Clumsy Apprehension

Part I: Pre-Date

The day was going well. Sipping coffee, finishing up articles. And Clark Kent sitting right across from her. Every now and then she would glance up from her work just out of curiosity. Only a couple of times did she actually catch him staring at her, and when he looked down and pretended to be focused on his own work, she secretly smiled. Or, at least she hoped it was a secret.

Lois stood up from her chair and walked over to the coffee. She was pouring her fifth cup at two-thirty in the afternoon. She needed to calm her nerves because in less than five hours, she was going to embark on her first date with Clark.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" A familiar voice asked.

Lois turned around to find a smiling Clark standing in front of her. "It gives me energy."

"I don't know, Lois," Clark offered. "It's your fifth cup. I wouldn't want you to cancel our date at the last minute because you passed out from a caffeine overdose."

Lois smirked. "Don't you wish," she replied. She headed back towards her desk, Clark following closely behind.

"Why would I wish that?" he asked. "You don't think I want to cancel, do you?"

"I don't know, Smallville," Lois replied. "But if you're having second thoughts, speak now or forever hold your peace, because I'm not getting all dressed up for nothin'."

Clark smiled. "It won't be for nothing."

They held each other's stare for a beat before Lois broke away and sat back at her desk. "So, really, you haven't mentioned anything about what you have planned. Are we talking formal wear, Smallville? Or are jeans okay?"

Clark, who had remained standing, put his hands in his pockets and answered confidently, "Well, we're not going to a hoedown or anything, so I'd say more formal than casual."

Lois raised her eyebrows and said teasingly, "Oh, so Clark Kent made reservations at some fancy restaurant in the big city, huh?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it fancy, but it is nice. I figure we could have a nice meal, talk." He added, baiting her, "I hear they have a really good dessert menu."

Something in Clark's voice made her a bit shaky, but knowing exactly what he was doing, she refused to let him win. "Yeah? Like what?"

Clark moved closer to her and leaned against her desk, his hands still in his pockets. "Well, you know, the usual, I guess. Crème brûlée, tiramisu." Lois' eyes involuntarily scanned their way down towards where Clark's hands were hidden, but what he said next immediately snapped her out of her distraction. "And I hear their wild cherry ice cream is supposed to be delicious."

Lois didn't know what she did with her hands at that moment, but for some inexplicable reason, one of them knocked over her newly filled mug, the coffee taking all the prisoners it could get. "Crap!" She picked up the mug before any more damage could be done.

Clark didn't have time to revel in his victory because though he had every intention of catching Lois Lane off guard, he had no idea that she would drench her work in twelve ounces of java. He immediately helped her to pick up the papers on her desk, but as he clumsily did so, their hands touched.

Their hands must have touched a million times before, but lately, Clark noticed, whenever there was any contact between them or even a promise of contact, it was as if someone was pouring fuel into a fire no one had noticed was always simmering. It was only lately that Lois and Clark began to notice that the fire had become a conflagration that now seemed impossible to put out.

They looked up at each other, and Clark smiled. "I told you that coffee wasn't a good idea."

Instead of glaring at him, instead of pulling away, Lois remained fixed in her position and smiled at Clark, because even though his words were smug, his expression wasn't. It was boyish, innocent even. Their hands were still touching, and Clark made an oh-so-slight effort to take hers in his. But it was at this second that Lois noticed one of their co-workers noticing them, and she seemed to suddenly remember where they were.

Pulling away from Clark, she responded, "I'm gonna get something to wipe this down."

Clark blinked after her. Though disappointed, he knew that there were going to be more opportunities to take her hand later. He just hoped that every time he tried, she wouldn't keep pulling away.

Part II: Getting Ready

"Fudge!" Lois yelled. She had entered her apartment and immediately proceeded to stub her toe against a box on the living room floor, one of many still left unpacked. She was coming home from work and had approximately an hour and a half to get ready for her date, so she limped to the bathroom and started the shower.

Meanwhile, Clark had arrived at his farm. He sat down on the couch and looked at his watch. He had some time before he had to pick Lois up, so he thought he'd relax. But the thought of the impending date suddenly made him anxious. His face changed from blank serenity to a frowning apprehension, and he proceeded to get up and get ready.

Back at her apartment, Lois was out of the shower and trying on her third outfit, a burgundy one that she had just picked up the day before. She looked at herself in the mirror, a satisfied smile on her face. But upon closer inspection, the smile faded, and she groaned. "Ugh!" She practically tore off the dress and grabbed another from the pile that had accumulated on her bed.

