A/N: As often as I wish, I still don't own SVU. It belongs to Dick Wolf and I am merely borrowing Alex and Olivia. Contains spoilers form S5 E4 'Loss'. This is the first part of the prologue to a story that popped into my head one day during my history class. The second part is being written right now and should be up as soon as I have a free moment in college.

September 30th 6:00 AM

Mercy General Hospital

Room 420

I think back to the last time I saw you. You were above me, a halo around your short brown hair. The panic in your eyes almost made me afraid, but I know you'd never let me slip away. Sweetheart you called me. My limbs feel heavy and leaden and I know I'm in a hospital from the smell of the disinfectant and the constant beeping. My eyelids are so heavy. I'm trying to open them to see you sitting by my bedside, holding my hand. Finally I'm able to open them. I blink as the fuzziness around the edge of my vision fades and I'm left with the usual blurred shapes that await me before I put my contacts or glasses on. The room is empty. Where are you?

"Olivia?" my voice is raspy and sounds dry. "Liv?" I feel panic begin to set in. You would be here. I know you would. The beeping on the heart monitor starts to increase as I look around and see no one and nothing around me. Where are you? I couldn't possibly live with myself if you injured too.

The door opens and in walks an all too familiar face. "Hammond?" I croak, "What are you doing here?"

"You're officially dead Ms. Cabot. I'm here to take you into protective custody." His face remains passive, a blank mask showing nothing.

"Where's Olivia?" I can't help it. Even though I know he said something, I can't process it yet. Where are you?

"Detective Benson is arranging your funeral."

"Funeral?" I'm confused. "I'm not dead." My fuzzy brain begins to catch up to his words. I start to shake my head. "No. I'm not going."

Hammond's jaw clenches and I can't help but smile as I'm still annoying him. "You have to Ms. Cabot. Do you think they will ever stop trying to kill you and your detective friends if they know you're still alive?"

My head is spinning. Liv is planning my funeral and I am about to go into witness protection. Nothing is ever fair in life. I never got a chance to find you Olivia and tell you…

"Fine." I'm more surprised than he is, I think, when I speak that word. "On one condition."

I can see Hammond's brain begin to think, to process. "What do you want?" he sighs, clearly knowing I'll do anything to get my way.

"Let me see Olivia." I start, "she needs to know that I'm not. And Elliot too." By this time my eyes are blazing with determination and I'm daring him to refuse my request.

"I always knew you were a stubborn one." He muttered as he turned to leave my room. "I'll see what I can do."

"No." I shoot back, "Do it or I will stay here in New York. She needs to know she's not responsible." Why do I have this need to see you Olivia? Is it because you saved me? Is it hearing the desperation in your voice as you told me to hang on and called me your sweetheart? Or is it because I want you to know… Now I can see why you were trying to get me to drop the Valdez case. You knew I might lose everything if I didn't. I wish I could turn back time Olivia.

Hammond stands by the door, studying me passively for a few moments before nodding.

"You'll see them before we move you."

And hearing those words, for the first time since I woke up here, I smile and my fear disappears. I try to stop the tears from forming but I can't.

"Thank you." I whisper as he leaves.

October 1st 4:00 PM
SVU Squadroom

It's been two days. Two days since you bled out under my hands. I still can't that image of you out of my mind. Laying on the pavement, struggling to breathe, with your blonde hair fanned in a halo around you. Calling you sweetheart. I never thought that I'd end up planning your funeral, I always thought it would be the other way around. I'd be shot in the line of duty and you'd be taking care of everything for me. I don't think I've even been home since then. I don't want to go back and see the jacket you left there after Agent Donovan was blown up. I bet it would smell like you and then I wouldn't be able to hold back. I'd cry and end up breaking down. I met your mother for the first time at the hospital. I was covered in your blood and I didn't know what to say. She was kind Alex; she thanked me for stopping the bleeding and sat next to me when you were in surgery. I was crying then, waiting for news. You know they say no news is good news. In your case that was bad news. When the doctor came you, she and I just knew. You were gone. She hugged me Alex, said she didn't blame me and that it wasn't my fault. I cried, I think more than she did.

