Disclaimer! I do NOT own One Piece! If I did would I be here writing fanfiction about it? Actually, ya. Ya I would be.

Warning: Rated for language, some good smutty stuff in the later chapters, my bad sense of humor, and Doflamingo.

All pairings that will be mentioned here (just to be safe): JohnnyxYosaku – SanjixZoro - LuffyxNami, LuffyxZoro - MihawkxShanks - AcexLuffy - MihawkxZoroxShanks (smut of that one :3) - CrocodilexDoflamingo (Smut of this one too) – DoflamingoxMihawk – BoaxLuffy – KidxLaw (smut!) – BasilxDrake (Might be smut of that one) – KillerxKid (Most likely smut of this one XD) – CaesarxLaw (Yes I went there) – and probably more that I forgot to list!

Enjoy! (Humor will –probably- get better later on!)

"How the hell did we end up on this island?" A confused and obviously lost as usual Zoro asked as he sat up and looked around. "YOU IDIOT!" Nami shrieked from behind him, hitting him on the head with her climate baton. "DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID?!"

-(Flashback)-

Zoro was at the wheel of the Thousand Sunny, steering the ship. Why was he doing that? No one knows, maybe The Straw Hats had a death wish. In the meantime everyone else in the crew was doing their own thing, even Nami. Go supervise Zoro, Nami!

Luffy was in the kitchen doing everything he could to ensure that the crew wouldn't have any more food and die of starvation and his stupidity before they had reached the next island. (For about the 100th time)

Sanji had given up on stopping his captain and decided to go pester, uh, I mean convince Nami to get a lock. He would never pester a lady. Of course he had been distracted by a sunbathing/reading Robin which had slowed him down a bit as he stared and nosebleeded. After realizing that if he lost any more blood he'd die, (Chopper had run out of his blood time way back on Fishman Island) he left with a goofy grin on his face and hearts in his eyes.

Going downstairs to Nami's room he knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. After getting no response he started panicking.

"Oh no! What if my beautiful Nami has gotten hurt and is waiting for me to save her?! Don't worry, Nami~! I'm coming~!" With that he threw open her door and froze. His beautiful, elegant, sexy, Nami was soaking in a tub, covered in bubbles. Blood shot from his nose, his eyes and cigarette smoke turned to hearts, his actual heart tried to tear itself out of chest and he…..fainted.

Nami's shriek woke the dead.

Brook sat up from the nap he had been taken in the crow's nest before being awoken by some unearthly scream. He yawned and stretched before grabbing his pimp cane and top hat. Setting the cap on his head he laughed lightheartedly, even though he didn't have a heart in the first place.

"Yohohohoho! Looks like I fell asleep and we're now drifting towards and island in the middle of the night and no one knows!"

He was just about to fall asleep again when he realized what he had just said and screamed.

"Aaaaahhhhh! We're headed for an Island! We're all going to crash and die! But, you know, I AM already dead."

He resumed panicking.

Nami looked up from where she was dragging an unconscious Sanji up the stairs (hitting his head purposely on them, the pervert) and joined Brook in his panicking.

"Oh no we're going to crash! Zoro, hurry up and turn us around!"

"Don't worry, it's just a mirage!" Zoro called back down to her as she raised a skeptical eyebrow. To trust the Zoro or not to trust the Zoro?

"Just to be safe lets go around-"

She was interrupted as 2 blurs tackled Zoro.

"Big Bro Zoro!" The 1st blur shouted as the other just cried in happiness.

"J-Jonny? Yosaku?" Zoro stammered as the blurs materialized. He didn't fall to the ground, but in his attempt to keep standing he jerked the wheel to the side.

A big mistake.

Yosaku lost his balance and fell right on top of Johnny in a….suggestive position. You know, while kissing, so it kinda made it look worse. A little heart floated up between the two and they broke apart, coughing and spiting.

No one really payed attention to the ship, which was heading head on towards the island. Not until it crashed, anyway.

Sanji, Zoro, and Luffy landed headfirst in the sand, all 3 receiving more than generous mouthfuls. Franky, Brook, and Chopper landed up a tree, then chopper fell off because everyone knows you can't hang on to a tree with hooves. Nami and Robin landed in the mud and Usopp quickly followed. This time, Johnny landed on Yosaku in what seemed like an intentional move and yet another little heart floated up between them.

-(End Flashback)-

"Oh, right." Zoro muttered as he rubbed the back of his head where Nami had hit him seconds before.

"YOU FREAKING RETARD!" Nami shrieked again, hitting Zoro in the same spot as before. "You're as dumb as Luffy…"

"Hey!" Ok now, that was just insulting. Maybe he was bad at steering a ship but that didn't mean that he- Zoro's train of thought was derailed as Sanji tried to kick the swordsman in the face.

