This story is a gift to my crazy friend Lullilt, who convinced me I should actually put this idea on paper.
Disclaimer: I do not own Left 4 Dead. I soooooo wish I did though. XD
Cue laugh track.
Another humorously awkward moment between the star crossed lovers, both too stubborn to admit their feelings for one another.
That same laugh track sounds again. It's all in my mind of course; you don't usually hear laugh tracks in romantic comedies. Not in any I've seen anyway. I play that familiar sound in my head, as a weird source of entertainment, when I watch these movies. I even find myself doing that in everyday situations, especially in recent months. My odd way of coping with everything I guess.
The oblivious friend walks in on the soon to be couple's private moment, ruining the romantic air, but in its place providing the staple comedic relief.
I roll my eyes, briefly distracting myself with the shadows constantly shifting and twisting from the flickering light of the television. I blink a few times, trying to rid myself of that burning sensation one gets from watching TV too long in the dark.
They're at a restaurant now. The clumsy male lead accidentally trips a waiter, who proceeds to spill their dinner all over the female lead.
Cue laugh track.
I stretch, but quickly retreat back under the heavy blanket draped over me and curl up against the armrest of the sofa. Television is a nice luxury to have again after all the madness I have been through the past couple of weeks, but I'd give just about anything to have a reliable source of heat.
When I resume paying attention, the movie is just about over. The destined lovers have had a spat, but the man has realized his mistake and takes off to re-win the woman's affection.
I used to hate this genre. Well, I still do to a degree. It's hard to find a film without at least one of the romantic comedy clichés; tonight I happened to pick out one that seemed to have them all. As cheesy and predictable as this movie was, I couldn't bring myself to turn it off. For me, it was a way to escape to a simpler time. For an hour or two, I could pretend I was back home with my fiancé, wrapping up our Friday night with a couple of bad movies.
I shut my eyes for a moment, imagining her curled up next to me laughing at the over used plot devices, as we added our own commentary to the movie.
It's nice to pretend.
I was so lost in my own fantasy, I had failed to notice the soft echo of footsteps approaching me from behind. I didn't even get that odd sensation when you feel something looming over you. My eyes snap open when I feel a hand clasp my shoulder. For a split second I thought it was her and look up, expecting to see that familiar warm smile she always wore when she greeted me. To my horror I was met with something infinitely worse.
The credits from the movie had begun to roll, diming the room considerably, but I could still see a faint gleam of light reflecting off the sharp teeth of a hooded figure. Before I can even react I am ripped from my place on the couch and thrown to the floor. A shriek echoes off the walls as the creature lunges at me. I barely roll out of the way and scramble to my feet. I feel it grab at me but manage to pull away and quickly vault over the sofa.
'Fucking Hunter! How did I not hear him coming?'
The Hunter leaps over the couch and lands square on my back. I somehow prevent myself from collapsing under his weight and keep moving, using my momentum to flip around and slam him into the wall. The Hunter lets go in surprise, but quickly recovers and continues his pursuit.
My mind racing, I scan the small apartment for a weapon as I do my best to avoid tripping over the garbage and dirty clothes that litter the floor. Damn I really need to clean this place up. My filth will be the death of me. In my peripheral vision, I spot a baseball bat propped up by the front door.
That'll work.
I make a sharp turn, narrowly avoiding the pouncing Hunter who nicks my face with his razor sharp claws as he flies past me, and crashes into a nearby cabinet. My pace never falters; I knew that wasn't going to slow him down for long. I throw myself across the coffee table, knocking cups and dirty dishes to the ground and lunge at the bat that was almost within reach. I am only a few feet away when I feel something slam into me.
Never underestimate the recovery speed of a Hunter.
We roll on the ground, knocking over furniture, as we each try to overpower the other. I feel his claws rake at my forearm and respond with a strong jab to his jaw. No matter what we do neither of back down and continue to fight for dear life for what feels like an eternity. Eventually my strength fads and am unable to resist as he pins me down on my stomach and twists my arms behind my back.
God I hate their fucking endurance.
I growl in frustration when I still can't break free from his vice like grip. His breath sends a chill down my spine as he leans in close to my neck.
'I can't believe he beat me.'
His claws dig into my arms, attempting to elicit the response he desires.
"Okay! You fucking win! Now get off of me!"
He huffs and nudges me with his knee, as if encouraging me to continue.
"Alright! You're the strongest, fastest, smartest mother fucker to ever roam the Earth and….." I groan, hating the next part but knowing he wouldn't let up until I finished. "and….I hope that someday your awesomeness will rub off on me. It is truly an honor to be in your presence."
