A Notorius Litter of Cats
By: Jessica R Vance
Rating: PG
Summary: Guess who's expecting...? XD
Disclaimer: I own all the kits, but not the parents. They belong to a rug. I mean RUG. Oops.
~*~
"Wot took you so long, Teaza?" Mungojerrie asked his mate impatiently, tapping a foot. He had run ahead of her to their next job, the house next door. "Oi've been waitin' 'ere fo' foive minutes!"
A very angry Rumpleteazer frowned at him. "Well if YOU 'ad this load t' carry 'round, Oi don' suppose YOU'd be movin' too fast!" she snapped, indicating her swollen belly.
The tom laughed sheepishly. "Yeh... Oi guess yo' roight."
"Ya know," Rumple puffed, following him in through an open window, "Oi don' think Oi should be doin' this too much. Me bein'... 'ow Oi am."
"A wawlkin' oven?" her mate laughed. Rumple glared daggers at him.
"If Oi wasn't so bloomin' pregnant, Oi'd pummel you," she hissed. Mungo hugged her.
"Aw, don' be loike 'at, Teaza. Oi luv ya."
"Then why ah ya so mean t' me?"
"'Cos Oi luv ya."
Rumple sighed. "Tha' don't make much sense."
"Luv ain't s'posed t'. Now you sit down theh an Oi'll 'andle this run."
"Blinkin' roight you betta," Rumpleteazer muttered under her breath, curling up on the windowsill and watching her mate raid the neighbor's kitchen.
~*~
"Damn, Teazer," Bombalurina commented when the tabby queen waddled into the junkyard the next day, "Any day now, huh?"
"Oy..." Rumpleteazer sighed, gingerly lowering herself onto a pile of newspapers. "Yep. And Oi'll be glad t' 'ave 'em out, too. Oi can't go on runs with Mungo loike this!" Suddenly she screeched loudly. Bomba's eyes widened.
"What's wrong!?"
"Great 'Eavysoide..." Rumple panted, "Oi think they're comin, Bom!"
Bombalurina turned pale. "Coming?! Now?! The kittens?! You're having kittens?!?!"
"Only sloightly," the younger queen growled through gritted teeth. "Go get some'ne, QUICK!"
"JENNY!!!"
~*~
"Breathe, dear, breathe..."
"Oi AM breathin!"
"Calm down!" Jennyanydots ordered, frowning, "You can't have kittens in a state like this!"
"Oh, I think she's having them no matter what," Bomba commented, staring at Rumpleteazer with eyes as big as saucers.
"Quick question," the queen in labor asked in a strained way, "'As anyone thought t' go get Jerrie?"
"Who?"
"THA FATHA!"
"Oh, JERRIE! Mungo- ah, dammit. I'll go-" but the red queen's words were cut short. "Heavyside! What is THAT!?"
Rumpleteazer yowled. "It's a kitten, Bombalurina," Jennyanydots calmly explained, wiping Rumple's brow with a cold rag. "Now go get-"
*CLUNK*
Jennyanydots sighed. Bombalurina had fainted.
~*~
"Jerrieeeee! Oi'm gonna DIE!" Rumpleteazer sobbed to her mate. She was on her third kitten.
"Yo' not gonna die, Teaz..." her mate said, trying to be encouraging. But judging by the look of the things she was pushing out of her body, he had his doubts. Rumpleteazer grimaced and started on the fourth.
"Is 'at wot they're *supposed* t' look loike?" he whispered to Jenny.
"Yes, dear," the head mother laughed gently, "They're perfectly healthy. Two toms and a queen..." She wiped off the fourth kitten, "And another queen!" she exclaimed proudly. "The two toms are a pair of twins," she informed Mungojerrie, "They look just like you!"
"Joy," Mungo said, staring at Rumple. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and she was panting heavily. "Is 'at tha last one?" he asked urgently, gesturing toward the fifth kitten.
"Seems so," Jenny answered, cleaning it off, "Another tom. My, you *are* going to have your paws full with this lot."
"Oy!" Rumple exclaimed, going slightly limp. "Ah... ah they... 'ealthy?" she asked. Jenny nodded and the tabbys sighed in relief. "'Eavysoide, 'ow many did Oi push out, theh? Felt loike 'undreds."
"Only foive," her mate answered, grinning at the tiny kittens. They were pushing close to their mother, looking for milk.
"Only!?" the queen hissed, then leaned her head back, "Oy, Oi'm too tired t'- MEEP!" She blinked. "Blimey!" Glancing down at her litter, she raised an eyebrow. "One o' tha lil' buggas tugged on me."
Mungojerrie laughed. "'E's jus' lookin' fo' a bit o' somfin t' eat," he said gently. He nuzzled Rumpleteazer. "Oi'm proud o' ya."
