Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Too bad...
Summary: "It weighed me down without meaning, a cold grip with no refrain." An introspective look of Will's arrival to Emma's and Ken's wedding.
A/N: I thought I'd do a little follow-up to "An Empty Room", but from Will's POV. Enjoy!
I could hear her crying softly in the bedroom as I walked toward the door. It was harder than I wanted it to be continue on, not comfort her like in the past, when her smiles would lift me and cradle me through the storm that our relationship had become. I depended on them more than I had wanted, more than I feared, hoping to build my own strength, but it carried me through. Until they didn't. Her face turned a shade of gray, one that faded and hardened, distorting the smiles and laughter that had brightened my days. She was a shell of the woman I used to know, someone that haunted the walls and clung to the dreams that quickly dissolved. It was striking how time could be, how relative it all was, how precious and how cruel.
I felt time slipping at every turn, slipping like grains of sand in a hourglass that trapped and mocked him, amusing itself with lies of pregnancy, and false hope to have the life that I thought I wanted. I tricked himself to believing that I could have it all, the job, the wife, the family that I was meant to have, deserved to have, but why had it always been so difficult. It wasn't enough that they had tried for years, that I had turned down other opportunities for more interesting but less paying jobs, internships in Costa Rica or teaching underprivileged children in inner cities to stay close to family, conceiving the notion that they rightfully belonged to me, that it all meant something. But like everything, I had it wrong.
Looking over at my gift to her, I chuckled at its mediocrity. Choosing it was the hardest thing I had done in years, the perfect gift to not be too informal but not too intimate. A blender seemed to cultivate that message, but it seemed less than ordinary. I had seen the looks that Ken would give me as we crossed paths down the hall, how he tried to deduce my weakness, create an attack strategy, much like Sue to bring me down, but this was far more personal. I knew it was facetious to show up, knowing my presence wasn't wanted by both parties, but a hunger to see her, even if it was to see her with another man was too strong to ignore. Despite even my deepest desires, her happiness was over all else, regardless if I couldn't admit that aloud.
It took me ten minutes to leave the car. I didn't pay attention to the nearly vacant parking lot, not noticing the quiet stillness of my surroundings and concentrated on my hands on the steering wheel. It stared back at me, laughing on the curve, seeing a reflection of a past that was unrecognizable to me, a life I had forgotten belonged to me, a truth that had revealed itself false. It weighed me down without meaning, a cold grip with no refrain, and yet, I felt naked without it. I had very nearly taken it off before I left the apartment that day, but her tears, her distant smiles kept the gesture at bay. I had seen her take off hers numerous times, even while doing the dishes, but not I. I made promises, and kept most, but knowing that I wasn't the perfect spouse, I felt I needed to keep it on, if only to represent that at one time, we were happy. It wasn't much, but as much as I hurt, she was hurting as well. I left her, but she was still here, in this car, on my hand. And for that, I didn't have the strength to change, not now.
She looked lovely, perfect, as she sat there alone, untouched and prim. The room was stale, unmoving as she turned to my footsteps down the stairs. She looked calmer than I had seen her in months, her shoulders absent of tension and stress. Her voice was flat when she spoke, like she couldn't admit her defeat. She had single-handedly destroyed a man's pride, the grief of that was more than the loss of the end of the relationship. She didn't feel remorse, only guilt when she looked into my eyes, pleading for answers I couldn't will myself to give. Her wide eyes searched for a hope that I could supply, but I still found it difficult to find the courage to admit my own defeat. Until she said it was for, leaving everything bare. I knew it was for me, that she was the brave one, even willing to go through a sham of a marriage in order to not have me.
I took her arm, the rush of her satin glove brought me close to my own admission, that I had left Terri. But the cold band, the shiny mirror of a lie strangled my finger, choking my heart. She could feel it as well, the stiffness of that revelation was enough to know she couldn't stay. She turned in her resignation letter, one she had stopped me from submitting only months before. I broke her heart, another one to put on the list, another life I seemed to have destroyed along with my own. I let my own expectations get in the way, wanting to have everything and ending up with nothing. She wanted me to rescue her, but I needed to rescue myself, find a way to end things right, even though I was heading in the right direction. She gave me the push, I just had to follow through.
She was gone for an hour when I took it off. I looked down at the pale skin underneath, clearly not seeing any UV rays for years, seeing the small blue vein that supposedly led to the heart. It was open again, able to let in another, to love another, to have another chance at something real. I didn't leave it there on the table, eventually tucking it into my wallet. It wasn't a huge step, but it was one closer to what I needed, a step closer to her. And for that, I'd walk a lifetime, if not run.
I hope you enjoyed this. I want to eventually work my way to a multiple-chapter story, but for now, oneshots are safe. Thanks for reading!