Dear Riley,
I can't believe I'm doing this. I mean, you left and we haven't talked...and you don't know anything that has been happening in the past four months. Nothing. I still find that amazing, still find that when I'm cold, I'm wanting you to be by my side like you used to be, helping me, protecting me, loving me. But, even though it was my fault, you left. I chased the helicopter, you know. Called, screamed your name until my voice was hoarse and you still didn't even acknowledge my existence. I guess that was payback, huh?
Well, Riley.
This is it.
I have to tell you once and for all what I had been keeping from you, and what has happened since then.
In about November or something like that, when I went to fight Glory for the first time, I found out something. Something that didn't seem at all real in the least. You remember how I had done the spell earlier that day? Well, it had shown me something. But I refused to let that thing bother me, I just thought that I had done something wrong.
Well, I hadn't.
I saved a Monk, a Monk that knew me. He knew me because I was the Slayer, and he and his fellow Monks had sent something to me a few months before. He said that I must protect the key, and I asked where or what it was. He said that they sent it to me, in human form. It was then that I realized it was Dawn.
Dawn, my little sister.
She wasn't.
Well, I didn't tell anybody but Giles until about April, my birthday. Then I told everyone, because I had just found out that Glory was a god.
Yes, a GOD. And she was after Dawn.
By then, I realized that everyone (other than Dawn) had to know.
I told them, a few were angry that we didn't tell them before but once I explained that it could have put Dawn in more danger, they understood.
The night of my birthday, Dawn snook out, accompanied by Spike, to the magic shop. There, they searched the books and Giles's notes, and Spike and Dawn, at the same time, realized the truth.
Dawn was in bad shape.
She went home and cut herself, just to see if she was human, if she would shed blood.
She did.
After that, the same night, she ran away after tearing her own room apart.
She ran to the hospital, and talked to the intern, Ben who had taken care of Mom.
Well, Ben changed into Glory.
Yes, they are one and the same.
But Glory had no idea that Dawn was the Key, only had the idea that Dawn was the little sister of the Slayer, who had her key.
She figured Dawn knew where it was.
So, they talked.
Did nothing but talk.
Until we got there.
Will got her out of the with a teleportation spell or something, and we were free again.
But not for long.
We didn't see any sign of Glory for the next week or so, but god Riley.
I wished we could have so that I wouldn't have to face what happened next.
I found out something, something that I never would have believed in a thousand years.
Spike was, is in love with me.
At first, I was flipping. I mean, I told him I never wanted to see him again, not in this town, this country, this universe. I uninvited him from my house...he was heartbroken, I could tell.
I spent a lot of time thinking about things, love, hate, loss and all that.
Well, I was pretty damn close to experiencing loss at that time.
Within the next two weeks after that, my mom died.
She died, Riley.
Angel came back, supported me and all that, but we're still friends. Nothing more, don't worry.
We had the worst few weeks there, Riley.
Tara's sanity got sucked out by Glory, and we had to leave town after Glory found out that Dawn was the Key. Spike drove us, (I know, I just said that I had hated him, but he had saved us all from Glory, and I talked to him....I found out that it's no infatuation. He said that he would die before letting our secret go.)
We didn't get far.
Glory came, and she took Dawn with her.
I slipped into a coma (a very small one at that) but Willow got me out of it.
I was thinking, I was thinking that I had killed my sister.
Just as well did.
So, right now, at this very moment I should be getting ready to go fight the biggest battle of my life.
Some would say, "So what? Another apocalypse? She's stopped what, five?"
Well, this time it is more than saving the world.
It is saving my sister's life.
And I will do anything to protect it, even let the world come to an end, because even though we'll all die, the last thing she'll see is me, protecting her.
Anyone who comes near Dawn I kill.
That's gonna be tonight.
Spike's waiting downstairs, he just promised to protect her. I know he'll follow through.
I said that not everyone was going to make it.
He thinks it's him.
I really don't know.
One witch, one ex-demon, one ordinary guy, one vampire, one Watcher, and me.
Against a god.
That's tonight.
Riley, I don't know why I'm even writing this, either the world will come to an end or I won't make it or something will happen to make this not get to you.
I don't care.
I did love you, Riley.
I just think that if I get through this, I'd like to be friends.
I need friends right now, and I'd like to think in my mind, tonight, that all of my friends I've ever had will be with me, fighting alongside me to save the most important thing in my life.
My sister.
Goodbye, Riley.
I forgive you.
Love Always,
Buffy