Hello everyone and welcome to the lamest South Park fanfiction in history. It is so lame you might claw your eyes out before reaching the end. I am a bored college student with nothing better to do than writing stories about perverted little children. Nevertheless, they are amazing as hell and I love Matt and Trey so much for creating the show and the upcoming video game. The beginning of the fic is VERY similar to the trailer of the fractured but whole, so I suggest watching that first. It might help you figure out what I'm talking about (I have no idea how much sense this story actually makes but have fun reading it anyway! Peace out and watch season 20 on September 14th, and buy the game created buy Trey and Matt on December 6th! I make no money writing this fic. It's for entertainment and boredom purposes only.
"What?! You're on Cartman's side?" Stan shouted towards his super best friend, Kyle. Kyle's eyes down casted, clearly ashamed of himself but unsure how to get himself out of this situation. He was always more easily lead than the raven haired boy. "He's just siding with him because Cartman's giving him two movie titles." Mysterion snapped. "Oh, so it's Civil War now, is that what you want?" The fat one asked, threatening to bring out his sharp, metal claws. "Yeah, you know what? It is Civil War and fuck you." Stan replied. Pushing himself out of his seat and headed towards the door. Kenny appeared to agree with Stan, who was now equally annoyed with Cartman. So the Human Kite gets two movies and he only gets a fucking Netflix series? To hell with that. "Fuck you guys, I'm out of here." Others appeared to agree with the tool covered fourth grader and his purple costumed friend, and headed after then.
"Fine! Get the fuck out of my house!" Eric shouted after them. Looking at Kyle, anyone could clearly see how sick and disgusted he felt with himself. His best friend just deserted him and left him in his on again – off again nemesis basement. Alone and subjected to his possible torments and hate speech. Cartman continued to shout out after them, "Yeah good luck with getting through phase one of your movies DC Comics!" "I thought that Civil War wasn't supposed to happen until phase three." Said Craig Tucker, in his usual matter of fact tone always present in his voice. The antisocial boy sported a tapped piece of paper marked with a simple red 'S' on top of his blue coat. Clearly, Craig could give a rat's ass about his costume, unlike the rest of the super gang. "Shut up Super Craig!" Cartman said with a roll of his eyes. Kyle nervously fidgeted with his hands under the table, hoping that at any moment Stan Marsh would come rushing back down to get him, but he never came. Kyle was alone to deal with his own thoughts and failures.
"So, what do we do now?" Kenny asked as Stan, Token, and Tweek sat in a circle in Tupperware's living room. Stan snapped his fingers. "I know! We need more recruits. That way we can sure to beat the Coon's team!" The others considered the idea. "Good idea, but who else do we know that we can recruit?" Token asked. "I think I have an idea," Mysterion began. "How about we recruit as many people as we can in our school? Just like our last gam- I mean, battle." Stan shook his head. "Nah, after how everything turned out last time, you know with the explosions and numerous amount of injuries, I got a lot of emails and threats that if we ever did that again we'd all be offered as sacrifices to Satan." Everyone nodded in unison, Wonder Tweek feeling rather intimidated. Stan pulled out a blue print. "How about we start off small? Like someone who rarely visits South Park and had no involvement in our last role play adventure?" "Okay, sounds good." Kenny agreed. "But where on earth are we going to find someone like that?" Toolshed smirked devilishly from ear to ear. "Oh, I think I know the perfect person who can take on the job." He chuckled, rubbing his hands together. The others either raised their eyebrows or sank lower in their seats. Stan looked completely off his rocker.
"Good evening, Mrs. Broflovski. I believe I have everything I need for my three week stay." Announced Kyle Schwartz, the strange cousin of the Broflovski boy. "How was your flight from Connecticut?" Sheila asked. "Oh, it was terrible. Absolutely terrible but I'm so glad I'm staying with you guys for so long." "And we are very happy to have you here. Dinner is almost ready; why don't you go help Kyle 2 with setting the table? And please, darling, call me Aunt Sheila." "That sounds wonderful, Aunt Sheila. I would be happy to. I hope you don't mind, a couple of cousin Kyle's friends followed me over here on my way from the bus stop." Mrs. Broflovski was clearly confused, but then thought nothing of it. "Not a problem at all, Kyle. It's very good to see you getting along so well with all the other children in South Park. Oh look! It's Stanley. Why don't you stay for dinner? Kyle two is just in the backyard playing with the rest of his friends, I'll invite him back in for dinner very soon." "Sure, Mrs. Broflovski. I'll just call my mom to let her know. I'll be sure to let Kyle two know to come back inside." The blue eyed boy grinned. His eyes twinkled at the opportunity to torture his friend with the nickname from his mother that he despised the most. He once mentioned to Stan that he would rather be called offensive Jewish names from Eric Cartman himself over Kyle two any day. He was truly going to bask in the authority he had over this situation.
