Calm the Storms of My Heart
I can't take it anymore. I really can't. I know, it's been six years... Still... When I close my eyes, the image is as clear as it was back then. In that single moment of misfortune, I lost my love, my life, and myself. I never was the same. Did anyone notice? No, I don't think so. Perhaps Taiitsukun may have, but I doubt it. The storm the rages within my soul... Chichiri looked up into the bleak, gray skies. As bleak as his future was, for he had none. He held out his hand and a single raindrop fell into in. Then came more, the water before him began to churn. It's so painful, as if there are a thousand knives digging their way out of my heart. I have nothing to live for. Miaka can summon Suzaku without me. She'll have to get the Shinzaho anyway. They won't miss me. Will they cry when they find out? Of course not. I was always the odd one. Perhaps Myojuan would have cried, but he, like I, do not cry easily. Perhaps that is because we have forgotten how. Chichiri's mask fluttered down from his face. It danced in to storm for a while before coming to a rest on the damp ground near the riverbank. Silent tears slid down his face unnoticed. I really wish I had died back then. I should have died back then. Why was I spared? I don't care about being a Suzaku seishi anymore... Chichiri took one step forward, his hand released his shakujo. The staff stood on it's own for a while before it lost it's balance and fell forward. It made only a soft splashing sound as it hit the ground. I have outlived my usefulness. I'll follow you, Chiriko. Iie, Amiboshi. Will they care that I have chosen death over life? Will they even look for me? Ah... Now I can finally end the storm raging in my heart. I shall ease the guilt that has burned in my soul these six years... Chichiri took another step forward. His kasa fell from it's place on his head and was lost in the haze of the rain. His kesa, too soaked to cling onto his bare, wet skin anymore, fell into a sodden pile behind him. Chichiri shivered slightly, the rain was pounding like needles against his bare upper body. He just kept walking. Will I go to heaven, or will I go to hell? I deserve only to see the fiery gates of hell. Kouran... Hikou... Forgive me. I promised we would all be together, but... It seems that won't be so. Gomen nasai if you both have been waiting for me. Though, why would you wait for a traitor like me? Kouran... Do you know I still love you? Hikou... Will you ever forgive me? .... .... Perhaps hell is too good for me. Chichiri jerked the prayer beads off from around his neck and allowed them to drop on the soaked grass. His good eye gazed ahead blankly. His left foot sloshed into the water. Remember me, Miaka. Remember Chichiri, but forget about Houjun. Chichiri let out a rough, dry laugh. Not that you ever knew much about Houjun to begin with... Chichiri was up to his waist in water before the waves caught up with him. His legs were pulled from beneth him and his head was submerged under the cool water. His whole body was freezing as he sunk deeper beneth the surface. His mouth opened and the last bubbles of air he had floated away. His good eye closed and his body began to go numb. The water seemed a lot darker than it had been. Then the cold began to subdue. The water was beginning to feel warm. A ruby glow was abruptly pressed against his eyelids.
Houjun! Houjun! Wake up!
Hey, Houjun, still in there?
Chichiri let his eyes flutter open. His eyes.
Ah, Kouran... Hikou... You waited for me...
Tying Loose Ends
"Where's Chichiri, Hotohori-sama?" Nuriko asked Hotohori the next morning.
"Nani? Shouldn't he be in his room?" Hotohori asked.
"He isn't," Nuriko replied, "and all of his things are gone."
"Well-" Hotohori began.
"OY! Hotohori! Nuriko! Hurry up! We've got trouble! Something's up with Miaka!" Tasuki shouted as he rushed in.
"Miaka?!" Nuriko asked.
"Let's go!" Hotohori tugged on Nuriko's arm and they shot out of the palace with Tasuki.
They understood what Tasuki meant be 'trouble' when they got to the scene. Miaka was sobbing, clutching a length of navy cloth. Scattered around her were various items that all belonged to-
"Chichiri!" Tasuki cried as he fell to his knees next to a staff. Nuriko spotted something on the opposite bank. It was Chichiri. Miaka saw it too. Soon everyone was over there.
Miaka cradled Chichiri's head in her lap.
"Why? Why did he do it?" Hotohori asked, shaking his head. Miaka buried her head in Chichiri's chest.
"Baka... Chichiri no baka... You were supposed protect me... Not die..." Miaka's insults were almost affectionate. Miaka shook him slightly, "Chichiri... Wake up... Open your eyes and say 'no da'... Onegai? Chichiri... Wake up..."
"Miaka..." Nuriko pulled her away from Chichiri, "Look at him, take a good look at him. Have you ever seen him so happy?"
And it was true. A final, subtle smile was dancing on his lips. Water dropletts sparkled in his hair, on his face, and on his body as well. It would be correct to say he was glowing with an innocent joy. He looked so peaceful, lying there. Almost as if he truely were only sleeping. Miaka shook her head.
"Chichiri..." She clasped his left hand in her own. That's when she noticed something clutched tightly in his hand. It was a note of some sort. She handed it to Nuriko, "What does it say?" With a shaking voice, Nuriko read it to everyone. The water had made the ink runny and the words fuzzy. It was very hard to make out but Nuriko was able to read it.
Sayonara.... No da.