Chapter 1~ In which there is an unexpected visitor.

It was a dark and stormy night. Ivan struggled to cross the Siberian plain. His beloved scarf fluttered in the wind. He was headed toward the closest lights. They illuminated his upturned face as he plotted his course. He scrunched up his body, protecting himself against the night.

"Ach, it is freezing, da?" His companion animal, a snowy ermine named Katja, curled underneath his scarf.

He thought that the lights were moving farther away with every step he took, but still he pushed on. He trudged onwards until he spotted a huddled mass in the snow that wore a bright red ski jacket. Next to it was a polar bear, hunched in a protective stance. The snow had dusted the jacket until it turned pink.

Upon further examination, Ivan realized that the mass was, in fact, a country and the polar bear was his companion! They had both passed out.

The bear seemed to have sensed Ivan's presence. It lifted its head and murmured intelligibly.

"I vill take you home, da?" promised Ivan. He lifted the slim, yet powerfully muscular figure and its cuddly companion and cradled them tightly against his chest.

"I vill varm you and ve vill eat goulash together." Ivan smiled at the thought, and his Katja stretched. "Ve have been alone since Belarus finally got the memo and fucked off… this vill be nice." And so he trudged through the blizzard toward his home.

3

Ivan's home was warm. He gently placed the strange country and its companion animal on a plush armchair.

"I think it is a he… but I made that mistake before with Lichtenstein… Autch. Katja's ears flattened. "Da, I know. She vill not be hurting us again."

"Nnugh…"

"The country!" Ivan and Katja ran over to inspect. "Алло? Я Россию. Кто вы?"

"W… huh? EEP! Maple sap… it's Russia!"

"You… you speak English?"

"Please, don't hurt me." The strange country shielded its face. Its polar bear stepped protectively in front of it.

"Nyet—Nyet! I do not wish to hurt you!" Ivan was flustered at the hostile reaction. "Is true, I am Rossiyu. But please, call me Ivan. Ivan Bravinsky. And this," he said while gesturing at the snowy ermine, "is my Katja. Who are you?"

"Canada… Matthew Williams. And this is—"

"Kumajiro," interrupted the bear. "Who?"

"Canada."