Hurt
A story by xxacidxx
Remus could not believe that Sirius had done that to him. Gone and played such a horribly nasty trick on anyone, let alone Severus Snape. It was risky Remus staying in school, it was risking Severus' life, and it was breaking Remus' trust. He didn't even know if he was allowed to stay at Hogwarts. And everything had been going so well...
Flashback
Remus was bent over his books, finishing his homework, quill scribbly madly at the page at a desperate attempt to get the words out of his head faster. Sirius casually made his way over, trying hard not to think about how adorable his best mate looked with full concentration on his parchment, hand a whirl of movement against the cream material. He came to sit in the chair beside Remus, causing the lycan to glance up and smile.
"Yes?" He asked, still grinning as he stared at the paper, quill movement down to a minimum.
"I needed to talk to you." Sirius had replied, casting a wary eye to the onlookers, if there were any. No one seemed to notice them.
"You are talking to me, Padfoot." Remus responded, not looking up.
"Alone." The boy replied in an almost urgent voice causing Remus to look up and set his quill down.
"Okay." He nodded and blew on the ink to dry it before he rolled up the parchment and stuck it, his newly closed ink, and quill into his book bag.
"Follow me." Sirius stood up and pulled Remus by his arm out of the Gryffindor Common Room by the arm. His feet hit the ground at a fast pace, causing Remus to almost jog to keep up.
"Where are we going?" Remus asked curiously, his book bag bouncing against his hip.
Sirius didn't answer but he pushed him into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. He let go of Remus' arm and cast him a nervous glance before he began to pace before the werewolf, who rose an eyebrow in question.
"Sirius?" Remus asked but recieved no answer. "Padfoot." He stopped Sirius by grabbing his arms and forcing him to look into his amber eyes.
"What's going on?"
Sirius' eyes darted back and forth across Remus' face, as if searching for some answer. He closed the distance between them and stroked a finger down the smaller boys cheek.
Remus, not quite sure why, closed his eyes and pushed into the hand, soaking in the touch. Quite suddenly, however, he was being shoved against a wall rather harshly and he felt Sirius mouth come down onto his, hard and needy.
The lycan went to push the Animagi off of him, but found that Sirius had covered both Remus' wrists with his hands, pinning them to the wall.
He was so confused that he didn't even have time to respond before Sirius had pulled back, his look searching Remus and making him feel somewhat naked. He released the werewolf's wrists and stepped back.
After a few moments of silence, the dark haired teen started to look terribly worried.
"Say something." He whispered urgently.
Remus rose a hand to his lips. "Bloody hell." He murmured, eyes finally find Sirius'.
"Is that goo--" However, the was cut off as Remus launched himself into the Animagi's arms, kissing him fiercely.
End flashback
Remus shivered as he remembered and the act itself seemed to bring back immense pain. His arms circled around himself and he rocked back and forth, whimpering despite himself. The bathroom floor was cold, but it kept him awake. He didn't want to sleep, because tomorrow he would find out if he could stay or not. He dreaded it, having the distinct feeling he was going to be condemed.
The werewolf shivered and he hugged himself tighter, closing his eyes and breathing deeply as he remembered more of why it hurt so terribly, terribly much.
Flashback
At first Sirius was quite startled when Remus flung himself at him, but he quickly recovered, wrapping his strong arms protectively around the other.
"I thought you would reject me." He murmured after they had broken apart, stroking the side of Remus' face as if to tell if it was all real. Apparently he wasn't dreaming.
Remus smiled and rested his forehead against the other boys, pulling him closer (if possible).
"Does this mean you'll go out with me?" Sirius asked, smiling nervously.
"Yes, I suppose I could do that." Remus replied kissing Sirius gently.
"Mmm...Thank Merlin for that." Sirius said, kissing his way down the werewolf's neck.
End Flashback
That had been nearly a year ago now. Their relationship had been a bit rocky at times, but everyone goes through that. Remus had told Sirius many times that he loved him. He'd never heard it back. He pretended like it never really bothered him, just thinking that Sirius would get there eventually. Maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe Sirius was using him the whole time just to get to Snape. The thought wasn't very comforting and Remus sighed, willing it all from his mind. It was almost Christmas break. Remus would be staying here, if he wasn't expelled. Remus sighed heavily and rolled into a ball on his side, folding his long legs into his chest. He couldn't hide in here forever...
