Notes: So, after years and years, I'm back to the Kingdom Hearts fandom. This game ruined my emotions and I loved every second of it. I apologize in advance for any grammar and spelling mistakes, English is not my first language and writing this story is being a very special challenge for me. Criticism is valid and welcome. I truly hope you like it! Thanks for reading 3
"There is no saving you."
The words echoed in Sora's mind, going back and forth. He heard that same line an alarming number of times before – when he jumped into the deepest darkness, the deepest trap, looking for… something. Memories? Illusions? Shaped like his friends, to deceive him? Or… to guide him towards his true mission? He was warned that, should he go too far, he might not be able to come back. That darkness would consume him, trap him into eternal slumber.
And still… he jumped. And came back, apparently unharmed, after all.
But now, those words came back. And this time, they sounded even more dangerous. Being locked for eternity in a sleeping pocket of reality was terrible, yes, but it opened the tiny but real possibility of being rescued. His friends were stubborn and reckless and awesome and they would save him, like they did. If there was a chance, they would take it. He knew them. He'd do the same.
But… how would they be able to save him from death itself?
He flirted with his own demise far more times than he should. To the point of losing his own body, staying at the verge of all worlds, so close to simply disappearing. But nothing about his life was usual, and somehow he ended in that place in the most unusual way possible, so unusual that he actually had a chance to put himself together and go back. He needed to, his friends all counted on it. He lost them all once, he would be damned if he died before them without a chance to protect them. He'd see that battle through.
...until she was taken from him.
Xehanort and all his vessels were cunning. They hit where it would hurt more. Thinking about it, it was a bit of Sora's fault, after all saying how his friends were his power was the easiest way to show to the world his biggest weakness. But they went too far, toying with his feelings, with his beliefs like they were nothing. Treating him like just one of their puppets. The final strike was simply too much. Kairi, thrown in a battle she didn't ask for, still decided to fight by their side. She promised to save him, but that wasn't right, she didn't have to, she shouldn't have to!
And now she was gone.
Looking for her was not a hard decision at all. And deciding to look for her alone wasn't, either. After all was said and done, after their enemy was defeated, that mission was his to complete. He still remembered the taste of the paopu fruit they shared the day before – less sweet than he expected, a sour but refreshing note, a chewy and juicy texture. That was their bond, and their destinies intertwined, as the legends said. Refreshing and bittersweet.
But he wasn't ready. And, as he prepared to embark in that last journey, he kept reading those words in his head. "There is no saving you". What did they mean? Wasn't he there, as safe and sound as possible even after facing the most dangerous threat of them all? Haven't he returned unscathed from the brink of death itself, having his own body disintegrated and recovered? Didn't he go through all of this and still lived to tell his tale? But Sora didn't have any reasons to doubt Xehanort's words. Surprisingly enough, he lied far less than he could ever expect. He could assume those words as true. But… how?
But he still crossed that gate. Those concerns would have to wait, saving Kairi was the priority. She was always his priority, the memory of her smile kept him going for the longest time. He was so close to finally have peace by her side… when all that struggle was over, he had so much to tell her, so much to show her! He could barely wait. Finding her would be difficult, yes, but what hasn't been difficult before? It was only one more mission. One he would finish, for sure.
But the place he found beyond that gate was dark. Empty. Eerie. Silent.
Sora looked around, trying to find anything familiar. He had been there a couple times before, places of weirdness and wonder between the worlds and beyond them, places built for himself, and for others, with stories told by strange voices and stained glass. But here… nothing. Only the vast emptiness around him and the ground under his feet, smooth like a giant board of glass. With nothing else to do, he started walking aimlessly, knowing that somehow, he would end up in the exact place he needed to be. Such were the rules of that place. He walked ahead, silent, his mind lost in hazy thoughts and memories, Xehanort's words still jumping back and forth through them. He felt they were true, but… how? And why?
And, sooner than expected, he reached the place he was looking for. Or, at least, he reached a place. A huge platform of glass, surrounded by floating white luminous doors. The ground was blank, instead of the stained glass he expected to find there were only transparent amorphous glass pieces, forming no image, showing nothing. Sora kept walking, slowly, paying close attention to his surroundings and bracing himself for any possible threats. He couldn't afford being attacked by surprise, he couldn't afford wasting time.
And, as he reached the center of the glass platform, a well-known voice was heard.
"So we meet again, Sora. It's been a while."
The voice, both unknown and very familiar, seemed to sound right inside Sora's mind. He looked around, startled at first, and intrigued at second, trying to find its source to no avail. But he knew that already. That voice, whatever it was, guided him through those very same eerie halls several times. Come to think of it, it was good to hear it again. Some guidance at that moment would be really welcome.
