The Red Scout dragged the mattress further into the shithole shed he'd found on a run one morning. It was abandoned, and was far enough from the bases that he didn't even have to worry about being hit by an enemy Sniper. Squeezing the mattress through the gap of the door, however, was harder than he'd previously imagined. He couldn't quite fit it through, so he had to sort of slot it in diagonally. Fucking nightmare. It had seemed like a good idea at first, just to have a place to hang out away from the other mercs (not that he didn't like them, he was just fed up of having to sleep and masturbate with one eye open for that shady Spy), but now he thought that just barricading his door didn't seem like such a bad plan.

He was still scratching his head thoughtfully when a baseball whizzed past his ear. Being the amazing handsome young batter he was, he dropped into a crouch and grabbed his bat instantly, more than ready to whack some heads in (even though it was a day off).

"Hey-hey, Red!" called the Blu Scout, sauntering up. "You wanna catch that?"

Red scowled and zipped off the retrieve the ball. He'd made firm friends with Blu ever since they realised that they had a lot more in common than they'd previously assumed. They both loved baseball, for a start. Right now, though, Red was feeling more frustrated than anything. He came back with the ball in hand and gave his counterpart a look of defeat.

Blu jogged up to him and grinned. Red got a playful (painful) nudge (jab) in the ribs with the end of his bat. "What's up? What're you lookin' so down for?"

Red straightened up. "Been tryin' to get this in here. Gimme a hand?"

Blu shrugged and dropped his bat beside his friend's. He braced his shoulder against the mattress and pushed with his new buddy. It was odd; they'd only really met a couple of days ago, but felt like they'd known each other for life. "Why?"

Red sighed and decided to be honest. "Because Spy's caught me jackin' it at least once and I ain't lettin' it happen again."

Blu hesitated as he leaned against the mattress. Red couldn't place his friend's expression. "Wait, so you decided to come all the way out here just to knock a few out? That's commitment."

"Just help me, will ya?" Red smirked, finally lightening up. With one final heave, the mattress popped through the door and hit the ground inside - it was lucky, because a second later both Scouts tumbled onto it. "Crap..."

"I don't believe you, by the way," Blu said, seemingly unaware that he was pinned under Red's slightly stuck body. "I mean, why come all the way out here?"

Red sat up slightly, now more embarrassed. "Uh, well, I mean I get kinda... It sounds stupid, but... Kinda paranoid?"

Blu raised an eyebrow as elegantly as possible and shimmied out from under his immobile friend. He crossed his legs and sat on the mattress, patting the space in front of him. "You tellin' me or askin' me?"

Red's eye roll didn't begin to show his exasperation. "Hey, look, we got that old hag on our backs all the freakin' time, and if that wasn't enough I got the creepiest fuckers for friends. I just wanted some privacy, y'know? Some me time."

The shed smelled of dust and sand. It was hot; not Badlands hot, just hot enough to allow them consider a game of catch. Blu's eyes glinted as he leaned back and sat in the shade. "I get what you mean, though," he said, his voice somehow softer now. "I'm in my room and I look up and the freakin' door's open. I don't have time to check because Soldier's suddenly on my ass. 'Get up, it's smashin' time'. And I'm like shit, I can't take this."

Red nodded in understanding, suddenly considering how odd it was that here they were, two dudes out in the wilderness, chatting about masturbating in a shed. Still, he felt as though he understood Blu in a way he'd never understood anyone else. "You wanna play ball?" he said suddenly, standing and taking off his shirt. Blu eyed him suspiciously. Was that suspicion? He couldn't tell because the sun was in his eyes.

Blu's chest felt light. He swallowed, nodded, and stood up with Red, taking off his own shirt too. They threw them down in a pile, their colours no longer getting in the way of their being together. They both knew that if they were caught they'd probably be tortured horrifically by the Boss, but how could it be so wrong when the only thing keeping them apart was the colour of their shirts?

"You okay?" Red asked, shielding his eyes from the sun with his cap. Blu followed suit, putting on a cocky grin. He did like times like this; Red was the only person who actually would care to give him the time of day, so any time spent with him was quality time. He nodded and they made their way to their favourite spot, by the road. Bonus points if you hit traffic, and minus a million for getting hit by traffic. As they walked, relaxed, Red glanced at his friend curiously. "What were you doin' out here anyway?"

Embarrassed, Blu shrugged. Too chickenshit that he'd come out here looking for Red. "Wonderin' if I could find a store or somethin'. Beer is called for after victories."

