Past

by interstellarpirate

Another very small ficlet written for Ft Angst Week on Tumblr. This is for Day #5. The prompt was Past. This is written from Erza's point of view. Also, just to clarify, Mashima has drawn Jellal before with blue eyes and I love him with blue eyes, so I describe his eyes as blue sometimes. If you're gonna leave a review, please don't tell me his eyes aren't blue. Thanks.

I watch him struggle. I watch him fight off the ghosts of his past. But oh how I don't want want to see this. How I don't want to see those soft, blue eyes shimmering with moisture, unrelenting. I watch the first tear slip past the deep red of his tattooed face. It's too much for me to bear, but it's okay. I allow him at least that much. He deserves it. But I also want him to know he's not alone. The ghosts of my past haunt me as well. It doesn't take words. I open my arms to him, and he watches me, and then lowers his head, bangs shielding his eyes from my view before coming to me. It reminds me of Nirvana, almost. Back then, if I weren't so confused and filled with anger and frustration at what was transpiring, I would have done just that for him. Now, I can.

As I gather him into my arms, her buries face into my shoulder, and I wrap my arms soothingly around his head, holding him close. I feel his body quaking underneath my grasp. I hear his breath hitching softly in my ear. I hear him choke out my name in a strangled whisper. I feel the warmth of this tears trailing down my neck and arm, and squeeze him closer, as if I could envelope him enough to take away all of his pain, all of his sorrow, all of his remorse, and all of his suffering that the past has done to him and still continues to put him through. I run my fingers through his soft locks of cerulean hair. He leans further into me, but his crying does not cease.

I massage his scalp with one hand and press my body as close as I can possibly get to his, shushing him softly as mother would to a newborn. I let my own tears fall, soaking his cloaked shoulder, and he doesn't seem to mind. He just wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. It's almost desperate as he clings to me. He can do nothing but cling to that source of comfort, as if my grip around his body will keep the pieces of him held together. I won't let my star fall. I won't let him crash into the earth and cease to exist. No. I will help him keep living and help him keep going. If I could make the past go away, Jellal, I would... in a heartbeat, and until your suffering has eased. Please know, that I'm with you.