Title: Could'a, Would'a, Should'a
Summary: I never learn.
Author's Note: I'm not good with Manabe's character, and I'm sorry for that, but I felt... Compelled to write something about this. Volume Thirteen just overwhelmed me with love for this pairing. If you don't like my protrayal of Manabe, one-up me and write something better for them. Please don't include spoilers because then I won't be able to read it.
(And, by the by, yes, this fic and any others may-or-may-not be a sort of threat to extract better ones out of all of you. C'mon, you know you love this pairing.)
I should have gone home.
School had let out, I didn't have a club to stick around for, and I should have just left. I could have played video games, relaxed, had fun.
But I just had to look out and see Yun-Yun smiling so sadly at Tohru. She smiled back obliviously and I felt--
What? I don't even know what it was. Was I sorry for him? Did I feel guilty for leaving him alone? Was I angry at Tohru? Jealous?
I have no idea. I just know that my chest clenched up and I felt terrible, somehow.
So I waited around. Yun-Yun, helpful and dutiful as always, was running errands for some little under-classmen. He was startled to see me, of course, but I knew he would be. I don't think he gets that we're friends. I don't know if he has any others, actually, besides me and that Tohru.
Man, it makes me so mad at her, seeing Yun-Yun sad like that! He's polite, he's distant, he's emotionless. But it makes my heart break that the only genuine feeling I've seen in him is the sad smile he gave her. Sure, he's been annoyed at me, but nothing more than that.
Well, until earlier today. I knew I should've gone home, but I just had to stay for him. I couldn't leave him there alone. And because I brought that stupid Tohru up and mentioned that I saw him sad, he blew up at me.
I was just trying to find out what was wrong, but I'm hopeless. I said everything all wrong and I triggered something. And even when I realized I'd done something terribly, terribly wrong, I just got angrier. Looking back, I can't understand what I was thinking, but at the time I just couldn't stand it.
I'd stayed for him. I'd waited for him. I'd just been trying to do something for him. I felt justified in being angry at him for getting all preachy on me.
He wasn't just preachy, he was furious. We almost started a fist fight in the middle of the hallway. Just when I thought he was going to punch me, he suddenly seemed to wake up. In moments he was calm, blank, empty.
And it was my fault that his only flicker of emotion toward me was burnt out.
He's lucky. He can make people love him, just like that. Just by going blank. Just by abandoning them. Isn't it human nature, to hate being ignored, to try harder to be noticed?
Or maybe it's just me.