Clark was faring a bit better. He was only on his second suit of the evening. He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned disapprovingly. "I'll just wear what I wore to work," he told himself. "No, I can't do that. She'll notice, and then she'll think you're not putting in enough effort." He seemed to be having a conversation with his reflection. "Come on, Smallville, it's just Lois." But once he said it, he knew his words were misleading. Just Lois? he thought to himself. "Yeah, just the woman you're in lo - " Before he could finish his thought, his cell phone rang. He walked over to it and answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, Smallville," Lois' voice answered on the other side.

"Lois?" Clark responded in surprise. "What's up?"

"I can't go through with it!" Lois declared. She sounded exasperated.

"What? Lois - "

She interrupted him, "Look, Smallville, I've been thinking, we're partners. We see each other everyday. We're friends. I mean, don't you think adding this to the equation would complicate matters?"

Clark smiled and sat down. "Lois, I've made reservations."

At her apartment, Lois sat down, too, her expression soft. "I know. I feel really bad, but I don't know what's going to happen."

"I'll tell you what's going to happen," Clark said reassuringly. His voice was calm and gentle. "I'm gonna finish getting ready, and so are you, and I'll be there at seven, like I said I would be, and we'll go out, have dinner, some conversation, and I'll take you home, and we'll say good night."

"And tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow we'll see each other at work like we always do."

"That's exactly what I mean, Clark! We see each other everyday. What if we end up seeing each other every night, too?" Lois closed her eyes at her idiocy. She really needed to think before she spoke. If she had seen Clark's smile on his end, she would have probably punched him.

"We can take it one day, or one night at a time, Lois," Clark responded playfully.

"Look, that's not what I meant," Lois retracted.

"What did you mean then?" Clark asked, amused.

"Nothing," she squeaked. "See ya at seven."

Before Clark could say anything in response, she hung up. Clark flipped closed his cell phone and smiled to himself. This was going to be an interesting night.

Part III: Arrival

There was a knock on Lois' door. She emerged from her bedroom in a little black dress that accentuated every curve of her body and grabbed her matching bag from the kitchen counter before walking over to the front door and answering it. She smiled when she saw Clark dressed in a dark gray dress shirt and black slacks. It was an outfit she had not seen him wear before – probably because, unbeknownst to her, he had super-sped his way to a department store after hanging up with Lois.

At his first sight of Lois, Clark's mouth involuntarily dropped slightly. His eyes scanned her entire form. Her hair was up, and on her gorgeous neck was a simple silver necklace. Her ears were also adorned with diamond studs. "Wow," Clark gulped. "You look beautiful, Lois."

"Thanks. Every once in awhile I dress up all girly." Lois answered nonchalantly. Even though she had seen Clark in suits before, he looked especially handsome tonight. "Did you do something different with your hair?" she asked him.

Clark put a hand to his hair self-consciously. "No, why?"

"Nothing. It just looks good."

"It normally doesn't?" Clark teased her.

"No – I mean, yes, it does," Lois stuttered. She paused in order to structure words she knew she had into a coherent sentence. "It looks good, like it always does, but I thought you put some extra gel in it or something." She unconsciously extended a hand to feel his hair, but just as she made contact, she realized what she was doing, rolled her eyes, and pulled her hand away. Clark had just arrived, and she was already making a fool of herself, she thought. She had intended to invite him in, but at this rate, she was afraid of what else she was going to do or say, so she simply said, "We should go."

"Okay," Clark smiled.

Lois grabbed her jacket from the coat rack and joined Clark in the hallway, closing the door behind her.

Part IV: The Date

Lois and Clark were finishing up the dessert that they had ordered together, a bowl of wild cherry ice cream. They were eating silently, both stealing glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. When, once in awhile, their eyes met, they smiled in a bashfully guilty manner.

The date was going well. Clark's choice in restaurant was perfect for Lois - quiet, intimate, and relaxed – and the evening seemed to be wrapping up. Sitting close to each other the entire night, they were one of only three other couples left.

"I think this is the best ice cream I've ever hard," Clark remarked, setting his spoon down.

"It was good," Lois agreed, licking her spoon and then setting it down near the bowl.

They smiled at each other again. The entire night had been filled with smiles, some shy and awkward, some suggestive and knowing, but all an indication that they were both having a wonderful time.

"Well, it was no rum cake," Clark added.

Lois dropped her head and laughed at the memory of the cake she had made from scratch for Clark's nineteenth birthday. "Oh, God, I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember everything about you," Clark said, and when Lois' lifted her eyes to his, he added, "It was very sweet of you."

"Are you kidding? You hated it."

