Roses.
T: A little explorative piece on three of the 'unseen' lives within X…better known as authoress was savaged by a want to write a Clamp Campus Detective piece and somehow it ended out in the X time line! Mild Slash themes…violence…and the other aspects that make a perfect Clamp cocktail! I own nothing here other than the vague plot …
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It was on days such as this one that he yearned for the ability to turn back time.
Yearned for the chance to spend a few more hours enjoying the blissful naivety of his childhood.
He recalls still how it felt to have merely the concern of 'paper work' to weigh him down…
…How he was free to respond to the merest whim of his heart….
…How it was to have his friends at his side.
Yet those days are gone and here, on a dark, dank day, such as this, such a thing is painfully clear.
It has only been seven years since those blissful times and yet they might as well be a lifetime away.
For now he has the responsibility of the Campus, the students and, most importantly, the Shinken to bear…
…Now his heart has become his enemy and to respond to the want within it would be as destroying everything…
…Now Akira was spending almost every waking second with Ukato, afraid always of what might happen when they were apart and Suoh…
Suoh was a broken man.
To those who did not know him it would not be an obvious thing and yet to Nokoru it was evident in the others every movement, word and expression.
All that had once been bright and intoxicating about the other had faded into an odd numbness that seemed so very unlike him.
The worst of it was that, but a month previous, everything had been…better…
A week ago he had sat in this chair and listened as Suoh has told him the happiest and also the most painful news that he could have heard.
"Nagisa and I are going to be married, Nokoru."
He had smiled, offered his congratulations precisely as he had when Akira had announced his engagement and yet inside he had felt suddenly numb.
There has been a belief in his heart that this hurt was because he had always been closer to Suoh than Akira….
Because the Takumura was not only his bodyguard but his most beloved of friends.
Yet this was not, he knew, the truth.
No, the truth was that somewhere, through the years, he had fallen desperately in love with the other…
That somewhere, in the secret heart of him, he had hoped Suoh could learn to love him in return.
He had believed that the shattering of that belief would be the greatest pain that he would ever experience…
Believed that he might learn to let it go and move on.
Then Sunshine 60 had fallen….
Before that they had all believed, a little naively, that the War would not affect them…
That as little more than pawns they would be passed over by the 'Kamui's' eye.
After words….
He recalled the moment they had seen the buildings topple…
…Recalled the way that Suoh had frozen, his fingers hovering over the key pad of his work station and his beautiful golden eyes widening all but imperceptibly.
…Recalled the whisper of a name on the others lips and then the world had turned onto its head.
Nagisa…the bright, beautiful flautist, who had become Suoh's soul mate, had been buried as the Sunshine 60 had fallen...
Had died a senseless death.
Yet Suoh had not cried, nor grieved, but instead he had remained as a pillar of strength…comforting and supporting Kamui as he had taken the boy and Sumeragi-san to the hospital.
He had not even grieved as they placed her open into the soil, but had, instead, remained strong…silent…
Then he had simply pulled away from everyone and everything, isolating himself perhaps because of grief or perhaps because of the fear of being hurt again.
He had thought to say something, thought to try and get Suoh to talk to him and then he had visited Subaru in hospital.
The other has told him of the Dark Kamui…of that individual's ability to read wishes…of the brutal way in which Hinoto's body guard had died…
'He had wished to protect her and 'Kamui' twisted that wish…made it as his death warrant.'
He had heard those words and been struck by a sudden cold fear.
'Kamui' had met Suoh back when he had been simply Fuuma, had been witness to the others want to defend him no matter the cost…
What if 'Kamui' decided that Suoh too should die? That his Wish to protect Nokoru supported such a choice?
So very afraid that it would be Suoh's head that Kamui found next he had withdrawn also and for the first time since 'that day three years ago.' There had been a divide between them.
Once or twice since the divide had appeared Suoh had come to see him without provocation, a single black rose always tucked into his top button hole.
'Walk with me.' He would always request and always Nokoru would respond,
'Not today, Suoh…tomorrow perhaps.'
'Perhaps.'
Suoh would leave then and, until today, he would always appear two days later to ask the same question.
Nokoru had been in his office since dawn, watching the rain, working on the paperwork and waiting for the other to appear.
The sun was now setting on the horizon and still the other had not come, something that was both relieving and painful at the same time.
