FINAL FANTASY CROSSOVERS
The Crossover Story - Part 1
(Open to Balamb Garden, Zell's dorm. Squall walks in.)
Squall: Zell? Zell? You in here?
Zell: (pops up behind him) Yo, Squall!
Squall: Agh! Don't do that! You almost gave me a major heart attack!
Zell: Sorry, man. I didn't mean to scare ya. What's up?
Squall: There's been some strange reports of an electrical thunder storm coming in from Dollet. Headmaster Cid has ordered me to warn all the students and ask them not to leave the safety of the Garden.
Zell: Well, don't worry 'bout me, man. I won't be goin' anywhere.
Squall: That's reassuring, Zell, really, it is. Now, I'm going out to spread the word to the others. You stay here and don't... well, just stay here. (leaves)
Zell: No problemo! (picks up a copy of Final Fantasy VII off the shelf) I'll just pass the time by playin' my Final Fantasy VII video game. (puts the disk in his PS2 and jumps on the bed)
(Cut to Balamb Town, the harbour. Some people are hanging out there, fishing and going about their daily business. The sky turns dark and an electrical thunder storm hits the town.)
Fisherman #1: Hey, Rick, look...
Fisherman #2: Hmm... Never seen the sky turn that colour before...
Fisherman #1: I reckon we should call it a day...
Fisherman #2: I reckon you could be right, Rick...
Fisherman #1: I'm not Rick. You're Rick.
Fisherman #2: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Fisherman #1: No problem, Rick...
(Cut to Balamb Garden, Zell's dorm. Zell is sitting on his bed, playing Final Fantasy VII.)
(Cut to the Alcauld Plains. The sky around Balamb Garden is a dark grey colour. An electrical thunder bolt hits the Garden.)
(Cut to Balamb Garden, Zell's dorm. The lights in Zell's dorm flash on and off.)
Zell: ...the hell?! (the TV starts to glow) What the...? (the TV begins to give off flashes of lightning) Oh my Hyne! This isn't good! (shouting) Squall!
Squall: (walks in) What is it, Zell? (looks at the TV) What's going on in here??
Zell: I dunno, man. I was just sittin' here, playin' my video game, then the next thing I know, the lights are flashin' on and off and the TV's goin' crazy...
Squall: (realises) Oh, Judas! Zell, turn off the TV!
Zell: What??
Squall: Just turn it off!! (another flash of light emits through the dorm, bringing complete darkness with it)
(Cut to Zell's dorm, a little later. Zell is laying on the floor, unconscious. He regains consciousness and sits up, rubbing his head.)
Zell: Ah, man, I feel like I've just been on the biggest drinkin' binge of my life... (looks around and sees the TV playing static) Ugh... (gets up and leaves)
(Cut to the hallway. Students are wandering the hallway, looking lost, dazed and confused. Zell walks toward the elevator and presses the button.)
(Cut to Headmaster Cid's office. Squall, Headmaster Cid, Quistis, Nadia and Xu are there, looking out of the window.)
Quistis: Where are we...?
Cid: I don't know. But I can darn well tell you where we're not - Balamb.
Zell: (walks in) So, this is where everyone's hidin'...
Squall: Not now, Zell.
Zell: What the hell's going on, man? Where--oh my Hyne! Midgar! (Midgar can be seen in the distance)
Cid: Whatgar?
Zell: That's Midgar! The... The huge city from Final Fantasy VII!
Cid: Final Fantasy VII...?
Xu: It's a video game created by Squaresoft. The seventh in a hugely popular series.
Zell: Yeah, I must have completed that game about a million times. The ending's still as confusing as ever though.
Cid: Confusing it is. But soon we shall have answers. Squall?
Squall: Yes, sir?
Cid: I want you to gather together all the SeeDs you can find and head on over to that city to investigate. We can't do anything until we know exactly what's happening here.
Squall: As you wish, sir. C'mon, Zell, let's go.
(Cut to the hallway. Squall and Zell walk out of the elevator.)
Zell: Aw, dude, I can't believe this. We're inside a video game. This is so cool.
Squall: We are not inside a video game, Zell. That's impossible.
Zell: We are too! I'd know that city anywhere! It's Midgar! Midgar!!
Squall: ...whatever.
Selphie: (she, Irvine and Rinoa approach) Squall! Zell!
Zell: Selphie! Irvine! Rinoa! You're all okay!
Selphie: Well, yeah, we were all in the cafeteria, eating lunch, when all of a sudden the lights went out. I'm glad to see you two are all right too. But... what is going on here? Where are we?
