Chapter 1: Queen of the O.S.S.
They arrived at the target building, a double-decker brick home the color of an early sunrise, peppered with shoddy crooked windows in seemingly random intervals. The three figures, cloaked under cover of darkness, glided across the expanse of grass between themselves and the entranceway, and formed up against the wall. Two on one side, one on the other. The smallest of the three figures pushed off the wall and paced to the front of the door, the small torch hung abreast the doorway painting her delicate features in a soft red tone. The sole of Myla's boot stabbed at the hard wooden door with a fearful crash, but nothing else, eliciting the conjuration of a large hexagonal hologram denoting it as an Immortal Object. She grinned, and raised her right hand into the air while twitching her first two fingers as if hooking the air with cat-claws. Go, go, she whispered to her two companions, a large black man in a suit of silver armor and a red-haired woman dressed in a green leather duster. The rather festive woman wedged her blade between the door and frame, resting the sharpened edge upon the bolt. With the slightest twitch of her shoulder blades, her sword began to glow a deep red.
She pulled down with both hands, hard, and with the sound of hissing molten steel the door creaked open on rusted hinges. The black man advanced silently, placing his left palm on the gnarled wood of the entrance. Gently shifting his weight forward, the door swung the rest of the way open with a minimum of sound. A set of spiral stairs began on their immediate left, while a small hallway lined with pixelated paintings gave way to a darkened kitchen nook in front. White colored auras illuminated their forms before dulling to a subtle gray, denoting the activation of their Cloaks.
"Myla, Lexus, clear the second floor. I'll wait on the stairs in case anyone's lingering in the kitchen. Just yell out if it gets too hairy," whispered the black man.
"Roger. Be careful Aegis," whispered Myla.
Aegis, eyes remaining fixated upon the dim kitchen nook, gave them a solid thumbs-up. Hearts emboldened, the two women ascended the stairs, rolling their feet from heel to toe to avoid unnecessary noise. Myla summoned her menu, and sightlessly equipped a jade machete and obsidian karambit. The gesture was three simple flicks of her wrist, taking full advantage of the system's instant response time. Muscle memory allowed her to perform this flawless motion in less than half a second. Lexus, a conventional one-handed sword user, idly spun her iron broadsword in lazy circles, switching from hand to hand in an effortless display of strength and dexterity.
The entire second floor was a four-bed loft, four-poster queen-sized luxuries spotting all four corners of the room.
The silence was palpable. From here, it was unpredictable. Four targets. They considered calling Aegis up, but the adrenaline coating their nerves was demanding a bloodbath. Their eyes darted from target to target, wondering which to kill first.
Their employer had offered a larger reward for capturing this Laughing Coffin detachment alive, but one or two casulaties couldn't hurt, right?
"Difference between hardtack or a shortcake," whispered Lexus.
"Shut up."
Lexus cracked her neck and rolled her shoulders. She sheathed her sword in the scabbard at her waist, and adopted a low, square stance, the distance between her feet slightly exceeding shoulder width. It was a strange adaptation of Horizontal, tailored for the delight of a California-born Iaido afficionado. Myla thought it was unbelievably stupid.
The scabbard began to glow, and Myla couldn't restrain her voice. "Lexus, what the hell are you-"
"YAH!" The taller woman rushed forth with a comical warcry, her sword screaming from the sheathe. The oil-slicked edge slid gracefully out and over the scabbard, and she beheaded the two players on the left who had shot up in their beds upon hearing her soulful yawp.
She turned to Myla and winked. The two heads balanced tenuously upon the flat of the blade, swaying slightly from side to side. The frozen expressions of shock on their drawn faces gave way to a brilliant display of light and sound as their forms collapsed into shattered polygons.
The man in the far-right corner was still fumbling with his menu when Myla threw her jade sword like a javelin, piercing him in the neck. He gasped in shock as the embedded blade wrought its Poison, chipping away at the bit of red remaining in his bar. He collapsed bonelessly to the polished teak floor, the palm-sized jar of honey he had accidentally selected rolling off the tips of his fingers to the foot of the remaining Coffin's bed.
The last PKer, a young black-haired boy with a puggish face who couldn't have been more than sixteen, had managed to produce a massive greatsword, which he was swinging in wild arcs to keep his assailants at bay. The two woman looked frantically for an opening, before Myla dove in, offhand dagger first.
