Author Note: If you need my tumblr:
I mostly reblog stuff, but I might answer questions if any good ones come up.
Trigger warnings & other tags: Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Slavery, Petstuck, Recovery, Xenobiology, Xenopsychology
Full summary:
A few hundred years after the Condesce met her match in the human race and was defeated, the troll race still endures the punishment of 500 years of slavery, as stipulated in the peace treaty. Over centuries, conditions for enslaved trolls have improved to the point that most are treated more like pets. Some may even be considered part of the family, or lead a semi-independent life with a low-status job if their owner approves of it. However, not all are as lucky.
Karkat has lost an owner again, and finds himself in yet another troll adoption center.
Combination Petstuck & Slavestuck. I haven't decided yet if this AU will be a no SBURB or after SBURB, both have interesting possibilities... There will be OCs in both major and supporting roles. Most of the pairings are still undecided because I'm trying to go for the more uncommon and downright rare ships. This is going to be one of the darker or maybe even the darkest fic I've written thus far. I have some general outline set up, but a lot of details and even major plot elements might be included later. This will be an adventure for me as well.
Disclaimer: I don't own Homestuck.
Chapter 1: The Compound
In the few days he had spent in the compound, Karkat's sleep had been infrequent, often interrupted and restless. The people visiting the adoption center in the day, the noisy air conditioner, the other trolls, and the night shift worker making his rounds and his TV when he was taking a break… Everything seemed to wake him up. And when he managed to sleep a few hours, his rest was often plagued by nightmares of his less savoury previous owners, and occasionally about the horror he had felt anytime a half-decent owner had to give him up. On very few lucky occasions he managed to catch an hour or two of dreamless sleep. Karkat sighed and put down the book he had been trying to read. He was too tired to concentrate on it, so he decided to lie down and wait for lunchtime. There were some humans visiting, but they were further down the hallway and the neighbouring trolls were quiet at the moment, so Karkat let his eyes close.
The anticipation of being sent to the adoption center was horrible, and not knowing what kind of owner you get next was even worse, if you got adopted at all. Actually being at this compound wasn't that bad to a troll, compared to having a bad owner: Medical check up, treatment and updating your history and owner records, as soon as you were brought in. Injured and sick trolls were not put in the adoption halls before they were fully recovered. Food wasn't particularly tasty, but there was enough of it and the meals were on time. The mattress you slept on was thick enough to keep you off the floor. The blocks were large enough for moving around. You were expected to keep your block clean and to co-operate with the workers, but other than that you didn't have any work or responsibilities. Each block actually had a real toilet and a metallic sink for washing your hands in the corner, and a shower curtain around the toilet corner provided some privacy when you did your business. Once a week trolls were taken in small groups to the showers, and they were provided with wet wipes to complement their daily hygiene. The laundry cart provided clean clothes and returned an hour later to collect the dirty ones three times a week. While the long narrow hallways lined with blocks on both sides made it impossible to position a TV so that all trolls could see it, their mental faculties were not left to wither away with boredom. Each block had a box that contained a set of playing cards, a wad of paper, a set of wax crayons, a tennis ball, some random plushie and a few other toys and objects that were considered 'safe enough' to give to trolls who might come from abusive conditions. Some trolls had meager personal possessions when they came in, and they were allowed to take the safe stuff in their blocks, the rest of their stuff was held in storage until they left.
And there was also the library cart, which was operated by a nice old lady who volunteered at the compound everyday after dinner. The library was mostly compiled from the personal collections of the old lady and her friends, many of whom had something to do with the compound directly or indirectly, but there were some donated books as well. She apparently enjoyed baking a lot and in large quantities, because she brought fresh cookies with her every day and gave them to the trolls while making rounds with the cart. She also stopped to briefly talk to and/or pet any troll that craved attention. It was no secret that most trolls in the adoption section had downright wet dreams of being adopted by her and entering the Cookie Paradise. Sadly she already had a troll who was fond of baking himself (though he apparently preferred making pies), and while she earned a decent living with her joke shop, her house apparently didn't have enough room for another troll. She usually didn't bring her troll with her, so only few of the longest staying trolls had seen him.
The familiar noise of the food cart entered the hallway. Karkat flinched, having come THIS close to falling asleep. It would take a while before the cart reached his block, so he forced one eye open and looked at the book again. Some sort of wizard fiction about a boy named Harry Potter (predating the discovery of trolls). It wasn't even a romance novel, because the compound had such a limited amount of books. He picked the book on his first day here, because the seadweller with weird hair in the opposite block had enjoyed it and recommended it for trying out the magic fantasy genre. Karkat thought it was ok, he could see why some people liked the series so much, though he wished it had more romantic elements. Well, the human friendship was borderline pale, and since the three main characters were pre-pubescent, it was unreasonable to hope for more concupiscent forms of romance at this point in the series. The seadweller had mentioned romance becomes more visible as a side-plot when the series progresses and he had read the entire series in the two or three weeks he had been here so he should know. Currently the seadweller was tearing through something called Complacency of the Learned, which was apparently the modern classic of "wwizard fiction". It was good that that the seadweller was preoccupied, because he hadn't tried to talk to Karkat at all today, unlike the previous three days. Then again, the seadweller had been here for weeks, no wonder if he was lonely.