Zoro drew one of his swords and countered, hissing, "What the hell is your problem, shitty cook?!" at Sanji.

"You shouldn't speak to a lady that way, stupid moss head!" Sanji spat back.

They were about to go all out (and probably destroy half the island) before Robin sprouted arms on Sanji to hold him back and Luffy wrapped himself around Zoro's arms and legs to stop him from moving. (At all)

"Let me go!" They shouted in unison and glared at each other, trying to get free from their bonds.

Robing winked at Luffy (Sanji thought she was winking at him and nosebleeded once again) and Luffy grinned right back.

"Quit nosebleeded during a fight, shitty cook." Zoro said, right before Luffy and Robin let go and the 2 men crashed together and fell to the ground in a tangled heap.

It was right about then that Johnny and Yosaku showed up and stared at the scene before them.

"People have a bad habit of falling on each other around your crew; don't they, Big Bro Luffy?" Johnny muttered, giving Zoro a sideways glance, earning him a glare from the already super pissed off swordsman.

Luffy scratched his head and looked at Johnny with a puzzled look. "What do you mean? Who fell on who?"

Yosaku and Johnny sweatdropped. "Never mind." They said quickly, both turning slightly red. Better not to have to explain.

Zoro raised an eyebrow at the 2 but said nothing as he tried to untangle himself from Sanji. Oh if only you could see the position they were in and how much worse Zoro had just made it.

Sanji was under Zoro, one of his arms above his head, the other held out to the side. His kicking leg was bent up and his legs had been spread apart by the impact of the fall. Zoro was on his hands and knees above the cook, the hand not holding his sword was stuck holding Sanji's hand above his head. (He couldn't move it unless he wanted to fall on Sanji's chest) His knee was awkwardly positioned between the blonde's legs and there was a flush across both of their faces.

Nami quickly took out a camera and started snapping pictures, intending to sell them later.

"So that's the way you swing, eh, moss head?" Sanji joked, trying to wiggle out of Zoro's grip. "You can let go now, dumbass."

Zoro rolled his eyes and stood up, sheathing his sword and walking away.

"Where are you going, Zoro?" Luffy asked.

"To make a fire. It's dark and I don't feel like sleeping in some unknown place in the dark just because we couldn't find the Sunny."

Robin nodded in agreement. "It's a good idea, but I don't think you can light a fire in the water, swordsman." She pointed out with a giggle.

The swordsman looked down at the water covering his knees and cursed, turning a 360 to start walking back onto the island and into the forest when a wave tackled him from behind. (Wave: Zoro-sempai, love meh!) He was pitched face first into the sand, AGAIN.

"Yohohohoho!"

A laugh came from the forest. Brook, Franky, Chopper, and Usopp came walking out from behind the trees.

"Good show, dear swordsman! You really SHOULD become a comedian!"

Zoro grumbled various curses and death threats into the sand. They all sounded something like: "Adjfgimgonnaigs owbkillsigfbsid Yusvdojsbu!" It wasn't scary.

"I have now become a great warrior of the sea!" Usopp declared and everyone groaned. "There was a huge beast in the woods and I, Captain Usopp-"

"Gag point!" Chopper shouted, turning into a little thing that Franky picked up and shoved into Usopp's mouth. "Shut up dude, no one cares." The blue haired man said.

-(Time skip brought to you by Doflamingo's coat)-

The Straw Hats sat around a small fire that they had managed to make. Since they were total losers at making fired it took them at least a few hours.

Eeeeeveeentuuualllly they realized that instead of rubbing 2 sticks together and praying to Eneru for a bolt of lightning to hit the sticks and magically set them on fire, Franky could just blow fire and be done with it.

Once they figured THAT out and got a fire going it was about 9:00. Then it started raining.

The Straw Hats had to go out AGAIN, and look for dry wood AGAIN, and prevent it from getting wet, and all that bullshit. By the time they got the SECOND fire going another hour had passed.

Now they all sat around the fire when Luffy announced: "I'm bored."

"Well what do you want to do?" Usopp asked with an eye roll.

"Lets play 'kill the Sanji.'"

"Lets play 'kill the Zoro.'"

Nami hit the 2 on the back of their heads and grinned.

"I have a great idea!" She said happily. "Lets play truth or dare!"

The evil part of her mind was laughing, (evilly) rubbing it's hands together and thinking, 'I can get Zoro and Sanji to do more embarrassing things together and since I have a camera I can take pictures, sell them, AND GET RICH!'

"N-N-Nami, you're making a scary face...!" Chopper whimpered, hiding behind Usopp.

"Don't worry, that's her 'I'm gonna get rich face.'" Franky assured the little, err, was he a raccoon? Franky forgot.

"ALL RIGHT!" Luffy shouted. "I LOVE TRUTH OR DARE! Ace and I used to play it with grandpa all the time! Ace did make me do some weird stuff though... He once dared me to-!"

