Special notes: The narrator of this story is as objective as possible, much the way the fictional director behind-the-scenes of the "documentary" would be. He/she is just out to capture the daily life of the office, so any assumptions on what the characters are thinking, just attribute that to what the "director" is going for… a.k.a., me. :-P

Additionally, to write this story, I had to take some liberties with the usual grammatical conventions out of consideration for the way this show is presented. First off, ellipses mean that the character is taking a pause or a deep breath or dragging out a syllable of the word before it. You can read these however you want, but through them, I tried to pull out the essence and familiarity of the character, so go with your gut as I went with mine. Secondly, any hyphenated word means there's a special emphasis the way the character is saying it, usually the emphasis hangs on the last syllable (ex. "be-cause" would be read "be-caaause", or something like that). Finally, a "-----" just means that this is sort of where the camera would cut to another scene at the office. It could be simultaneous or it could be a flashback, so read carefully. :-P

Oh, and I love Phyllis. Just thought I'd share.

Why am I blabbering on about this? Because I want this story to be as true to the show's essence as it can be because the show is basically perfect, but this is definitely a style of writing I've never done before, and I am no good at plays/screenplays. Wish me luck! I hope you're not disappointed!

Part One

Michael Scott was sitting in his office, to his left, a stack of papers with "Sign Here" markers stuck lovingly on them courtesy his lovely receptionist, Pam, and to his right, a computer monitor with a scrolling screensaver that read, "Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? So brunettes can remember them." He was drumming his fingers on the edge of his desk, his head cocked to the right and a thoughtful look on his face.

"Toby… Toby from HR is getting re-married, which is kind of a shock to all of us, considering he's probably the most inconsiderate person in the office.

"Take, for example, the day he came to ask me for some days off for the wedding. He said, 'Michael, I have to take some days off after my wedding.' So I said, in my benevolent way, 'Sure, take as many days as you need, Toby. We're a family here, so if you want to start a new family somewhere else, I'd be happy to give you that chance.' And somehow after that exchange he completely forgot to send both Dwight and me formal invitations to his wedding. Forgetting to send an invitation to your boss… Tacky, just tacky."

-----

Jim looked away from his computer screen and over at reception. Pam was on the phone, her mouth in a sort of slacken "O" and her eyes wide and unblinking as they stared off into space. He watched her for a few moments, and when her expression didn't change, he started tapping his pencil anxiously on the end of his desk. After she had hung up, Jim got up from his desk, grabbed a jelly bean on the counter, and leaned over to whisper, "Todd Packer?"

She let out an astonished laugh. "You could tell from the expression on my face?" Jim winked and nodded. "You are not going to believe the message he just left with me for Michael."

"Oh, I would like to believe. Make me a believer, Pam."

She leaned in conspiratorially. "All right, Packer wants Michael to know that he can't go to Toby's wedding with him because he has to go to driver's education class to get his license back."

Jim stared at Pam, mulled over the information for a moment then said coolly, "I don't know which is funnier: the idea of Packer having a license or Michael asking him to be his date to Toby's wedding."

"Oh, no, the best part is that I'm pretty sure Toby doesn't expect Michael to come." She lowered her voice and leaned her face even closer to Jim's, until their noses were mere inches apart. "He didn't send Michael an invitation."

"Your breath smells nice, by the way. Like strawberries," Jim said offhandedly.

Pam pressed her lips tightly together and leaned back into her chair. "Thanks."

"So Michael's going to crash Toby's wedding?"

"Oh, no, no, no. I think he thinks he's invited and that Toby just forgot to send him an invitation."

"Saturday is going to be great!"

Pam nodded and smiled wide enough to match Jim's grin. "Are you bringing anyone?"

"Uh, yeah, yes, I am. I'm bringing a friend."

"And what is this friend's name? Please tell me it's Todd Packer and that the reason he can't go with Michael is that he's going with you."

"Ooh, funny," Jim said, squinting his eyes chidingly. "Uh, no, this friend is named Selene." Pam said nothing, but looked around at the ceiling and the room. Finally she nodded and offered a quiet, "Cool."