Red scoffed and stopped by the steaming tarmac, tossing the ball in the air and catching it. "Hey, that was not a victory. That was a struggle from start to finish, and I was dominatin' the whole time." Blu gave him a Look, and Red crumpled. "All right, fine, maybe you guys won that time."

"Damn straight."

"Kiss your Ma with that mouth?"

"Fuck off," Blu retorted, enjoying the look of pretend concern he got. Red jogged backwards for a few metres and Blu did the same, checking the weight of his trusty bat. "Ready."

Red pitched and the ball came flying at a superhuman speed, but Blu still managed to hit it out of the park. So to speak. He watched as Red ran after it, watched those muscles streak into the distance. He did like to see that curved nose, those baggy trousers. He liked Red and he wasn't sure exactly how. He liked Snipes, but that was friendly, different. He liked his Ma, but that was different again. No, Red made him feel something he hadn't really experienced before. It was deep and angry but also light and fluttery, airy. He wanted to bash Red's brains in but simultaneously he really wanted to, well, as an experiment, kinda-sorta... Kiss him. Never in real life, though, because that would be totally gay. Maybe just, like, as a test. Never know until you've tried, right?

"Heads up!" he heard, and the ball was flying back to him. He leapt up and just about caught it, landing and throwing it right back in the direction it came from. Yeah, just to see what it was like, to kiss another guy. He wouldn't want to do that with anyone else, though; he and Red understood each other.

Red caught the ball in one hand with a frown. Blu's pitches were slow and lazy. Maybe it was the heat. "You sure you're okay?"

He walked up to Blu, who looked pained. Maybe he was thinking. The kid sighed. "You wanna go and get some beer with me?"

Red was tired of his questions being avoided, but he conceded and they set off walking again. "Yeah, sure. Listen, if there's anythin' you wanna talk about... I mean I'm not really a good listener, or whatever, I'm just good at talkin'..."

Blu gave him a lazy punch in the arm. "Nah, it's okay. I don't wanna fry whatever brain cells you got in there."

Red made an indignant noise and it made Blu's stomach leap again. Fucking damn it all, why did this have to happen to him? "Listen, buddy, now I know it's somethin'. You gotta talk about this, or some shit. Heavy said it's not good to keep things pent up."

"Heavy said that?"

Red shrugged. "I listen. The big guy's got some nuggets of wisdom."

"Wisdom? I'm no expert here, but it ain't called wisdom."

They both chuckled at that and entered the store grinning, surprising a short shopkeeper girl. She gave them both the once-over and blushed when Red gave her a wink. Blu's jealousy meter shot into the red, and not for the first time. When he and Red had been on a rendez-vous of sorts (stealing Soldier's porn collection and putting it in Sniper's favourite nest), Red had talked non-stop about Miss-freakin'-Pauling. It sort of hurt down in Blu's chest, in a sort of non-sappy metaphorical sense. He got together a couple of beers, hoping to leave the store before Red actually got his hands on the charmed shop girl. She rung it up and Blu had to drag his friend away.

Red moaned indignantly as they walked back to the shed, turning his cap backwards as they went. "Hey, I nearly had her number."

"No, you didn't," Blu sighed, hopping across the road. "She was about to call the cops on us. Two handsome lookin' guys come in, holdin' baseball bats and hand wraps and all muscles? We totally looked like thugs."

Blu staggered as Red jumped up onto his back. The sun was nearly down and the evening looked to be cool. It didn't stop Blu feeling the fire where his friend touched him. The dream he'd had last night came back to him in a flash of heat and weird tingles. He could feel Red's lithe body all the way up his back and holy shit, if he sprung one now-

"Fuck me, I need this," Red gasped, darting back inside the shed with a bottle.

Blu, now alone outside the shed, took a deep breath. Luckily his dick hadn't reacted fast enough, and he thought about Spy killing his buzz until he was back to normal. Why couldn't he just be like the rest of the guys? Reading all those porn mags featuring girls and knocking one out, then carrying on like normal. They took it for granted.

Red leaned out. Blu had half hoped his friend had forgotten about him, but seeing that fucking face made his blood really boil. He wanted to punch him for making him feel like this. "You comin' in or what?"

"I thought this place was for you only. No blues allowed policy."

Red nodded, counting them off on his fingers. "No blues, no Spies, no Soldiers, no Pyros, no Demos, no nothin'. But, I mean, you don't exactly look like a Blu right now."