"You know why I'm here, right?", he asked the voice out loud. "There is someone I need to find, someone who went missing and didn't deserve it. I need to find her. Will you help me?"
"Tell me, Sora", the voice didn't answer his request directly, and instead asked in an enigmatic tone. "How do you feel? After all you went through, how do you feel?"
"How do I feel…?", he was taken by confusion for a second. Sure, he was very tired, he just had the most violent fight of his whole life just a short while ago. But other than that he was fine, right? And that voice knew it, it knew him way too well to not know the answer to that question already. Almost by instinct, he placed his hand on his chest, feeling his own heartbeats, the warmth from his own skin. He was alright. He was… alive.
Alive. Suddenly, that question made sense. His trip to the Final World made him question it. Was he really alive, without a concrete body? How long would he be able to keep his own form, had he not found all the necessary pieces in time? And what would have happened if he didn't? The others wouldn't be rescued, and all hope would be lost forever. And he would be conscious of it, blaming himself for it for all eternity. A nightmare of a nightmare.
"You're here to find your most important missing piece, aren't you?", the voice continued. Of course. Kairi was his missing piece, and no victory would be complete if she wasn't back home safe and sound to celebrate with him. That would explain at least part of the uneasiness he felt. Part, but not all. He knew what fear felt like, what loneliness felt like, what missing an important person felt like. But while Kairi was, indeed, the most important missing piece… she wasn't the only one.
"What do I have to do to bring her back? She can still be saved, right? She's not...", he couldn't finish that line. The very thought of her being dead was too terrifying for him to process.
"Yes, she can.", the voice answered, sounding suddenly… sad? It was different from its usual serious monotony. "It will be hard but you're now strong enough to do it. And, dare I say, you are probably the only one capable of doing it. But..."
Silence. It felt heavy and bitter in the air, but Sora didn't dare to break it with questions, and instead let the voice continue.
"...but can you be saved?"
Xehanort's words echoed again. Sora's mouth felt dry, the air felt cold and even heavier than before. Saved from what? What was supposed to happen?
"I… don't understand", he finally whispered after what felt like an eternity.
"The power of waking is a dangerous gift. Even the most skilled ones can be destroyed by it. In order to use it, you need to put your every essence into it, your very own heart whole. And with time… it might become too much."
Another of Xehanort's warnings. Use the power of waking, get lost in the waves of slumber and darkness, never to find your way back up. He knew that already, but he always returned. Somehow, he always made it. Why would it be different now? Why wouldn't he…
...why would he need to be saved, though? And not the other way around?
"You feel it, don't you?", once again the voice called him from his own thoughts. "You feel exhausted. Being torn apart and put back together, time and time again, using way too much strength to bring back from sleep worlds and hearts. It's too much for you, isn't it?"
"N-no, it isn't! See, I'm fine!", the young man's voice faltered, as he summoned his Keyblade in a silly display of strength and energy. "I can fight, and I'll be able to go back home as many times as necessary!"
More silence. It was starting to get infuriating.
"You've been quite the unusual child since the beginning, Sora. A heart that shelters, a heart that heals… You saved so many, touched many more. But the burden it put on you along the years was far too heavy for anyone to handle. You might not have felt it, or chose to ignore it, but slowly, it wears you down. And now what keeps you together is a very thin lining, delicate as a cloud. A lining that will tear apart, sooner or later."
A fragile lining. Soon to be torn apart.
So this is what Xehanort referred to.
Sora clutched his chest. Of course he knew. Carrying around Ventus, Roxas and Xion took a toll on him. He didn't mind, none of them asked for it and if he could help them heal and recover, he'd do it gladly no matter what. But he felt it. Their fear, their pain… their hope. It hurt, just as much as his own. But they didn't ask to be there, they didn't ask to suffer like that. They deserved a chance, and if he could give them one, he would without giving it a second thought.
...did they… really hurt him that much?
And was the power of waking so destructive? But if it was, what was he supposed to do, then? Just stop using it altogether? But if it was his only chance to save everybody, how could he simply not use it? His mind stated going blank. Why did that voice decide to say that now, of all times? When all was said and done… wouldn't he at least have the right to enjoy the peace he fought so hard to keep?
"So what should I do?", he was finally able to speak, and to his own surprise, his voice sounded angry. "Should I simply go back, then? Should I go forward? Will any of this even matter at all?" It was kind of a relief that the first feeling he recognized was frustration, followed by anger. It was better than sadness, and allowed him to act and do something about it. Once again, the voice didn't answer immediately, as if it was choosing its words too carefully.
