Disclaimer: I didn't own LoTR in the Fellowship, and I do not own it now. Sorry abour the shortness, but I'm starting the next chapter as soon as I put this up!

NOTES: Ah, so you have returned! Excellent! If you have not read Lord of the Minks: Fellowship of the Fools, I highly suggest doing so. Else you'll be completely in the dark. Okay, my friend Amanda will (hopefully) be writing the section of the story where Amelia's with Frodo and Same and Gollum, but since I don't want to, if she doesn't you're not getting that part of it. Sorry, folks, but it's the truth. Now, without further ado, I give you...

(MARQUEE! MARQUEE DAMMIT!)

LORD OF THE MINKS: THE TWO TOWELS

"I've got a luverly bunch of coconuts, and here they are a-standing in a row, deedle-ee-dee, big ones, small ones, ones the size of your head! And bigger!... Wow, that would be one fucking big coconut."

"Liana, shut up!"

Seriously, though, if a coconut was the size of an Uruk-Hai's head, that would be one MASSIVE coconut.

Okay, onto business. I was tied the same way Merry and Pippin were, and had been in the movie. For those of you who havent read the book, our ankles were tied as well. Mine were numb, which was nice, but once the ropes got undone, the sprain would start hurting again. Damn.

"Liana... must I explain this to you?" Pippin was looking very stressed out. "We are the prisoners of a bunch of big orcs. Orcs that could kill us with one hand. And you are insulting the size of their heads! In case you have YET to notice, THEY DON'T EXACTLY LIKE US!"

"Yeash, calm it!"

Poor guy looked like he wanted to kill me. I decided to be nice.

"I'm sorry."

Pippin just gave me a look that said "You're forgiven but only if you never talk again." Well, fuck that. But for now I'd shut up. He looked over to Merry.

"Merry!"

The Hottie Hobbit was unconscious with a gash on his forehead.

"Merry!"

Pippin looked at me helplessly, then at some orc who was drinking god-only-knows-what. Since I had watched the deleted scenes, I knew what he was going to do.

"My friend is sick!"

I looked at the sky, and would've examined my fingernails had they been available to me.

"He needs water! Please..."

And then Icky Orc Man started up. "Sick, is he? Give him some medicine, boys!"

I didn't even want to look as they poured whatever shit that was down poor Merry's throat. I could hear him choking and sputtering.

"Stop it!" yelped Pippin. "Leave him alone!"

The Orc rambled at Pippin and I didn't pay attention. I looked at Merry instead. And after a minute, so did Pippin.

"Merry?" he whispered.

Merry blinked tiredly. "H'lo, Pip. Liana."

"You're hurt...?"

"I'm fine," lied Merry. "It was just an act."

Pippin looked incredulous. "An act?"

Poor Merry tried to grin. "See? Fooled you too." His grin faded. "Don't worry about me, Pip."

I was this close to crying! They were so cuuuuuute! And then the moment was ruined as one of the orcs sniffed the air. I couldn't even see what was going on around the huge head of my orc.

"What is it? What do you smell?"

"Manflesh."

Eww...

"They've picked up our trail!"

"Aragorn," breathed Pippin to me, and we grinned at each other.

"LET'S MOVE!"

"OW OW OW OW OW OW - CAN YOU BE ANY MORE GRACEFUL?"

"Liana, be quiet!" Pippin bit his Lorien brooch and ripped it off his cloak, and then let it drop. A big smelly foot stomped on it, but I knew it didn't matter.

LINE! LINE! LINE, DAMMIT!

"Legolas, do they have Diet Pepsi in Isengard?"

"Diet what?"

"Pepsi! You know, carbonated dark beverage, growth-stunting, caffiene-hyped, virtually no nutritional value whatsoever?"

"I am sorry, Saria, I have not heard of it."

"Damn."

We were running after Merry and Pippin. And Liana. But she shouldn't have even GOTTEN captured in the FIRST place, since she knew what happened and stuff. But whatever. She's an idiot, we all know that.

Oh, yeah, I'm introtucing this part of the story, or whatever. I'm Stimpy, you must have met me in the last story. The slightly overweight cat who kept Liana out of trouble? Yes, that was me. I'm the only intelligent one out of the New Fellowship, which has now broken up thanks to the stupidity of Liana and the burning passion for Frodo of Amelia. But I digress. When they had gone to bury Boromir in the last fic, Molly and I had come out of the trees. We had also watched Amelia go across the river with Frodo and Sam. And now we were on our way, running after the comic relief duo. And Liana. But again, she should have known better.

Being cats, Molly and I were quite able to run alongside Aragorn, Rodney, Legolas, and Raina. Aragorn was very fit for a human, and of course, the other three were elves. Antony and Saria were not doing so well, and Gimli was about a half mile behind us at all times. Fat dwarf.

At the moment, Aragorn was lying down on the rock, listening to the vibrations of the orcs moving.

"Their pace has quickened... they must have caught our scent." Aragorn looked at the rest of us. "HURRY!"

Legolas stopped for a moment and looked behind him. "Come on, Saria, Antony, Gimli!"

Gimli fell off a sharp incline and stood up, using his axe as a walking stick. "Three day's and night's pursuit. No food, no r-"

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP!" demanded Rodney irritably.

"Yeah, seriously, we don't need to be reminded," said Antony. Gimli glared at them.

Okay, running montage, running montage, running montage, aaaaaaand we stop. Aragorn bent down to pick up a leaf brooch.

"Not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall," said Aragorn. Legolas stopped and turned to him.

"They may yet be alive."

"Less than a day ahead of us," said Aragorn. "Come."

"Come, Gimli! Antony, Saria, we're gaining on them!"

"I'm wasted on cross-country! We dwarves are –"

"SHUT UP!" yelled Rodney, Raina and Saria. We came up over a hill and Legolas ran ahead. Rodney and Raina followed him.

"Legolas, children, what do your elf eyes see?"

"The Uruks turned Northeast," said all three of them at the same time. "They're taking the hobbits to Isenguard!"

This reminded me of a little webmovie Liana had once showed me, and I started laughing quietly to myself.

"Steempy actually got hisself a sense o' humor, man?" asked Molly, coming up to me.

"No," I replied, and followed the three elves and Aragorn as they ran. Antony and Gimli were following behind us, and Molly trotted next to me.

Many things were said over the course of the next couple of hours, including:

"Keep breathing! That's the key! Breathe! Hoh..."

"They run as if the very whips of their masters were behind them!"

"COME TO JAMAICA AND FEEL ALL RIGHT!"

"YOU BASTARD, YOU TRIPPED ME ON PURPOSE!"

"It's like gym class all over again! RENNISEN, YOU BASTARD, I HOPE YOU DIE!"

Etcetera, etcetera. It would be a long trip to Rohan.