"Oi'm proud o' me too," she answered, "Oi'd 'ave neva thought Oi could push foive o' those things outta me!"
Rumpleteazer gathered some of the kittens to her and began to groom them, purring softly. Suddenly she looked up at Mungojerrie in an unusual manner, almost as though she were angry with him, or was very worried.
Jenny recognized the look. "I think it's best if you left for a while, dear," she told Mungo, escorting him gently outside.
"Wot's wrong with Teaza?" he asked worriedly, "Is she awl roight?"
"It's perfectly normal," Jenny answered, "For a little while after a queen has kittens, she doesn't like for anyone to be around them, even the father."
"Oi wasn't gonna 'urt 'em."
"I know you weren't, and I don't think Rumpleteazer thought you were. But it's a mother's instinct, my dear, it's nothing we can help." Mungojerrie frowned.
"Queens ah strange. When d'ya think Oi can see 'er?"
"There's no way of knowing. Every queen's protective period is different. Why don't you go spread the happy news while you're waiting?"
Mungo's eyes lit up. "Awl roight!" And he bounced off to do just that.
~*~
"Munku?"
The silver tabby raised his head. "Mmph," he muttered, then snuggled back into Demeter's soft golden fur. His breathing slowed and Mungojerrie could tell he was asleep again.
"Munku, wake *up.* It's impo'tant!"
"I'm trying to sleep. This is also important."
Mungojerrie huffed and pulled on the older tom's ear. "Rum... ple... tea... za... jus'... 'ad... foive... kits," he said, tugging Munku's ear to emphasize each syllable.
"Yes, Jerrie, that's... five kits!?" the tribe's protector was wide awake now. "When!?"
"Jus' now."
"How many?"
"... Foive."
"When?"
"Munku, dear," the now awake Demeter said, laughing at her mate, "Calm down."
"How is she doing?" Munkustrap asked, finally finding the sense to ask a decent question.
"Jus' foine. 'Cept she don' wanna see me. Jenny says it's instinct." Munkustrap glanced at Demeter.
"Demi?"
"Perfectly normal, dear," she assured him. Then she turned to the new father. "Are the kittens healthy, Mungojerrie?"
"Yep," he answered, puffing out his chest, "They take afta me, they do. Three toms an' two lil' queens. Perdy lil' things. When Oi lef', they was 'avin' a boite t' eat an' a bath."
"They take after *you?*" Munkustrap asked wearily and sighed. "Wonderful." Mungojerrie grinned hugely.
"It's great! We'll 'ave lotsa lil' MEs runnin' about!"
"Heavyside..."
"Well, Oi jus' thought Oi'd come an' tell you two. You can come an' see em, later, awl roight?" With that, Mungojerrie ran off to announce the birth.
Demeter chuckled to herself and wrapped her tail around her mate. "Hey you," she purred, "You ever thought about having kittens?"
"I'd rather have a junkyard full of little Mungojerries and Rumpleteazers than a junkyard full of little Demeters. Can you imagine the noise?" This comment was immediately followed by a swift bonk on the head. "Ooooooowwwww..."
"Serves you right," the little queen muttered, laying her head down on her paws.
~*~
Rumpleteazer lay grooming the smaller kit, her youngest son. "Teraphin," she muttered to herself, licking the tiny kitten's head, "'At'll be yo' name." She glanced at the others. "You two," she said to herself, shaking her head at the twin toms, "Oi dunno about you two. Yo' gonna be jus' loike yo' dad, Oi'd waga. You look loike 'im, anyways. Bunklrey an' Booterpaw." She laughed. "Those seem fittin'. Now lessee..."
She gazed at the rest of her litter. "Phylia..." she told her younger girl, "An' Vidalia. Theh now, those seem t' fit." She smiled. "Me whole bloomin' family! Well, 'cept fo' tha-"
"Feelin' betta, Teaza?"
"...fatha." She smiled up at Mungojerrie. "Yep. Oi got a bit o' rest an' got awl tha kits named."
"Without me!?"
"You wasn't 'ere. B'soides, you'da gone with woteva Oi'da said anyways."
"... Yo' roight. So whatcha name 'em?"
"Well, tha oldes' one theh's Vidalia, an' tha twins ah Booterpaw an' Bunklrey. Tha otha gihl's Phylia an' tha last boy's Teraphin. Ya loike?"
"Oi loike." Mungojerrie rubbed the youngest kitten's head gently. "Toiny toike, this 'ne."
"Yeh... 'e tuhned out a bit smawla than tha rest." Rumpleteazer nuzzled the tiny kit. He yawned and snuggled up against her stomach. She sighed. "They're such darlin's."
Oh, how wrong she was.