"You and Roy are coming, right?" Jim said in a tight voice, a voice that wanted to be conversational but couldn't quite pull off the naturalness it required.

She looked down at her keyboard and readied her fingers above home row. "Yeah, we'll be there."

Jim stood at the counter for a few moments longer, but Pam did not look back at him. Instead she immersed herself into her work, and Jim glanced into the camera before heading back to his desk.

-----

Michael emerged from his office and appeared beside Dwight's desk. "Dwight, can I talk to you in my office please?" he asked in a low voice, but that was enough to grab several people's attention, including Jim's, who looked at Pam and raised his eyebrows; she shrugged.

Inside his office, Michael closed the door and stood before an eager Dwight. "I have a proposition for you. Would you be interested in attending Toby's wedding with me to-mor-row?"

Dwight put a hand to his chest and stepped back, obviously in awe. "I would be honored. Michael… Thank you for choosing me."

"Well, this is on the condition that you find out what time everyone is showing up… like the exact time. I seem to have… misplaced my invitation."

Dwight maintained direct eye contact with Michael and smiled from ear to ear. "You can count on me, Michael."

"I, uh—yeah, just let me know by the end of the day."

"I won't let you down," he said, hurrying out of the office at full speed.

The door snapped shut behind him, and Michael looked directly into the camera. "The things I do for free booze and a captive audience."

-----

The soft green glow of Spider Solitaire illuminated Pam's face. She had a pile of messages for Dwight she was saving to throw into his coffee cup when he was out, but right now he was sitting at his desk, tapping his leg impatiently and staring her way. When she noticed his gaze, she raised an irritated eyebrow and said, "What? What are you staring at?"

This was invitation enough for him to sidle up to her counter and lean in too close for comfort. "So… What time are you going to the wedding?" he asked in an intimate voice that made Pam cross her arms and wheel away from the counter.

"About a half-hour before it starts."

"What time exactly?" He stared intently at her and waited patiently for her to respond.

"Why? You weren't invited."

"Not true. I'm Michael's date."

"Oh, gross," she said with a frown, "don't say things like that."

"It's important. As assistant regional manager—" She sighed. "—I demand that you tell me."

Pam spun in her chair to find her invitation. If nothing else, it would get him away from her desk. As she was rooting through her purse, Dwight said, "You know what I just realized that's kind of funny?" His voice was meditative, as though he were connecting two dots that didn't want to be connected. "Toby has been married, divorced and remarried all before you and Roy even set a date."

Pam instantly dropped her purse on the floor, turned to face Dwight directly and said, "Go away, Dwight. Now."

Jim, who had lifted his head long enough to observe the whole conversation, sat with his mouth hanging open, but immediately recovered long enough to blurt out, "Three o'clock at the fire hall." Pam's eyes widened as though she'd been betrayed, but then a strange sort of cloud came over them. Her mouth, contorted from a look of shock, melted into a soft smile.

Dwight turned to Jim and gave him a curt nod. "Thank you, Jim. I'll make sure Michael marks this demonstration of fealty on your employment record."

After that, he headed back towards Michael's office with the news, and Jim gave Pam a roll of his eyes and a discreet wink. She motioned for him to come over, and he obliged. Again their faces were close and their voices low. "Where did you just send them?" she asked through a laugh.

"My neighbor's having a bar mitzvah there tomorrow. How classic will it be with those two showing up at a kid's party dressed to the nines… together?"

"I so owe you lunch today. Hope you like mixed berries yogurt."

"I think you know it's my favorite." They shared a secret laugh before Jim had to head back to his desk, thanks to a phone call.

-----

In the conference room, Pam sat before the camera, a wide, dreamy grin on her face. "Jim's just awesome. I mean, who else could come up with such a brilliant scheme like that to save me from Dwight? To save us all from Dwight and Michael tomorrow?"

She laughed briefly and then sighed, finally looking directly into the camera. "I don't think he knows I notice when he's defending my honor, but I do… I always do." She looked out the window a moment and pursed her lips. "I've got some faxes to send out," she added with a poignant look into the camera and then dismissed herself.

