Disclaimer: #TW: This following chapter, and perhaps others, will include some Spanish. However, we are not fluent in this language and used Google Translate. So our apologies if it's incorrect or offends any readers. And if there is something to fix, please notify us! ^3^ You can also put in what we said in Google Translate if you want to know what it means.

Chapter One

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

"No, no, hold the fuck up. It was a normal afternoon with normal weather."

"Okay, yeah, but we want to make the story interesting."

"Using a stereotypical opener to start this god awful story is not going to cut it, Dave." Karkat sighed and swept his hair to the side of his face in an aggravated manner.

"Well, fuck. You start the story then."

"Fine! I'm going to start the story from my point of view and tell it like it happened, unlike SOMEONE who's going to exaggerate everything to

make it a 'better story'."

It was a normal shitting afternoon. Well, if you considered my life normal. I had just turned 19 and gotten out of highschool. SCREW IT. THE END.

"And that's how the story went?"

"Yes, junglehumping dickfucking douchebag, that's how it went. Do you even remember?"

"You didn't even introduce me yet."

"...Asshole."

"Fine, I'll just tell the story."

Alright, so I was headin' down to that one corner store to get some AJ. It was 8 in the goddamn morning and Bro drank all the apple juice the night before. (I was already preparing a plan to get him back for that later.) As I'm grabbing that gift from heaven, I see some short guy yelling at the clerk. He was about -9ft tall, I don't know, with hair that looked like it hadn't been combed in weeks. Scratch that, years.

"That's completely irrelevant to the story. Take it back shitsquad. Don't bring my hair into this."

"I dunno, Karkat. I think it's pretty important."

"How so?"

"...Don't question my motives. Anyway-"

So getting back into the actual story, and staying into it this time, I was trying to checkout the damn godly liquid but this gnome was busy angrily bashing the cashier for god knows why.

"Listen up here, Cactusfucker..." The short guy said to the checkout woman, in a loud fashion.

He proceeded to yell various insults and curse words at the lady, who stood there silently, picking the dirt out of her nails. I was mostly just drowning both of them out at this point.

"Yo shouty, can you hurry up here?"

The man turned around suddenly and faced me, almost crushing the box he held in his hand. He didn't seem very... plesant.

"Did I fucking ask you, Mister I-Wear-My-Sunglasses-Inside?"

I scoffed at him. Was that really the best this shithole could do?

I couldn't just let him get away with that nonsense of a insult. I had to say something back. "First off, it's ironic. Second, I'm kinda in a rush."

I wasn't in a hurry, I just didn't want to deal with this guy's BS.

"Lastly, stop harassing this poor, defenseless cashier-checkout-lady."

The woman glared at me from behind her counter. Her cerulean blue eyes dug deep into my soul. She proceeded to flip me off. Both hands too... How touching.

The tan-skinned man slammed a random amount of foreign coins on the tabletop and stormed out.

The lady at the register examined a coin, and scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Thiiiiiiiis isn't even american money, dipshit." She then did nothing about it.

"Aren't you going to do something? He literally just stole from your store." I said, questioning her judgement.

"Why in god's name would I care? It's not like my boss is going to find out about this iiiiiiiincident."

"Ugh, fine, whatever." And with that, I paid for the piss-like refreshment, and ran out to hunt down Mr. I-Have-To-Look-Up-To-Everyone-Literally.

I scanned the parking lot quickly, searching for that little shitspewing looneyblock bitch. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a blood red sweatshirt dipping back into a nearby alley. I sprinted towards the foreigner as swiftly as I was able.

Peeking over the building wall, I saw the short boy that was in the store with me. He was talking to another man who looked quite similar to him. Almost close enough to be related. The brick walls around them were muddy and faded from wear. A crummy van was parked alongside the two dudes. On the back left car door, was a symbol that appeared to be a spray-painted sixty-nine horizontally in a candy red color. Next to the automobile was a screwed-up trash can. Seriously though. How can you not be able to even keep a trash can in order?

"Karkat ¿dónde has estado?! Me dijiste que estarías de vuelta por 11. ¿Fuiste a una fiesta de nuevo? O un bar? ¿Estabas bebiendo? Usted es 19 años ahora. Usted debe ser un adulto responsable y cuando te digo que volver a casa usted debe. ¿Qué pasa si tienes un accidente? ¿Qué pasa si usted quedó atrapado? Usted no está con resaca estás ? Y si-" The slightly taller one in the red turtleneck rapidly yelled at the boy from the store. Damn, this guy should be a rapper.

I honestly had no idea what the fuck he was saying.

"Dave, you shit-for-brains imbecile! If I can roughly remember, Kankri said something similar to, 'Karkat where have you been?! You told me that you would be back by 11. Did you go to a party again? Or a bar? Were you drinking? You are 19 years old now. You should be a responsible adult and when I tell you to come home you should. What if you got in an accident? What if you got caught? You're hungover aren't you? What if-'"

"Fine whatever. He said… That. Will you just translate from now on?"

"Fuck you."

"Great, I'll take that as a yes."

The EXTREMELY short one (Apparently named Karkat) proceeded to come back at him with, "Usted no controla mi vida , pisscouch! Soy un adulto ahora! Yo puedo tomar mis propias decisiones!"

(Translation: "You don't control my life, pisscouch! I am an adult now! I can make my own decisions!")

The matured one retorted, "Te tratan como un adulto cuando comience a actuar como uno! Un adulto es alguien que regresa cuando se supone que es, mantiene las promesas, ni está siendo perseguido por la policía en una base regular!"

(Translation: I'll treat you like an adult when you begin acting like one! An adult is someone who comes back when he is supposed to, keeps promises, and isn't being chased down by cops on a regular basis!)

Karkat's mother hen (or whoever he was) was as angry as all hell now. He walked over to the van calmly, and proceeded to kick it with all the force his little body contained. That left a fucking dent, that I would end up helping pay to fix.

"¿Sabes lo que Karkat? Estoy tan harto de tu mierda! ¡Eres un idiota! Vamos a ser enviado a la cárcel si no tienes cuidado!"

(Translation: You know what Karkat? I'm so done with your shit! You're such a moron! We're going to be sent to jail if you're not careful!)

And with that, the mother hen bolted into the van, slamming the door, driving off, and leaving Karkat abandoned in the alleyway.

Karkat was enraged after that. He kicked down the garbage can and punched the wall, causing his knuckles to bleed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" He winced. "Wait…"

The short, brown haired boy turned in my direction, and I ducked around the building wall as fast as I could. "You're the motherfucking apple juice douchemuffin from the store aren't you!"

Shit.