"Myla!" cried Lexus. But the menu appeared above Myla's empty hand for but a moment, materializing a crude iron shield evocative of a trashcan lid, which she brutally rammed into the Coffin's incoming greatsword. Clang! The durability of the shield dropped instantly to zero, and disappeared in a crimson burst, but Myla's momentum carried her seamlessly into a bonecracking shoulder tackle that sent her opponent flying into the brick wall like the bullet of an elephant gun.
She leapt across the room and mounted the young Coffin, stabbing him in the face with the karambit. The knife shone red-purple-green-blue as she unleashed consecutive point-blank Sword Skills directly into his face, obstructing his field of view.
If only, she thought between frenzied, accelerated swings, you could gib in this game!
A pair of strong hands on her shoulders pulled her off the boy before she could land the finishing blow. She despaired as she was drawn away from the shellshocked young man broken on the floor, all white sclera and gaping mouth. She turned sharply on her heel and glared at Lexus, her mouth contorted into a scowl. "What?"
"We should probably leave at least one alive. Good for our reputation and all that."
"Since when the hell have you been the voice of reason?"
Lexus grinned, her cheeks plainly flushed in the pale moonlight flitting in through the loft's single window. She was the very picture of angelic purity. "I'm full of all kinds of surprises."
She fumbled through her menu, seeking a scarcely used weapon. She summoned a single Paralysis needle, and held it aloft between her thumb and forefinger, taking careful aim at the traumatized Coffin as though engrossed in a rousing game of darts.
Fwip. The needle struck him dead in the eye.
"Heh."
The Coffin disappeared in an upward spiral of red polygons.
"..."
Aegis rushed up the stairs, a skinny young man in drawers caught in a chokehold by his muscular right arm. He opened his mouth to eagerly announce his success before the loft, fully deserted save for the two women gazing listlessly at a spot on the wall, fully registered in his mind.
"Motherfuck."
The unfortunately named Son Goku Williams glared at them from his personal corner of the dungeon's saferoom.
"Fuck you guys."
Son Goku Williams, who the trio had mercifully agreed to call Bill, was curled into the fetal position on the floor the best he could while wrapped in three layers of dragon-shit chain. Tears were building in his eyes as he desperately twitched his fingers, hoping to summon freedom via a Teleport Crystal. Three millimeters of give made it a fool's errand.
Aegis was bent over a spread of bread, meat, and assorted fine cheese, brow furrowed as he racked his brain for a tasty after-slaughter combination. "I'll let you have a sandwich if you watch your mouth."
Lexus clapped her hands and rolled over on the mattress she was laying on, easing her way onto her stomach. Her chin dangled off the edge of the mattress, making contact with the cold granite floor. Her lips curled into a cheery grin. "I'll feed you the sandwich if you tell me where the rest of your buddies are. Eh? Eh?"
Bill shut his wet eyes tight, and fantasized about possible fun jailtime activities.
From within the tent set up in the center of the room, Myla's voice rang out, a distinct whiny tinge coloring her voice. "Aegis, can't we just kill him?"
The large black man shrugged. "Not if you want to upgrade that machete of yours anytime soon."
"Arrgh."
Their ears perked up as the sound of hard-soled boots pounding on stone came within range. As it grew closer, Aegis and Lexus summoned their weapons and assumed a loose battle stance. Myla poked her head out the flaps of the tent and yawned, smiling crookedly at nothing in particular.
An elegant figure with long chestnut hair filled the entranceway, resplendent in white and red robes billowing out behind her, the signature of the Knights of the Blood. Her hardened eyes and the aquamarine rapier Lambent Light slung at her side afforded the slender girl an intimidating presence.
Asuna the Flash, the sub-commander of the Knights of the Blood, a renowned figure Aincrad over, come of the regal 55th floor in order to conduct dignified business on behalf of the esteemed-
Myla snorted. "Delivery for you in the corner Mrs. Flash."
Asuna glared at her, nostrils flaring. She pointed at the figure subdued in chains playing dead in the corner of the room. "That's it? There should be four other people here!"
Aegis coughed. "About that..."
"Unbelievable." Asuna strode across the room and bent over the captured Coffin, prodding his exposed forehead with a delicate finger.
"Please stop that," Bill cried.
"What did you do with the rest of them?" Asuna demanded. She looked around the room, saw three identical red marks, and sighed. "Don't answer that. The Guild Leader won't be happy about this."
Lexus guffawed. "Like we give a damn about what the old man thinks."
Myla turned slightly over onto her right side, propping her chin on her hand. She adopted a pensive look. "Yeah, I always wondered about that. He must be what? 50? 60?"