-----

The water cooler was the place to be at the moment. Ryan, Kevin and Phyllis busied themselves by filling up paper cups with water and standing close together—it lessened the likelihood of attack. They had all conveniently distanced themselves from Michael, who, at the moment, was sitting on Oscar's desk, telling him all about a Jennifer Lopez movie he had watched last night.

"Are you bringing anyone to the wedding tomorrow, temp?" Kevin asked, sipping some water to wash down the Doritos he had just devoured.

"Uh, yeah. You remember Katy, the purse girl?"

"Hot," Kevin said with an approving nod.

Phyllis cocked her head to the side. "I can't remember the last wedding I went to…"

"I think it was one of Meredith's, right?" Michael said. He had materialized out of thin air alongside Ryan. All eyes shifted to Meredith, who sat stony-faced in her chair. "When's the next victim putting his head on the chopping block?"

"I'm not even seeing—"

"Black widow!" he shouted, making claws with his hands and a scary face. No one moved a muscle. Finally, Michael clapped his hands and said, "Okay, what time will the Dunder-Mifflin family be meeting tomorrow?"

Ryan started walking back to his desk, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. "Katy's not sure when she'll be ready, so…"

Phyllis followed Ryan's idea and walked toward the kitchen. "I haven't bought a gift yet."

Kevin looked Michael in the face and said, "I'm probably only going to the reception."

"Well, that's because that's where they have the free food and cake, Kevin."

"Actually, my band is playing for a few hours—"

Michael waved his comment off. "Come on, guys, this is going to be a great time. A Dunder-Mifflin family reunion on a Saturday. You're going to have to bodily remove me from the dance floor. Make sure you save me a seat in your row, temp." Ryan nodded absent-mindedly and hurriedly started typing nonsense into his computer.

-----

In the middle of typing an interoffice memo, Pam barely noticed the front door open. She looked up to see a tall, thin, beautiful woman with chestnut curls down to her shoulders, dressed in a brown button-down shirt, pair of tight-fitting jeans and stylish leather boots. She could have been a model. "Can I help you?" Pam asked, but the woman raised a finger to her lips, surveyed the room and pointed to Jim. Pam's eyes narrowed slightly, but then she returned to her memo.

The woman sneaked up behind Jim, covered his eyes with her hands and whispered through his hair, "Guess who?"

"I'd know that smell anywhere." He shot up out of his chair, scooped the woman up and spun her around. "Lene-Bean, what are you doing here already? I thought you weren't getting in until tonight?"

She smiled warmly and caressed his cheek briefly. "Have you had lunch yet?"

"No, no, I haven't. Let me just get my things."

Pam finished her memo, sent it to the printer, and then silently reached for her lunch bag. She extracted her yogurt and a spoon and started eating.

-----

Jim slouched in a chair before the camera in the conference room. "Selene's perfume? Oh—" He laughed and rested his head on two fingertips. "It's not perfume at all. I've known her since high school, and as far back as I can remember, she smelled like oranges. I know, it's weird, but the woman inhales, like, three of them a day. We used to date, and I always joked she tasted like an orange too."

Pam appeared in the doorway with a solemn face. Her arms were crossed, and she was working her lower lip with her teeth. Jim looked back and forth between her and the camera, his eyes wide with surprise. "Um, a rep from the McAllister firm is on your line one."

Before he could finish saying "thank you," she was on her way back to reception.

-----

"I have to buy a wedding gift for Toby, and I'm just coming up empty from all the usual gag sites."

"That's why we're here?" Angela asked disbelievingly. Phyllis, Angela and Pam sat around Michael's desk with notepads in their laps. "I thought you said this was an emergency."

"This is. I need to come up with something really memorable for a gift that will just blow them away."

Phyllis stared at him. "But I haven't even bought anything for him yet."

"Yes, so don't take this time to go shopping for yourself. That's just selfish." Michael glanced into the camera and gave it a sidelong look. "Girls are just better at the whole shopping thing, so why don't I open the floor to some suggestions? Come on, let's get the ball rolling. Angela, you look like you're on the verge of genius."