The meal cart was halfway to Karkat's block and getting closer, so Karkat moved closer to the meal hatch on the door and sat down. He leaned his back against the wall of bars and sighed as his belly rumbled. The humans further down the hall were coming back, probably leaving the place. Karkat listened to their steps, 'going, going, aaand… gone?'. The humans stopped outside his block, 'please don't pick me, don't talk to me, don't even look at me'.
"Is that Complacency of the Learned? How far have you read it?", spoke a teenaged human girl. Wait, no, sounds like they stopped to talk to the seadweller. Karkat relaxed a bit and leaned his head back, briefly rubbing an itchy spot against the bars. He tuned out the group of humans and focused on the lunch cart just a few blocks away. He closed his eyes as he picked up the smell of cooked fish. Perhaps this meal would actually taste like something? "Hey, kid! Stop!"
Painful grip on Karkat's left horn and a hand fisted in his mop-like hair forced his head further back against the bars. A scream of pain and terror was already erupting from his throat just fraction of a second before his mind had a flashback to the last time he had been grabbed like this. Even though the flashback was over as fast as it came, his brain was still in full 'GET AWAY!' mode. He wrenched his head to right, removing the grip from his horn and rushed forward with all his weight. There was a tearing noise, a stinging sensation in his scalp and a strange lightness on his head. He landed on all fours and scrambled like that all the way to the back wall. There he hastily turned around looking for a place to hide. He managed to see a shelter worker kneeling down in front of a toddler before he climbed on the toilet seat's lid and pulled the shower curtain closed. Eyes burning with unshed tears, he sat there hugging his knees as sounds began to make sense again. The trolls in nearby blocks were in uproar, some kept asking what had happened, others kept yelling at the humans and one or two kept yelling at everyone else to shut up. One shelter worker, probably Jake, was talking to the toddler while the other shelter worker operating the meal cart today, Antonio judging by the accent, was yelling at the humans for breaking the rules and not looking after their kid. The seadweller kept asking 'is Kar okay?'. Everything felt slow, though it could not have been more than half a minute since the toddler was in his hair. Karkat began to notice the painful throbbing in his scalp, and tears began rolling down his face. As he felt the bald spot with a trembling hand, he started sobbing out loud. He pressed both hands on the bald spot as adrenaline faded and the pain in his horn and scalp intensified, trying to block out at least some of the pain. That's probably why he didn't notice the door opening, until he heard it shut and get locked. Keys jingled when Jake spoke: "Hold my keys and try to calm down the other trolls."
He walked over at a casual pace, his work boots making his steps easily audible. He stopped on the other side of the shower curtain and Karkat hissed once between his sobs, but Jake didn't open the curtain like Karkat had expected. He just leaned against the back wall and waited a while. Karkat felt some tiny fraction of the panic lift and his sobs quiet down just a bit. Even though Jakes voice was soft when he spoke, Karkat still let out a startled hiss. "Hey… How badly are you doing?"
"I…" Karkat managed to choke out before his sobs came back with full force.
"That bad, huh? Listen, I have to give you a quick check up, just in case you need to see the doctor. I will not touch you without permission. I'm just going to move the curtain a little, so I can see you." Jake's voice is soft and kind, but Karkat still tries to squeeze out a couple of half-hearted growls to scare him away. Sobbing apparently didn't make the growling sound scary enough, and the curtain slowly moved just enough to reveal Jake and the sincerely concerned look on his face. Seeing the naked pity, which was at least partially directed at him, Karkat's instincts shifted from 'scare away the potentially dangerous stranger', to 'petition help from the guy bleeding platonic pity everywhere'. His sobs quieted down to silent unrestrained tears and a quiet whine escaped from his throat.
"I probably should take a look at your head first, since you seem pretty keen on holding it like that. Would you please let me see?" He is leaning closer but makes no move to touch Karkat. After a moment's consideration he lowers his hands and tilts his head to give Jake a better view. He froze when he noticed some blood smeared on his hand. He turned to show the trembling bloody hand to Jake, who was rifling through the various pockets on his uniform vest. He takes one grim look at Karkat's hand and keeps going through his pockets. Soon he had fished out a small package of paper handkerchiefs and a single wrapped wet-wipe, which he placed in Karkat's hand and said: "How about you clean your hands while I figure out where that blood on your head is coming from. There's not much of it but I'd rather be sure. Oh, and you might want to put your feet back on the floor before your legs fall asleep. Yeah, just like that. Now, it will probably hurt a bit when I clean your head, but I'll try to be gentle, ok?"
"I… I guess that's ok… It's just… My horn hurts."
Jake sighs as Karkat fumbled open the wrapper and began carefully wiping his hand, which was still shaking lightly: "Yeah, that was not unexpected. I was going to ask about it but looks like you're pulling yourself back together faster than I expected. Could you tilt your head again? Thanks, that's enough. Let's see… Ok, no need for stitches. There's no actual cut here, just a small spot where the surface layer of skin got peeled off. It's not even bleeding properly, more like oozing through the skin. It will scab over soon enough. How is your horn feeling, exactly? Describe it. And maybe point which horn is hurting, so I don't mess up the directions. Got any other pains? Oh, and give me the trash, will you?"
