I couldn't control it. Once again it was the same dream I had been having every single goddamn night for the past two weeks. As my shirtless body tossed under the thin covers of my bed I saw it at all again. There I was, sick as a dog, in the back of the truck of some kind stranger who had been nice enough to give us a ride once we left Nibelheim. I was leaning against the side of the cab dressed in some of his clothes. He said I couldn't be wandering around dressed like a Shin-Ra MP without drawing attention to myself, so I was dressed in a pair of blue pants and a tank top he gave me. It was the same outfit he wore, except his was black.

"I think I'm gonna puke…"

I hear myself say and he just smiles at me and shakes his head. He gives me a thumbs-up and chuckles lightly. He brought me back from the reactor after Sephiroth nearly killed us and he helped me break out of the basement and carried me out of the town. I owe this man my life and he just laughs and calls me his friend. As I look up at him, finally feeling my stomach starting to settle he's right there smiling back at me.

"We're only a few hours from Costa Del Sol. Once we get there we can catch a ride on a ship to Junon Harbor and cross to the Eastern Continent. There's a town there called Midgar I want to go to. We can find jobs there and start over….and my girlfriend is there. I haven't seen her since I was eighteen. She wrote me almost everyday, Cloud."

I can see his eyes light up as he talks about her. He's still smiling like always and he leans back against the back glass of the truck and stretches. Just as I remember it, the dream begins to play out like a medley; where the scenes jump around in snippets, leaving me just enough information to piece together what really happened five years ago.

"Wake up, Cloud. We've made it to Costa Del Sol. Come on, we'll miss the boat out if we don't hurry."

He grabs me by the arm and helps me step down from the truck bed. I'm finally able to walk on my own accord but not quickly. He wraps one of my arms around his shoulder and helps me walk. When I look up to thank him he just smiles at me and tells me that helping each other is what friends do. Using some of the money he snatched from the mansion back at Nibelheim he buys us two tickets for the ride to Junon and we board the ship.

"It should be a few hours until Junon. Then we can hitch a ride to Midgar. I'm sure she'll let us recover at her house and then we can find jobs. I'm going to be a mercenary, might as well put my SOLDIER experience to use."

He pulls the large sword off his back and holds the giant blade easily enough, swiping it twice through the air before placing it on his back again.

"Besides, I don't think I can get much work besides that with this huge thing on my back. Well, unless someone needs a really good lawn service, huh, Cloud?"

At that part he throws back his head and laughs and I find myself laughing along with him. The rest fizzles out until my eyes open again and we're standing on a hill looking down at a big industrial looking city. It's Midgar. My best friend looks down to me and nods his head. He looks back to the large city and then turns to walk down the adjoining hill's path so we can walk into the city. I've begun to feel sick again so I'm slowly staggering after him. He stops to wait for me when our peaceful moment is interrupted by the sound of trained boots plodding on the grassy ground. He spins around and suddenly calls out to me.

"CLOUD, RUN! GO NOW!"

He grabs my by the arm and shoves me towards the path. In my current state I can't stay on my feet so I fall and begin to roll down the path. As I tumble down the path I can hear screams and the sounds of guns firing. My body hits a large rock and as I begin to fade I hear a few last shots fired and then someone laughing.

This is always the worst part of the dream. When I come to I find my sickness has left me again and I'm well enough to stand. As I climb the hill I listen to my surroundings and hear nothing; the only sounds are the wind blowing and a few insects chirping. Once I reach the top of the hill my heart drops into my stomach. Lying a few feet away in a pool of his own blood is my best friend. He isn't moving. I run to him and kneel besides him. I place his head in my lap but his eyes are closed and he isn't breathing. I feel for a pulse and find nothing, not a fucking thing at all!

"ZAAAAAAAAAAAACK! NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! NOT NOW! ZACK! ZACK! PLEASE WAKE UP! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

I finally wake up and sit bolt right in my bed. As my entire body is dripping an icy cold sweat the only sounds in the pitch-black room are my ragged breathing and the sound of my pulse in my ears. It's been two weeks since we saved the planet from Sephiroth and Meteor and also my realization about who I really am. Every single night I dream about Zack and all he did for me. I toss the drenched sheets aside and step from the bed, the only article of clothing on my body is the pair of drawstring pajama bottoms and they are just as soaked with sweat as the sheets.

I find my way into the bathroom and flick the light on my eyes automatically wince as the bright light bombards them after being in the dark. I stagger to the sink and grab it for support, holding for a moment before I turn on the water and begin to wash my face. After a moment I look at the reflection in the mirror and see the man I have become. It's been five years since Zack helped me escape Nibelheim and gave his life for mine at the entrance to Midgar. As I stare at the face dripping with water I think about Zack again.

"I let you down, friend. I would have died if not for you and all I could do was steal your life."

As I say this my hands ball into fists and slam into the porcelain counter that surrounds the sink, the pain that follows drops to a dull throb after a moment. My eyes narrow and begin to tear up. My breath comes ragged again due to the tears I try to choke back. Though this part isn't in my dream, I remember it. Some things I can't remember if they are a memory of Cloud's life or Zack's life, but I know…I goddamn know this is part of my life. I can still see my younger self on the hill standing over the shallow grave I dug and I take the sword that was Zack's. I make him a vow to live my life for the both of us.

"I couldn't even keep that promise. My Jenova cells absorbed your memories and melded them to mine. I did become a mercenary like you wanted to, but I took your life. I took your life, Zack! I BETRAYED OUR FRIENDSHIP!"

As a new rage grips my body I lose control. My fist slams into the mirror, shattering it into tiny pieces that fall onto the counter and into the sink. I grit my teeth as the skin rips open and the crimson fluid begins to pour freely from the numerous gashes. A river of red falls into the sink so I turn on the water and stick my wounded hand under it. I gasp as the cool water burns the cuts but I just bite down and absorb it. After rinsing it off I snatch the hand towel off the bar on the wall and wrap it over my fist before turning to walk back to my bedroom. Though I haven't used them since I still have my materia locked in a chest. I am thankful for the Restore materia there but not for anything else. As my feet hit the wooden floor of the bedroom I find myself crying freely, something I want no one to see.

"I'm so sorry…..So…sorry….more than you'll….ever know….."