~Fin de Part One~
By: Jessica R Vance
Rating: PG
Summary: Guess who's expecting...? XD
Disclaimer: I own all the kits, but not the parents. They belong to a rug. I mean RUG. Oops.
~*~
"Wot took you so long, Teaza?" Mungojerrie asked his mate impatiently, tapping a foot. He had run ahead of her to their next job, the house next door. "Oi've been waitin' 'ere fo' foive minutes!"
A very angry Rumpleteazer frowned at him. "Well if YOU 'ad this load t' carry 'round, Oi don' suppose YOU'd be movin' too fast!" she snapped, indicating her swollen belly.
The tom laughed sheepishly. "Yeh... Oi guess yo' roight."
"Ya know," Rumple puffed, following him in through an open window, "Oi don' think Oi should be doin' this too much. Me bein'... 'ow Oi am."
"A wawlkin' oven?" her mate laughed. Rumple glared daggers at him.
"If Oi wasn't so bloomin' pregnant, Oi'd pummel you," she hissed. Mungo hugged her.
"Aw, don' be loike 'at, Teaza. Oi luv ya."
"Then why ah ya so mean t' me?"
"'Cos Oi luv ya."
Rumple sighed. "Tha' don't make much sense."
"Luv ain't s'posed t'. Now you sit down theh an Oi'll 'andle this run."
"Blinkin' roight you betta," Rumpleteazer muttered under her breath, curling up on the windowsill and watching her mate raid the neighbor's kitchen.
~*~
"Damn, Teazer," Bombalurina commented when the tabby queen waddled into the junkyard the next day, "Any day now, huh?"
"Oy..." Rumpleteazer sighed, gingerly lowering herself onto a pile of newspapers. "Yep. And Oi'll be glad t' 'ave 'em out, too. Oi can't go on runs with Mungo loike this!" Suddenly she screeched loudly. Bomba's eyes widened.
"What's wrong!?"
"Great 'Eavysoide..." Rumple panted, "Oi think they're comin, Bom!"
Bombalurina turned pale. "Coming?! Now?! The kittens?! You're having kittens?!?!"
"Only sloightly," the younger queen growled through gritted teeth. "Go get some'ne, QUICK!"
"JENNY!!!"
~*~
"Breathe, dear, breathe..."
"Oi AM breathin!"
"Calm down!" Jennyanydots ordered, frowning, "You can't have kittens in a state like this!"
"Oh, I think she's having them no matter what," Bomba commented, staring at Rumpleteazer with eyes as big as saucers.
"Quick question," the queen in labor asked in a strained way, "'As anyone thought t' go get Jerrie?"
"Who?"
"THA FATHA!"
"Oh, JERRIE! Mungo- ah, dammit. I'll go-" but the red queen's words were cut short. "Heavyside! What is THAT!?"
Rumpleteazer yowled. "It's a kitten, Bombalurina," Jennyanydots calmly explained, wiping Rumple's brow with a cold rag. "Now go get-"
*CLUNK*
Jennyanydots sighed. Bombalurina had fainted.
~*~
"Jerrieeeee! Oi'm gonna DIE!" Rumpleteazer sobbed to her mate. She was on her third kitten.
"Yo' not gonna die, Teaz..." her mate said, trying to be encouraging. But judging by the look of the things she was pushing out of her body, he had his doubts. Rumpleteazer grimaced and started on the fourth.
"Is 'at wot they're *supposed* t' look loike?" he whispered to Jenny.
"Yes, dear," the head mother laughed gently, "They're perfectly healthy. Two toms and a queen..." She wiped off the fourth kitten, "And another queen!" she exclaimed proudly. "The two toms are a pair of twins," she informed Mungojerrie, "They look just like you!"
"Joy," Mungo said, staring at Rumple. Her eyes were screwed tightly shut and she was panting heavily. "Is 'at tha last one?" he asked urgently, gesturing toward the fifth kitten.
"Seems so," Jenny answered, cleaning it off, "Another tom. My, you *are* going to have your paws full with this lot."
"Oy!" Rumple exclaimed, going slightly limp. "Ah... ah they... 'ealthy?" she asked. Jenny nodded and the tabbys sighed in relief. "'Eavysoide, 'ow many did Oi push out, theh? Felt loike 'undreds."
"Only foive," her mate answered, grinning at the tiny kittens. They were pushing close to their mother, looking for milk.
"Only!?" the queen hissed, then leaned her head back, "Oy, Oi'm too tired t'- MEEP!" She blinked. "Blimey!" Glancing down at her litter, she raised an eyebrow. "One o' tha lil' buggas tugged on me."
Mungojerrie laughed. "'E's jus' lookin' fo' a bit o' somfin t' eat," he said gently. He nuzzled Rumpleteazer. "Oi'm proud o' ya."
