Bring Me To Life
He left Forks, my heart aching at the thought. I was bleeding intently as I came to realize what just happened. Fury passed me momentarily, but as soon as it came, it went, leaving me crying a river. I was sitting in a corner, my legs close to my chest. Holding myself in case I did break.
After all those things he said, he promised, he just went with the wind. Not even telling me the truth. I knew he was lying, it was plainly written on his eyes, but he was fooling me for the most of it. It was hard to tell. The worst part is knowing I wasn't even worth the truth. How could he leave me?
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
October past fast as I spend my weekends sitting motionless looking at the window. I barely ate, I almost didn't sleep, and sometimes I couldn't breathe normally. Sometimes I would get this panic attacks that drained the little life in me, making me feel even emptier.
I did go to school, and my grades where good, but I didn't socialize. Sometimes Angela and Mike would talk to me, but after a while they both gave up since they couldn't make me feel better. I wasn't too happy about it, but it was a relief knowing I didn't have to fake a smile every once in a while they talked to me.
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
November passed like a breeze also, almost impossible but it did. I did think of him from time to time, but it hurts so much. Before he left I was healthy, calm, and at peace. Now I screamed at night, didn't eat and felt a hole in my chest. Before he left I was a healthy hundred and twenty pounds. Now I'm ninety nine pounds and practically skin and bones. Charlie took notice and started making me eat fast food and things that where completely unhealthy - things I would never eat – to see if I would get back to my normal shape. As usual, I didn't have any appetite but I tried and sometimes he would even feed me like a little baby thinking I was just tired.
I am such a loser. I need him back. Without him I am useless.
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love darling
Only you are the life among the dead
December, time of joy and prosperity. Meanwhile I was miserable and empty. As soon as winter break came, I wasted all my time moving daily as a routine: wake up, make breakfast for Charlie, make me some hot chocolate, sit on the couch, go back up to my room, spend all day on my bed (sometimes my chair next to the window), and if I was really bored, I would get my laptop and write about my nightmares to Alice knowing she wouldn't respond, but I didn't think too much. I just did it miserably.
Panic attacks did go away, not permanent but it wasn't so much as before. I still cried, mostly at night when I would scream scared of my nightmares. My appetite didn't come back much, but I started eating small portions of lunch and dinner for the sake of Charlie. I don't know how he hasn't sent me to Renné yet. I guess I'm just lucky. I don't want too move in case he did come back. Secretly I did hope he did. Charlie will soon suspect that and finally throw a hopeless tantrum that won't work because I'm staying.
I deeply hope he comes back, I know he will. He will light my soul again forcing me to come to life and let me be myself again. Until then, I'm stuck.
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life.
January, finally. I thought it would never have come. Being miserable is not a hobby. But I wasn't bored either. I still haven't stop screaming at night, which is finally affecting my vocal cords now, but my appetite has made its way back. It wasn't much, but Charlie seemed a bit relieved. I don't remember the last time I had a panic attack thankfully. But I still felt empty; the feeling will never go away I guess. I feel so useless, so…I couldn't even find a word. The way I feel, it just sucks. Final.
I don't know how, but sometimes Charlie would crack a joke and I would smile, but it was one in a million. School will start soon, and sometimes I would hope he would come back and run in the hallway to get to my locker where he would find me sometimes. That he would grab me by the waist and kiss me like never before.
So pathetic.
I wanted a fairytale to happen, and I've had enough fiction in my life for a lifetime. But would he ever come back?
If I could only hear his voice again…
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
(Bring me to life)
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
I love you, don't leave me, I whispered in my dreams.
R&R please! Is not so hard! Just click it! lol thanks for reading(: