A/N: Yay a new Jotch one shot! I really hope you guys enjoy this! Special thanks to Melissa (httpjotch) for this idea!
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Self-harm, and suicide.
The Woods
The previous night had been a stormy, windy, and wet one. East Allegheny got storms often so last night was no different, except it was. It had been an odd night. Rosaline Jareau had been acting strange the past few weeks and last night she went into her sister's room around midnight and woke the eleven year old blonde.
"Jen? Jenny? Wake up," Rosaline whispered softly to the small girl and got a mumbled "no" in response.
"Jenny, get up. It's important," Rosaline whispered again but with a little more urgency. At this, the small blonde stirred and woke up. Jennifer looked up into bright blue orbs that reflected her own and immediately sensed something was wrong.
"Ros?" the younger girl questioned. "What's going on? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to give you this necklace," the slightly darker blonde said as she unclipped the necklace that was currently around her own neck. "You start sixth grade tomorrow and I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you."
"What?... Ros this is your favorite necklace. I can't take it," Jennifer responded sincerely.
"I want you to have it Jen, okay? I love you so much, don't forget that," the brunette said firmly, moving to clip the necklace around her younger sister's neck. Jennifer smiled brightly up at her older sister. She had always admired the necklace because it was something her sister always wore. She adored her older sister and to be given this necklace meant the world to her. Rosaline saw the happiness in her sister's eyes gleam, and embraced the young blonde firmly. After awhile she broke the embrace, placing a soft kiss on the crown of the younger girl's head.
"I love you, Jenny," Rosaline said as she got up to leave.
"I love you too Ros. Always and forever," Jennifer said as she grabbed her older sister's hand to entangle their pinky fingers together.
"Always and Forever," promised Ros as she squeezed her younger sister's finger just before she exited the young girl's room.
The next day had dragged on for Jennifer. It was the first day of school so she spent her day reacquainting with friends and introducing herself to her teachers. It was still gloomy out with fog lingering in the air, and the grass still damp from the leftover residue of the rain. As the bell rang at 3:00pm, signaling the end of the school day, the young girl grabbed her things and rushed home. She hated being trapped inside a school for eight hours, so she normally played in the woods behind her house once school was over.
The young blonde entered her house around 3:30 to find it empty which was unusual because Rosaline always arrived home before the young girl.
"Ros?" Jennifer called out. No answer. "Ros, I'm going outside. I'll be back for supper."
Still no answer. Jennifer decided her sister was probably asleep; high school was draining for Ros and Jen knew that. She left the house and travelled her way into the forest that was practically her backyard. It was quiet out besides the sound of wind rustling the trees, and the sound of branches breaking under Jennifer's feet as she traveled her usual path. As Jen continued through the woods she spotted something glistening in the distance. Being the curious eleven year old she was, she gravitated towards the glistening substance. As she approached it, she noticed it was a crimson red. Her mind, now registering that the glistening substance was blood, frantically began to search her surroundings for the source of the liquid. As her eyes darted in every which way she spotted someone in the distance, propped up against a tree.
"Hello?" she called out as she began to move towards the person. "Are you alright? Do you need help?"
It was only as she got closer to the body did she notice the blood pouring from the wrists in the now visible cuts covering the person's arms. She began to run towards the body, not really knowing how to react but knowing she needed to do something. It was as she kneeled in front of the body did she notice the person's face. There, staring back at her, were Rosaline's lifeless blue eyes. Jennifer wanted to cry, to scream, to do something but she was frozen from movements, her sister's lifeless body lying limp against the tree in front of her.
"Ros?" the young girl choked out, clenching the necklace around her neck. "ROS WAKE UP. PLEASE ROS PLEASE," she continued to cry, her voice cracking as her body shook with sobs. Someone must of heard her cries because the next thing she knew she was being picked up off the ground by her father.
"No! No! Let me go! I have to help Ros!" the young blonde screamed. "ROS! ROS! WAKE UP ROS! You can't be gone! Wake up!"
Harold Jareau held his daughter tightly in his arms as he tried to calm the young girl down but he was nearly falling apart himself.