"You have a choice, Keyblade wielder. You can go forward, and rescue your missing part, or you can go back to your own world." It sounded grave and imposing, almost like a sentence. "You will only have one chance to choose. If you go back, you'll be able to endure a while longer, spending your remaining time surrounded by your friends. If you don't..."
"Wait, remaining time?". For the first time, Sora interrupted the voice. "What does it mean?"
"Even if you don't use the power of waking anymore, even if you never fight anymore at all, the damage it has done to your structure is far too great to heal. It's a matter of time until the final strands break. So, if you prefer, you might spend the time you have left with the ones dear to you."
The air vanished from Sora's lungs. It was too much. Too much, and too heavy, and too scary to bear. He could feel his legs getting weak, the weight of the realization falling on his shoulders. It wasn't the first time in that day that he fell on his knees. But even that moment seemed so distant now. What they had in common was the fact that in both, he lost everything.
No. Not yet.
"And… what is… my other option?" He could barely hear his own voice. Even his thoughts came to a halt, and only the most basic systems still worked, in a desperate attempt to process the situation.
"You can attempt to rescue the young woman who is now lost, and bring her back. But it will be a difficult journey, and the price you'll have to pay will be high. And still, you have no guarantees that you'll be successful."
"So… those are my options". Still on his knees, the eyes stuck in the strange shapes of the glass pieces under his body, Sora's mind started working again, slowly. "If I go back, I'll be dead in a while anyway. If I try to rescue Kairi, there's no way to tell if I'll be able to do this or not. Either way, I'm done. But only I can save her, so going back and ask for help won't work. That means… I don't have much of a choice, do I?"
And the, he realized something. He never had much of a choice. Every step that brought him to that moment, to that place was a decision by someone else. Borrowed powers, borrowed memories, borrowed destinies. Except for that one moment. He could say he had a choice, but after sacrificing so much, what else was he expected to do? Sacrificing even more?
But… sacrifice what? It wasn't like he had anything else to be saved, except for her. Sure, he'd love to see his friends one last time, say his goodbyes, but suddenly it looked so petty and pointless compared to taking his chance at saving his dearest person that he even felt a bit ashamed to consider it. So, it was a choice but it actually wasn't. Just like everything else.
"Kairi is… beyond one of these doors?" He didn't raise his eyes, and kept looking at the glass floor as he forced himself to stand. "Which one? And… how much time do I have to find her before it… before I go?"
"You will be granted seven jumps, one for each door. This is as far as your strength can take you. For each of them, you'll have to unlock one of these doors and, inside them, you'll find the clues you need to find the one you seek. Use your time and your energy wisely, you'll need for the challenge in front of you."
"Challenge...", he almost laughed to himself, taken by a sort of bitterness that didn't belong to him. "What challenge? Hard to be too careful now that I know it doesn't really matter, right? All I gotta do is just keep the head above the water until I find her. And then..."
"Sora." The voice interrupted his thoughts. "You have fear and disbelief in your heart. You fear the unknown, but deep inside it doesn't sound real to you. During this journey, you'll have to learn to accept it in your heart and let go of your regrets. Only then, you'll be ready to do what it takes to bring her back. It is a heavy burden indeed, but one only you can carry."
"I know… I know." Sora doubted his own words, and at that moment, all he wanted to do was to focus on the task ahead. He was in no condition to think deeply about what was going to happen, and being on the verge of a mental breakdown would only delay him even more. "Just… tell me where to go. I'm ready. I… choose to save Kairi."
"Very well." He heard the sound of heavy objects hitting the ground. The doors were lowered. "You know what to do now. Your heart will keep you in the right track, as long as you allow it to do so. Let it guide you to the one you seek… and to the peace you need."
Silence. The voice didn't speak anymore. Sora found himself alone at the center of the platform, the light coming from the doors almost too strong to bear. He felt lonely, but also really exposed, like a lone actor in front of a hostile audience. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to be angry, but his mind was painfully numb. It didn't feel real. It just… didn't. And now he was supposed to accept it so easily? Without fighting back? But what good would fighting back bring? His mind was a mess, his thoughts everywhere. How was he supposed to seek any kind of peace?
"Whatever." And then, he took a deep breath. "This won't take me anywhere. I need clues to find Kairi, and if this is all decided for me anyway, I have no reason to keep fretting over it. Just… let's get over with this."
And Sora walked to the first door, pointing his Keyblade to it, and unlocking it. As soon as he did it, he felt a sharp sting in his chest, like a needle poking right inside his heart. Even when he finished unlocking the door, the pain remained, and it took him a while to recover. "Does that… have anything to do with what that voice said? About the jumps and using this power?".
But Sora didn't dwell on that question for too long. The first jump was ahead of him. And, trying to shove his fears and worries to the deepest corner of his mind, he opened the door and went in.