Regina turns the key in the lock to her front door and pushes it open with the last of her energy. She's had the mother of all bad days, and all she wants to do is sink into the bath tub and soak until she's ready for bed. As much as she wishes she could though, she has to get dinner ready for Henry and drop him off at his grandparents' house soon. The door shuts behind her with a snick and she gratefully slips out of her shoes, hissing in relief as her feet are freed of the four inch heels. The headache that had been building slowly all day is now thumping dully in her temples and she rubs at them to try to ease the pain. As Regina slowly makes her way up the foyer stairs she attempts to put the stress of the day behind her and focus on making dinner for her son, but it's still nagging at all the edges of her brain.
She may be the mayor again, but that doesn't mean she has everyone in town's trust. Not by a long shot. She's grown accustomed to the daily challenging of her opinions, her methods, her ideas, but today was different. Over the last few months Regina has developed a plan to set up a youth center in town. It's become the mayor's pet project; she wanted to create somewhere safe for the kids of Storybrooke. It's to be fully equipped with a daycare center, and after school programs set up for elementary school kids all the way up to the high school kids. Storybrooke is pretty safe if you discount the magical villains and battles that come smashing through town every other month. But it's also a pretty sleepy place to live and Regina knows that if kids get bored they're going to find a way to get into trouble. Initial support for the project had been easy to obtain, minus the one ridiculous accusation from a townsperson that Regina was trying to corrupt the youth, or worse that she was trying to put them all in one place to make it easier to target them.
Normally the idiocy of the average townsperson doesn't faze Regina much, but that one stung. Even as the Evil Queen she'd never hurt a child. A point she made explicitly clear at that first meeting in response to the foolish townsman. But since the project's inception, she's been having difficulty getting things done the way they need to be. No one's listening to her, no one's agreeing with her, and the project is hemorrhaging money. If they don't do something soon, they'll have to abandon it altogether, which is something Regina is not willing to let happen. So she had stayed up all night and devised a plan to save the project and construct a respectable youth center. She pitched the plan today to the committee, and proving themselves fools once again, they shot it down. Instead they elected Snow White's ill-advised and sure to be unsuccessful proposal. The twit may have been a queen in the old world, but she certainly has no skill for managing money in this world.
So Regina had trudged home, still wracking her brain for a way to save her youth center. But the day didn't end there. When she got home, Henry had been in one of his adolescent moods. He had asked to go to a friend's house, but he had already promised to watch his one year old uncle for his grandparents tonight and Regina wasn't about to let him back out of a commitment or responsibility. It had blown up into a fight and ended with Henry screaming "I hate you!"
Each word was like a twisting knife in Regina's heart, but she just had to pray he didn't really mean it. Now she's sitting in her study by herself. She hadn't really had the appetite for dinner, so she'd forgone it. She has a glass of cider in her hand, but she's swirling it around absentmindedly more than drinking it. She's startled out of her stupor by a knock on the front door.
Before she even gets to the door Regina knows who it is. The infuriating blonde, even her knock screams defiance and independence. Regina takes a deep breath to prepare herself before she opens the door, never knowing what exhausting whirlwind of trouble Emma is going to bring with her. When she pulls the door open though she's surprised to see a sympathetic gleam to the sheriff's sheepish gaze. Her fists are stuffed into the pockets of her ridiculously tight skinny jeans and she's wearing her favorite red jacket like armor. She breathes out a quiet "Hey," and it reminds Regina of another night five years ago when Emma Swan had first crashed gracelessly into her life.
"What are you doing here, Emma?" Regina asks, hoping to convey with her tone that she's already finished with this conversation.
"Henry told me you two had a fight. I know it hits you hard when that happens, so I came to check on you." Emma finishes the statement with a shrug and an awkward shuffling of her feet. For a moment Regina says nothing, her only response is to raise an eyebrow flawlessly and stare at Emma. The surprise she feels that anyone, much less Henry's other mother, is concerned with the Evil Queen's wellbeing is locked safely behind the near expressionless mask almost always etched onto Regina's face.
After another moment of Regina's silence Emma sighs and shrugs again before speaking once more, "C'mon Regina, I really did just want to see if you're okay. I get it if you don't want to talk to me, but I know a little bit about what it's like to get into a fight with the kid as well. He takes out his anger on me too, you know. And it fucking hurts."
Regina snorts at that, but she follows it up with a deep sigh and steps aside to let Emma in. Even with the blonde standing tactlessly in her foyer beside her Regina feels the pervasive loneliness that has marked her whole life, and something in her snaps. She doesn't want to spend another night crying herself to sleep. She doesn't want to be alone anymore. She doesn't want her heart to feel so empty and alone tonight. So she turns her back to Emma briefly and sets her practically untouched glass of cider on the decorative foyer table then looks into the mirror hanging above it. First she meets her own gaze and sucks in another fortifying breath before she connects with the blonde's eyes in the reflective surface.
