Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters, dialogue, lyrics, and/or situations are not my own. I repeat: I do not own anything.
No need to knock. You may come right in.
The words echoed through Marie's mind before she had the chance to fully raise her arm.
Has anyone ever knocked on that door before?
It had been nearly two years since Scott guided her malnourished, shaking form into the room just beyond the rich mahogany door for the first time and learned of Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, but the Professor's unique form of non-verbal communication never failed to spook her. She felt a shiver go down her spine before opening the large oak door.
To her surprise, she saw Logan off to her left standing like a sentinel. He greeted her with a curt nod before crossing his arms and staring out the window. Marie could tell he craved a good cigar in the evening breeze where the noise of the students wouldn't break through his thoughts.
What is he doing here anyway?
Rogue, would you please join us. I promise Hank and I will explain.
Again she felt herself shiver before she took a seat beside Hank in front of the Professor's large desk that, for its size, she'd never seen a scrap of paper on. Hank turned to give her a warm smile that did nothing to squelch the anxiety she now felt in the pit of her stomach. What could the Professor possibly want to talk with the three of them about?
"Sorry to keep you waiting. I didn't know we were having a meeting."
The truth was she had been feeling really good lately, and she'd decided to take advantage and shake off the laziness she had gained from lying in the med bay for nearly a week and being out of training for another week—going on two, and there was no way she wanted to waltz in smelling like sweat. The shower had cost her fifteen minutes, but had ultimately saved Logan and Hank from being assaulted by her post-workout stench.
"That is quite alright. We were just discussing how glad we are that you seem back to your old self."
"I was telling Charles that I am more than confident you'll be able to resume training early with no issues. You can even start tomorrow if you like," Hank cut in with a beaming smile.
"Oh," Marie started, a little startled by how suddenly the announcement had come. "I'm really happy to hear that. You don't know how much I've missed training with the others."
Nearly two weeks earlier the team had gone on a very unusual pick-up mission. They'd learned of a mutant boy who'd been held captive by government scientists and they quickly went to his aid. Unfortunately, the Brotherhood had been interested in him as well, and a brutal fight erupted. Marie had been given the task of protecting the boy, but he had been too many stories up for her to get to quickly, so, enlisting Storm's help, she took a hit of her power and flew up to him. As soon as she reached the top window, Marie felt an odd draining sensation and fell. The next thing she remembered was Logan touching her hand and then a heavy thud. Two days later she walked out of the med bay and met Leech, the young mutant the others had successfully rescued. Marie had sustained a broken back among many other major and minor injuries, and Hank had decided to take her out of training for two weeks as a precaution. Logan's healing had taken care of all the major injuries, but she still had a few cuts and bruises that had since faded.
"I am sure the others will be glad to have you back as well. I know Logan is happy you are feeling well."
The soft grunt of Logan's response helped remind her of where she was, and her initial curiosity returned.
"Well, I am sure you are wondering why I asked you to come. Hank has some interesting news he would like to share with you. I assure you it is nothing to be alarmed over."
"Oh," Marie offered in response once again. She was beginning to wish she were able to string together a more eloquent response, or at least one with two syllables.
However Hank seemed to think her answer was sufficient enough, angling his chair to speak with her.
"I have a few questions for you first, if I may?" Hank began calmly. Marie nodded her head, curiosity steadily increasing. "How have you been feeling this past week?"
"Good," she answered, but seeing Hank's expectant face, she continued. "I feel ready for training. I've been feeling antsy just sitting around, doing nothing. I don't have any more injuries to hold me back."
"That is true. I would not have given you the green light for training otherwise," he added. Taking a deep breath, Hank continued. "When did you first notice you no longer had any injuries?"
Marie thought for a moment. She had never been any good at remembering specific details. It was why she had struggled so much through Storm's history class. "I suppose it was about a week ago. I remember missing training and wondering how much longer I would have to wait to start again."
"Good, good," he responded somewhat distracted. "This next question might seem a bit odd, but I need you to answer it truthfully, alright?"
"Sure," she responded quietly.
"How many times has Logan touched you?"
A slight blush crept up her neck. Marie wished he had better phrased the question.
"I know it might seem intrusive, but it's important I know."
She snuck a glance at Logan who continued to stare out the window. He seemed completely unfazed by Hank's prying, and she surmised Logan had already been interrogated. Marie only wished she had been questioned privately as well.
"I've absorbed him only four times. We haven't exactly made a habit of it."
It was true. Many thought Logan was always coming to her aid, but, unfortunately for her, that wasn't the case. Every time he had healed her it had been either by accident or under dire circumstances, and Logan always ended up in the med bay under the careful eye of either Hank or Jean. Hank already knew of every incident and Marie was curious as to why he had to ask about it. "Why do you ask?"
