Why do I subject myself to this torture? Why didn't anyone ever tell me that unrequited love hurt so much? Why didn't anyone warn me that loving someone that doesn't feel the same way was going to fuck with my head? Why did I let myself get my hopes up over time and time again even after I told myself I don't have a chance?
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I like you and you know that, I'm not sure, however, whether you are aware of how deep my feelings actually go.
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I hate myself for liking you but I can't help it. I hate myself for getting my hopes up. I hate myself for this… I hate myself for the thoughts that run through my head that make me toss and turn at night.
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I hate the fact that when you talk about 'them' my replies become shorter and shorter hoping that you would get the idea that I don't want to know, that I don't to hear this, that it hurts and I am to afraid to tell you. I hate the fact that when it ends with 'them' I can't consol you properly, that I can't be the best friend that I can be, because stupidly enough I get my hopes up again.
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I know that I don't stand a chance. I know that you don't feel the same. I know that you think I act like some of your friends. I know that I'm an idiot for feeling like this. I know that I shouldn't even bother.
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You say to me that it just be the same that you would just get hurt again. I say to you that I would never hurt you; I wouldn't have waited this long this patiently to hurt you, to lose you in anyway.
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I need a straight answer because there are always valid reasons behind why I get my hopes. I need to know whether I stand a chance at all. I need to know if I am going to continue to feel like this…
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I love you and I know that you don't feel the same.