Squall: Your guess is as good as ours. Cid's asked us SeeDs to go out and investigate. Selphie, as a SeeD, it is your duty to join Zell and I on our mission.
Selphie: Right, well, that goes without saying.
Irvine: You're going out there?!
Rinoa: You can't!
Squall: We have to. Cid's orders.
Irvine: You're a braver man than I. There's no way I'd have the guts to go out there, that's for sure.
Squall: Obviously not. You're a chicken.
Irvine: I'm no chicken! I just happen to value my life, that's all! You've no idea of the dangers lurking out there!
Selphie: (gasps) He's right, Squall! Dangers! Dangers!
Squall: I don't care how dangerous it is, we're going. Now, come on. (Zell and Selphie walk toward the exit) Irvine, look after Rinoa for me.
Irvine: You got it, Squall. I'll take care of her.
Rinoa: Excuse me, but I'm quite capable of looking after myself. Squall, please, please don't go out there.
Squall: Sorry, Rinoa, but I'm needed out there.
Rinoa: You're needed in here too.
Squall: Don't worry, I won't let anything bad happen to myself. I'll be back before you know it. Now, Irvine, you do remember that when I say look after Rinoa, I mean look after her. I don't mean hump her, all right.
Rinoa: What?!
Irvine: Right, right, I got it. No humping. Got it. But feeling her up is okay though, right?
Rinoa: What?!
Squall: Why don't you just stay away from her altogether.
Irvine: You're the boss! (Squall leaves and he grins at Rinoa)
(Cut to the Midgar Area. Balamb Garden is docked in by the shore. Squall, Zell and Selphie emerge from the building.)
(Cut to the cafeteria. Seifer, Raijin, Fujin, and a bunch of other students are watching Squall, Zell and Selphie leaving through the window.)
Cid: (over the loudspeaker) Students of Balamb, this is Headmaster Cid speaking. We seem to be experiencing some sort of technical hitch here at Garden, but please, remain calm and do not panic. We are currently working on the problem as I speak. We have also sent our best SeeD members off into the wilderness to monitor the situation. Until further notice, please refrain from leaving Garden. That is all.
Seifer: (to Raijin and Fujin) This is ridiculous. C'mon.
Raijin: Where are we goin'?
Seifer: We're going to do a little exploring of our own. I don't see why those blasted SeeDs should have all the fun.
Raijin: But Headmaster Cid said-
Seifer: Since when have we ever listened to that four-eyed fatso? Besides, I'm itching to know all about that creepy looking city over there. So, stop whinnin' and follow me.
(Cut to Midgar, the Sector 7 Slums, 7th Heaven, the bar. Cloud and Barrett are sitting at the bar, drinking. Tifa is cleaning up behind the bar. Aeris is sitting at a table, looking through her basket of flowers. Red XIII is laying on the floor, sleeping. Squall, Zell and Selphie walk in.)
Zell: Oh my Hyne! I can't believe it! I'm inside 7th Heaven! (sees Cloud and the others) Eek! It's the heroes of Final Fantasy VII!
Barrett: (to Cloud) Who's that idiot? Some friend of yours?
Cloud: I've never seen him before in my life.
Squall: (to Cloud) Um, hello. My name is Squall Leonhart, leader of the SeeDs. My friends and I have come here looking for answers. You see, an electrical storm hit our Garden and transported us to this unknown world.
Cloud: SeeDs? Garden? You're looking for Aeris, right?
Squall: Who?
Zell: (to Aeris) Oh my Hyne! It is YOU! I thought you'd been killed by Sephiroth. I'm glad to see you're okay.
Aeris: What...?
Squall: Zell, quiet!
Tifa: (to Squall) Can I be of some help?
Squall: Rinoa?
Tifa: Huh?
Squall: I'm sorry. You... You look so much like a friend of mine. Anyway, yes, as I was saying, our Garden was hit by some kind of electrical thunder storm and was somehow transported through time and space and ended up here. Where exactly are we?
Zell: Midgar! We're in Midgar!
Squall: Zell, quiet!
Tifa: Your young friend there is absolutely correct. You are in Midgar. The biggest city on the Planet.
Zell: Yes! Yesss! I told you! In your face, Squall!
Squall: Zell!! (to Tifa) Um, this is going to sound crazy, but... are we inside a video game?
Tifa: Video game?
Barrett: What the helluv you been drinkin'?
Squall: I knew we weren't inside a video game! Dammit, Zell!