He signs the last of the papers on his desk and stacking the pile neatly, he makes the decision to have an early night.
He has just shrugged on his overcoat when the phone begins to ring and, despite a temptation to the contrary, he crosses back into the room to answer it.
"Hello?"
"I want us to talk, Nokoru…today, not tomorrow or the next day…"
"Suoh?"
"I am in the garden by the fountain. I will see you in ten minutes." The phone goes dead and Nokoru stair a moment at it, before he dashes off towards the garden.
Suoh is lent against the fountain, a black rose present again in his button hole.
"Why did you not come to the office like you normally do?"
"I was not certain that I was going to do this." The other remarks and then, a smile on his lips, he remarks, "I also wanted to be sure that you had done your paperwork."
"A wise choice…I was, after all, considering the possibility of stealing Akira and cooking up a storm in the hope of cheering Sumeragi-san up…"
"Of course you were." His smile flickers out then and a more serious expression comes clear onto his face. "You have been avoiding me."
"Yes, but so have you."
"I was afraid…Nagisa died despite my strength…despite my want to protect her always and I was afraid the same would prove true for you."
"While I feared that your desire to see me safe would get you killed…
"My own death I could take…but yours…"
"You are worth more to this world than I, Nokoru."
"To the world, perhaps and yet to myself…" He stops himself then, aware already that too much has been let free of his traitorous lips.
Suoh is smiling again and his fingers rise to touch the rose in his jacket before he enquires,
"Do you truly think well of me, Nokoru? Enough that you would give your life for mine?"
He wishes to confess…wishes to allow the truth of his heart free so that it might place the divide back between them and ensure Suoh's safety.
However, he finds he can not…finds that he wishes Suoh at his side more strongly than he wishes the other safe.
It is a want that he hates himself for.
"You are about to lie, are you not?" Suoh enquires, his smile remaining despite the misery in his voice. "All our lives you have lied to me, Nokoru, in the hopes of protecting me…
"Such small lies that I did not register their presence until Nagisa pointed them out to me.
"How strange, do you not think, that one who had barely known you could see such a thing when I could not?"
"She was very perceptive."
"Yes, she was." He falls silent a moment and then he says, "Come with me."
He walks him away from the fountain and the Shinken, his body relaxing for the first time in many years.
They round a corner and suddenly he is presented with a small rose garden, planted completely with black roses.
"Is this your work?"
"I wanted to keep myself busy…wanted to find a fitting tribute for her."
"Then why not plant a wisteria?"
"That flower was a symbol of her life and I did not wish it to become one for her death.
"Thus I did a little research and found that in England roses are considered a symbol of romantic affection and so black roses seemed appropriate to me."
He bends to stroke the petals and then he says,
"I realised that I did not see the lies because I did not really wish to…because I too had been telling little lies to cover for you, to retain illusion…"
"Why?"
"Because I realised the truth that you were covering with the lies…because I wished to avoid hearing that truth until I knew how I wanted to respond."
Nokoru is aware that Suoh has left him chance still to escape…to continue to lie and yet he knows if he does as such then he will never have the chance to know what might come of his.
Thus he takes a deep breath and informs the other,
"I have fallen for you, Suoh."
He stands and turning to catch his eye he responds.
"I truly did love Nagisa, Nokoru and my heart aches still for the loss of her.
"However, I believe that a part of me has always cared for you as I cared for her…that had she not come into my life I would already be with you…
"Thus I ask for a little time to let Nagisa go and then we can take things from there."
"What of the risks?"
"We are at war, Nokoru and the pair of us are tied enough together that even if we remain distanced we run the risk of loosing the other to death."
"If you truly mean that, Suoh, then I will give you the time you wish for freely and without pressure for a charge in our current course once you have had your time."
"Thank you." He moves then and suddenly Nokoru finds himself wrapped into the crook of his arm, the others sturdy frame providing both support and a dampening for the wind.
Here, in this safety, he feels as though he can face anything…as though he was again in the naïve blissfulness of his childhood.
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T: Ta da…a few little things before I go…I attempted to give both the boys an edge of maturity here that fitted with the character traits that you see within X, hopefully that has come across…I do not know if black roses are symbolic of death, but as Suoh says roses in general are linked to romance and so a black rose links nicely to the death of Suoh's romance with Nagisa. Think that's it so I'll let you be…R+R…I won't bight…much!