked at the cut-off arm briefly.
"…"
"…Well?"
"It's nothing but a scratch. C'mon, you pansy!"
The Griffon Soldier took Monica by surprise by lunging at her with its remaining arm, just barely giving her time to block it. The Soldier recoiled, but quickly afterward regained his balance and ran at Monica with the intent of skewering her. She simply sidestepped and cut off the right arm of the Soldier.
Monica headed into the direction of her father's room, muttering something about 'tenacious jackasses'. Just as she had taken her third step, though, she felt a small pain in her backside. She turned around, and to her horror and annoyance, the Soldier was now trying to kick her.
"My God, would you just stop it? You're beaten already!" She yelled.
"Ooh… had enough, eh?"
What little bit of Monica's self-control over her temper she had was quickly dissipating.
"Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!"
"Yes I have."
"Look!"
"…Just a flesh wound."
The persistent beast kicked Monica again.
"Stop it, now!" Monica demanded. Her temper was a mere sliver away from being totally lost.
"Chicken. Chicken!" The beast taunted as he continued to give Monica annoying but not-so-painful kicks, totally ignoring her warning.
"That's it!" Monica screamed, and with that, chopped up the monster's remaining limbs, starting at the feet and stopping at the pelvis.
Monica panted heavily after she was done for a while.
"All right," Monica panted as she ran toward her father's chamber, "We'll call it a draw."
"Oh, I see. Running away, eh?" the Griffon Soldier shouted at the girl, "You yellow bitch, come back 'ere and see what's coming to ya! I'LL BITE YOUR LEGS OFF!!!"
Monica dropped the sword at the sight of what was in the room: Her father, held by the throat by a white-haired man. The culprit, upon sensing her, got up and started walking with an intoxicated gait into a portal in front of him. The white-haired man turned around and looked at Monica with wide, glazed eyes.
"Gaspard? What've you done to my father?!" Monica yelled at the man.
"-hiccup-" was the man's response, before he passed out and fell into the portal, which disappeared when he collapsed into it.
Thank you very much for your time. Now please, tell me what you think of it.
The joke about limb-loss is in fact owned by Monty Python. This chapter is intended to set the mood of slight comedy before I actually start casting jokes out there.