Zell: No, it's true. We are inside a video game. (to the heroes of FFVII) Y'see, you guys are all video game characters, created by Squaresoft. And this whole world you live in, it's nothing but a virtual world constructed for RPG players' enjoyment.
Cloud: ...come again?
Zell: I'll prove it. You're Cloud Strife, a 21-year-old mercenary born in Nibelheim. You joined SOLDIER at the tender age of 16. You're Tifa Lockheart, a 20-year-old bar hostess who grew up in Nibelheim with Cloud. You're Barrett Wallace. You have a young daughter named Marlene and you lost your arm when the Shin-Ra attacked your hometown, Corel, a few years ago. You're Aeris Gainsborough the flower girl, and you're Red XIII, the son of Seto. (smugly) Check and mate.
Cloud: Oh my God! Tifa, he's right! I am Cloud Strife!
Tifa: How on earth do you know all this?
Zell: Because I've been playing your video game for the last year or so. I know just about everything there is to know about you guys, from your individual shoe sizes to when you all first lost your virginity. One fateful night under the Highwind indeed. (he winks at Tifa and she blushes)
Barrett: So, we're characters in a video game, huh? Man, I didn't see that one comin'...
Zell: Don't you see now, Squall? They're all video game characters and we're inside a video game!
Squall: (sits down) This is all too much to get my head around. I need a drink.
Cloud: You need a drink?! We're the ones that have just discovered we don't actually exist!
Zell: This is just the best thing ever! I've gotta get out there and see the world!
Squall: Not so fast, Zell. This may be a virtual world, but that still doesn't mean you can't get hurt. You can't just go out into the countryside alone. It's too dangerous.
Zell: But I wanna see the Gold Saucer!!
Squall: Headmaster Cid's expecting us to fill him in on the situation at hand, Zell. We've to report back to him before we do anything else. (Tifa serves him a beer) Oh, thanks. (takes a sip)
Zell: You're nothing but a damn spoil-sport! Well, can I at least go check out the neighborhood?
Squall: All right, but take Selphie with you. That way if anything happens to you, she can be there to support you.
Zell: Come on, Selphie.
Selphie: Just a minute, Zell. (is hugging Red XIII) Aren't you just adorable?
Red XIII: (calmly) Put me down, please. (panicking) I said PUT ME DOWN!!!
(Cut to Wall Market, the restaurant. Reno and Rude are sitting at a table, eating. Seifer, Raijin and Fujin walk in.)
Seifer: Well, you certainly don't find restaurants like these in Balamb. Or Timber, for that matter.
Raijin: Seifer, I'm starvin', ya know? Ya think we could get a bite to eat, ya know?
Fujin: SUSHI!
Raijin: Yeah, how about some sushi? I haven't eaten sushi in a long time, ya know?
Seifer: All right then. (to the waiter) Excuse me, Frenchy.
Waiter: Oui?
Seifer: Could we get three plates of sushi here?
Waiter: As you wish, sir. Take a seat, it will be with you in a little while. (he walks off as Seifer, Raijin and Fujin sit down at a table beside the Turks)
Reno: So, then I said, "I don't think so, Mr. President."
Rude: ...
Reno: Oh, come on, Rude. The least you could've done was laughed. It was a pretty good joke.
Rude: ...
Reno: Fine. Be that way. (checks his watch) Egads! Where's Elena? She should've been here by now. Rude, watch my food. I need to visit the little girls' room. (gets up)
Seifer: I'm going to the bathroom. When the food comes, pay the man. (gets up and knocks into Reno) Whoa! Watch where you're going, buddy!
Reno: Hmph, I didn't know they let freeloaders in here.
Seifer: What did you just call me?
Reno: Settle down, Pops. No need to bust a lung.
Seifer: If I didn't know better, I'd swear that was an insult.
Reno: Aren't you quick?
Seifer: Care to step outside?!
Reno: Oh, please. You're just a kid. I'd flaten you like a pancake.
Seifer: What's the matter? Chicken?
Reno: All right, fine. Rude, hand me my tazer.
Seifer: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh, look, surely we can work this out without resorting to violence!
Reno: ...
Seifer: I... I think we got off on the wrong foot. (puts his hand out) I'm Seifer. Seifer Almasy.
Reno: ...
Seifer: And... And you are...?
Rude: ...
Reno: Is that some kind of sick joke?
Seifer: What? No, I- (Reno grabs Seifer's arm, twists it behind his back and slams him down onto the table) -aaagh!
Raijin: (he and Fujin get up) Seifer!