"Not lookin' so Red yourself," Blu smiled, finally giving up and ducking inside. It was darker now, cooler. He could hear Red's breathing over the distant sound of a car whizzing over the road. He sat. He opened a bottle. He took a sip. One couldn't hurt.

Before they knew it, they were both completely shitfaced.

Red got louder when he was drunk, and Blu tended to get more affectionate and giggly. He was glad that he now had no problem with leaning forwards and whispering loudly to Red exactly what he'd found in Soldier's porn collection a couple of days ago.

"No freakin' way!" Red cried before getting a loud hushing from Blu, who broke down into giggles. "Shit..."

"Hey, it's gettin' dark," Blu said suddenly, swaying a little as he sat back against the shed wall. He really wanted Red. There was no hiding it any more. He really, truly wanted the Red scout. He didn't know if it was because of the taboo (which one?) or because he was a narcissist and if you squinted they looked pretty similar, and he didn't know if it was just because he'd never really been this close with anyone. "You want we should go back?"

"How?" Red frowned, looking petulant.

"Walkin', dumbass," Blu slurred, poking his friend in the chest but leaning forwards way too far and falling right over his lap. "I mean, how're you gonna fly back with those tiny freakin' legs?"

"What're you talkin' about?" Red smirked, although there was an edge to his voice. An angry one. "Who're you callin' a dumbass?"

"'s nothin'," Blu grumbled, his mood killed. "You know, you really are a shit listener. I know you said it yourself, but you've been doin' nothin' but talkin' this whole frickin' time. You know what?"

"What?" Red prompted, frowning at Blu now. Something had changed in the air. "It's been a long day, man. I was sent back to respawn like fifty fuckin' times because of your goddamn pyro campin' us, okay? I came out here because I wanted to be alone, and I wanted to fuckin'... I'm not in the mood for this gay shit."

"Who said anything about gay shit?" Blu growled, sitting up and glaring at his counterpart. In a battle situation, heads would be dented. "You lookin' for a beatin', you fairy?"

Red leaned forwards and took hold of Blu's dogtags. He yanked painfully. "Maybe I am. Maybe I have a lot of pent-up energy."

Blu's body was on fire again. Everything about this situation was turning him on. He was the fairy. "Bring it on," he spat, and got a hard punch straight to the jaw.

It took a moment for him to see straight again but when he could he jumped straight on Red and unleashed a volley of punches straight to the pretty boy's face. His fists shook and he saw red. Every punch was a missed shot on the battlefield, a missed opportunity, a fucking hint left dangling. He would have carried on but they were equally matched, as they should be, and Red soon managed to turn it around again.

Blu couldn't take it any more. Not when he was bruised, bloody and battered and Red was sitting on his legs like that. It was silent save for their heavy, laboured panting. But Red, now he looked properly, was staring at him. "Holy crap, you get off on this," he observed, his eyes raking down Blu's chest, his stomach, the bulge in his trousers.

"You wanna fuckin' medal?" Blu growled, spitting out blood to the side, off the mattress. "Get off me."

Red didn't move, only wiped the back of his hand over his mouth and coming away with a smear of blood. "Fuck you," he growled. "Every day, I've been dropping you hints like crazy. You never picked up on any. And now you do this?"

Blu couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was utterly incomprehensible to him. "Hints, huh? You wanna talk about hints? You're the most oblivious, dense, unreliable fucker I've ever-"

He lost the ability to speak as Red straight up grabbed his dick. Maybe they had more in common than even they'd known. "Fuck it," he huffed, moving his hips up Blu's legs and pressing their erections together.

Blu's mind was a haze of oh my God and finally and I hate you, but all he could articulate was a mindless groan of frustration. He wanted Red and he didn't want to hide it any more out of shame. He could finally buck up against Red's heavy body and fucking strain against aching bruises enough to grip his counterpart's wrist so hard he thought he might break it. He didn't care.

Red seemed to finally feel flustered. He hurriedly reached down between them and undid his belt blindly, muttering a low "fuck" under his breath. Staring down at Blu, he felt somewhat lost. He'd never exactly done this sort of thing before, and he had sort of been hoping that Blu had. In the fading light, however, he wasn't sure it mattered.

Red's fumbling hands finally got his fly unzipped and he worked on Blu's as the boy beneath him got impatient. Blu was just as restless, and wanted to kiss Red more and more with every passing second. His lips tingled and fizzed as he reached up, robotic, hooked Red's dogtags, and brought him into a clumsy, sloppy, drunk kiss. Everything was perfect; even the tangy steel taste of blood. Maybe he did get off on fighting with this guy.

