Hello, friends. This story is not in the least bit serious. It's intention is to make you laugh, nothing more. I don't actually write like this. It's meant to be bad, the characters are meant to be OOC, and the Mary-Sue main character is supposed to be horrible. So sit back, relax, and (don't) enjoy!
Hi! My name is Amber Sparkles Indigo Moonlight Jones! I'm really tall and really slim but I have really big knockers which all the boys love! I have huge Amber eyes which is how I got my name and really long silky hair that changes color but is usually bright sparkly purple! I'm really super pretty and all the boys love me so much but I only love one! I'm Harry's sister, Draco's daughter, Hermione's cousin, Ron's daughter, Dumbledore's niece and McGonagall's daughter! My best friend is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (luv ya girl) who loves me even though I'm a prep! I'm eleven but I look seventeen. Today I moved from America to Scotland. I'm a witch, a Seer, an Animagus, a Parselmouth, a Metamorphagus, and I already know how to Apparate and conjure up a corporal Patronus (a unicorn) and I know twice as much magic as all the Seventh years! It's my Sorting today! Hogwarts knows how super extra special I am, so there's a ceremony dedicated to me and only me! YAY!
I walked into the Great Hall and sashayed over to McGonagall and the Sorting hat, winking at all the boys who were staring at me in rapture. Everybody was gazing at me adoringly, especially Harry, Ron and Hermione. But I ignored them because they're not good enough for me, and besides, I love Fred. As I sat down on the stool, I looked around the hall at everybody's adoring faces, and felt even more extra special than ever, until I saw the one face not looking at me. It was some stupid nerd at the Slytherin table. I knew she was a nerd because she had long icky brown hair and glasses. She was pretty, but not HAWT like me. And the worst thing was that she was rolling her eyes and thinking (I can read minds) "Aw, that's just bloody brilliant. Another effing Mary-Sue. And I already have Way to deal with! Let's just hope she's not a Slytherin."
I was outraged! This stupid nerd was insulting me and my bestie, Ebony! Clearly, I had to change this. And the only way to do that was to be sorted into-
"SLYTHERIN!" bellowed the Sorting Hat. There were moans all around because the other houses were disappointed that Slytherin got me. I was, too, because I'd wanted to be a Gryffindor. But changing this girl was more important. Everybody had to think I was perfect!
Was that bad? I hope so. And in case you were wondering, the Slytherin girl is based on me. I hope you found it funny!