Fujin: RESIST!
Reno: Where do you get off, you little punk? Do you think you're smart or something? Is that it? Eh?
Seifer: Ow! Judas! All I wanted to know was your name!
Reno: Oh, you're one of a kind, kid. You're truly one of a kind. (twists Seifer's arm harder)
Seifer: Aaagh! Let me go!
Raijin: Leave him alone, man! He didn't do nothin', ya know?! (Reno releases Seifer)
Seifer: (rubs his arm) Ahh...
Rude: ...
Reno: You're right, Rude. That was pretty impressive. No one's ever been able to withstand that much punishment from me before. Heh, nice one, kid.
Seifer: "Nice one, kid?" You've gotta be kiddin' me! If it had been the other way round, I would've whooped your sorry ass!
Reno: Sure you would've, kid. Sure you would've.
Seifer: C'mon, guys, let's go. I don't care for the company in here.
Reno: Wait a minute. You three. You're not from round these parts, are you?
Seifer: How'd you guess?
Reno: Well, everyone round here knows who the Turks are. And most people around here wouldn't talk to 'em that way unless they had a death wish.
Seifer: Well, it's true we're not from round here... wherever here is. This is, like, some foreign world to us.
Reno: Huh? Tell me more.
Seifer: No way! Why should we tell you anything?! You almost broke my arm, for Hyne's sake!
Reno: Kid, kid, look, I'm sorry. I can only apologise so many times. But please, just talk to me.
Seifer: The hell should we?!
Reno: Let's just say, I have a feeling we could all have a lot more in common than you think. (Seifer takes a moment to consider this)
(Cut to 7th Heaven, the basement. Cloud is showing Squall around.)
Cloud: ...and this is where we watch TV.
Squall: (unenthusiastically) Fasinating. (Zell and Selphie walk in) Zell, Selphie, you're back.
Selphie: Yep. Oh, Squall, this place is awesome. It's just like our world, only everything's a little less sophisticated and a little more old skool.
Zell: The colour resolution is better than I thought it would be though...
Squall: Well, it's been fun, Cloud, but we really oughta be going now.
Cloud: Aw! Do you have to leave so soon?
Squall: We're supposed to report our findings back to Headmaster Cid. Sorry.
Cloud: Okay, well, you'll always be welcome here. Feel free to visit anytime.
Squall: (he, Zell and Selphie walk off) Yeah, right, as soon as the Island Closest to Hell freezes over...
(Cut to Balamb Garden, Headmaster Cid's office. Cid, Quistis, Nadia and Xu are still there.)
Cid: They should've been back by now. I pray to Hyne that nothing's happened to them.
Quistis: They'll be fine, Cid. They can take care of themselves a lot better than you'd think.
Cid: When I want your opinion, Trepe, I'll ask for it. (Squall, Zell and Selphie walk in) Ah, thank Hyne! You're back, alive and well I see!
Nadia: That's thirty gil you owe me, Xu...
Cid: So...? What have you to report?
Squall: We appear to be inside a video game, sir. (Cid stares at him, confused and frightened) Yes, that was my reaction too.
Cid: And you're sure about this, Squall?
Squall: Yes, sir. I can only assume that the thunder storm that hit Balamb, together with the electrical power given off from Zell's video game, zapped Garden into this virtual world somehow. Yes, it's as confusing and unbelievable as that.
Cid: What are we going to do?!
Zell: Let's stay here!
Cid: Don't be stupid, Dincht! We can't stay here! We have to get back to our world!
Squall: I couldn't agree more, sir. But, in all honesty, I don't see how we can do that.
Cid: Dammit! I knew I should've taken that physics class during my rebellious youth!
Nadia: We're screwed. No one here in Garden knows anything about science or how to warp through time and space.
Cid: Dammit! I knew I should've let that Ultimecia woman enrol last semester!
Squall: What are you orders, sir?
Cid: Oh. You're to be relieved of your duties until further notice. Until we can come up with an idea to-
Zell: I've got it! Headmaster Cid, I know how to get us out of this mess!
Cid: How??
Zell: It's easy. We find Professor Hojo.
Cid: Professor who?
Zell: Professor Hojo. He's a scientist. If anyone knows science, it's him.
Cid: And he could help us return to our world!?
Zell: That's a possibility. He's our best chance. He may be our only chance.
Cid: (defeated) Fine. Then I order you to seek out this... Professor Hojo and explain our situation to him. And let's all pray to Hyne that he can help us, because if he can't... I don't know what we'll do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TO BE CONTINUED...