Clark tilted his head. "I didn't hate it. I just prefer chocolate cake."

"Well, next time I'll bake you a chocolate cake from scratch."

"Promise?"

Lois' smile widened at the sight of Clark's. "Promise." As they stared at each other, they knew that this seemingly trivial promise of a future chocolate cake was more than what it was. It was analogous to the larger promise of a future together. After a moment, Lois added more playfully, "Maybe next time it won't take me three tries and half the afternoon to perfect it."

"Really? That was a perfect rum cake?" Clark teased.

"Watch it, Smallville," Lois warned. Clark laughed. He loved it when she called him Smallville, especially when it was paired with the glint in her eyes that indicated playful irritation. "I'll have you know that my sister Lucy loved those cakes. I even taught her how to make it."

"And who taught you?"

Lois shrugged. "I did."

"I bet you had to teach yourself a lot of things," Clark said seriously.

Picturing a young Lois taking care of an even younger Lucy, making breakfast, and doing other tedious chores instead of simply enjoying her childhood made Clark's heart ache.

"Self-preservation, Clark. I had no choice. It was either that or whine and complain and make things worse than they were."

"How come you never came to Smallville to visit Chloe? I mean, I didn't even know about you until you arrived."

"Just never had time with all the traveling and school."

"You weren't even curious? You and Chloe were close when you were little."

"It was complicated. But part of it again was self-preservation," Lois admitted. "Chloe had a totally different life here. I didn't think that I would…" Lois trailed off. She had never admitted this to anyone besides Chloe.

"Fit in," Clark finished for her.

Lois looked up at his sympathetic eyes. How did he know her so well? "My entire life, I've never really belonged anywhere. I was great at pretending that I did. And the longer I pretended, the more convinced I was that I did, but then the General would just move us out of there, and we'd have to start over. Eventually, I learned that there was no point in trying to fit in because no matter where I went, I'd always be the outsider, the army brat who was gonna pack up in three months."

"Well, it's hard to fit in, especially in high school. Everybody's got their own cliques. It's really hard to break free from that."

"And what about you?" Lois narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"What about me?"

"You had it pretty rough, too, it seemed. You didn't consider yourself part of the in-crowd, which, by the way, speaks highly in your favor." Lois paused and surveyed Clark's face, as if reading him. "You know at first, I had a really hard time trying to figure out why you considered yourself an outsider at Smallville High."

"Really?" This was a surprise to Clark. He always believed that Lois thought he was a geek, so the idea of him not belonging shouldn't have been incredible to her at all.

"Yeah. I mean, all the girls seemed to fawn over you, and you were on the football team, albeit for only a season; but I didn't get why you still didn't feel like you belonged."

"Well…" Clark started to explain, but then he remembered Lois' words and looked up at her. "Wait, you said at first."

"Yeah. I figured it out eventually."

"You did?" Clark raised his eyebrows.

"Yep," Lois said confidently. "Fitting in, belonging somewhere isn't really about whether or not people accept you. It's about whether or not you trust it, whether or not you trust yourself enough to allow yourself to belong somewhere. So it didn't matter if all the girls wanted your autograph in the yearbook, or if the entire varsity squad of the Smallville Crows carried you on its shoulders. If you didn't believe in it, then you're always going to feel like an outsider."

Clark smiled at Lois, amazed. How did she know him so well?

"You just have to be careful, Smallville," Lois added after a beat. "That kind of attitude leaves you feeling cold. Lonely, even, because then you realize that it's not other people that's the problem. It's you. And if you don't start letting people in, then you'll always be left behind."

Lois' words had taken on a tone of confession, and Clark was not oblivious to it. "Sounds like experience." Lois didn't say anything, so Clark started, "Oliver…"

"Please, Clark," Lois interrupted, rolling her eyes. "I'm not smarting over that fiasco anymore."

"I know," Clark said, and he meant it. "But I know that it was very difficult for you to let him go."

"It wouldn't have worked," Lois replied, and there was no hint of regret in her voice.

"Because he's Oliver Queen."

"Right, and I am who I am, and - " she stopped herself short.

"And?" Clark prodded.

"And…" Lois continued hesitantly, "…and, well, it's more of a third, fourth date confession."

Clark raised his eyebrows. "So there's going to be a third and fourth date?"

Lois smiled. She had been oblivious to what she had said until Clark called her on it. But she matched his teasing tone when she replied, "Well, we'll see how the second one goes, Smallville."

"Ah. I guess that means I'll have to scratch the plans for the hoedown."

"You were not going to take me to a hoedown!" Lois exclaimed.