Something in Emma tells her maybe she should be worried about what's to come next but she couldn't break her stare with the queen if she wanted to. Regina turns around slowly, adding a sensual sway to her hips as she steps closer to Emma who watches the brunette's approach with wide eyes. She gulps once and hopes Regina doesn't hear it, but the chances of that are fairly slim as the other woman is now only inches from the blonde. The small quirk of the queen's lips tells Emma that the sound of her gulp was not missed. She can practically feel Regina's chest rising against her own; if the darker woman takes one more step it will certainly be the case.
When Regina speaks Emma can feel the other woman's breath on her cheek, "If you don't want this, all you have to say is stop."
But Emma has wanted this for a long time, and Regina knows it. She'd noted Emma's latent attraction to her and filed it away to be used at a later date if necessary. Something the blonde had already figured out, but she desperately hopes that the other woman doesn't know how deeply her feelings run, how much Emma truly loves the queen. Her gut tells her though that Regina couldn't possibly know, and it breaks Emma's heart. Not because she fears her love is unrequited, though she does. And not because she wishes she could get rid of the burden that is keeping her love a secret and just tell Regina, though she does. But because she knows that Regina doesn't believe a soul on this earth could love her, and that's more painful than the rest of it combined. Emma suspects it doesn't come close to Regina's pain though.
Emma hasn't spoken any response to Regina's last comment, but she has closed her eyes. She's waiting, waiting, waiting for Regina to make the first move. She wants to give Regina the liberty to take all the control she needs in this situation; something inside Emma tells her that it's what the brunette needs. When the other woman's lips first connect with hers however, it lights a fire in Emma that she hasn't felt in a long time.
Regina's kiss is exactly how the sheriff imagined, yet nothing like it. It's soulful and intense, like everything Regina commits to doing. But it's also so much better than Emma could have ever pictured and she finds she's just trying to keep up. So she wraps her arms around Regina, weaving one hand through dark chocolate hair and holds on for dear life.
It takes Emma a few moments to register that they've started moving. She has no idea where they're going and frankly she doesn't care. Slowly she realizes they've started to move upstairs and the whole situation becomes that much more real to both of them. When the back of Regina's foot bumps against the last stair leading to the second floor, it dawns on her just what she's about to do. She pulls away from Emma briefly and holds the other woman's stare for a moment, searching for something in Emma's forest green eyes. What she's looking for though, she hasn't the faintest clue.
The first spike of insecurity pricks at the base of her spine then, but she pushes through it and surges into another kiss with the blonde. She resumes moving backwards and drags Emma down the hall towards her bedroom, determined to ignore the increasing anxiety bubbling up in her. The sheriff begins to notice something a little off in Regina, and she wonders if it has to do with the faint trace of cider she can taste on the darker woman's tongue.
"Regina, Regina, hold up." Emma breathlessly gets out between kisses. Regina pushes Emma up against her bedroom door but doesn't move to kiss Emma again, waiting as instructed. "How much did you have to drink?"
The queen gives Emma a practically feral smile and pushes her body further into the blonde's, and now Emma really can feel each of Regina's breaths in sync with her own. The brunette runs one finger down the side of Emma's face and brings it to a rest on pink lips before responding in a husky voice,"I only had two sips of one glass of cider. I assure you, I'm not drunk. I'm not even tipsy." Regina's not surprised when it comes out sounding more confident than she feels, she's had years and years of training, and necessity was her teacher.
Emma nods, but she still seems unconvinced so she pushes the issue further, "Are you okay? Is this okay?"
For a second the predatory look in Regina's eyes drops and she takes a moment to center herself before responding. "I'm better now. And this is very much 'okay,' Emma." It's not a lie, she does feel better since Emma showed up concerned for Regina, just knowing that at least someone cares. And how could this not be okay? She started it, so she has to be okay with it, right?
She had whispered the blonde's name in her ear, meanwhile her hands have slid down to rest on Emma's shoulders. They slip inside the red leather to rest on the bare skin of the other woman's shoulders and she meets Emma's gaze again as she continues to speak. "Remember, all you have to say is stop. Can I kiss you again, or would you like to end this right here?"
Emma takes in a deep lungful of air and says nothing. After a long breath, she simply moves forward and resumes the passionate kiss and fumbles for the doorknob behind her. When she finds it both women tumble through the door and into Regina's bedroom. The anxiety is starting to burst into Regina's chest, but she continues to ignore it. Desperate to get control of the situation and herself she rips off Emma's jacket and pushes Emma so the sheriff falls backwards onto the bed. Feeling a bit more in control, Regina begins to unbutton her own shirt and the feeling of having Emma's captivated and undivided attention burns in her veins like a drug.