The curly read head was stunned to see Stan at his door. He looked around to make sure that the others had left and that he was in the clear. Kyle's eyes widened and he got down on his knees, hugging his friend's legs. "Stan? Does this mean…we're okay?" Stan Marsh folded his arms, using everything in his power not to succumb to Kyle's cuteness. "Admit to being a douche, be my slave for a week and we're back to being cool." "So, you'll join our side then?" Asked the Human Kite. Toolshed looked absolutely disgusted, and broke free from his friend's grasp. "Fuck no! You're not getting it, man. It's either me or fat ass. Make your choice." Once he realized that Kyle was not going to budge, he had no other choice. "Fine, but believe me Ky. You are going to regret this day forward for the rest of your childhood, mark my words!" Kyle was absolutely bewildered, and Stan brought in his dark weapon. Ready to bring on the big stuff. "By the way, your cousin is here to see you. Great to see you again, Kyle. It must be wonderful for you to finally see Kyle two again." It was at this moment when Kyle's face turned redder than a fire truck, complete with steam roaring out of his ear. "Dude. Don't. You. Dare. You wouldn't." Stan batted his eyelashes innocently. "I believe I did, Kyle two. I believe I did."
"And then he fucking calls me Kyle two!" The emerald eyes glared with passion. "That's not all, though. Stan gives my cousin an exact replica of my costume! God dammit don't you know how humiliating that is?" He shouted. Eric Cartman was clearly loving the drama, but pretended to support the redhead nevertheless. "Yeah, traumatizing. Just keep scrubbing my tiles and let me figure out a plan here." As the Coon rested his feet on the table, the rest of his friends continued to do his household chores for him. "Dude. I can't feel my fingers anymore." "Oh geez, I'm sorry Super Craig, but if you want skinless KFC tonight then I suggest you scrub even harder before mom gets back!" The boy in blue gave the fat one the bird, but Eric, being so used to it, simply ignored Craig. "Whatever. We just need to come up with a plan to rid ourselves of those assholes once and for all."
It was midnight. Mysterion could be seen yards away, his face slightly blurred with snow, but his eyes pierced with fierce determination. The rest of his gang appeared beside him. The Coon and his crew appeared shortly after. "So, who talks first? You talk first, or I talk first?" Cartman asked smugly. Kenny barred his teeth. "Let's just get this over with." They all began to charge each other, everyone on each team meeting up with their opponents on the other side. Kyle Schwartz flew alongside Kyle, who rolled his eyes with annoyance. Kyle soon collided with Stan, the two fought for dominance on the snowy ground, delivering punches to the face and blows to the stomach. At one point, Kyle grabbed a hold of Stan's hair. "Ow! Dude, no hair pulling! That's weak." The boys paused. "Okay, sorry." Kyle apologized and the two continued to have a go at it. Stan noticed Kyle's breath weakening. Taking advantage, he pinned the younger one's arms down and above his head and bent his knees so that they trapped Kyle's legs from moving freely. About to deck his former best friend's face, Kyle's eyes softened. "I miss you." "What?" Stanley asked, lowering his arm. "I was wrong, okay. I can't stand siding with Cartman anymore. I did it for all the wrong reasons and I was a greedy, selfish bastard." The black haired boy did not smirk at Kyle's amusement, but he frowned instead and sighed. "Yeah, I miss you too. But you're still my slave. For two weeks now." Kyle smiled underneath his tousled red curls. "Okay." The two boys brought it into a hug. Stan sighed. "This shit's fucked up. Let's get the hell out of here and go home."