"Oi'm proud o' me too," she answered, "Oi'd 'ave neva thought Oi could push foive o' those things outta me!"
Rumpleteazer gathered some of the kittens to her and began to groom them, purring softly. Suddenly she looked up at Mungojerrie in an unusual manner, almost as though she were angry with him, or was very worried.
Jenny recognized the look. "I think it's best if you left for a while, dear," she told Mungo, escorting him gently outside.
"Wot's wrong with Teaza?" he asked worriedly, "Is she awl roight?"
"It's perfectly normal," Jenny answered, "For a little while after a queen has kittens, she doesn't like for anyone to be around them, even the father."
"Oi wasn't gonna 'urt 'em."
"I know you weren't, and I don't think Rumpleteazer thought you were. But it's a mother's instinct, my dear, it's nothing we can help." Mungojerrie frowned.
"Queens ah strange. When d'ya think Oi can see 'er?"
"There's no way of knowing. Every queen's protective period is different. Why don't you go spread the happy news while you're waiting?"
Mungo's eyes lit up. "Awl roight!" And he bounced off to do just that.
~*~
"Munku?"
The silver tabby raised his head. "Mmph," he muttered, then snuggled back into Demeter's soft golden fur. His breathing slowed and Mungojerrie could tell he was asleep again.
"Munku, wake *up.* It's impo'tant!"
"I'm trying to sleep. This is also important."
Mungojerrie huffed and pulled on the older tom's ear. "Rum... ple... tea... za... jus'... 'ad... foive... kits," he said, tugging Munku's ear to emphasize each syllable.
"Yes, Jerrie, that's... five kits!?" the tribe's protector was wide awake now. "When!?"
"Jus' now."
"How many?"
"... Foive."
"When?"
"Munku, dear," the now awake Demeter said, laughing at her mate, "Calm down."
"How is she doing?" Munkustrap asked, finally finding the sense to ask a decent question.
"Jus' foine. 'Cept she don' wanna see me. Jenny says it's instinct." Munkustrap glanced at Demeter.
"Demi?"
"Perfectly normal, dear," she assured him. Then she turned to the new father. "Are the kittens healthy, Mungojerrie?"
"Yep," he answered, puffing out his chest, "They take afta me, they do. Three toms an' two lil' queens. Perdy lil' things. When Oi lef', they was 'avin' a boite t' eat an' a bath."
"They take after *you?*" Munkustrap asked wearily and sighed. "Wonderful." Mungojerrie grinned hugely.
"It's great! We'll 'ave lotsa lil' MEs runnin' about!"
"Heavyside..."
"Well, Oi jus' thought Oi'd come an' tell you two. You can come an' see em, later, awl roight?" With that, Mungojerrie ran off to announce the birth.
Demeter chuckled to herself and wrapped her tail around her mate. "Hey you," she purred, "You ever thought about having kittens?"
"I'd rather have a junkyard full of little Mungojerries and Rumpleteazers than a junkyard full of little Demeters. Can you imagine the noise?" This comment was immediately followed by a swift bonk on the head. "Ooooooowwwww..."
"Serves you right," the little queen muttered, laying her head down on her paws.
~*~
Rumpleteazer lay grooming the smaller kit, her youngest son. "Teraphin," she muttered to herself, licking the tiny kitten's head, "'At'll be yo' name." She glanced at the others. "You two," she said to herself, shaking her head at the twin toms, "Oi dunno about you two. Yo' gonna be jus' loike yo' dad, Oi'd waga. You look loike 'im, anyways. Bunklrey an' Booterpaw." She laughed. "Those seem fittin'. Now lessee..."
She gazed at the rest of her litter. "Phylia..." she told her younger girl, "An' Vidalia. Theh now, those seem t' fit." She smiled. "Me whole bloomin' family! Well, 'cept fo' tha-"
"Feelin' betta, Teaza?"
"...fatha." She smiled up at Mungojerrie. "Yep. Oi got a bit o' rest an' got awl tha kits named."
"Without me!?"
"You wasn't 'ere. B'soides, you'da gone with woteva Oi'da said anyways."
"... Yo' roight. So whatcha name 'em?"
"Well, tha oldes' one theh's Vidalia, an' tha twins ah Booterpaw an' Bunklrey. Tha otha gihl's Phylia an' tha last boy's Teraphin. Ya loike?"
"Oi loike." Mungojerrie rubbed the youngest kitten's head gently. "Toiny toike, this 'ne."
"Yeh... 'e tuhned out a bit smawla than tha rest." Rumpleteazer nuzzled the tiny kit. He yawned and snuggled up against her stomach. She sighed. "They're such darlin's."
Oh, how wrong she was.
~Fin de Part One~