He favored her with another one of his warm smiles. "Well dear, it seems as though you have permanently absorbed Logan's healing."
What?
"What?" Marie vaguely heard a gruff voice ask. There was a dangerous edge to Logan's response that, although wasn't loud, still conveyed controlled anger.
Hank proceeded to calmly explain in detail how Marie's constant absorption of Logan's healing ability had altered her genetics and left her with it permanently, but his scientific explanation was lost on her. The scene before her had blurred and a heavy thudding invaded her mind. Inhaling became difficult as she struggled to grasp exactly what the news meant.
It meant she was now like Logan, practically immortal.
How many people would she outlive? How many loved ones would she be forced to leave behind? Marie had always known a future with someone would be difficult with her mutation. It was an undertaking she hadn't been ready for at such a young age, but love was something she had wanted to experience eventually. Now, knowing she'd never have the chance to grow old with someone, like Gran, Marie felt despair suffocating her.
Logan had cursed her, left her with a life with no future, and it hurt. For the first time in her life, Marie hated Logan.
I have to get out. I need to breathe. I have to get out.
Despite her mental chaos, Marie calmly stood up and walked out of the study. It wasn't until she was sure no one was following her that she broke into sprint, heading toward the back balcony. Marie hated to fall apart in front of others. The last time she let herself go had been in front of Logan during her first days at the mansion, and she still berated herself for it.
Grasping the railing, Marie took deep breaths until they became somewhat even. She continued to stare out at the stars long after she had regained her composure.
Marie didn't want to believe what had happened. Of all the mutations found within the mansion walls, Logan's had never been one she'd envied. When he had returned after four months on the road, Marie had seen the subtle changes in his demeanor. He had become more withdrawn and solemn, especially when it came to the students and Jean, and it became even rarer to witness his wry and playful humor. It wasn't until she accidentally absorbed Logan during a hectic training session that she finally understood why.
Logan had learned of his sketchy past. He had left behind lovers, friends, and family as his enemies sought retribution against him the only way they knew how, and now he saw himself as damned, unworthy of anything good, destined to live his life watching everything he cared for crumble before him. It was an existence that carried too high of a price.
"Healing is not worth all the pain," Marie said to herself.
"I'm not going to argue with you there, Kid."
"Damn it, Logan! You've got to stop sneaking up on people," she exclaimed, turning around to see Logan's large silhouette a few feet behind her. Why couldn't she have absorbed his senses instead?
"Not my fault you weren't paying attention."
"Well, I was distracted," Marie quickly countered, the words sounding too defensive for her liking.
"I can see that."
Marie could hear the amusement in his voice, and it only served to fuel her anger towards him.
"What do you want, Logan?"
"Wanted to see if you were done with your pity party," he responded casually, taking a swig of the beer she hadn't noticed he was holding.
What the hell does he mean by "pity party?"
"I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am dealing with this news the only way I know how."
"Whatever you say," Logan added dismissively.
Marie wondered how he could be that cold with her. Despite being angry with him, she didn't want Logan seeing her as an ungrateful brat. Marie had to justify herself. "You gave this to me. I didn't ask for it, and it isn't easy news to deal with. I'll be honest with you. I never wanted to have your mutation, your senses maybe, but not your healing. I've seen how much you carry around with you and how it affects you. I don't want to end up that way."
"Kid—"
"Logan, I'm scared. No, I am beyond scared. I am terrified. I don't want to lose the opportunity to have a future with someone."
There was a long heavy silence in their mostly one-sided conversation. Marie continued to stare at her gloved hands, trying hard to hold back the tears that she loathed so much. Finally, Logan broke the tense silence.
"You have every right to be scared, to be angry with me, but this isn't anyone's fault. There was no way we could have known this would happen. I just want you to realize you still have the choice to live the life you want. My life isn't going to become yours."
"But you can't guarantee that it won't," Marie responded in a small voice. The tears that had threatened to fall before were now flowing freely, and she cursed herself for falling apart once again in front of the person whose opinion she valued above all others.
"Then I'll be there to help you through it," Logan stated simply.
Marie felt her poor heart become erratic once again. At least I don't have to worry about a heart attack anymore, she thought wryly. "You promise?" Marie asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I promise," Logan answered without hesitation.
Marie felt some of the compressing weight she felt on her chest begin to chip away. She knew she was far from being okay with the advancement in her abilities, but she also knew Logan was a man of his word. She felt better knowing he would be there if she needed him.
"Thank you, Logan." Marie responded, a warm smile breaking through her tear streaked face.
"What the hell is it with you and these promises anyway, Kid?"
"What is it with you and making them?"
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