A scratchy chuckle vibrates from his throat before he finally lets go. I seriously consider tackling the smug bastard but am interrupted when my apartment door is practically ripped off its hinges. The lights flicker on, revealing a terrifying sight: my neighbor. Correction, my seriously pissed off neighbor.
She storms into the room shaking with rage, glaring at the two of us with unmatched hatred. Even though the girl was much smaller than us, both in height and build, we shrink under her gaze and can't help but try to scoot away.
"What. The hell. Are you two fucktards DOING?" She shrieks, causing a few stray red hairs to fall in front of her face, making her look even more manic than she already was.
I open my mouth to speak but am quickly cut off.
"It was a rhetorical question! You're keeping me awake with all this goddamn noise! Do you have any idea what time it is?"
The Hunter and I exchange a wary look before glancing at a nearby alarm clock that had been knocked over in the scuffle. It was roughly three in the morning. We both hold up three fingers, unable to find a voice.
"That's right! And I have to get up in four hours to start my shift! So I would really appreciate it if you-" She stops mid-sentence, scanning the room with her dark green eyes for the first time. "…the hell? Did a tornado come through here?"
"Nah, it's been like that. I've been meaning to clean the place up for a week now." I reply rather casually.
She raises an eyebrow. "Your furniture has been overturned and or broken….for a week?"
"Oh…no, that just happened." I'm a dumbass.
"And just what were you doing?"
Neither of us speak up. To be fair, my leaping friend can't really speak to begin with. I, on the other hand, am just trying to keep myself from getting into even more trouble.
She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "This time it isn't a rhetorical question, so speak up before I lose patience."
The Hunter stands and walks over to the sofa, apparently searching for something. He soon returns holding out the DVD case of the movie I had been watching. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. The Infected had a surprisingly good sense of humor.
The girl takes the case and flips it over to read the back, her face scrunching up in disgust. "You were watching a romantic comedy?"
Clearly she wasn't a fan.
I nod and rise to my feet, taking a spot next to the Hunter. A cavalier smirk creeps up her face. "Well, it must have been a good one to get you two so excited."
My roommate and I lock eyes for a brief moment, a silent conversation passing between us. Now seemed like an appropriate time to play another one of our favorite games.
"Yeah…," I breath out as the Hunter and I turn to each other, leaning in slightly, "..it was." The gap between us slowly begins to close. In my peripheral I can make out my neighbor's shocked expression. My lips are just inches away from the Hunter's when I suddenly jerk back.
"Damn it! You win again!" The Hunter throws his arms up and does a small victory lap around the room, stopping only to bow at his imaginary fans. "I swear one day I WILL beat you at gay chicken!" He playfully rolls his eyes, as if to say: "Yeah, like THAT will ever happen."
My neighbor snaps back to reality when her mind pieces together what just happened, finally retrieving her jaw from the floor.
"You-you're just!" She lets out a loud groan and flails her arms in exasperation, unable to think of a word to describe our lunacy. The girl scoops up a soda can and nails me in the head with it before turning to leave. "Useless, the both of you!"
"Love you too, Cassandra!"
Door slams. Cue laugh track.
It's quiet for only a short time before the Hunter's bizarre laughter finally reaches an audible level. I shit you not he sounds like that dog from Wacky Races. What was his name? Muttley? I don't know which is more humorous, the events we just played out or picturing my roommate as a cackling cartoon dog. Either way, I lose it. The two of us laugh uncontrollably until tears threaten to stream down our faces. It's amazing how funny stupid shit seems in the wee hours of the morning.
When we finally settle down I do a quick visual sweep of the apartment. I didn't realize just how trashed it was until that moment. "Damn, we really did a number on this place."
The Hunter snorts in agreement, studying the carnage with dull interest before meeting my eyes.
"…What?"
He averts his gaze to something behind me and then quickly makes eye contact once more. Curious, I can't help but turn around.
"Oh…the baseball bat."
When I look back at my roommate, he is shooting me an accusing look.
"What? I wasn't really going to use it!"
He crosses his arms and a low growl rumbles from deep in his throat.
"I know we agreed to no weapons! Instead of preaching to me how about you admit to breaking a rule yourself?"
The Hunter quirks an eyebrow and hisses in response.
"Don't play dumb! You used your claws you cheating bastard!" I flash my scratched up forearm and point to the cut on my face for emphases. "The deal was I couldn't use weapons and you couldn't use your claws."