"ROS! I love you Ros. Please don't be gone. I love you, always and forever," Jennifer choked out as she was dragged away from her sister's lifeless body.
Aaron Hotchner was pulled from sleep by the sounds of his wife's whimpers and screams as she slept. He immediately realized she was having a nightmare and moved closer to her, embracing her in his arms.
"Jen... Jennifer wake up. It's not real, come back to me baby," he whispered while running his hands through her tangled blonde hair. The words did nothing to soothe the woman so he tried again. "Baby, please wake up. Shh, it's not real, I promise. Wake up, Jen."
"Aaron?" Jennifer mumbled sleepily as she was pulled back to reality. He tightened his embrace around the smaller woman as realization of what was happening hit her. She began to sob quietly into his shoulder as he held her tightly. After a while she calmed down and they sat in comfortable silence, Jennifer revelling in the safety of her husband's arms.
"Do you want to talk about?" Aaron questioned softly as his wife shifted in his arms.
"No, I'd rather not," Jennifer replied, almost coldly, but Aaron chose to ignore it.
"Okay… But when you're ready to talk about it I'll be here. I love you, Jennifer," he responded so sincerely JJ felt tears well up in her eyes.
"Always and forever?" Jennifer asked, in an almost childlike voice.
"Always and forever," Aaron promised, placing a kiss on the crown of his wife's head.
"What time is it?" Jennifer asked after a while, practically yawning on cue.
"8:30am. The boys woke up about half an hour ago and went downstairs," he told the young blonde in his arms.
"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked.
"Wanted to let you sleep in," he said while untangling himself from his wife and getting out of bed. "We have a long day ahead of us!"
"Huh?" Jennifer responded, clearly confused.
"We're going hiking in the woods today, remember?" Aaron said. At that, Jennifer nodded but went completely silent, almost catatonic. The fear of the nightmare- no, flashback, still lingered in the back of her mind. Jennifer was terrified of the woods, always has been. Ever since the day she had found Ros, the woods scared the hell out of her. Sure, she tolerated the woods when on the job but she wouldn't sleep for days, the memory of Rosaline haunting her like a ghost. The thought of going into the forest with her husband and their kids absolutely terrified her. She never told a single soul why she was afraid of the woods but they all knew of her fear. She had vowed never to speak of that day again, for it still haunted her that she was unable to save her sister from her own demons.
Hotch noticed the way his wife froze up at the mention of going hiking in the woods but he chose to not push the topic, knowing that it would only cause the blonde to retreat further into her mind rather than open up to him.
The married couple went about their morning together, neither one daring to mention the incident from this morning. The pair made breakfast, got the boys ready, and before they knew it, it was time to go hiking.
"Everyone ready?" Aaron questioned his family. Jennifer gave her husband a tight smile in response as the boys shook their heads in excitement.
The family left the house together, heading to the pathway leading into the woods at the edge of their neighbourhood. Aaron grabbed Jennifer's hand as they continued to walk down the pathway, giving it a small squeeze as they went.
They walked hand in hand and it was nice, peaceful even, but that didn't last long. As the family traveled further into the woods, Jennifer spotted a teenage girl propped up against a tree, reading a novel. To anyone else it would have been a perfectly normal moment, but to JJ it was something else entirely. She froze in her movements, losing touch with reality. Her mind couldn't make out the difference between the teenager reading, and the flashback of her sister lying lifeless in the woods, blood pouring from her wrists.
"Ro-Ros…" Jennifer choked out as she felt her legs go numb. The words caught in her throat, and JJ felt like she couldn't breathe. She gasped for air, and shaky hands wrapped around her throat. She was having a panic attack. She knew she was panicking but there was no way stop it. She could hear the faint screams of Henry and Jack yelling "mommy!" in the distance as she felt a firm hand grasp her shoulder.
"Jennifer! Jennifer, calm down. I need you to breathe baby," Hotch spoke reassuringly as he held her in his arms. Jennifer opened her eyes to find her husband's brown worried eyes staring at her. As she came back to reality, she looked around to find a crowd of people surrounding them. Amongst the crowd was the teenage girl who had been reading. She had a worried expression on her face as she locked eyes with JJ. As Jennifer came to the realization of everything happening around her, she sunk to the ground, the tears automatically falling from her eyes. Her body shook with sobs as Aaron wrapped his arms around her. The crowd began to disperse as time passed leaving only Jennifer and her family left sitting in the woods.