The trash disappeared into one of the many pockets on Jake's vest. Karkat pointed at his left horn and said: "This one hurts. There's this constant throbbing pain that is getting worse, and if I move my head too fast it feels like getting stabbed right through here. Ow fuck, hng, hrkh!"
Karkat's hand strayed too close when he gestured, and his finger brushed lightly against the tip of his horn. The shock of pain triggered his gag reflex. He doubled over, face in the sink and fingers clutching the edge, attempting to expel a meal that had not yet been consumed. All that got out was a dribble of stomach acids. "Ugh, gross," Karkat spit in the sink and turned on the water to rinse his mouth, "that felt like a lightning strike, except instead of electric burns you get empty vomiting."
"Indeed. Are you still feeling sick? Do you need me to rub your back or something?" Karkat looked over his shoulder. Even though Jake had leaned closer, one hand extended in a concerned gesture, he kept enough distance to not accidentally end up touching if Karkat were to move suddenly. Karkat relaxed a bit, as it seemed that for once his slip-up with cursing had not landed him in trouble. Or maybe he'd get punished later? Better make sure.
"Feels like there's a weight on the left side of my head but urge to vomit is gone. I'll manage. Umh… Sorry about that curse. Am I in trouble now?" Karkat gives his best puppy look. 'Pity me out of trouble'-strategy had worked better when he was a kid but it just might work with Jake's rampant platonic pity.
"What? No. No, you're not. It's alright, you were in pain. But I still need to check for swelling around your horn and test your eyes. Are you up for that or should I just book you a doctor's appointment?" Jake asked, straightened his back and rubbed his neck. Karkat sat up and regarded Jake hesitantly. He had kept his word thus far. But an official doctor's appointment? And a booked one, too, meaning it would happen later? Karkat would still have to leave his block, where he was protected by the bars and had a soft spot to sleep on. And he might get that doctor with the cold hands instead of doctor Harley's nice and warm hands. If he finished the check up and didn't need a doctor, he wouldn't have to deal with that. He clenched his fists and nodded. He turned to face Jake.
"Let's get this over with so I can eat." He tilted his head to give Jake better reach.
"Don't do that to your fists, ok? You'll only end up hurting yourself. Here, you can hold my t-shirt instead, and don't worry about leaving holes, this shirt ain't exactly new. You can even lean against me, if you think that helps you keep your head still."
Jake unzipped his vest and pulled forward a handful of his shirt, offering it to Karkat. Karkat stared at the offered cloth, and then lowered his eyes to inspect his hands. His knuckles were drained of colour and his hands trembled lightly with the tension. Opening his hands revealed claw shaped imprints on his palms, if he had flinched in pain while his hands were closed, his claws would surely have punctured his skin. After a quick evaluative look at Jake's face, he reached out and grabbed the shirt clumsily. He re-adjusted his grip a few times, trying not to scratch Jake or make any holes on the shirt, until he felt he had a good hold. He tugged gently on the shirt and looked up at Jake: "You're too far away."
When Jake stepped closer, Karkat leaned against him and shifted around a few times. Partially because he tried to find a comfortable position where his horn base could be examined quickly and conveniently, but mostly because he wanted a chance to discreetly take in Jake's smell without obviously sniffing, try out what it felt like to have his face against Jake, and maybe casually scent mark the human. He settled in a satisfactory pose and said: "Go on, I don't think I can get more ready."
"Alright, but you can tell me to stop anytime if it hurts too much or if you need a break, or if you changed your mind about this leaning thing." Jake's hands didn't go straight to his horn base like Karkat had expected. Jake started by gently pulling Karkat's hair away from the horn and roughly combing with his fingers a few holes in the tangled mass of hair. Karkat felt mild relief when his hair stopped pressing against his horn, but the moment Jake started examining his horn base, Karkat gritted his teeth and clutched Jake's shirt tighter. The pain made him feel nauseated and the world felt slightly tilted to the left. Tears gathered in his eyes as he tried to wait just a while longer. The while passed, and he couldn't go any longer. He gasped a quick 'stop' and slumped against Jake when Jake's hand left his horn base. "Good timing."
Karkat looked up, confused. Jake smiled. "I was just ready with the examination when you told me to stop. I don't know how you managed to sit through it, especially with how swollen your horn base was. You did great."
Karkat hid the small smile on his face by busying himself with removing his claws from Jake's now ruined t-shirt. His smiled vanished as he stared at the gaping holes. "I ruined your shirt," the tears in his eyes spilled but he managed to keep his voice steady, "I know you said it's ok, but I tried so hard not to ruin it and I failed. I'm so useless and stupid. I can't do anything right."
Jake kneeled in front of him. The resulting eye contact between them was quiet but short. Jake didn't blink when he tore a handful of cloth from his shirt, using the claw holes to his advantage. Ok, Karkat had been wrong. NOW the shirt was ruined. "Karkat, none of those things are true. I've seen your owner records and there are at least a handful of seedy people on it. If you were any of those things you said, you wouldn't be alive today. How about you let me dry those tears and we'll finish the check up so you can go eat?"
