I just want to know that at least one of the fanfics on this site are from Kripke. This one is not it. But there's gotta be one, is what I'm saying.
(Jerry Springer Show appears across the screen)
Audience: *Cheers, excited*
Jerry: Welcome everyone. Welcome. Thank you all for coming. *Waits for everyone to simmer down* We have a special show planned for you today. The topic today is I'm a supernatural hunter and I'm in love with an angel. Please welcome our guests, Dean Winchester, his brother Sam, and the angel Castiel!
Audience: *Cheers, there are some taunting whistles, a girl rips off her shirt to reveal a giant set of tits with marry me Dean carved into them*
(The three guests walk out, the brothers looking slightly nervous with the angel appearing confused. They sit down in the chairs provided. There is an empty chair next to Sam, who keeps peering at it fretfully)
Jerry: *Faces his guests* Welcome to the show, gentlemen.
Dean: *Sitting with his leg jittering impatiently, is looking from side to side nervously without acknowledging Jerry*
Sam: *Braves a slight hand wave*
Castiel: *Stares at Jerry intensely*
Jerry: Now, you three have known each other for a long time, is that correct?
(No one says anything)
Jerry: Dean?
Dean: *Mildly surprised* Yeah? Uh. Yeah. Me and Sam are brothers.
Jerry: You saved him from a house fire when you were four, isn't that right?
Dean: Uh yep. Yeah.
Audience: *Awwws*
Jerry: Sam?
Sam: *Slightly distracted, glances at the empty chair* Dean's always been there for me.
Audience: *More aaawwws, tearful sniffling can be heard*
Jerry: Now, Castiel, you're an angel, correct?
Castiel: *Is not paying attention, scanning the crowd curiously*
Dean: *Nudges Castiel* Dude, you're up.
Castiel: Yes?
Jerry: Where do you fit in this outfit?
Castiel: *Looks down at himself, puzzled* These are my clothes.
Jerry: Uh, no. I mean, how did you meet the Winchester hunters?
Castiel: I'm the one who gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition.
Jerry: So you've been with them for a while now.
Castiel: Yes?
Jerry: Would you say they mean a lot to you? Especially Dean?
Castiel: Um, yes?
Jerry: *Turns to Dean, who is floofing his jacket uneasily* Dean, is there something you would like to say to the angel?
Dean: *Nervously running hands over his thighs, turns to Castiel* Yeah, uh. Uhm. Uh. Look, Cas...
Castiel: Yes Dean?
Dean: I, uh, I like you.
Audience: *Awws*
Castiel: Yes Dean, I know. I like you too.
Dean: No, I mean, I like you a lot.
Castiel: Dean, we've been over this.
Dean: What I'm trying to say is, Cas, we should see each other.
Audience: *Someone in the back whistles alluringly*
Castiel: We're seeing each other right now, Dean.
Sam: *Talking to the chair* This is going to go on all day.
Lucifer: Tell them they should just bump uglies already.
Sam: *Compulsively* Youshouldjustbumpugliesalready DAMMIT
Jerry: Sam, you're talking to the chair. What's with that?
Sam: It's Lucifer. He's been following me around.
Jerry: Lucifer? As in the devil?
Sam: *Nods head emphatically* Uh, yeah. Yeah. The fallen angel Lucifer.
Jerry: Why would Satan be following you, Sam?
Lucifer: *Whispers to Sam* Tell him it's because you owe me money.
Sam: *Whispers back* Shut up.
Jerry: Sam, there's no one in the chair. The chair is empty.
Sam: *Frustrated* No, look, it's Lucifer, okay! He's in the fuckin chair!
Jerry: *Calmly* No one's in the chair, Sam.
Dean: -and then when the man reciprocates those feelings of love-
Lucifer: Oh man Sammy. We're missing THE talk. Your brother is trying to explain to my brother how-
Sam: *Lets out a high pitched keening noise, clutching his head*
Dean: *Has one hand doing the "ok" sign while the other hand mimes putting the index finger in and out of it* -but make sure there aren't any holes in the condom-
Lucifer: *Tilting his chair back lazily* He's not going to get it. *Leans into Sam, whispering* The sexy bits, Sammy. Cas just doesn't get it. Not like us.
Sam: *Jumps up, round house kicks the empty chair clear across the stage*
Audience: *Goes wild*
Dean: *Is covered in sweat* See what I mean?
Castiel: I don't think I understand you.
Sam: *Throws himself at the chair and begins to pulverize it*
Steve the Bodyguard: *Attempts to restrain Sam*
Sam: *Screeching, fighting off Steve* THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT
Dean: *Sweat is cascading over his face and down his chin, forming puddles on the floor* -like with a woman, but with -with buttholes-
Castiel: I used to poop with mine when I was human.
Lucifer: C'mon Sammy. You can take that guy.
Sam: *Face turning purple from a headlock, mouths fuck you to Lucifer*
Dean: *Moves his knees out of the way of Sam and Steve's wrestling match as they roll by, wipes a pool of water out of his eyes* -What I'm really saying, Cas, is that we should be gay together.
Castiel: I'm already very happy with you Dean. We share a profound bond.
Dean: Okay, fuck this *Grabs Cas's head and mashes their faces together in a very sloppy, yet passionate game of tonsil hockey*
Lucifer: *Cheering on Sam* Just yank at his dick like you used to do with mine
Sam: *Lets out a fierce roar, shirks off Steve and launches himself at Lucifer, effectively knocking himself out when he hits the floor*
Audience: *Goes nuts*
Jerry: *Is carefully out of the way of the unconscious Sam and the now semi-naked couple on the floor* I think it's time for commercial break.