She took me with her when she left, took me away from Elliot and the unit and she brought me to her apartment. She said she hadn't seen you in a year and two days ago when she'd spoken to you that you said I was your closest friend. I just nodded, and I was confused. I knew we were friends, but closest? That made me break down again. She had silent tears running down her face and she told me, she told me you said you loved me? She said you would have wanted my help with your funeral. I didn't go to work yesterday. She and I planned your service. I don't know what I would have done without your mom Alex, she let me cry on her and took care of me. Without your mom, I don't know what I would have done. You died on me Alex, before I got a chance to tell you that I love you too. I told your mother though.

She smiled, and said now I HAD to help with preparing for your funeral. We finished everything and now I'm back at work. I'm sitting here, trying to do paperwork and all I can see is your blood staining my hands. It's so silent here. I can tell that no one knows what to say, especially to me. They all saw me leave with your mom and then I didn't talk to them yesterday or today. It's too silent. I'm almost expecting to hear the click of your heels any moment now to tell me that this is all some sick joke.

"Hammond wants to see you. Something about closing the case." Cragen's voice cuts through my thoughts and I turn to look at him. I just nod and get up, picking up the slip of paper with the address to meet Hammond. I look down and read it as Elliot and I walk out the door.

"Why the hell do we have to meet him at a beach?" I mutter, the first words I've spoken to Elliot since the hospital.

He looks at me piercingly and shakes his head, "I don't know."

The drive to this location has taken hours and now I'm wondering where there is a caravan of government sedans. I exchange a glance with Elliot before exiting the car and walking towards Hammond's car.

"Nice location. Convient?" Elliot speaks for the both of us and I can hear his sarcasm.

"Sorry. Only way to do this." Hammond seems not to have noticed and continues to walk towards a car with armed guards. My mind is racing with possibilities.

"Do what?" my voice cracks as walk with him.

"Wouldn't take no for an answer. Real pain in the ass this one." No way, it's not possible. That would mean that you're alive. It's the only thing that makes sense.

When the door opens and you step out my face starts to tremble. I can't believe it.

Beach, New York State 7:00 PM

I can see you tremble as you see me. You're still wearing the same jacket from the night I got shot. I inhale haltingly, taking the scent of leather mixed with what smells like my mother's perfume and what I can only describe as you. I can't believe you're here standing across from me and it's taking every ounce of strength I have not to jump into your arms right now, gunshot wound be damned.

"I am so sorry about all of this." I can hear my voice quavering as I talk and look into your eyes. I want to tell you so badly how sorry I really am. I want to tell you how much I'll miss you, how much I already do. How much I love you. I hope you see all of this in my eyes as I speak those words. I think I can see the same thing in your eyes, the sadness and guilt you have and you are actually crying silent tears as you speak the next few words.

"Your funeral is tomorrow." I don't know how, but I can sense every emotion going on in your head right now and your voice is actually quavering. I've never seen you like this before. You keep looking at me, your eyes shining as you speak and I can tell you're trying just as hard not to reach out to me as I am to you.

"And you're both expected to attend." Hammond's voice cuts through our moment as I realize its not just you but that there are a lot of people around.

"For the time being Miss Cabot's better off dead. If Velez can get to Zapata he can get to her."

I shake as Hammond speaks the name of the men who have forced me into this choice, into running away from everything and everyone I've ever known. You nod understandingly, a flicker of understanding coming into your eyes.

"Witness Protection."

"Until Velez is extradited or, otherwise dealt with." I can feel my voice begin to change with fear and trepidation creeping in. I don't want to leave you Olivia. I avoid eye contact with you as I say that.

"How long?" Your voice is a far cry from normal. You are sad and I hate that I have been the cause of the sadness and pain in your voice. I try to answer, shrugging as I can't find something that will satisfy you and I. The tears begin to spill over as I take another look into your eye. I see love there and I try to show you love in my eye as I stare, before nodding my head. If this is all we get, then I could die a happy woman. I see you love me just as I love you.

"We're on the move." One of the Marshalls speaks and I turn away from you to get back into the SUV. I know if I turn around now I will never be able to leave you and I know I have to. I can feel your gaze on me.

"Alex?" you whisper and I turn around, knowing that I shouldn't, you catch my eye and mouth the words 'I love you' as you walk back to your car. I nod, mouthing them back from inside the SUV as we pull away towards my new life in who knows where.

A/N: So, I hope that this wasn't too crappy. Please review and tell me, did I totally mangle their characters or is okay? Should I write in third person for the next chapter or is this first person okay?