Misa has always been a sucker for romance, she's always been a romantic, her head clouded with the thoughts of love. It didn't matter if it was fictional or not, love was splendid.
Love gave meaning to life. And a life without love simply had no meaning. And why should one live a life without meaning?
Misa couldn't answer that. Love was a four letter word that made the world go round, well at least in Misa's opinion. But Misa could honestly say that living without love is painful. An experience filled with loneliness, depression and constant heartache. It made the world seem bland, made everything black and white, and made everything dull.
Then she met him, and suddenly her world regained color again. She could see everything in a beautiful light because of him.
He was the light of her life, no pun intended.
At first it seemed like he didn't reciporate her affections. The feeling of loving someone who didn't feel that way about you was more painful than living without love.
Trust Misa, Misa knows. She knows the feeling far too well.
Her father used to tell her that what goes around, always comes back around.
So she kept on going at it, she kept giving him her love, she barely even remembers why she even fell in love with him. She just knew it was love at first sight. There were moments when she'd almost give up hope, but then he would be nicer to her and make all the doubts go away.
The day that he asked her to move in together will always be the happiest day of her life, right up there with their first kiss together. The explicit love she always gave was finally returned! Her daddy had been right, she did get what she give. She got what she deserved after trying so hard to make him love her too.
Even if she didn't love him, she would have moved in with him anyways. She'd prefer that over going home to an empty and lonely apartment. It was a nice distraction from her lingering depression over her family and a way for her to look towards the future.
He got a bit busier, chasing after Kira and all that. Misa had always been worried for his safety when she found out he was trying to catch Kira. But he would assure her that it's okay, and that when everything is over they'll settle down. She'd always ignore the fact that his eyes had a bit of a mockering tint to them as he played with her hair, and when he kissed her, oh she'd forget that there was even a glint to his eyes.
Even though she admired and was grateful to Kira for killing her family's murderer, she loved Light too much. Her love for Light was far greater than her admiration for Kira. Although sometimes, when Light was working at night, she would pray to Kira to spare Light.
"But Misa's prayers didn't work." Misa mumbled to herself as she plopped a piece of chocolate in her mouth, her left hand crumbling and throwing away the fan letter that was attached to the box in her lap.
Her nose scrunched up in disgust, it wasn't that the chocolate tasted bad, in fact it tastes sweet, perhaps even a bit addicting. But to her? She hates it.
She hates the fact that something so sweet can exist in a dull world without her Light.
Resisting the urge to spit it out Misa threw away the box, not even registering the sound of it falling down as she stared at herself from the mirror.
For once her face didn't have any make-up, she wore a black long sleeved dress with white ruffles. Some may say she looked like a nun or someone going to a funeral.
Hesitantly, she raised up her hand to play with the cross attached to her necklace, the only jewelery piece she had on. A keepsake from her daddy.
She gave herself a smile, even a child would be able to tell that it was empty and lifeless. "Chocolate is fattening."
But she wanted to try it at least once, perhaps she should have tried it when he was still here with her. Surely then it would taste even better.
With that she stood up from her chair and left her room. Photos of her and Light scattered all over the room, her eyes lifeless as she got out of the building.
"Yet another criminal-"
"Reported deaths skyrocketing-"
"-some are asking where Kira-"
"-cult groups eagerly await-"
"People demand justice!"
"Civilians treat Kira as a thing of the-"
"Police arrest rate increasing by the month"
"L once again-"
Misa blocked out the sounds of the televisions and radios. Light was killed taking down Kira, that was what she was told by Matsuda. Oddly enough the police officer seemed to desperately try to clutch on to his words as well.
Light died. All because of Kira. And Kira disappears or as many speculate was killed.
Now that Kira's gone crime rate has been increasing drastically. Misa remembers wishing that both Kira and Light were still alive.
Kira drove Light's motivation by killing off criminals. And Light motivated Misa by simply being alive. Take away that, and she doesn't have any drive nor motivation.
The constant feeling of nostalgia made her pause her walking as she stood in front of a bakery/ coffee shop. For once she didn't think of Light, she thought of Rue Ryuzaki.
Her mysterious friend who was also killed by Kira. Ironically Kira seemed to have had a habit of killing anyone she had even gotten remotely close to, as if it was the price for giving justice to her family's death.
"Ahh! NO way! Someone just touched my butt!"
"This is an outrage... taking advantage of this situation! I assure you, I will get to the bottom of this!"
For once a small foreign giggle escaped Misa, she had never let herself live down the fact that she actually believed that Ryuuzaki wasn't the one who touched her butt. It was Light who had to tell her.
Ryuzaki has always been a quirky one in Misa's opinion, even more eccentric than her. She used to think he was annoying and liked being a third wheel. She was even kinda happy when he died.
"Misa can't imagine living in a world without Light!"
"...yes, that would be dark"
Ryuzaki had always been a weird and creepy guy in her opinion. She swears he really was a pervert.
"I don't sit like this because I want to. I have to sit like this. If I were to sit normally, my deductive skills will immediately be reduced by roughly forty percent."
He was always insulting her
"If you use your head, you won't get fat even if you eat sweets."
Especially her intelligence!
"Actually, if you're smart, you can eat sweets without gaining weight."
Insensitive!
"Light-kun, please get Misa to shut up."
Oblivious
"Will you be eating that cake?"
Loved sweets to a fault
"...say what you want, but I will be taking that cake."
