Author's Note: This couldn't be more crackfic if I was actually smoking crack while writing it. Got this from a conversation with nebula2, who stated that "JJ getting clonked with the shovel" was one of the best parts of "The Performer." I, much to her horror, I'm sure, ran with this idea.
This takes place during "The Performer." It's the shovel's point of view.
Shovel
I knew I didn't like her from the first time I heard her voice, so condescending and proper. If I had known what she would do to my pet, I would have killed her as she passed me. She called after my pet, Gina as she made her way through the stacks of my friends. We all had a role to play in Gina's project. Some, like the cooler, had an active role. Others, like crates that made the maze, had a more passive role. I thought my role had ended when the backyard was completed, but I was wrong.
I felt it the moment he picked me up, the anger and fear he held inside. Ray Campion. I can't say I was a big fan of his. He often yelled at my pet for not doing exactly what he wanted, but he also provided her an outlet for her project so I had to begrudgingly respect him. And when he picked me up in those too soft hands, I knew we were going to do something great.
He swung me so fast that I barely had time to realize just what he was doing. Oh, if he had just whispered what he was going to do before he swung, I would have been able to savor the feel of my metal hitting the hardness of her blond head. The electricity that I felt as the blond agent fell to the floor compares to nothing I've ever felt before.
My joy was short-lived, however, when I was tossed aside so that he could yell at my pet some more. It was I who first noticed the blond agent was moving. I tried to call out to my pet, but she was distracted by his plan. I howled in agony when the blond agent picked me up and used me to take him down. I cried out along with the others for the blond agent to not harm our pet.
I sit here locked up in an evidence room with only the cooler to keep me company. The others here keep to themselves and no one else from the backyard was taken with us. I spend most of my time thinking about our time in the backyard with our pet. At night, I dream about connecting with the blond agent's head, only this time she isn't just injured. I long for the day when I see her again and my revenge can be extracted.
END