"No!" The crew shouted in unison. "We don't want to know!"

Luffy shrugged. "Ok." He said plainly before stretching his arm out and grabbing a bottle all the way from the beach. There was a little piece of paper inside that the captain ignored out of anticipation of playing truth or dare with his crew.

They all sat in a circle and Zoro took the bottle, got the little piece of paper out, and spun it. As it was spinning he quickly read the paper and threw it away. "Just a call for help, unimportant."

The bottle landed on Sanji and Zoro grinned evilly.

Sanji actually paled.

"Truth or dare?" The swordsman asked. This was gonna be good.

"Truth!" "Coward. Anyway, where were you these past 2 years?" Zoro had a little feeling that he knew EXACTLY where the blonde had went, and if he was right...

"Training on..." Sanji didn't want to continue. Not with the stereotypes on that island. "Maiden Island with Queen Iva..."

The crew burst out laughing. (Minus Luffy who had no idea what that place was.)

"Training to do what, shitty cook, cross-dress?"

"Yohoho~! I didn't know you swung that way, Sanji!"

"Swing what way? I've never see Sanji swing on anything! Not even a vine." (Stupid Luffy. They really should teach him about this one day.)

"And I thought I landed on a bad island! Never fear, Captain Usopp wont make fun of you!" He snickered. "Much!"

"Oh shut up, all of you!" Sanji growled as he took the bottle and spun it. After a few rotations it landed on Usopp.

"Truth or-"

"Truth."

"Bunch of cowards..." Zoro muttered.

"Have you ever daydreamed about another member of the crew?"

"I dreamed that we were all on the Merry Go again!" Usopp said, promptly bursting into tears.

They waited for him to calm down before he spun the bottle and it landed on Zoro.

"Tr-"

"Dare."

Usopp fell silent for a second before saying, "Add 'in bed' to every sentence someone says, no exceptions." and looked smug.

Zoro's mouth fell open. Oh lord have mercy.

Everyone fell silent as to spare Zoro from a few sentences of awkwardness.

The swordsman quickly grabbed and spun the bottle, which landed on Luffy.

"Truth or dare? (In bed.)"

"Dare!" ("In bed.")

"Glad to see were not all cowards here. I dare you to go kiss Nami."

Sanji's eyes shot open.

"In bed."

The cook fainted.

Luffy walked over to Nami and kissed her on the cheek in an innocent fashion. (Awww! So adorable!)

"You're an awesome navigator, Nami!"

"In bed."

Franky spit out his cola.

Luffy spun the bottle and it landed on Robin.

"Truth or dare?" ("In bed.")

"Truth." ("In bed.")

"Did you enjoy helping Franky join the crew?"

"I-In bed..."

Franky turned a scary shade of green, pulled out a paper bag from who knows where, and started hyperventilating.

"Well it certainly was funny." ("In bed.") Robin laughed softly and spun the bottle. This time it landed on Brook.

"Truth or dare, Brook?" ("In bed.")

"Hmm...Dare!" ("In bed.")

"Oh, I'd rather not have one involving a bed! I'm a skeleton, I wouldn't be able to do anything!"

"In bed."

"Exactly!" ("In bed.")

"I dare you to...use Sanji as a couch." ("In bed.")

Brook stood up, grabbed his pimp cane, and sat on Sanji with a grin. Or whatever skeletons do when they try to grin.

Brook spun the bottle and it landed on Chopper.

"Truth or dare, little reindeer?" ("In bed.")

"Oh no! I'm scared..." ("In bed.")

Someone laughed nervously.

"Um, um, um... Da- I mean truth, TRUTH!" ("In bed.")

"Where did YOU go during those two years?" ("In bed.")

"Some awful island where the birds are huge and they rule over humans and they tried to cook me!" ("In bed.")

Sanji woke up and eyed Brook, wondered why the hell the skeleton was sitting on him.

"Oh you're awake, dear Sanji! You were very comfortable!"

"In bed."

Nami snorted, Brook laughed, Sanji blushed, and Zoro smirked.

Chopper took the bottle nervously, dropped it, picked it up again, and spun it until it landed on Zoro.

"Truth or dare, Zoro?" ("In bed.")

"Truth. (In bed.)" Zoro said, not wanting to risk anything just yet.

"Where were you these past 2 years? I really want to know where everyone went!" ("In bed.")

"I trained with Dracule Mihawk." Zoro realized what he had said and his eyes shot open. Sanji snickered and covered his mouth as Zoro managed to stutter: "I-I-In b-bed..."

They lost it.

All of the Straw Hats (Minus Luffy and Chopper who were pretty innocent, and Zoro who looked like he was going to kill everyone) were rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically as tears streamed out their eyes.

