**A/N: This is sort of a series of snapshots for my favorite character, Severus Snape. Everything belongs to the amazing JKR! I did take some liberties – please forgive me!
Three year old Severus is hiding behind the threadbare sofa in the sitting room. His mother had told him they were going to play hide-and-seek. She gave him strict instructions to find a good hiding spot and not, under any circumstances, to come out without her finding him. He had just gotten into place, a large grin on his face, when a door slammed shut. He instantly froze, knowing that his father had woken from his nap.
For a while, he clamped his hands over his ears, not wanting to hear his mother's cries or his father's shouting. After a long while, though, he lowered his hands to find it almost silent. His father's boots were stomping out the door and his mother was making soft noises across the room. He peeked out carefully to see her lying on her side, facing away from him.
He wanted to run to her, but she had told him to stay. He passed the time by tracing shapes and doodles into the thick dust between the sofa and the wall. Hours later, when his mother had regained consciousness and peered cautiously around the back of the sofa, she would find him sleeping with a frown on his face, and tear stains down his cheeks.
Groaning loudly, he followed his mother into the thrift store.
"Not now, Severus. You're almost ten now. It's time to start acting like a young man." His mother clipped out in her quiet voice. Severus folded his arms, but followed after her. He hated these shopping trips.
Half an hour later, they were checking out. Severus eyed the too-big, antique style black suit and off-white shirts she was purchasing with despair. He longed to look like the other kids, running around in shorts, wearing all sorts of colors.
"Mum, must I wear these?" He whispered up to her. She gave him a stern look and accepted the bag.
As they started down the street back to their home in Spinner's End, she sighed.
"It's all I can afford. Your father doesn't leave me much to work with." She said, looking straight ahead. "And besides, they'll cover everything." Her voice dropped lower at the end, and he saw her wipe a tear hastily off her cheek.
His gaze dropped to his wrist where his sleeves were getting too short. There was a large bruise there, accompanied by a nasty looking scab. The new clothes would certainly cover them. He sighed heavily, but raised his chin to copy his mother. If she could be strong for him, he would be strong as well.
Severus sighed contentedly as he lay in the grass. The girl with the bright red hair, the girl who made his world go from black-and-white to Technicolor lay beside him – Lily was her name. He had met her almost two years ago, and he knew without a doubt he loved her. He turned his head and found her looking at him - those stunning green eyes always took his breath away. He smiled at her and took her hand. Instantly, the leaves falling from the tree above them took flight and circled around them like birds. She gasped and giggled in delight and his heart felt full.
"Gryffindor!" The sorting hat called. His heart sank. He'd never be sorted into the same house. His mum was a Slytherin and he wasn't brave or courageous enough for Gryffindor. He watched with sad eyes as Lily smiled brightly and skipped over to her table. A few children later, a boy named James Potter was also called to Gryffindor and sat next to Lily. Severus watched, envious, as he shook Lily's hand and made her laugh.
Severus was, as expected, sorted to Slytherin, and took his place beside an older boy with white-blond hair. He stared miserably at his plate as the other first-years chatted and made introductions. The older boy beside him nudged him hard with his elbow. He looked up, annoyed.
"Malfoy." The boy said with a silky smooth voice. "Lucius Malfoy. Sixth year." Severus shook the boys hand.
"Severus Snape." He said. Lucius looked him up and down before turning back to his plate as the food appeared. Severus felt his stomach flop as he pushed around the food on his plate. He snuck a look over his shoulder to see Lily smiling and laughing with her table, not even noticing his absence.
As they rode the train to Hogwarts for their third year, Severus stared broodingly at Lily. She, however, glared out the window. She had asked where he had been all summer and he admitted he spent most of it at Malfoy Manner. He had been invited by Lucius, of course. Lucius and some of the other newly-graduated Slytherins had formed a sort of pure-blood supremacists group. He had decided to go along with them for two reasons. One, they were the only friends he had… besides Lily, who had been spending altogether too much time with that prat James Potter and the Marauders. Two, he was convinced that he would be a much better wizard – happier too – had his father also been a wizard. The members had allowed him in not only because of this fact, but also because he was brilliant in Potions and the Dark Arts. Lucius had taken an early liking to him.