Jake gestured with the scrap of clothing. Karkat swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded sheepishly, embarrassed to have shown such a private part of his character. He couldn't help it. Even though he was a human, Jake was pretty in every conceivable way and in a couple of ways that Karkat hadn't even managed to dream up, and he just smelled so… safe. There was something about the scent that was simultaneously quite lusus-like, and something like the protection of a quadrant mate. Most safe-smelling humans had either one or the other, having both was uncommon. Then there were the humans that didn't smell safe, as well as the ones that smelled downright dangerous.
Jake gently wiped the tears on Karkat's face. It was touching how Jake had sacrificed his shirt for something so insignificant. As soothing as it was to have someone care for him for once, Karkat had a weird feeling, some sort of tension, in his throat. Jake was about to put the cloth in his pocket when he seemed to have a better idea. He offered the mostly white but heavily pink stained cloth to Karkat. "Do you want a souvenir? I really have no further use for this."
Karkat's eyes snapped to it and widened in greed. He snatched away the cloth: "Mine!"
Jake laughed a bit at the sudden burst of possessive behaviour. He had expected it because Karkat had no personal belongings when he was dropped off and trolls tended to be more territorial than humans, but the degree of his behaviour was absurdly out of proportion compared to the size and value of the gift. "Of course it's yours, I just gave it to you. Now put it in your pocket and show me your eyes."
Karkat obeyed hastily. First Jake checked the mobility of Karkat's eyes. He had Karkat follow his finger. Then he took a small flashlight from his vest's inline pocket and checked Karkat's pupil reactions. "Well, I'm not a doctor, but based on my training and experience, my educated guess is that you're going to get one magnificent migraine. I'll let Jade, ermh, I mean doctor Harley know that you need a closer look and painkillers, probably something stronger than I'm authorized to handle. It will take a while, but I'm pretty sure she'll have a look at you first thing when she gets back."
Karkat tilts his head curiously: "She's not here? What about that other doctor?"
"She went out with the emergency response team on the ambulance. I didn't get the details but apparently they headed to a car crash scene. It must be a really bad one too, since they took a doctor with them. Doctor Anderson and the nurses are preparing for surgery on the car crash patient." Jake stepped outside the curtain and looked towards the hallway. "Antonio, could you continue handing out the food trays? I'll wrap things up here and catch up with you. Just toss me my keys before you go."
"Sure I can. Here, catch." The keys jingled when Jake caught them. The lunch cart was moving again. Soon there was the sound of a food tray being slid into Karkat's block. At the sound of it Karkat nearly jumped on his feet. The swift movement sent shocks of pain through his horn and his sense of balance went all over the place. He slumped back on the toilet and clutched the water tank so he wouldn't fall.
Jake returned the keys to his belt and opened the curtain a little more. Karkat looked up, slightly startled by the movement, but relaxed when Jake offered his hand. "I know you're looking forward to eating but it looks like someone is waiting to speak to you. It probably won't take more than a minute. Do you think you're up for it? If not, I'll send them away. Otherwise I'll stay here for moral support."
Karkat huffed: "I can handle a minute, but after that I will ignore them and eat no matter what they have to say."
He grabbed Jake's hand and was pulled up a bit faster than he would have preferred, which really was not that fast at all. It really didn't help that his balance seemed to have figuratively fucked off when the adrenaline wore off. He stumbled and bear hugged Jake's arm for support. Jake managed to stay in balance even with the troll bumping into him. He quickly wrapped his free arm around Karkat's shoulders to steady him. Karkat gagged twice but nothing came up. He closed his eyes and leaned his mouth against Jake's shoulder. The dizziness and nausea passed in a few moments. Karkat opened his eyes and took a sideways glance at the arm around his shoulders. While it had felt safe and supporting a moment ago, now it made him feel trapped. His ears lowered in fear. His brow furrowed in worry and he looked at Jake pleadingly. Jake seemed confused at first, but when he moved his arm away and Karkat visibly relaxed, he smiled like he had figured it out: "Are you steady on your feet?"
Karkat gave a tiny nod at first, but then hesitated and shrugged. He could stand just fine but he wasn't so sure about walking. Jake sighed: "Can you walk if I support you?"
This time Karkat raised his chin from Jake's shoulder and actually spoke: "Yeah, I think so. I mean, if we don't go too fast."
Jake rearranged Karkat's clumsy bear hug on his arm into a better hold and started walking him to the wall of bars. In the hallway beyond the bars, Karkat finally noticed the toddler with its mother. Karkat cast an alarmed look to Jake, slightly tightening his grip on Jake's arm to get his attention. Jake kept walking him closer but reassured him verbally: "Don't worry, I'll be right here. I won't let anything bad happen to you."
Karkat doesn't exactly calm down, but he manages to mostly hide his agitation and not panic. A bit less than an arms length away from the bars they stop and Jake helps Karkat to sit. Jake also sits down, mainly because Karkat won't let go off his arm.