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The Crossover Story - Part 1
(Open to Balamb Garden, Zell's dorm. Squall walks in.)
Squall: Zell? Zell? You in here?
Zell: (pops up behind him) Yo, Squall!
Squall: Agh! Don't do that! You almost gave me a major heart attack!
Zell: Sorry, man. I didn't mean to scare ya. What's up?
Squall: There's been some strange reports of an electrical thunder storm coming in from Dollet. Headmaster Cid has ordered me to warn all the students and ask them not to leave the safety of the Garden.
Zell: Well, don't worry 'bout me, man. I won't be goin' anywhere.
Squall: That's reassuring, Zell, really, it is. Now, I'm going out to spread the word to the others. You stay here and don't... well, just stay here. (leaves)
Zell: No problemo! (picks up a copy of Final Fantasy VII off the shelf) I'll just pass the time by playin' my Final Fantasy VII video game. (puts the disk in his PS2 and jumps on the bed)
(Cut to Balamb Town, the harbour. Some people are hanging out there, fishing and going about their daily business. The sky turns dark and an electrical thunder storm hits the town.)
Fisherman #1: Hey, Rick, look...
Fisherman #2: Hmm... Never seen the sky turn that colour before...
Fisherman #1: I reckon we should call it a day...
Fisherman #2: I reckon you could be right, Rick...
Fisherman #1: I'm not Rick. You're Rick.
Fisherman #2: Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Fisherman #1: No problem, Rick...
(Cut to Balamb Garden, Zell's dorm. Zell is sitting on his bed, playing Final Fantasy VII.)
(Cut to the Alcauld Plains. The sky around Balamb Garden is a dark grey colour. An electrical thunder bolt hits the Garden.)
(Cut to Balamb Garden, Zell's dorm. The lights in Zell's dorm flash on and off.)
Zell: ...the hell?! (the TV starts to glow) What the...? (the TV begins to give off flashes of lightning) Oh my Hyne! This isn't good! (shouting) Squall!
Squall: (walks in) What is it, Zell? (looks at the TV) What's going on in here??
Zell: I dunno, man. I was just sittin' here, playin' my video game, then the next thing I know, the lights are flashin' on and off and the TV's goin' crazy...
Squall: (realises) Oh, Judas! Zell, turn off the TV!
Zell: What??
Squall: Just turn it off!! (another flash of light emits through the dorm, bringing complete darkness with it)
(Cut to Zell's dorm, a little later. Zell is laying on the floor, unconscious. He regains consciousness and sits up, rubbing his head.)
Zell: Ah, man, I feel like I've just been on the biggest drinkin' binge of my life... (looks around and sees the TV playing static) Ugh... (gets up and leaves)
(Cut to the hallway. Students are wandering the hallway, looking lost, dazed and confused. Zell walks toward the elevator and presses the button.)
(Cut to Headmaster Cid's office. Squall, Headmaster Cid, Quistis, Nadia and Xu are there, looking out of the window.)
Quistis: Where are we...?
Cid: I don't know. But I can darn well tell you where we're not - Balamb.
Zell: (walks in) So, this is where everyone's hidin'...
Squall: Not now, Zell.
Zell: What the hell's going on, man? Where--oh my Hyne! Midgar! (Midgar can be seen in the distance)
Cid: Whatgar?
Zell: That's Midgar! The... The huge city from Final Fantasy VII!
Cid: Final Fantasy VII...?
Xu: It's a video game created by Squaresoft. The seventh in a hugely popular series.
Zell: Yeah, I must have completed that game about a million times. The ending's still as confusing as ever though.
Cid: Confusing it is. But soon we shall have answers. Squall?
Squall: Yes, sir?
Cid: I want you to gather together all the SeeDs you can find and head on over to that city to investigate. We can't do anything until we know exactly what's happening here.
Squall: As you wish, sir. C'mon, Zell, let's go.
(Cut to the hallway. Squall and Zell walk out of the elevator.)
Zell: Aw, dude, I can't believe this. We're inside a video game. This is so cool.
Squall: We are not inside a video game, Zell. That's impossible.
Zell: We are too! I'd know that city anywhere! It's Midgar! Midgar!!
Squall: ...whatever.
Selphie: (she, Irvine and Rinoa approach) Squall! Zell!
Zell: Selphie! Irvine! Rinoa! You're all okay!
Selphie: Well, yeah, we were all in the cafeteria, eating lunch, when all of a sudden the lights went out. I'm glad to see you two are all right too. But... what is going on here? Where are we?