But then as Light became busier, even neglecting her to an extent she realized that Ryuzaki wasn't the third wheel. He glued her and Light together, it was because of Ryuzaki that Light had time for her. Ryuzaki may have supporten her and Light more than Light ever did too.
"As for Misa Amane, I turned to her because I know her bravery and love for you is boundless."
"Do you really mean it? Oh no, I think I've totally misunderstood you this whole time. I even called you a pervert. But you actually do understand how I feel don't you?"
"Yes, Misa is indisputably the most worthy and perfect woman for Light."
Misa guesses she always knew it. Even though it's weird for her to admit it, that creepy Ryuzaki was her first friend. Her only friend.
But Misa didn't know that until it was too late, because she never had a real friend before, so how could she possibly know Ryuzaki was her friend? She hopes he knew that she thought of him as a friend even if she acted like the opposite.
Misa knew that Misa really was a bad friend. That's why she placed even more effort into her relationship with Light, knowing that Ryuzaki would want the two of them to be happy. A way to make amends for not treating Ryuzaki like a friend and always misunderstanding him until it was too late.
The happy memories filled with color slowly faded into grey reminding the blond that they were both gone. That she'd never be able to experience the joy she felt ever again.
Whoever said that the most happy memories are often the saddest was right. But even if they were sad, Misa never wanted to forget.
She didn't want to forget about her family, her friend and not her Light. Because even if remembering was painful, forgetting would be like rejecting those people who gave her so much to remember.
She probably couldn't bear with the pain of rejecting them.
Her feet dragged her along the streets.
"Wanna go partying?"
"Eww, that old man touched my butt."
"Let's go hit on some girls!"
As Misa passed by the group of teenagers she wondered how going to school would have been like.
Would she have made friends? Be happy? Be carefree? Would she have had a normal life experience? Though Misa was sure normal didn't apply to her.
Misa eventually reached the train station, staring straight at a kissing couple for a moment before entering a train not even acknowledging the tears streaming down her face. Even after a year the pain felt so fresh...
She covered her face with her hands sobbing a bit. She missed Light so much, she wanted him to come back to her, she wanted...she just wanted Light! Light would make everything better. Light, her everything.
"Misa..."
"Okay, I'll be your boyfriend."
"...and I'll love you forever."
"Let's move out together."
"Misa, I love you."
"I-I love you too, forever and always Light..." Misa hiccuped composing herself again
Lucky for her no one was there to witness her emotional breakdown. She could imagine the headlines already.
"Former actress, Misa Amane who has been retired for a whole year now spotted crying on a local train. Rumors have it that it was a lover's quarrel!"
People loved to gossip after all. Misa used to be no exception. But now? Gossiping was dull to her.
Misa continued to watch the mini-television on the train, relieved that it wasn't more stuff about crimes or Kira or even L.
She didn't know how much time passed before she reached her destination.
"Happy Valentine's day folks!"
She smiled slightly to herself, a humorless and bitter chuckle escaping her.
"Misa doesn't understand what's so happy about this day."
Her mind drifted away to a blank nothingness as she walked down the streets, her eyes trailed on a certain building.
Without any thought her mouth parted, 'This is Misa's last concert...'
Careful what you do, cuz God is watching your every move.
Hold my hand in the dark street, for if you do I know that I'll.. be safe.
Even if I'm far away and alone, I can be sure that you'll find me there, this I know.
You told me close for a while, so quite. You tell me everything.
If I forget what to say then you'll come to me and tell me again, yes you'd tell me once again.
But what happens when I know it all and what should I do, after that, what then?
Some bystanders would wonder why that voice sounded so familiar, a distant memory of seven years ago. Some would wonder how a young woman with such a lifeless look on her face could have a voice that sounds like heaven.
Those who realized who it was would gossip to their friends or on social media.
None would imagine that at the moment the blond girl with a lifeless expression stood on top of a building.
Misa closed her eyes as she took a tiny step towards the ledge.
She could feel her heart beating in her throat, but oddly enough she wasn't scared. She supposes she never truly valued her life all that much.
Inch by inch she made her way to the edge, resisting whatever part of her would want to live. It was a very tiny part. But she couldn't place a face on the image that flashed in her mind, she could only recognize yellow eyes.
Exactly one year after her light left her, a year walking around in darkness. Today she'll get rid of the darkness, and perhaps she'll see Light again. She was willing to take that risk.
"This is for the best." She told herself, once again convincing herself that by ending her life she could meet Light again. That she would be able to follow Light.
She saw no reason to live. In fact she was mildly surprised to have been living for a whole year in a world without Light. But that wasn't really living, it was more like just breathing. Misa would rather die than continue living without Light.
She placed her hands on her heart, "Hey Light? I never believed in reincarnation or anything like that. I always knew that we only had one life. But...I'd like to believe in being reborn again, just this once. Because now I'm able to freely say that I'll fall in love again with you. If I get reborn again and again, I'll keep falling in love with you all over again. Do you think so too?"
Even if she didn't hear the answer, deep in her heart she knew he would agree.
Misa always thought that the most beautiful way to kill was when someone died for love.
A part of her was happy that she was going out in the most beautiful way. Her love for Light made her kill herself. She's going to die for Light. Isn't that just wonderful?
She took her final step...
"I'll always love you."
...and hoped that she'll be able to see Light again, even if it's just only a glimpse.
What she diidn't expect was to wake up as her young self and her parents didn't know what to do when their daughter started sobbing.