The toddler is trying to hide behind its mother, but she pushes the kid forward: "Go on Tim. What are you supposed to do when you have done something bad?"
The boy (apparently) steps closer and holds out something: "Sowwy."
In his hand was a lump of black hair. Karkat blinked, now more surprized than agitated. He turned to Jake, seeking advice and only receiving a casual shrug in response. It was up to him how to deal with the situation.
For a moment he wondered if this was a trap. Probably not, he figured, but this situation could backfire if he wasn't careful. After all, humans were ridiculously protective of their wrigglers.
Cautiously he reached forward and took the hairball from the boy. No-one was yelling at him yet. Unsure of what to do with the hairball he put it in his pocket.
He looked at the child carefully. The boy seemed to be genuinely sorry for hurting him. Puffy eyes, red cheeks, pouty lips, dried up tears… yes, the kid had definitely been crying.
Karkat could feel his grudge slip away. It didn't matter, not holding a grudge would only make it easier to pull off the theatrics display he was about to do. Mostly because it meant he didn't have to lie. "Look, kid, it is okay, really. I, I'll… I forgive you. Just, ugh, promise that you will never again do that to a troll. Okay? No hair-pulling, no touching a troll's horns. Well, except if they ask you to… Do you promise?"
The toddler nods seriously: "I promise."
Karkat sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. "Do you even know how to pet a troll? And I mean pet the right way that doesn't make trolls bite you?"
The boy held a finger to his mouth and looked thoughtful. Behind him his mother shook her head. A moment later the boy shrugged. Karkat huffed and finally let go off Jake's arm. He held one hand up and pointed with the other for emphasis: "Never pet a troll with your hand open like this. Hold your fingers loosely curled like this, to hide your nails, and use the back of your hand. Errr, umh, can I show him?"
Karkat looked back and forth between Jake and the boy's mother. She shrugged and said she's alright with it if Jake approves. Jake said he does approve but insists on staying extra close to monitor the situation.
They moved closer to the bars. Karkat reached through with one arm and stroked the boy's cheek with the back of his loosely fisted hand. A tiny smile appeared on Karkat's face. "This is how you pet a troll, okay?"
The boy smiled and gave a nod. Karkat withdrew his arm. They stared at each other for a moment. Then the boy said something that made Karkat's smile fade: "I wanna pet you."
Karkat lowered his ears nervously and sought guidance from Jake. Just like before, Jake left the decision to Karkat: "Don't look at me, this is up to you. It's your body and your decision. If you let him pet you, I'll be right here to keep an eye on things. If not, then you better eat what you can. Keeping your blood sugar even will help you recover faster from your migraine."
Karkat looked at the food tray, then at the kid. It had been some time since anyone was this eager to give him positive attention. The food might get cold but it wasn't going anywhere. He leaned just close enough for the kid to reach and offered the cheek visible to Jake: "Fine, but just for a while, I want to eat. And no funny business."
The boy's hand was warmer than Karkat expected and smelled like vanilla flavoured cookies. The first few strokes were kind of shaky, but it felt… nice. The boy was mesmerized by his apparently first chance to pet a troll. The look of amazement and curiosity that the boy had on his face, somehow it appeared sincere enough to Karkat. He shifted closer and now the boy could reach better. The strokes got steady and a little relaxing. For a troll this way of being touched was very soothing, not like getting papped or other pale behaviours, but in a more platonic "I-won't-hurt-you-if-you-don't-hurt-me" manner.
Karkat's eyes slowly drifted closed. He tried to ignore the gradually worsening headache, by now it was noticeable (but not yet unmanageable) even when he was still. He failed. He leaned back out of reach, half sighing, half groaning, and rubbed his temples (it didn't help). Jake spoke up: "Ok, that's it, no more petting for you kid. Karkat, you just go ahead and eat."
Jake stood up and offered his hand to Karkat. Karkat declined it, shaking his head lightly: "If I stand up, I'd just get motion sick again. Crawling is faster for short distances right now."
"Oh, ok." Jake withdrew his hand and went to open the door. Karkat crawled on all fours and made it to the food tray while Jake was still in the hallway, locking the door.
Karkat picked up a spoon and marvelled at the whole cooked fish on the plate. There were some grains of sea salt on the fish, and it smelled thoroughly cooked. Next to the fish was a mound of mashed potatoes, covered in his daily dose of rustblood-grade multi-vitamin syrup (since his unique nutritional needs were theoretically slightly higher than a rustblood's, the dose was about 110 % of normal). Next to the plate was a buttered piece of bread, a banana and a mug of milk. The plate and mug were plastic, naturally. He started shovelling the mashed potatoes in his mouth, dimly aware that Jake told the visiting family to 'wait in the lobby'. He briefly wondered what that was about but Jake went to help Antonio with the cart and the family left, so it didn't matter anymore and the bread was better than usual. The banana wasn't exactly his favourite fruit, but it wasn't bad either. He drank a bit of milk and grimaced. He really didn't like milk but the staff had insisted that it was part of the meals for nutritional purposes and thus to be considered food while at the compound.