Lily was upset, of course. Being a muggle born herself, she took it as a personal affront that he would join such a group. He felt a bit bad; after all, he still loved her. But she was constantly hurting him by going off with James. The Marauders made his life hell and she did nothing to prevent it. He reached for her hand, but she yanked it away. With a dramatic sigh, she rose and left his compartment. He sank back in his chair and felt himself harden towards her.
"James, stop it!" Lily cried. With a loud grunt, Severus dropped to the ground. His face was flushed with embarrassment that James had used his own spell against him. Seething, he rose to his feet and pointed his wand at him. Lily ran forward and blocked his path.
"Severus, please." She breathed.
"Severus, please!" A high pitched voice cackled behind him. He glanced over and saw a group of fellow Slytherins making their way over. They were teasing and catcalling but Lily paid them no attention.
"Please." She whispered. His wand lowered as he gazed into her pleading green eyes. A hand grabbed his shoulders just then.
"Show her how it is, Severus. Let her know what side you're really on." A dangerous voice breathed behind him. He recognized the thinly veiled threat. It was a test, he realized. He'd lose something either way. Weighing his options and realizing that one way might protect her more, he made his decision. Raising himself to his full height, he lowered his wand and cleared his face of all emotion.
"Get out of here. Mudblood." He sneered. He felt himself crack in two when he saw her reaction. The tears welling up in her eyes, stumbling back as though he'd hit her. Surprisingly, he was still physically whole after the Gryffindor group had left and the Slytherins took turns clapping him on the back.
It wasn't long before Lily began dating James. Severus carefully wore an expressionless mask for the rest of the year, and welcomed the stay at Malfoy Manner the next summer.
He nervously walked into the ballroom at Malfoy Manner with the other new graduates. Lining the walls were several witches and wizards clad in black robes and silver Death Eater masks. He kept his eyes carefully on them as they made their way to the front before finally they stopped and he was looking into the eyes of Lord Voldemort. He spared only a moment of thought about Lily before he sank to his knees and made his vows.
Blindly he ran through the halls of Hogwarts, eyes burning with tears and gasping for breath. He burst into Dumbledore's office and slumped against a pillar near his desk.
"Albus." He panted. The Headmaster raised his head and arched an eyebrow.
"Yes, Severus? I received your patronus announcing your arrival. What can I help you with?" He leaned back and looked knowingly at the young man before him.
Severus took a deep shuddering breath and smoothed his dark, lanky hair back off his face.
"It's the Dark Lord. He's planning to kill Lily's son. You must stop him. You must protect her. Please, you must do something!" He begged. Albus popped a candy into his mouth as he sat and considered this.
"The prophesy." He mused. Severus nodded quickly.
"I…I want to protect her. I want to join the Order." He said quietly. Albus's eyes twinkled in delight.
"You understand it will be most dangerous." He warned.
"It's worth it. I need to save her. And that means stopping him." His lips curved into a scowl of hate for the man he not so long ago vowed to serve.
Soon Severus was installed as Potions Master at Hogwarts (which he begrudgingly accepted after being denied the Defense Against the Dark Arts class – Albus considered it too dangerous, but Severus had wanted to teach the students how to fight) the next year, and Lily, James and their new son Harry were hidden away.
Severus apparated immediately to the front gate of their house in Godric's Hollow…felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach drop. He made his way on trembling legs up to the house. Upon seeing James's body, he stopped breathing, knowing what he'd find upstairs. Rounding the corner, filled with dread, he saw her. Limp on the floor, beautiful green eyes unseeing, laid the woman he still loved. He dropped to his knees, tears pouring from his eyes and feeling as though something had irreparably broken inside him.