Squall: Your guess is as good as ours. Cid's asked us SeeDs to go out and investigate. Selphie, as a SeeD, it is your duty to join Zell and I on our mission.
Selphie: Right, well, that goes without saying.
Irvine: You're going out there?!
Rinoa: You can't!
Squall: We have to. Cid's orders.
Irvine: You're a braver man than I. There's no way I'd have the guts to go out there, that's for sure.
Squall: Obviously not. You're a chicken.
Irvine: I'm no chicken! I just happen to value my life, that's all! You've no idea of the dangers lurking out there!
Selphie: (gasps) He's right, Squall! Dangers! Dangers!
Squall: I don't care how dangerous it is, we're going. Now, come on. (Zell and Selphie walk toward the exit) Irvine, look after Rinoa for me.
Irvine: You got it, Squall. I'll take care of her.
Rinoa: Excuse me, but I'm quite capable of looking after myself. Squall, please, please don't go out there.
Squall: Sorry, Rinoa, but I'm needed out there.
Rinoa: You're needed in here too.
Squall: Don't worry, I won't let anything bad happen to myself. I'll be back before you know it. Now, Irvine, you do remember that when I say look after Rinoa, I mean look after her. I don't mean hump her, all right.
Rinoa: What?!
Irvine: Right, right, I got it. No humping. Got it. But feeling her up is okay though, right?
Rinoa: What?!
Squall: Why don't you just stay away from her altogether.
Irvine: You're the boss! (Squall leaves and he grins at Rinoa)
(Cut to the Midgar Area. Balamb Garden is docked in by the shore. Squall, Zell and Selphie emerge from the building.)
(Cut to the cafeteria. Seifer, Raijin, Fujin, and a bunch of other students are watching Squall, Zell and Selphie leaving through the window.)
Cid: (over the loudspeaker) Students of Balamb, this is Headmaster Cid speaking. We seem to be experiencing some sort of technical hitch here at Garden, but please, remain calm and do not panic. We are currently working on the problem as I speak. We have also sent our best SeeD members off into the wilderness to monitor the situation. Until further notice, please refrain from leaving Garden. That is all.
Seifer: (to Raijin and Fujin) This is ridiculous. C'mon.
Raijin: Where are we goin'?
Seifer: We're going to do a little exploring of our own. I don't see why those blasted SeeDs should have all the fun.
Raijin: But Headmaster Cid said-
Seifer: Since when have we ever listened to that four-eyed fatso? Besides, I'm itching to know all about that creepy looking city over there. So, stop whinnin' and follow me.
(Cut to Midgar, the Sector 7 Slums, 7th Heaven, the bar. Cloud and Barrett are sitting at the bar, drinking. Tifa is cleaning up behind the bar. Aeris is sitting at a table, looking through her basket of flowers. Red XIII is laying on the floor, sleeping. Squall, Zell and Selphie walk in.)
Zell: Oh my Hyne! I can't believe it! I'm inside 7th Heaven! (sees Cloud and the others) Eek! It's the heroes of Final Fantasy VII!
Barrett: (to Cloud) Who's that idiot? Some friend of yours?
Cloud: I've never seen him before in my life.
Squall: (to Cloud) Um, hello. My name is Squall Leonhart, leader of the SeeDs. My friends and I have come here looking for answers. You see, an electrical storm hit our Garden and transported us to this unknown world.
Cloud: SeeDs? Garden? You're looking for Aeris, right?
Squall: Who?
Zell: (to Aeris) Oh my Hyne! It is YOU! I thought you'd been killed by Sephiroth. I'm glad to see you're okay.
Aeris: What...?
Squall: Zell, quiet!
Tifa: (to Squall) Can I be of some help?
Squall: Rinoa?
Tifa: Huh?
Squall: I'm sorry. You... You look so much like a friend of mine. Anyway, yes, as I was saying, our Garden was hit by some kind of electrical thunder storm and was somehow transported through time and space and ended up here. Where exactly are we?
Zell: Midgar! We're in Midgar!
Squall: Zell, quiet!
Tifa: Your young friend there is absolutely correct. You are in Midgar. The biggest city on the Planet.
Zell: Yes! Yesss! I told you! In your face, Squall!
Squall: Zell!! (to Tifa) Um, this is going to sound crazy, but... are we inside a video game?
Tifa: Video game?
Barrett: What the helluv you been drinkin'?
Squall: I knew we weren't inside a video game! Dammit, Zell!