He grabbed the fish and twisted its neck until he felt the spine break. He tore off the head and pulled out the rest of the spine. Most of the fish bones came out with the spine. He dropped the head and spine on the plate and bit off the tail.
"Hey Kar! If you're not eatin it, can I have that fish head?" Ugh, seadwellers and their eating habits… Karkat tossed the fish head to the other side of the hallway. He tried to chew the fishtail. The scales were too tough, so he swallowed the tail whole. He spread the fish open and carefully bit off a piece of flesh. Okay, this he could chew, problem solved.
The fish did taste ok but not quite as good as the smell had promised. He ate the fish slowly, not wanting to upset his stomach. He heard the now empty cart turn back at the end of the corridor. It wasn't far away when he was chewing on the last mouthful and felt a sharp pain in the back of his mouth. He spat what he was chewing back on the plate, coughing and gacking violently. "Kar! Are you choking?!"
Karkat shook his head 'no' between coughs but Jake and Antonio came running to him. Jake was frantically going through his keys, looking for the right one, and Antonio was asking if Karkat could breathe or talk and tell them what was wrong and some other things that Karkat didn't quite catch and maybe were not spoken in English. They both calmed down when he managed to speak: "I'm ok, I can talk. There's… I think there's a fish bone stuck in the back of my mouth. It stings and I taste blood."
"Well then, I better take a look." Jake pulled out his flashlight and peered into Karkat's mouth. "Yeah, that's a fish bone sticking out of your gums. Actually, it looks like there are two of them, maybe even three. I'll go get something to pull them out."
Karkat shook his head and finished his milk. "No need for that, I'm not dying, doctor Harley can do it when she gets back. But you can take away this tray now, so I don't get bothered before she's ready to see me."
Jake took the tray and gave it to Antonio to put back in the cart. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. I'm sure. Just go already so I can try to rest. This headache is definitely going in the migraine direction."
"Very well, if you say so." With that Jake returned to the cart and soon it rolled past Karkat's block.
Karkat crawled back to his mattress and flopped down on it. He turned on his side, facing the wall, so that his injured left horn was less likely to touch the pillow and hurt even worse. He pulled his blanket high enough to cover his eyes and ears. That blocked out some of the noise and light that was bothering him, so he tried to sleep. He didn't fall asleep. But if he had fallen asleep, it wouldn't have done much good for him anyway, with the intensifying headache and the waves of nausea.
However, he did lose track of time. When Jake came back for him, he had no idea how much time had passed. He flinched when Jake pulled the blanket off of his face. "Wake up. It's time to go see doctor Harley."
Karkat covered his eyes with hand and groaned: "I was awake."
Jake gave him a suspicious look. "Really? I called your name several times and you didn't answer."
Karkat returned the look with a displeased one. "Maybe I was too busy with my migraine to notice."
Jake sighed in defeat: "Fine. Let's just go. I'll carry you."
"No no no," Karkat said, shaking his head lightly, "I can walk. I have a headache, not a broken leg."
"But you…" Jake started saying but caught an armful of troll when Karkat pretty much tried jump up on his feet. He sighed: "This is almost exactly what I was going to say."
Karkat hissed as he clumsily got on his feet. For a second he just stood there, swaying, and then he leaned against Jake's left shoulder. "I just tried to get up too fast. I can walk just fine if you support me."
"Fine." Jake turned and guided Karkat along. Karkat kept swaying here and there because the floor felt like it moved beneath his feet. By the time they got out of the block, Karkat stumbled for the third time, badly enough that he fell out of Jake's grip and landed on the floor.
Jake turned him on his back. "Did you get hurt?"
"I don't think so… Hey! Put me down, I can walk!"
As soon as Karkat had answered, Jake had scooped him up and was now carrying him bridal style, taking brisk steps down the hallway. "I know you can, this is faster."
Karkat deflated and hid his face in Jake's neck. He was embarrassed to be seen vulnerable like that, even when he was in pain. Or especially when in pain. Still, he couldn't deny himself how good it felt to have someone care for him, rather than the opposite of care. And the motion sickness wasn't as bad when he didn't have to do the walking himself. The only reason he noticed they had left the adoption hall and entered the lobby was the decreased amount of troll chatter. Jake doesn't slow down and soon they enter a dimmed examination room where doctor Jade Harley was waiting for them.
Jake gently lowered Karkat on the metallic, waist-high examination table. Jade stepped closer and carefully slipped something on Karkat's face. He opened his eyes to find sunglasses mercifully blocking most of the already dim light in the room. Jake was flipping through some file, probably Karkat's medical records, and writing something on the top line of a very official looking form. Jade was filling some injection needles, two from the same bottle but with different doses, and a third one from another bottle. She set her equipment meticulously on a mobile tray and pushed it next to the examination table. She smiled when she noticed Karkat was following her every move. "Don't worry, the pain will ease soon."
With one hand she held onto the wrist closest to her, with the other she pushed Karkat's sleeve as far up as it could go in one well practiced move. She cleaned the intended injection site. Karkat watched with semi-detached interest as she went through routines he was used to seeing on tv, but when the first needle was picked up he had to look away. He winced when the needle pierced his skin. Moments after he felt the medicine enter his body, he sighed as the pain lowered to a manageable level. "I'll give you the rest of the painkiller after I remove the fish bones Jake mentioned. I'll give you another medicine for the nausea right now, so you won't barf in your sleep."
