A shot in the dark, a past, lost in space

Where do I start, the past, and the chase?

- She Wolf, Sia

Cissnei arrived in Midgar tired, depressed and disillusioned. Somehow, not really knowing what she was doing, she'd found herself sitting alone in a bar and listening to the rain drumming on the windows.

Cissnei had liked the rain, once. Before it had become associated with bad memories. (She wasn't going to think about helicopters or blood on a cliff or friends that she'd failed, she told herself. She thought about these things anyways; they never left her mind for long).

Taking another sip of her beer, Cissnei made a face. It tasted bitter. The room was loud and crowded and unpleasant, but she could bear it. The noise drowned out her thoughts and if she stayed here she didn't have to ask herself where she'd go next. She hadn't thought things through the night she'd walked out of Tseng's office. She'd just known she needed to get away, leave Shinra behind, sort out her thoughts.

She was about to call it a night when something - someone - caught her eye.

He was blond. His hair stuck up at odd angles in a way she would have found comical if it didn't instantly make her think of someone else. And the sword -

She'd know it anywhere.

After a while, Spiky seemed to realise he was being stared at because he looked up and their eyes met. A blush crept into his cheeks and he looked away, then continued to make his way towards the counter. Slowly, carefully, Cissnei got up and began to walk towards him.

It wasn't easy. She had to jostle through thick crowds of people and more than once she lost sight of him, but not for long. He was anything but inconspicuous.

Finally, she managed to catch up to Spiky, who was talking to a girl with long brown hair and didn't notice her. Cissnei cleared her throat, then stopped. She realised she had no idea what she was planning to say. Hello, I'm Cissnei and I let your friend die. You were in a coma, though, so you probably don't remember me. Um, I'm glad you're ok? Please don't kill me, I'm really sorry about Zack, I meant to -

Yeah, that wasn't going to go down well. She was beginning to think she never should have approached him, but it was too late. He'd noticed her.

"Hello," he said, tilting his head slightly in a move that looked so much like - no, don't, don't think about him, stay calm, Cissnei... "Do I know you?"

Here came the hard part. Cissnei swallowed. "Um. Sort of. I mean, you wouldn't remember me, considering..." her mind searched desperately for a safe topic. Finding one and latching on to it, she stuck out her hand.

"I'm Cissnei. Ex-Turk." Making introductions was only a way to stall for time, but Cissnei would take whatever she could get. She wasn't prepared to face this.

Spiky shook her hand and his lips quirked up into a small smile. Just stop it! Stop reminding me of him. It couldn't be natural for two people, even two close friends, to have such similar mannerisms.

"I'm Cloud Strife. Ex-SOLDIER. I work as a mercenary now."

Cissnei blinked, but quickly covered her surprise. So that was the cover he was using? Calling himself an Ex-SOLDIER made some sense - it was the assumption people would jump to anyways, with his Mako eyes and uniform and Zack's sword... if Shinra still wanted him, they would be on the look-out for a small, helpless cadet. And 'Cloud Strife' was probably an alias, then. The cover had it's draw-backs - it would draw too much attention to him, particularly Shinra attention, and people might realise that they didn't know of any SOLDIERS called Cloud Strife - but he would be drawing attention to himself anyways unless he was willing to leave behind the sword. That was what Cissnei might have done, but SOLDIERS placed far more value on sentimentalism than on pragmatism. And even without the sword, someone would notice his eyes and people would know he was hiding something.

Yes, it was a good cover. So why did it surprise her?

Because Zack wouldn't have thought of it. The reason came to her immediately. Zack just didn't do sneaking and deceit. Cissnei sighed. She would have to keep in mind that this 'Cloud' - she was almost certain that was not his real name - was not Zack, no matter how much she wished him to be.

"Pleasure to meet you, Cloud," she said, struggling to keep her tone light. No. She couldn't do it.

"You said you knew me?"

"No, it's just... it doesn't matter. Look, I'll talk to you later, all right? I can give you my number -"

"YO, CLOUD! WHO'RE YOU TALKING TO, HUH?"

Cissnei flinched at the loud voice from behind the counter and watched a muscular man with a gun for an arm make his way towards them.

"Barret, this -" Cloud began, but she stepped up, relieved to have someone else to talk to. Talking to Cloud had made her feel a little like she was getting impaled on that huge sword of his - painful, uncomfortable and torturous to unimaginable degrees.

"Hello, sir. You're Cloud's friend? My name is Cissnei. I'm -"

"She a Turk?" Barret cut her off, looking at Cloud. Cissnei gave a small huff of annoyance. Clearly, politeness was not too high on this guy's list of priorities. "She's dressed like one." She was still wearing her suit. Truth be told, she didn't have anything else to change into. Being a Turk had defined her.

That, and loving Zack. Now both were gone. I was stupid. Should've known better than to lose my head over just another handsome SOLDIER. Just like any other girl. Just like Aerith. Tseng was right to be disappointed in me.

"Are you reporting on me back to Shinra, you little bastard?" Barret was still ranting. She felt she should step in to defend Cloud, but he didn't look like he wanted her to. "Knew I shouldn't have trusted you. I knew -"

"Cissnei was with Shinra. Like me. She quit," Cloud said coldly, eyes narrowed. Cissnei sighed again. She hadn't meant to place herself in the middle of an argument and her feeling of discomfort was increasing by the second. It also bothered her that Cloud had defended her against Barret's rage, even if he was in the same breath defending himself. Would he still have tried to spare her Barret's suspicion if he knew why she was here?

"Humph." Barret turned on her. "I'm sure that's what you told him. Why should I trust you, huh?"

Cissnei took a deep breath and steadied her voice. "I was with Shinra, it's true. I left because I couldn't bear to work for them anymore, after... certain events." She inclined her head slightly towards him. "You may choose not to trust me if you wish, though I do not want us to fight. I was curious about Cloud because I recognised him, but he told me nothing of importance except his name so even if I was still a Turk, I would have nothing to report back to Shinra. Does this satisfy you?"

"Did you threaten me?"

"I did not mean to, sir. My comment on the possibility of a fight was merely a response to you waving your gun at me."

"Right." Barret lowered his arm. "Ok. Say I trust you. I can't take the risk of you running back to Shinra... you say you couldn't bear to work for them anymore?"

Barret seemed to be directing the conversation towards something. Cissnei had no idea what it was, but her pulse had picked up. It seemed as though he was about to suggest something important. "Yes."

"Well. If ya join us, then I can keep an eye on you. A Turk could be useful to have. But I'm not letting you walk away, that's for sure. We're AVALANCHE."

AVALANCHE. A terrorist group.

Sorry, Tseng, Reno, Rude. This is just the way it goes.

"I'm in."