He crawled towards her, gathering her in his arms and sobbing. Though she hadn't been his, at least he had known she was safe, and seemingly happy. But now, the woman he dreamt about every night lay cold in his arms. It was then that he knew without a doubt that he'd fight with his life to make sure Voldemort was gone for good.
The year was 1991 and Severus sat at the Head Table, deep in conversation with Quirinus Quirrell, and hadn't yet glanced towards the first years being sorted. As he sat back, annoyed with the man's stuttering, he thought he saw a ghost. He had known that Lily's son would be at the school this year but didn't know what he'd look like.
Standing there among the other first years was James Potter, he could swear it. But then the boy turned and fixed him with that same piercing stare that Lily had. And what's more, he had her eyes. He swallowed hard, staring deep into those eyes for a few moments before forcing himself to look away.
That year he learned that Harry was just like his father and it drove him mad. He was constantly torn between hating the boy and fiercely protecting him for Lily's sake.
He knew of the plans for Voldemort's return and it scared him. He knew it meant that things were going to get much, much worse. And protecting Harry would be near impossible. The years spent teaching were bad enough. The loss of Lily had left him hollow and bitter. His life had no more meaning, yet he was forced to be thrown back and forth between Albus and the Death Eaters. His classes didn't help. The students were often completely incompetent, and couldn't be bothered to pay attention. The potions they worked with became more dangerous as the years progressed so he was always on edge, waiting for one of the idiots to blow them all away.
He became known as the bat of the dungeons and he couldn't care less. He loved the dungeons as they were dark and cold, devoid of emotion and utterly quiet. He could be left to his books and research in his down time. He dressed warmly because of it and also because of habit. He often wore the same style clothes every day, an old fashioned suit with billowing black robes. He paid no attention to his appearance, because really, why would that matter? Nothing mattered without her.
The year was 1997. He had put up with numerous visits with the Dark Lord. Some went well, others not so well. He found himself being forced to kill and torture from time to time and sometimes it was him being tortured. Every meeting made him die inside a bit more. He saw the innocent, wide, pleading eyes of his victims and only saw Lily.
So, he worked harder to assist Albus and the Order. However, one dark night he was summoned to the headmaster's office. Albus had found and destroyed a horcrux, but at a steep price. The ring had cursed him and was spreading quickly. Severus had done what he could, but Albus was dying.
Draco was tasked by the Dark Lord to kill Dumbledore, as a means to prove himself. Severus found himself in the headmaster's office, under an unbreakable vow to kill the headmaster and save Draco. Shortly after, Bella and Narcissa forced him into another vow, to follow through if Draco couldn't. As he was Draco's godfather, he would have protected the boy anyways, and he quietly resented both parties for the vows they made him take.
This night he climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower feeling numb. He knew Albus was dying anyway, but it killed him inside knowing he would be the one to do it. He saw and silenced Potter, then climbed the stairs and did his duty. He watched the old man's eyes turn from warm approval to cold and empty. There was only a moment to stand and hold back his tears before they had to flee into the night.
The year that Severus was headmaster was miserable. He was completely controlled by the dark side and watched the Carrows make the students miserable. He didn't particularly enjoy his years at Hogwarts, but he felt the tiniest pang for the loses that the students faced that year. He spent the time making connections and sneaking children out of the castle or away from the Carrows as much as he dared. He corresponded with the Order here and there but ultimately was relieved when Harry and the others showed up and he retreated.
As he lay in the Shrieking Shack, he had only a moment to realize with relief that it was all finally over. He was finally done with this life. He would have no more masters. No more pain. Then suddenly a hand was on his pulsing throat and he looked into those stunning green eyes.
He managed to croak out directions to take his memories, and then, satisfied, he stared into Lily's eyes and felt happiness for the first time in years. He had done his duty – all that was asked of him. Harry could defeat Voldemort, he knew it. And now… the pain faded. His breath grew shallow and the world blurred. He took in one last breath and prepared to finally be free. And maybe, just maybe, he'd see Lily again.