She cleaned another spot. This time Karkat hissed when the medicine entered. It burned mildly at first, but then the medicine started working. What relief it was, not feeling like his guts were tied into a dozen artistic knots. "You look exhausted. I mean more than just the migraine would explain. Are you getting enough sleep?"
Karkat sighed: "No, I barely get any sleep at all. Maybe an hour or two at a time. There's too much noise. And I keep having nightmares."
Jake spoke: "Yeah, the adoption halls are unusually crowded at the moment, there's only five empty blocks out of the hundred we have."
"True, I worry that we soon might have to start temporarily housing adoptable trolls in the other halls. But Karkat, you could have said sooner that you have trouble sleeping. Any worker could have given you earplugs. Jake, take care of it, will you? And get a sleeping mask, too. Karkat, do you think that's enough to help you sleep? Or should I prescribe you something? Actually, no, let's not go that way just yet. The painkiller will knock you out for the rest of the day and the night anyways. If the earplugs and the mask don't help or you keep having nightmares, we could try something mild as a temporary medication. I don't want to give anything strong or long-term prescriptions if I don't see you for a check up on a regular basis."
Karkat stared at her: "Ok… Sounds like a plan."
"Karkat is in today's shower group, what should we do about that? Change the group?"
"Well, because of how trolls metabolize this painkiller, he's going to have to be monitored in isolation for at least six hours after he wakes up. Since you've already agreed take care of that, I see no reason why he can't use the staff bathroom tomorrow. It's not like we haven't done that before in similar cases. Karkat, could you sit up?"
Karkat did as she asked and frowned when she strapped on her forehead a small light. "Karkat, can I trust you not to bite me, or should I get some tongs or tweezers from the cabinet?"
Karkat looked away and lowered his ears. "I don't know… it's been a while since I last was taken to a dentist."
"Jake? What do the records say?"
"Last regular dentist appointment was at age 13, and the last emergency visit was about four years ago, to remove a couple of broken teeth."
"I see. The removed teeth seem to have replaced normally, but I'd like for our dentist to take a closer look tomorrow just to be sure. Is that ok, Karkat?"
"I guess so", he shrugged.
Jade turned around and opened one of the cabinets. She took out oddly shaped tongs and told Karkat to keep his eyes closed and mouth open when she switched on the forehead light. Karkat obeyed. He could feel the light on his face as Jade manoeuvred the tongs and pulled out the fish bones one by one, dropping them in a metal bowl with a small 'ting'. He felt the light turn off before she said she was ready and could open his eyes. Karkat blinked a couple of times and rubbed his jaw. He felt marginally better.
Jade pointed out a couple of items on the tray and explained: "After I give you the rest of the painkiller, I'll take an x-ray to make sure the horn base isn't damaged. This cream is used for local anaesthesia, I'll put some on your horn and bandage it lightly, so it's not hyper-sensitive when the painkiller starts to wear off. And this cream helps reduce the swelling on your scalp. Do you want me to apply the creams before or after I give you the painkiller?"
Karkat blushed and looked away: "Well, I want to apply them myself, but my horn is too sensitive for touch right now. That only leaves 'after the painkiller' as an option… But I don't want to be asleep when anything is done near my horn."
"I know it's awkward for you, Karkat, but don't worry. I'm a doctor. I've had to do far more unpleasant things to help my patients than just put medicine on someone's horn."
Karkat clenched his fists, trying not to growl: "I know, rrrh, and I know it will hurt but I still want to put the medicine on my horn myself. Rrr-fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you, I swear it. Jake can hold me still after that and you can put on the bandage and rub medicine on my scalp but I really don't want to, grrrh god damn it! I really don't want to be asleep for any of that, please? Ggrrr! Fuck, not now! P-pet me, hurry! Ngghrrr…"
And then the back of Jade's warm hand was pressed against his cheek. Karkat stopped growling. The calm, deliberate strokes that followed slowly helped him to unwind and relax. Eventually he sighed. Nuzzling the hand on his cheek he mimicked the stroke on Jade. "Thanks. I needed that."
"It's okay," Jade said and offered the tube of anaesthetic cream to Karkat, "if it's that important to you, go ahead. I was just trying to spare you from unnecessary pain, but it's pretty obvious now that my chosen method would have caused you great emotional pain."
Karkat took the tube and looked around. "I need a mirror…"
Both Jade and Jake started going through their pockets. Jade finished first: "Aww geez, I know I have a pocket mirror, but I think I left it in my locker. Jake?"
"Hold on, I have one, somewhere… I really should reorganize my pockets… Ah! Here." Jake handed the plastic case to Karkat.
Karkat opened the mirror and moved it around. It was small and shitty to aim, but he managed to find an angle that gave a decent view of his horn. Holy shit, his scalp was badly swollen around the base, it looked downright grotesque, he thought. He looked like Lumphorn of Notre Dame… without Notre Dame.