Angela looked between the other two women and shrugged. "Um, well, I was just thinking Toby mentioned they were short on flatware—"

"Er, wrong! Time out! Attention, all K-mart shoppers, we have a crazy woman in aisle one. Blue light special on Angela the Boring Barbie. Boy, was I wrong about the genius." He looked into the camera with one of his awkward grins. Angela sat rigidly with her arms crossed and her lips pressed so tightly that they were white.

"Angela, this needs to be a gift so good they'll name a child after me. Or at least a middle name. What are they going think of a bunch of spoons and knives. 'Oh, gee, uh, honey, it sure was nice of Michael to give us these, uh, forks. Now we can have the grandparents over for Thanksgiving.' I don't think so. What about you, Pam?"

"Um…"

"Time's up! Would the next contender come on down! Phyllis… Phyllis, my saving grace, what do you have for me?"

"How about a… cuckoo clock?"

Michael opened his mouth to respond, but closed it and seemed to rethink. Finally, he crossed his arms, opened his mouth to speak again, closed it, and then said, "No, I don't think that will work.

"I'm going to leave you ladies to talk it out. Girls like gabbing about this kind of stuff. I think I'm going to head down to Quizno's; their subs are dee-leesh-us. When I get back, I'll be ready for you to fire away great ideas for a wedding gift." With that said, he grabbed his jacket and walked out of the office, leaving the three women to stare at each other and the computer screen with The Gag Gifts Superstore open on it.

-----

"How about a mixer?" Phyllis suggested.

"I don't see why he just doesn't give money," Angela said, her pen poised to write the word.

"Don't write that down," Pam scolded.

"Why not?"

"Because he'd give them Monopoly money, Angela. He'd think it was funny."

The front door opened back up, and their heads turned simultaneously, as though they were robots controlled by the same remote. But it wasn't Michael who came in. Jim hugged Selene goodbye and returned to his desk, plopping down in his chair without even taking his jacket off. He glanced at reception, and seeing that it was empty, pivoted until his eyes came to rest on Pam huddled with the ladies in the conference room. He gave an airy wave and smile, which, at first, she did not return, but the other two were staring, so she flashed her hand and returned to the list.

Phyllis stared at the paper but said to Pam out of the corner of her mouth, "You'd better hurry up or you're going to miss your chance."

Pam blanched and slouched back into her chair. "It was just lunch with an old friend—"

"I mean the faxes to City Hall," she continued coolly. "It's almost closing time, and you won't have another chance to get them out today."

"Oh." Pam got up from the table and headed to the door.

"What did you think I was talking about?"

"Nothing," she said as she left the room. Angela didn't seem to notice or care about the conversation because she kept on writing, but Phyllis returned to the list with a small, but satisfied smile.

-----

"Toaster? No. Crockpot? Just embarrassing. Picture frame? What are these girls trying to do, turn me into a woman too." Michael continued reading the list in the privacy of his office, flipping through the notebook pages and saying, "Crap. Crap. Crappity crap," or some derivation of that, over and over again.

"See, the thing is, I need a gift that will be talked about for years to come. 'Oh, hey, Oscar, do you remember that amazing thing Michael got Toby for his wedding?' 'Yeah, Kevin, how could I forget? Toby only talks about it every day. I should get married so Michael will get me something great.' Yeah, that's how I want to come across… A 'fondue set' is just not going to cut it.

"In the end, I'll probably end up buying them a Three Stooges DVD set. It's a must for any collection."

-----

It was a few minutes after five, and since the employees had had their things ready since lunchtime, the line to the door was long. Jim joined Pam behind Meredith. "Roy picking you up?"

"Yeah," she said. "I'm making Tuna Helper tonight. It makes a great meal, you know."

Jim smiled. "I'll bet you make it great." They inched closer to the door.

"Hey, listen, I'll see you tomorrow." He paused and looked her straight in the face. "Promise me you'll save me at least one dance?"

Pam took a moment to process his request and allowed herself the smallest smile that barely registered as more than a twitch at the corners of her mouth. She nodded slowly as she said, "Okay."

He held the door open for her, and as she breezed by him, he said, "By the way, you smell pretty. Lavender?"

"And orange," she added through a blush. Jim held the elevator for her, but she took the stairs.