"Sweetheart… I need you to tell me what just happened. You really scared me there," Aaron whispered to his wife. In response, Jennifer buried her head deeper into her husband's chest, shaking her head as new tears started to fall.
"Jen, you can't keep hiding this from me," Hotch said, a little more firm this time.
"No. I don't want to talk about it," Jennifer responded, standing up and wiping the tears from her eyes. "This," she waved around at her surroundings, "can't keep happening. I hate the woods. End of story."
"Jennifer I have known you for eleven years now and we've been married for three of those years. I think I deserve to know why my wife is afraid of the woods," Aaron tried to stay calm as he glared at his wife.
"No! It's none of your business, you don't deserve to know anything Aaron!" JJ spat back and began to walk away. Aaron huffed in aggravation as he watched his wife head down the pathway back to their home.
"Come on boys, looks like it's time to go home," Hotch told the kids.
At home, the married couple didn't speak more than a few words to each other. Aaron was upset that his wife didn't seem to trust him enough to let him help her through this, and Jennifer was pissed he said he "deserved to know" why she hated the woods. He didn't 'deserve' to know anything. What happened when she was eleven was no one's business yet somehow she felt a pang of guilt from keeping this from her husband for so long.
The rest of the night went by quickly. They made dinner, the boys played outside for a little bit while Jennifer folded laundry. The night neared eight o'clock and the kids and Aaron came back into the house. It was time for the boys to go to bed so they quickly changed into their pajamas and waited for their mom to come kiss them goodnight.
"Night Mommy," Henry said sleepily as JJ kissed his forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too mom!" Jack added hurriedly.
"Love you both. Now go to sleep," Jennifer told her sons as she left the room. After shutting the door Jennifer made her way to her own room to find Aaron sitting the edge of the bed, deep in thought. She slowly approached him and sat herself next to him.
"I'm sorry," JJ said as he turned to look at her.
"I just don't understand why you don't trust me Jennifer. Three years we've been married and you're still running."
"No! That's not it at all," Jennifer shook her head. "I'm not running, I'm not hiding. I just- this is so hard for me."
"What's hard?" he asked entangling his hand with hers. "Being with me? Trusting me?"
"NO! It has nothing to do with you," she said lifting her hand up to play with the necklace hanging from her neck. "It's hard to talk about why I'm afraid of the woods. I've never told anyone. The only people who know are my parents but that's because they lived through it too."
"JJ you can trust me."
"I know," Jennifer said as she took a deep breath. "You know how I told you my sister killed herself when I was younger?" she asked and received a firm nod from her husband in response. "Well when I was eleven I came home from school one day and Rosaline wasn't home. I had assumed she was asleep and yelled that I was going outside to play. My backyard was basically a forest, so I went down my usual path to my favorite place in the woods, but as I was walking I saw blood," Jennifer took a shaky breath and Aaron squeezed her hand reassuringly, urging her on. "After I saw the blood I spotted a girl lying against a tree so I approached her, but as I got closer I saw that it was Ros. Her wrists were slit open and blood was pouring from them. When I kneeled in front of her the only thing I saw were her lifeless blue eyes staring back at me. I don't know how long I was out there for but the next thing I knew, I was being dragged away from her body by my dad," Jennifer said as she turned to face Hotch with tear stained eyes. "She was everything to me. And the night before I found her she gave me this necklace and told me to never forget how much she loved me, always and forever."
Aaron stared at his wife for a few seconds before pulling her in for a soft, languid kiss. It wasn't short but it wasn't long either. It was just deep enough to convey his love for her. After they parted Jennifer smiled up at her husband.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that but she is always going to be apart of you," Hotch said pointing to his wife's necklace. "She loves you. And I love you, Jennifer. Always and forever."
JJ leaned into her husband's embrace, completely content to lay in his arms for the rest of her life.
"Always and forever," Jennifer promised as she allowed herself to drift off into a peaceful sleep.