Jade instructed him on how much cream he should use, and politely turned around when he asked. Jake also turned his back, getting back to filling the form, whatever it was. Karkat sucked in a sharp hiss when the cool cream touched his horn. He took a deep breath to steel himself and spread the cream as quickly as he could. Half-way through his eyes were so hazy with tears he could barely aim the mirror, let alone see if he had missed any spots. He didn't bother with finesse, it wasn't worth the pain. He stopped and leaned back on his hands when the mirror showed mostly white where there had been orange. He was breathing heavily and shaking, a drop of sweat rolled down his temple.
"Ready?" Jade asked.
"Yeah, I think so…"
"Don't rub your face, you don't want that cream in your eyes. I'll get you a paper towel." He could hear Jade's steps and briefly saw the white lab coat through his tears. She came back soon. "Hold still, I'll wipe your face."
Karkat lowered his ears and frowned to show he didn't like the idea, but didn't disobey the direct order from a doctor. He relaxed a bit when he noticed that Jade made a point of touching his face only with the folded paper towel and not her hands. She wiped the sweat on his face with one move and turned the towel around and used the dry side to wipe the tears from his eyes.
"Okay, go wash your hands in the sink." Jade pointed the direction. Karkat blinked when he saw the sink was next to the door, on the other side of Jake. He walked carefully to the sink, trying not to shock his horn. Warm water, soap… He scrubbed his hands, lost in his thoughts. He flinched a bit when Jake took a few paper towels and went to wipe the examination table from the cream stains his hand had left. He contemplated sneaking out and trying to run, but the idea of a fully lit room, let alone sunlight, was not tempting in his condition.
"Don't worry, no-one is going to open that door and let in more light. We put a sign on the door, warning about a patient with light-sensitivity." Jake's voice startled him. Jade shushed him.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to talk so loud," Jake apologized, and offered Karkat a paper towel. Karkat dried his hands clumsily and used the paper towel to turn off the faucet, like he had been taught on his first day in the shelter. He threw the wet lump of paper in the trash can and made his way back to the examination table.
"Jake, promise to hold me still? I can't…"
"I promise. Where do I sit?"
"Here," Karkat pointed with a finger. Jake sat next to him and wrapped his arms loosely around Karkat. He tightened his hold when Jade bandaged the injured horn and Karkat started to squirm. It was over quickly, but Jade told Karkat to catch his breath before she'd apply the other medicine cream.
"Jake, you have to hold me tighter next. It's going to hurt worse. I know it will."
"Karkat, I'm a trained professional troll handler. Don't worry. I won't let go."
"Break is over, get ready." Jade announced. Jake gathered Karkat in his lap and wrapped his arms around the surprized troll. He pinned Karkat's head against his neck, between his chin and shoulder. Jade slipped behind Karkat. She got a generous amount of the cream on her hand and started rubbing it in, trying to work quickly.
Karkat began to trash and squirm from the moment Jade touched his scalp. He cried, growled, tried to twist himself loose, to scratch or bite. Jake held him steady. He screamed and kicked, knocking over a shelf at the end of the table by sheer dumb luck, but couldn't get away. He gave up and wept like a wriggler until Jade was done. Jake held on, and wiped Karkat's face with the paper towel Jade brought.
"How are you doing?"
Karkat sniffled and hid his face in Jake's neck, breathing in his safe smell to calm down. "I'm better now."
Jade prepared Karkat for the last injection: "I'll give you the second doze of painkiller now, no reason to keep you awake and in pain."
Karkat grunted a tired okay and looked up at Jake. When Jake looked back and Karkat could feel the needle in his arm, he blurted out the first thing on his mind: "Jake, would you give me a lusus-kiss?"
Jake was surprized at first, but then he said ok and pressed a light kiss on Karkat's forehead right when Jade pulled out the needle. Karkat flashed a tiny smile: "Thanks, Jake…"
Karkat went limp like a ragdoll when the drug knocked him out. Jake and Jade just sat there in silence for a while, listening to Karkat's light snoring. Jade was the first to speak: "He's so going ask you to adopt him tomorrow."
"I know. It's heartbreaking. Poor chap, he'll be so distraught when I have to say no… Let's go get those x-rays, shall we?"
And they went. While Jade was taking and examining the x-ray pictures, Jake gathered everything he needed to take back to Karkat's block with him. He got back to the x-ray lab about the same time as Jade was ready with the good news: "Good timing Jake! I'm just about done here. Karkat's x-rays are normal. Physically he should recover just fine, though he might need therapy."
"I'm sure he needs therapy. What ever that flashback he had was about, it was strong."
"Yeah, he was pretty adamant about not having his horn touched under anaesthesia, even for medical reasons. I'll book him a time with Rose. You take him back to his block. I'll go deal with the paper work."
"Sure. See you later, Jade."
Author Note: If anyone is wondering about the way Jake talks, there are a few things that are working in combination here: 1) he's older, and hopefully more mature, 2) he's at work, expected to speak in a way that any customer can understand him, and sadly also 3) I'm still practicing his speech, which hopefully becomes more visible in the next chapter if/when I write it.
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