Flashback
The morning after his transformation, after almost killing Snape, he'd awoken to Madam Pomfrey shaking his shoulder lightly. He groggily looked around and saw the headmaster standing there as well.
"What is it?" Remus asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes and sitting up a bit, despite the pain. He winced slightly and stretched his arms.
"Last night, it seems Remus, that Mr. Black decided to play a little trick on a certain Severus Snape. One that almost cost Severus his life." Dumbledore said, stepping forward and excusing Poppy with a curt nod.
"Oh...?" Questioned Remus, still not catching on. "What does that have to do with me?"
"Because, Remus, he lead Severus to the Whomping Willow. To you." The Professor seemed quite pained to say it.
Remus felt the blood drain from his face.
"Is this a joke?"
"No, I'm afraid not. I'm sorry to say it, Remus, but we may have to expell you from Hogwarts...I'm doing everything in my power and I'm sure it won't come to that..." Dumbledore told him in his confident tone.
"Where is Sirius?"
"That is none of your concern."
"I need to see him. Right now." Remus insisted, not allowing himself to believe Dumbledore. Sirius couldn't have done it, wouldn't have done it. Would he?
"As you wish..." Professor Dumbledore swept away, sky blue robes billowing out behind him.
A few minutes later Sirius was pushing aside the curtain to Remus' bed and hurried to his side.
"Are you alright? Was it a rough transformation? Are you in a lot of pain?" Sirius jabbered, wringing his hands nervously.
"Tell me it isn't true." Remus said, forcing the Animagi to look him square in the eyes. "Please tell me it isn't true."
Sirius looked away. "I didn't mea--" He was cut off by the calm but obvious hurt in Remus' voice.
"How could you?"
"He didn't get hurt!" Sirius squeaked nervously.
"Oh really? What if I had killed him? Turned him into what I am. A monster." Remus' voice was accusing.
"You aren't a monster, Moony."
"No, you, Sirius, are the monster." The werewolf spat venomously. "How could you betray me like this?"
"Moony, love, I didn't think. You know me, ego the size of an elephant, brain the size of a walnut." The dark haired youth stuttered out nervously, trying to ease the situation.
"Get out."
"Moony--"
"GET THE FUCK OUT, BLACK!" He almost screamed. Sirius looked like he might cry, but he turned and walked out, glancing over his shoulder at Remus, who was now crying softly into his hands.
End flashback
Remus sighed. Maybe it was time to get out of the loo. He unfurled and stood up, stopping and steadying himself as the blood rushed to his head, blackening his vision. He stumbled out into the dorm to see Sirius sitting on the end of his bed looking quite pathetic.
"Moony!" He said quickly, standing up.
Remus held up his hand and Sirius shut up, sinking back into his bed.
The werewolf didn't even bother to undress completely. He slipped off his pants and crawled into his bed, drawing the curtains shut behind him. The bed sheets were still quite cold and his curled into a ball to heat up faster.
The next morning came sooner than Remus wanted. He got up and saw the curtains still drawn around Sirius' bed as well as James' and Peter's. The werewolf gathered his clothing and stumbled into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him. He stripped out of yesterdays clothes and got under the hot jet of water, thoroughly enjoying the feelings of the warmth on his sore muscles.
After he was done showering he went downstairs for breakfast. However, the stares were simply too much for him so he grabbed a piece of toast and went to see Dumbledore, needing to find out the news right away. Would he have to go to Wizard Court? Face the Minister himself? Or would he just be sent home right away? Or maybe Dumbledore had figured a way out of it?
Taking a deep breath he murmured the password to Dumbledore's office (given to him by the Headmaster yesterday) and stepped onto the stone gargoyle as it moved. Once he was at the top he rapped his fist on the large wooden door. He heard someone summon him from within and he opened the door, stepping inside and walking towards the large desk that Dumbledore sat behind.
"Ah, Mr. Lupin." The headmaster smiled pleasantly from behind his half-moon spectacles.
"Headmaster." Remus responded, feeling far too nervous to look up.
"I'm quite pleased to inform you that all the charges have been dropped. The ministry has found that it is, in fact, not your fault, for you had nothing to do with it. Surprisingly," Dumbledore seemed quite happy with himself as he continued. "I also managed to get Mr. Black off the hook, so to speak."