Zell: No, it's true. We are inside a video game. (to the heroes of FFVII) Y'see, you guys are all video game characters, created by Squaresoft. And this whole world you live in, it's nothing but a virtual world constructed for RPG players' enjoyment.
Cloud: ...come again?
Zell: I'll prove it. You're Cloud Strife, a 21-year-old mercenary born in Nibelheim. You joined SOLDIER at the tender age of 16. You're Tifa Lockheart, a 20-year-old bar hostess who grew up in Nibelheim with Cloud. You're Barrett Wallace. You have a young daughter named Marlene and you lost your arm when the Shin-Ra attacked your hometown, Corel, a few years ago. You're Aeris Gainsborough the flower girl, and you're Red XIII, the son of Seto. (smugly) Check and mate.
Cloud: Oh my God! Tifa, he's right! I am Cloud Strife!
Tifa: How on earth do you know all this?
Zell: Because I've been playing your video game for the last year or so. I know just about everything there is to know about you guys, from your individual shoe sizes to when you all first lost your virginity. One fateful night under the Highwind indeed. (he winks at Tifa and she blushes)
Barrett: So, we're characters in a video game, huh? Man, I didn't see that one comin'...
Zell: Don't you see now, Squall? They're all video game characters and we're inside a video game!
Squall: (sits down) This is all too much to get my head around. I need a drink.
Cloud: You need a drink?! We're the ones that have just discovered we don't actually exist!
Zell: This is just the best thing ever! I've gotta get out there and see the world!
Squall: Not so fast, Zell. This may be a virtual world, but that still doesn't mean you can't get hurt. You can't just go out into the countryside alone. It's too dangerous.
Zell: But I wanna see the Gold Saucer!!
Squall: Headmaster Cid's expecting us to fill him in on the situation at hand, Zell. We've to report back to him before we do anything else. (Tifa serves him a beer) Oh, thanks. (takes a sip)
Zell: You're nothing but a damn spoil-sport! Well, can I at least go check out the neighborhood?
Squall: All right, but take Selphie with you. That way if anything happens to you, she can be there to support you.
Zell: Come on, Selphie.
Selphie: Just a minute, Zell. (is hugging Red XIII) Aren't you just adorable?
Red XIII: (calmly) Put me down, please. (panicking) I said PUT ME DOWN!!!
(Cut to Wall Market, the restaurant. Reno and Rude are sitting at a table, eating. Seifer, Raijin and Fujin walk in.)
Seifer: Well, you certainly don't find restaurants like these in Balamb. Or Timber, for that matter.
Raijin: Seifer, I'm starvin', ya know? Ya think we could get a bite to eat, ya know?
Fujin: SUSHI!
Raijin: Yeah, how about some sushi? I haven't eaten sushi in a long time, ya know?
Seifer: All right then. (to the waiter) Excuse me, Frenchy.
Waiter: Oui?
Seifer: Could we get three plates of sushi here?
Waiter: As you wish, sir. Take a seat, it will be with you in a little while. (he walks off as Seifer, Raijin and Fujin sit down at a table beside the Turks)
Reno: So, then I said, "I don't think so, Mr. President."
Rude: ...
Reno: Oh, come on, Rude. The least you could've done was laughed. It was a pretty good joke.
Rude: ...
Reno: Fine. Be that way. (checks his watch) Egads! Where's Elena? She should've been here by now. Rude, watch my food. I need to visit the little girls' room. (gets up)
Seifer: I'm going to the bathroom. When the food comes, pay the man. (gets up and knocks into Reno) Whoa! Watch where you're going, buddy!
Reno: Hmph, I didn't know they let freeloaders in here.
Seifer: What did you just call me?
Reno: Settle down, Pops. No need to bust a lung.
Seifer: If I didn't know better, I'd swear that was an insult.
Reno: Aren't you quick?
Seifer: Care to step outside?!
Reno: Oh, please. You're just a kid. I'd flaten you like a pancake.
Seifer: What's the matter? Chicken?
Reno: All right, fine. Rude, hand me my tazer.
Seifer: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh, look, surely we can work this out without resorting to violence!
Reno: ...
Seifer: I... I think we got off on the wrong foot. (puts his hand out) I'm Seifer. Seifer Almasy.
Reno: ...
Seifer: And... And you are...?
Rude: ...
Reno: Is that some kind of sick joke?
Seifer: What? No, I- (Reno grabs Seifer's arm, twists it behind his back and slams him down onto the table) -aaagh!
Raijin: (he and Fujin get up) Seifer!