"Pretty buff old dude though," offered Aegis.
An eerily synchronized chorus of "Uh-huh" resonated in the room.
Asuna rose to her full height, spine ramrod straight. She rested her hand on the pommel of her sword. "You're all treading on thin ice. I've been defending you the best I can, but the Council is beginning to wonder if you lot are any better than the PKers you hunt."
"Probably not, we have a pretty high kill count," offered Lexus.
Myla growled. "Shut up!" She glanced at Asuna. "Asuna, you know we're not like them. You know us better than that."
The young sub-commander fingered the pommel of her sword nervously. "Out of deference for our shared history-"
"Oh, cut the shit Asuna! You're what, seventeen?" Myla huffed. "You're no fun. Go out and get laid."
"I-I-!" Asuna stammered. She turned red from the neck up, jaw clenched shut. She pointed a shaking finger at the girl lounging in the tent. "I-I...I will get in touch should we require your services again."
Myla nodded. "Thought so."
With a pained grunt, Asuna hefted the squirming Bill in one arm, while fingering the menu screen with the other. With a tense hand, she tossed a bag of Col the size of her head at Myla's face. The girl's arms shot out of the depths of the tent and caught it, eyes wide with greed. Asuna held abreast a turquoise Teleport Crystal and shot one last glare at the denizens of the room.
Lexus jumped up and smiled, extending her arms for a warm embrace. "Bye Asuna!" Said embrace never came.
Aegis bit his lower lip and looked anywhere but at the furious girl. "Um, be well Asuna."
She disappeared in a burst of white light, the faint echo of a rabid growl left in her wake.
In that moment of awkward silence, Myla lifted her left sleeve with her teeth and regarded the crossed-out Knights of the Blood tattoo emblazoned on her forearm. "Best decision we ever made." She held the bag of Col tightly to her chest and smiled serenely.
The hammer nearly fell onto Lisbeth's foot when two consecutive message notifications popped into her field of view. Kirito leapt across the room in a blur of black and silver, catching the hammer before it could even begin to fall. He twirled it to-and-fro, quite satisfied with himself, and grinned at Lisbeth.
"Gotcha."
Lisbeth bit her lip, brow scrunched and eyes narrowed. "I nearly botched the upgrade..."
The pair shot a look at the Dark Repulsor resting on the anvil. Kirito shrugged his shoulders. "It'd be alright even if you did. I got enough raw materials for at least three more."
Lisbeth punched him in the arm. "Kirito!"
"What~?"
"I got a message from Asuna, and some...clients. Sorry, can your sword wait? I need to make a house call."
"House call?"
"Yeah," Lisbeth looked down at the ground. "It's a group of red players who obviously can't come to the shop."
Kirito's eyes narrowed. "I'm going with you." He scooped the Dark Repulsor up off the anvil and sheathed it on his back in one smooth motion, hair fluttering from the swiftly displaced air. Lisbeth's heart skipped a beat, and she covered her face to hide the blush rapidly spreading across her cheeks.
"U-um, you don't have to do that-!"
"Nonsense." Kirito's bangs fell over his face in a manner befitting a shampoo model. The Black Swordsman's eyes shone from beneath the veil of hair, silently promising the blacksmith the reliable protection of his big swords. "C'mon, take off your uniform and let's go."
"E-excuse me?"
"Uh, put on some tough fighting garb and grab something to hit things with?"
"Don't patronize me!"
Kirito tilted his head. "...Sorry?"
Lisbeth stamped her foot on the ground. "Enough. If you insist, you may accompany me."
"Heh." Kirito scratched the back of his head. "After you, my lady."
After an alternating chain of curses and inappropriate flirting, they exited the shop, fully equipped and ready for adventure. Lisbeth brought up the menu and locked her store, and then the two made their way to the Teleport Gate.
"So," Kirito began. He rubbed his hands together. "Why are you doing business with murderers?"
"Well, they're not really bad guys." Lisbeth's tone was wholly unconvincing.
"Really? What sort of people are they?"
"Ah-"
A hexagonal flash of light cut through the air as Myla performed six consecutive one-handed Sword Skills with her machete and karambit. Lexus came in low and unleashed her broadsword in the Iaido facsmile she had demonstrated during the prior night's slaughter.
Lexus giggled. "And Aegis, that's where you come in and grab them by the balls."
The man buried his face in his hands, ashamed of his comrades. He took a large bite out of his ham sandwich, and reassessed the life decisions that had ultimately culminated in this present moment.