Remus sighed a massive sigh of release and looked up, the traces of a smile playing across his lips.
"Thank you so much, sir."
"You are quite welcome, Remus. Now, if you don't mind, Fawks is in need of a good grooming."
"Yes, of course. Thank you again." The werewolf bowed his head and left, feeling half elated-half sad. Off the hook he might be, but he was still Sirius-less.
The next few days leading up to Christmas break were uneventful for Remus. He all but ignored Sirius, silencing him by raising a hand and walking away. When finally the break came, if he was honest, he was relieved. That meant no Sirius to have to avoid. It took a lot of pressure off of him.
Soon everyone was gone and Remus had all of the dorm and Gryffindor Common Room to himself. Wonderful. He had most of his homework finished by the second day, and had eaten five large Honey Duke's bars of chocolate in the process.
On Christmas eve, Remus was awoken by someone shaking his shoulder.
The werewolf groaned and rolled over, his eyes coming into contact with Sirius' chilling grey ones.
"What is it, Black." Remus asked, sitting up. He found his wand and murmured 'lumos'.
Sirius Black was crying.
"What's wrong?" The lycan asked, making sure to keep the concern out of his voice.
"Could...could you just stop being mad at me for an hour and...and just hold me?" Sirius murmured, casting his eyes away from Remus.
"What happened Sirius?" He dropped his voice to something close to tender and moved over slightly so Sirius could sit on the edge of his bed.
"They've tossed me out for good this time, Moony." The Animagi whispered, his voice close to breaking.
"Come here." Remus said softly pulling the covers up for Sirius to get in beside him.
The dark haired teen got into Remus' bed without a word. The werewolf whispered 'knox' letting his wand's light die again. He shifted down under the covers and pulled Sirius into his arms.
"Remus, I'm really really sorry. I can't stand not being with you...I miss you." Sirius choked out, his voice stiff with tears that he was trying to supress.
"Shh." Remus soothed, stroking hair from Sirius' face. "Let's not talk about that now."
Sirius nodded and buried his head into Remus' chest. He was never going to admit it, and would probably get mad at Remus for ever bringing it up, but Sirius was crying. Remus could feel it through his shirt, warm, wet liquid slowly seeping through his shirt. The lycan rubbed Sirius' back, murmuring to him gently until the teen fell asleep in his arms.
Remus lay awake for a long time, watching the sleeping face of the Animagi, knowing with all his heart that he loved him more than anything. That was why it hurt so fucking much.
In the morning when Sirius woke up, Remus was gone. He got up and looked expectantly into the bathroom, but found no one. Then he remembered what day it was. Christmas.
Padfoot bounded down the stairs to see Remus with his nose in a seemingly new book.
"Morning." He said almost cheerfully, jumping onto the cough beside Remus.
The werewolf didn't answer.
"Moony?"
Remus sighed heavily and closed his book, marking the page with a slim finger. He had gone back to being mad at him.
"But I thought that after last night..."
The werewolf shook his head. "Last night changed nothing."
Remus stood up and headed for the stairs.
"Remus."
Sirius only ever called him that when he was really serious about something.
Remus, curious to hear the Animagi's next words, paused.
"I love you."
It was the first time Sirius had ever, ever, said it to him. Remus turned around slowly.
"What...what did you say?"
Sirius stood up, taking a step towards the lycan.
"I'm in love with you." His gaze was steady, his eyes showing the truth of his words.
Remus felt tears welling in his eyes, breaking over and leaking out from his closed eyes.
"Don't cry Moony." Sirius murmured closing the distance between them and brushing tears from Remus' cheeks.
The werewolf lashed out instantly, sobbing and pounding his fists against Sirius' chest.
"How could you fucking do this to me? I fucking love you. How could you hurt me like this?" He said, choking the words out between his sobs.
Sirius caught his fists, which seemed to anger Remus more, but then the Animagi was holding him so tightly he feared he might suffocate. Then he was clinging, clutching, onto the one he loved, and then Sirius was kissing his tears away, murmuring two different sets of three words over and over. Kissing and kissing, gentle and sorry, so very, very sorry.
"I love you. I'm so sorry."
And Remus knew. He knew with all his heart that this boy that was holding him loved him. Loved him more than anyone else. And Remus loved him too. Loved him so much that the pain was being wiped away, taken away with each soft kiss.