Fujin: RESIST!
Reno: Where do you get off, you little punk? Do you think you're smart or something? Is that it? Eh?
Seifer: Ow! Judas! All I wanted to know was your name!
Reno: Oh, you're one of a kind, kid. You're truly one of a kind. (twists Seifer's arm harder)
Seifer: Aaagh! Let me go!
Raijin: Leave him alone, man! He didn't do nothin', ya know?! (Reno releases Seifer)
Seifer: (rubs his arm) Ahh...
Rude: ...
Reno: You're right, Rude. That was pretty impressive. No one's ever been able to withstand that much punishment from me before. Heh, nice one, kid.
Seifer: "Nice one, kid?" You've gotta be kiddin' me! If it had been the other way round, I would've whooped your sorry ass!
Reno: Sure you would've, kid. Sure you would've.
Seifer: C'mon, guys, let's go. I don't care for the company in here.
Reno: Wait a minute. You three. You're not from round these parts, are you?
Seifer: How'd you guess?
Reno: Well, everyone round here knows who the Turks are. And most people around here wouldn't talk to 'em that way unless they had a death wish.
Seifer: Well, it's true we're not from round here... wherever here is. This is, like, some foreign world to us.
Reno: Huh? Tell me more.
Seifer: No way! Why should we tell you anything?! You almost broke my arm, for Hyne's sake!
Reno: Kid, kid, look, I'm sorry. I can only apologise so many times. But please, just talk to me.
Seifer: The hell should we?!
Reno: Let's just say, I have a feeling we could all have a lot more in common than you think. (Seifer takes a moment to consider this)
(Cut to 7th Heaven, the basement. Cloud is showing Squall around.)
Cloud: ...and this is where we watch TV.
Squall: (unenthusiastically) Fasinating. (Zell and Selphie walk in) Zell, Selphie, you're back.
Selphie: Yep. Oh, Squall, this place is awesome. It's just like our world, only everything's a little less sophisticated and a little more old skool.
Zell: The colour resolution is better than I thought it would be though...
Squall: Well, it's been fun, Cloud, but we really oughta be going now.
Cloud: Aw! Do you have to leave so soon?
Squall: We're supposed to report our findings back to Headmaster Cid. Sorry.
Cloud: Okay, well, you'll always be welcome here. Feel free to visit anytime.
Squall: (he, Zell and Selphie walk off) Yeah, right, as soon as the Island Closest to Hell freezes over...
(Cut to Balamb Garden, Headmaster Cid's office. Cid, Quistis, Nadia and Xu are still there.)
Cid: They should've been back by now. I pray to Hyne that nothing's happened to them.
Quistis: They'll be fine, Cid. They can take care of themselves a lot better than you'd think.
Cid: When I want your opinion, Trepe, I'll ask for it. (Squall, Zell and Selphie walk in) Ah, thank Hyne! You're back, alive and well I see!
Nadia: That's thirty gil you owe me, Xu...
Cid: So...? What have you to report?
Squall: We appear to be inside a video game, sir. (Cid stares at him, confused and frightened) Yes, that was my reaction too.
Cid: And you're sure about this, Squall?
Squall: Yes, sir. I can only assume that the thunder storm that hit Balamb, together with the electrical power given off from Zell's video game, zapped Garden into this virtual world somehow. Yes, it's as confusing and unbelievable as that.
Cid: What are we going to do?!
Zell: Let's stay here!
Cid: Don't be stupid, Dincht! We can't stay here! We have to get back to our world!
Squall: I couldn't agree more, sir. But, in all honesty, I don't see how we can do that.
Cid: Dammit! I knew I should've taken that physics class during my rebellious youth!
Nadia: We're screwed. No one here in Garden knows anything about science or how to warp through time and space.
Cid: Dammit! I knew I should've let that Ultimecia woman enrol last semester!
Squall: What are you orders, sir?
Cid: Oh. You're to be relieved of your duties until further notice. Until we can come up with an idea to-
Zell: I've got it! Headmaster Cid, I know how to get us out of this mess!
Cid: How??
Zell: It's easy. We find Professor Hojo.
Cid: Professor who?
Zell: Professor Hojo. He's a scientist. If anyone knows science, it's him.
Cid: And he could help us return to our world!?
Zell: That's a possibility. He's our best chance. He may be our only chance.
Cid: (defeated) Fine. Then I order you to seek out this... Professor Hojo and explain our situation to him. And let's all pray to Hyne that he can help us, because if he can't... I don't know what we'll do.
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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