"Just-" Red began, but he couldn't get any more out because Blu sat up with some effort and yanked down Red's trousers and boxers. "Shit, man-"

"Shut up," Blu snapped, still annoyed more than his friend. He eased off his own trousers and there they were, in a shed in the middle of nowhere, naked and thinking about masturbation. He had no idea what came over him, but he reached between them swiftly and smoothly took hold of Red's erection. Neither noticed the cool night air hitting them as they stayed hot, the atmosphere heavy around them as Blu's hand moved up Red's length swiftly. "I really like you," he said bluntly, suddenly.

Red rolled his eyes and rolled Blu on top of him, pulling him into a desperate, hot kiss. Blu's tongue was magic. He knew somehow exactly what made Red shiver and what made him want to come right there. Red couldn't help but notice how serious it was, so he tried to lighten it. "Hey, after this, you wanna go break the windows in the old warehouse? Together?"

Blu didn't know how to react to that, but it sounded like a date. "Yes," he groaned, wanting nothing more. He pressed his hips down onto Red's, their erections just missing each other in the hazy clumsiness and heat. His cock was harder now, almost aching for the boy beneath him. The bruised, beaten-up cunt he could strangle and be fine with it was struggling against him half-heartedly, making small frustrated noises.

Those frustrated noises turned quickly into groans of satisfaction when Blu managed to grip them both and angle them together, along each other. Slick with precome, he slid more easily but still got glorious hit of friction right on the base of his dick. Nothing beat this. Not a home run, not bashing in heads, not playing obnoxious pranks on Spy. Nothing. He was in heaven as Red pushed up against him, pushing hard, harder.

Red pushed him back up. "This is easier," he murmured, allowing himself to take more control and rhythmically stroke himself and Blu just as fast as he wanted. Which, to Blu's frustration, was agonisingly slow. Anything which wasn't too fast was just too fucking slow. His abdomen twitched with the effort of trying not to buck up and push Red too far. "I mean, logistically."

"Right, yeah," Blu grunted, occupying himself with biting Red's neck. He'd once had a girlfriend who had bitten him hard right about there and fuck, it had set him on edge. He hoped it did the same for Red, and was delighted when it worked exactly as planned. The gasp right by his ear was just as desperate and urgent as he'd wanted. Exactly. He ran his tongue over hot skin as Red finally moved faster, hunching over slightly as he started to feel that heat in his stomach.

"Your heart's beating really fast," Red whined, his voice nowhere near the cockiness he usually put on. "It's- I'm g-"

"Hurry up," Blu groaned, his voice lower, betraying just how much he wanted to fuck this guy. He had never imagined this scenario. Not with Red hunched into him, breathing shallow on his collar, rubbing his thumb over the tips of their erections. "Fucking hurry up, you dork."

Red seemed to notice the new whine in his friend's voice and the way he let his hips just push up a little, just a slight amount, just enough... "Dork?" he repeated breathlessly, feeling Blu take a tight hold of his hair. Harder- yes.

"Yeah, dork," he got in reply, laced with a delicious moan. "Motherfuckin' cunt-"

Red was almost ashamed. He let his free hand squeeze a bruise hard, pleased when his Blu made the most embarrassing noise. "I ain't tellin' anyone-"

"Good, just-"

Red noticed that Blu was quivering and nearly in tears, so he decided it was enough for now. He squeezed harder, moving slow, painfully so, and just budging his hips slightly. He'd never let on but he was so tense and pent up he just wanted to let it all go. "B-Blu, I can't-" Fuck.

Blu seemed to understand completely because he actually cried out, and the sound sent Red right over the edge with him. Red's vision was taken over by white, dizzying sparks, his body hot and trembling. Blu's quivering had got the better of him and he squirmed convulsively, his vice grip pulling Red right up into his body.

Neither of them left time to breathe before they were occupied with each other's lips. Blu didn't really know what to do yet, because he still wasn't sure what Red liked, but he decided that any appreciative noise was good and he touched their tongues hard together, his head swimming.

"Next time we beat each other up, winner gets a blowjob," Red panted, still in awe of the situation.

"Don't make it gay," mumbled Blu, suddenly exhausted. He watched Red laugh and grab one of their shirts - he couldn't tell which one because both looked purple in the darkness - and mop them up.

Maybe they really did have a lot in common. More than they'd first realised.