He glares at me with his steel gray eyes and huffs before looking away.
"While we're on the topic of our 'Cry Uncle' game, we need to really consider changing the 'I surrender' speech."
That gets his attention.
"Don't give me that look! You know it's not fair! When I eventually win you won't be able to say half the shit you make me say!" To this day, I still don't know how he came up with that crap. I think he got help from someone else in the facility that knows about our games. Assholes. All I know is one day he came up to me and handed over an envelope with 'Read this' crudely written on the front.
We don't get much further with our argument, which I guess makes sense when the other person involved has a very limited vocabulary. I would press the issue further if I didn't have to spend half the time decoding growls.
"Fuck it. We'll discuss this another time." I stretch and yawn loudly. "I don't know about you but I am tired. Ready to hit the hay?"
My roommate starts to nod, but then glances over to our destroyed living room. He turns back to me and whines a little.
"Eh, we'll deal with it later."
Worked for him. He bolts ahead of me and leaps into our room. I have never seen someone so excited to sleep. After turning off the TV and lights I groggily follow suit, not surprised to find him already curled up on his mattress in the corner. I swear I could hear him purring from the door. God he's like a cat…dog…zombie thing. Screw it, Hunters are weird.
I make a bee line for my bed in the opposite corner and flop onto it. Like my friend I don't bother with changing. Too lazy. I wrap myself up in my covers and quickly notice I am missing a blanket. Three guesses where it went, forget the first two. I shoot a look in the Hunter's direction. The greedy Infected has quite the little nest of pillows and linens that he has "borrowed" from me over time. Now, yet another blanket was added to his collection. That's one more thing to add to my 'Shit that needs to be addressed' list.
I let my mind wander a bit, for some reason it seems to focus on my roommate's odd sleeping arrangement. I never really thought about how funny this would look to a stranger. On one side of the room it is messy, with clothes and various junk tossed about. The other half of the room is mostly tidy. The bed may be covered with blankets and cushions, but it is arranged in such a way that it surprisingly doesn't look that out of place. (Which one of us is infected again?) The only thing that is off is the fact the mattress lacks a bed frame. That had to be removed from the vicinity because the Hunter liked to store weird stuff under his bed. Also, he had a strange fascination with hanging off the side of the bed and staring under it until he fell off from too much blood rushing to his head. I often teased that he was checking for monsters, which is kind of unsettling when you think about it. What the fuck are Hunters afraid of?
A Tank comes to mind, leading me to picture one materializing out from under the Infected's mattress. I can see the Hunter going into a frenzy, shouting in an imaginary voice: "See? I knew this shit was gonna happen!"
Easily amused, I begin snickering rather loudly into my pillow. My failed attempt to muffle the noise becomes apparent when my roommate wakes up, growling questioningly.
"Oh it's nothing, I just thought of something really stupid." I manage to wheeze as I start to settle down.
The Hunter makes an odd sound, his version of a sigh, and rolls over.
That sad chuckle fest of mine somehow zaps my remaining energy, a blessing I suppose. In just a short few minutes I feel my eyelids getting heavier to the point I can barely keep them open. Before I finally let sleep take me, I mutter my last words of the night.
"G'night Miles."
Miles huffs and then attempts a sendoff of his own. The first part is heavily garbled, but I distinctly hear my name.
"Gdnighrr…..Derek."
Author's Notes:
You are all probably really confused as to why this started out serious and then became...derp. The reason? I can't say for certain. XD
You are also probably wondering why some guy named Derek has a Hunter (named Miles oddly enough) for a roommate...that he talks to...and plays weird games with...Sounds like a bad sitcom doesn't it? I promise all will be explained soon. I assure you there is a reason the Hunter can (somewhat) communicate and understand people. He didn't magically obtain the ability I swear! Also, I am aware the character descriptions are vague (or practically non-existent) and I will provide them in detail in the next chapter or two. I like to slowly "paint" the image of my characters if that makes any sense. I'm not a fan of having a "Hi, my name is _ and I'm _ feet tall with _ eyes and _ hair" paragraph in my stories. (I'm not putting down people that do! I've seen it done very well, it's just not my thing.) I apologize if this bothers you, it's just how I roll. BD *bricked*
That's all I got! Reviews are always welcome, whether you want to tell me what you like/dislike about the story or critique me as a writer.
UPDATE:
Finally fixed the tensing in this chapter so it would match the others. Also phrased a few things a teensy bit differently. Nothing major.