The queen crosses the small gap between them, places herself on the other woman's lap and starts kissing Emma once more. Soon the blonde's hands are winding behind her back and unhooking the clasp of Regina's satin purple bra. When her breasts are exposed, that's when the anxious feeling surges up again like tendrils in her chest, and Regina sucks in a deep breath as discretely as she can. Emma is starting to move them into a horizontal position and climb on top of Regina who's starting to feel like she can't breathe. When the sheriff's fingers begin dancing lightly over the brunette's stomach moving towards the button of her pants is when Regina knows she can't go through with this.
Her breath catches in her throat for a moment, but before the button is undone she chokes out, "Stop, stop, I changed my mind."
Emma instantly leaps off of Regina and stumbles backwards a few steps across the carpet. She runs a hand through her thick blonde hair and moves immediately to concern for Regina, who has scooted back on the bed into a seated position. She's covering her breasts with her hands and her knees, which she's tucked up to her chest and there are tears of embarrassment and self consciousness starting to fill her eyes. Emma turns quickly towards the dresser on the opposite side of the room, but Regina thinks she's heading for the door.
"Wait, wait! Don't go! I can do better." The last part comes out as barely a whisper, and Emma swallows the bile that rises in her throat at the thought of someone making Regina believe she needed to 'do better.'
The blonde continues on her mission, but looks over her shoulder to say "I'm not going anywhere, I promise," before she rummages through Regina's drawers to find her a top. She grabs the first comfortable sweater she can find and rushes it back over to the other woman. The queen pulls it on gratefully as soon as Emma extends it to her. Once she's covered up some of Regina's panic subsides slightly. She continues taking deep breaths and Emma gingerly sits next to her on the edge of the bed but takes care not to touch Regina.
After a few moments and a few more deep breaths, Regina calms enough to turn to Emma and look her in the eye once more. "I'm sorry. I thought that that was what I wanted, I just, I'm not ready to move that fast."
Emma tries to make sure her voice is as reassuring as possible when she speaks again, "Hey, listen to me, Regina. You don't ever have to apologize for not wanting to have sex or for changing your mind or anything like that, okay?"
Regina doesn't say anything, choosing instead to focus on her breathing once more. Emma doesn't push, but she doesn't go anywhere either, attempting to synchronize her breaths with Regina's. But after several long moments of silence she feels like she has to say something.
"Are you okay?" She asks tentatively. Regina lets out a watery chuckle at that, and the note of self derision doesn't escape Emma. She can see that the queen's walls are rapidly being drawn up to their full height around the woman's heart once more.
"I'm fine, Emma." Her voice doesn't carry the same strength it always does, but it doesn't waver either and that's all Regina can ask for at this point. "Really, Emma. I'm alright. Thank you for coming to check on me, but I'm fine. You can go home now." The thought of facing this night alone in her empty home makes Regina's chest ache, but she couldn't possibly ask Emma to stay now.
Emma seems stunned for a moment at the abrupt dismissal, but she doesn't know what else to say. She stands up and moves to pick up her jacket from the floor and begins to exit the master bedroom. But something still feels off. She steels her resolve and turns back around to face Regina.
"Do you want me to go?"
Regina is caught off guard by the sudden question, "What?"
Emma repeats herself, and watches the brunette closely as she forms a response.
"I- of course. Don't be absurd. There's no reason for you to stay." Regina tugs on the sleeves of her sweater and refuses to meet the blonde's eyes.
Emma watches for a minute more before she breathes out a quiet, "You're lying."
Normally the accusation would have outraged Regina, but tonight she's just so tired. Tired of pretending, and tired of being alone. Her shoulders sag heavily and she tries to subtly wipe at the tears forming in her eyes again. When she finally speaks, Emma has to strain to hear her. "I just wanted someone to stay."
Emma sighs and takes a moment to draw up her courage. She steps closer to the bed until she's bridged the space between the two of them and kneels so she's eye level with Regina. She smiles softly at the brunette and reaches out her hand but leaves it resting palm up on the bed sheet; an open invitation for Regina to hold if she wishes. "All you had to do was ask."
Regina clasps Emma's hand tightly and gives it a gentle tug, so Emma moves so that she's sitting on the bed once more. She kicks off her boots and crawls under the covers next to Regina, making sure to leave a respectable space between them, but their hands are still clasped together under the blankets. They're both lying on their sides facing each other when Emma speaks up again. She echoes her earlier words, "Are you okay? Is this okay?"
Regina laughs a little and rolls her eyes at how absurd this whole situation feels, but more than that at how right it feels. "I really am better now. And this is perfect."