In the trees, the person watching them raised a quizzical (And kinda mad) eyebrow.

"I'll bet it was fun training with Mihawk!" Luffy grinned unknowingly.

"In bed..."

More hysterical rounds of laughter.

"I-I'm dying...!" Sanji gasped, tears rolling down his cheeks, hand pounding the ground. "This is priceless! Hey Zoro, did Mihawk let you train with...that giant sword of his?"

"In bed..." Zoro choked out, turning red with shame.

The figure in the trees held out his transponder snail as far out as he could without falling off his branch and breaking his face open.

The snail's face was frowning as much as it could without snapping it's facial muscles; which was a lot, surprisingly. Kinda made it look like the mouth was trying to rip away and live its own life.

"These Straw Hats are so vulgar." The voice came from the facially challenged snail.

"Remind you of anyone you know~?" The person in the three asked.

"You when drunk."

"Oh, come on, I'm not THAT bad."

"Correct, my apologies. You're worse."

"So you prefer Zoro over me?" The man pouted and stuck his tongue out at the snail.

"Who said I was interested in you in the first place?"

"Remember that time a few weeks ago when we-"

"Alright, alright, I get it."

"Heh."

"Shut up."

After the crew had stopped laughing (And almost suffocating to death) they all made Zoro spun the bottle, which landed on Nami.

"Truth or dare? (In bed.)"

"Dare!" ("In bed.")

"I dare you to throw a bag of money into the ocean. In bed."

Nami's bloodcurdling shriek gave cats all over the grand line seizures.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ("In bed.")

"You have to do it. (In bed.)" Zoro stated, devoid of emotion.

Nami started sobbing, grabbing a sack of Berri and dragging it towards the beach. Damn, she was giving the thing a freaking eulogy!

"You've always stood by me, money...even back when I just met Luffy. We've been through thick and thin, all the way to the new world! Now Zoro just expects me to throw you away like an old friend!" ("In bed.")

"Hey, Chopper." ("In bed.") Brook called.

"Yes?" ("In bed.")

"Are you trained in phycology?" ("In bed.")

"No." ("In bed.")

"Pity." ("In bed.")

"I HEARD THAT, YOU MONEY HATING BASTARDS!" ("In bed.")

She scattered the money in the waves before walking back and glaring at Zoro, who had another bag in his hand.

"What are you doing?!" ("In bed.")

"We need kindling. (In bed.)"

"NOT WITH MONEY, YOU PHYCO!" ("In bed.") (That sounded very wrong O.o)

Zoro ignored her and dropped it right in the fire.

Everyone froze, expecting Nami to go apocalyptic mode and kill Zoro, but instead she frothed at the mouth and collapsed.

"Reacted better then I had expected her to. In bed."

Sanji had to be restrained by Franky, Brook, and Luffy to prevent him from murdering Zoro.

"Revenge. (In bed.)" The swordsman said simply.

The man in the tree snorted and the transponder snail smirked.

Since Nami was unconscious, Franky was the one who got to spin the bottle; it landed on Usopp.

"Truth or dare, Usopp?" ("In bed.")

"The mighty (yet still pretty scared) Captain Usopp shall now pick...dare! No! No! Wait! I meant truth!" ("In bed.")

"Too late, now I get to dare ya! Heheh!" ("In bed.") Luffy grinned.

"Nooooo..." ("In bed.")

"I dare you to carry around Chopper on your head!" ("In bed.")

"Oh, that's it? Ok." ("In bed.")

"Hey, what about me?!" Chopper protested. "I don't wanna!" ("In bed.")

Usopp picked up and placed the (surprisingly light) animal on the brim of his hat.

"No! No! This is abuse, you hear me? ANIMAL ABUSE!"

"In bed."

A few people chuckled awkwardly.

Then Chopper transformed into monster mode and crushed Usopp, who still somehow managed to get a hand out from underneath the huge creature and spin the bottle, which landed on Franky.

"Truth-" ("In bed.")

"Dare! I'm no coward!"

"In bed."

"That too." ("In bed.")

"We didn't need to know that," ("In bed.") Sanji muttered.

"Um..." ("In bed.") Usopp didn't really have any ideas for a good dare. Damn his idiot mind. "I dare you to tell us if you modified your ENTIRE front half...Like, EVERYTHING...Including THAT..." ("In bed.")

"Well ya, of course," Franky stated simply. "And now that these 2 years have passed I'm even more SSSUUUPPPEEERRR!"

"In bed."

"I wouldn't know."

Everyone winced, not really wanting to imagine that.

(The saying 'That really grinds my gears' can be applied literally to Franky O.O)

To be continued in the next chapter!

Actually, I have the next 4 written down already, I just need time to type 'em up! :D *people throwing confetti up in the air and pretending to be happy when they really dont give a shit about me or my writing*