"I don't know," Clark smiled mischievously. "I'd like to see Lois Lane line dancing."

Lois smirked a the image of herself in a barn line-dancing to fiddlers; but then this image was joined with an image of Clark, leading her, beaming in his red flannel and jeans, and suddenly, the idea wasn't so bad after all.

"I wonder what it would have been like if we had met earlier," Clark thought aloud after a pause.

Lois giggled. "You would have probably hated me. I wasn't exactly the nicest of little girls."

Clark put on an expression of mock surprise. "Really? I never would have guessed."

Lois responded to his ill-hidden sarcasm with her trademark punch in the arm. Clark feigned a pained grimaced. They both laughed.

"I'm just saying that maybe if we had met when were younger, we would have been friends," Clark explained. "You, me, and Chloe. We could have belonged or not belonged together."

Lois smiled at the idea, but then she added, "I don't make friends that easily. I would have probably bullied you."

"You couldn't have been that bad," Clark said sweetly.

"At that age, I tended to bully the people I liked," Lois responded without very much thought. The second she heard her own words, though, she bit her lower lip. It didn't help that Clark was beaming from ear to ear.

"You would have liked me?" he asked her.

"No," Lois quickly retracted. "I just mean that if I had liked you, I would have probably bullied you." Yeah, that's it.

"What makes you think you would have liked me?" Clark knew he had Lois in a corner, and he was going to take full advantage of it. When she responded with a shift of her eyes, he asked, "Did you like me when you first met me?"

"God, no!" Lois practically yelled. "When I first met you, I thought you were naked – weird." She hadn't meant to say naked out loud. The image of Clark's naked body, though, had quickly popped into her mind when Clark mentioned the first time they met, so the word naturally slipped out. "You were weird," she repeated, this time emphasizing the word she meant.

"Well, weird or not, you did save my life," Clark said, gratitude in his eyes. "In fact, I think you've saved me a lot."

"Well, we had to tip the scales a little. You've saved me more than a dozen times, probably," Lois admitted.

"What can I say?" Clark responded. Leaning in across the table, he added, playfully, "I kind of like you."

Lois leaned in also. "Kind of?" she asked, grinning.

They looked into each other's eyes silently for a beat before their faces turned serious. They both hadn't realized that they were so close, but both had the same idea to move in even closer for a kiss when Lois suddenly pursed her lips together and pulled back. "We should get the check," she managed to say unsteadily.

The realization of what just happened fell on Clark with a heaviness that primarily burdened his heart. He leaned back onto his chair and croaked, "Yeah, it's getting late."

As Clark waved the waiter over to bring the check, Lois was silently scolding herself. She couldn't believe that she pulled away from Clark when she did. He must think you hate him! she thought. She looked at him and could tell that he was avoiding her eyes. He looks hurt, and it's because of you, she could hear a voice say in her head. Quick, say something nice!

"Clark…" she started, but before she could finish her compliment, their waiter arrived and handed Clark the check.

"Thanks," Clark told the waiter.

Lois watched him glance at the bill and take out his wallet to pay. She wanted so much to tell him she was sorry for not letting him kiss her. She wanted to tell him that she was having a nice time, that he was a great date.

A nice time? A great date? She was warring with herself. Nothing in her head sounded worthy of actually saying aloud. They just sounded shallow and insincere, and more than anything, she wanted Clark Kent to know what this night meant to her, what being with him meant to her. It was more than a nice time. He was more than a great date. Tonight, he was perfect.

"Perfect." Lois' voice was barely audible.

But Clark heard her. "What's perfect?"

"What?" Lois hadn't realized that her thoughts had communicated themselves aloud. Registering Clark's question, she swiftly collected herself. "Um…uh…perfect dinner. It was great."

"Oh," Clark replied.

To Lois, he sounded almost disappointed, so as they got up to leave, and Clark started to turn from her, she stopped him by placing a gentle hand in his. He turned around to look at her. "Look, Clark, I'm going to tell you something, but don't let it go to your head," Lois warned sternly. Her voice, however, softened as she continued, "But In case I forget to tell you later– it was a really good choice to come here, but even if we were at a hoedown somewhere in Smallville, this is the best date I've ever had."

He smiled modestly at her in response, not because he didn't feel the same way, even despite Lois' sudden shift in intent when they were leaning in towards each other, but because the sincerity in which Lois revealed this truth made Clark's heart beat faster than he thought was possible. He didn't trust his voice right now, but he did trust Lois, so, taking a firmer hold of her hand and keeping his eyes focused on her smiling face, he allowed her to lead them out of the restaurant and to his car.